A marriage engagement is one of the most serious contracts into which
young people can enter, second only to actual marriage. It is not to be
lightly entered upon. It is no credit to a girl to have been several times
affianced; indeed, it almost invariably occasions unfavorable comment.
There may be reasons for breaking one engagement, but when it comes to the
second, Mrs. Grundy makes remarks, and is inclined to blame the girl,
either for too great haste to wed, or for being fickle and capricious,
A girl should be very sure of herself before she gives her promise. She
must respect the man, and have faith and confidence in him, and not permit
herself to be carried away by considerations of wealth and position. If
there is anything about him she dislikes, she may be sure dislike will
become aversion after marriage, unless she has a genuine affection for
him.
Parental Wishes.--She should not engage herself without consulting her
parents. Where can she find better advice than from those who have cared
for her so long and faithfully? Where there is parental disapproval, a
girl should show her respect for her parents' opinion by avoiding a hasty
decision. Men know men much better than women can ever know them; and the
opposition of a father or older brother should have due consideration.
In these days and in this country, young women take their matrimonial
affairs into their own hands. "In the good old times" the young man asked
the consent of the girl's parents before he was sure of her sentiments
toward him; he asked permission to woo, and if in his eagerness he
forestalled the etiquette of the occasion she modestly referred him to her
parents, first indicating her consent would accompany theirs. In the
twentieth century the young people too often settle the matter between
themselves, and announce their intentions to wed quite regardless of their
parents' sentiments on the subject. So many youthful attachments are
really youthful follies that the girl who submits her wishes to her
parents' counsel often has reason to consider herself fortunate. Girls,
however, almost invariably regard parental opposition as unreasonable;
actually it is often founded on a better understanding of their
temperaments and the character of the young men in the case than they
imagine--or in many cases can be made to see.
A manly man will approach the father of the girl he wishes to make his
wife, state his prospects, and ask the father's consent. If withheld, he
will not urge the girl into a hasty marriage, but will wait until the
opposition has diminished. In case this does not happen, the girl has at
least had an opportunity to learn her own mind. Many who have married
against their parents' wishes have lived happily; it must be admitted that
others have not. Delay, at least, gives time for reason to outweigh
romance.
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It is especially awkward for the girl if the parents of her fiance do not
approve his choice. In such case she should give ample time for their
disapproval to have whatever effect it may on the young man's feelings
towards her. Some girls refuse to enter a man's family unless made
welcome.
No girl should engage herself to a man she has known but a short time;
certainly not without searching inquiry into his reputation in his former
place of residence. No man can reasonably object to such inquiries;
indeed, he should welcome them; invite them by furnishing credentials. No
matter how violently in love a girl may be, she should not throw prudence
and discretion to the winds.