The woman who is entertaining guests must remember two things: that she
must not neglect them, and that she must not tire them out with too much
attention. There is a "happy mean" to be attained, which is the climax of
pleasure and comfort to both.
One woman makes her visitor feel that "the domestic veal" has been
slaughtered in her behalf. The usual manner of living and habits of life
have been put aside that she may be "entertained." Elaborate meals are
planned; there is a straining after hospitality which defeats its own
purpose and makes the visitor uncomfortable, because the hostess has so
manifestly incommoded herself. The fussy hostess puts too much endeavor
into her entertainment.
On the other hand, there is the hostess who announces her intention of
regarding her visitor as "one of the family," "making no fuss" on account
of her being in the house. This sounds much better than it works out in
actual practice. Unless we are prepared to modify our routine in
accordance with our friend's pleasure and convenience, at least to some
extent, we should not invite her. We do not ask people to our houses to
make them more uncomfortable than they would be at home. A visit is in the
nature of a holiday, or vacation, to the visitor; we are to see to it that
she is deferred to and efforts made to please her.
The Visitor's Comfort.--It is hospitable to consult her tastes in the
matter of food. It is uncomfortable for both hostess and guest if the
principal dish at dinner is something the latter dislikes. Nor should we
ask her to conform to the family breakfast hour if we know she is
unaccustomed to early hours, or is very much fatigued. In that case it is
best to say that the early breakfast is a family necessity and that she
will not be expected to appear at it, but may have her coffee and toast in
her own room or down stairs at the hour at which she wishes to rise. This,
though it may necessitate the preparation of a tray to be sent up, is
really a convenience to the hostess, who is then left free to attend to
her domestic duties. As some one has said, "It is not hospitality to ask a
guest to your rooftree and expect her to find sufficient delight in being
there and doing as you do." Very often she would be far more comfortable
at home, physically at least. Remember your object in inviting people is
to make them happy. Unless you are willing to make some sacrifices to do
this, do not invite them.
[714 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]
Preparing for Company.--An expected guest should always be met at the
station by some member of the family. The guest room should be in
readiness, closet and bureau drawers vacated for her use. The bed should
be freshly made up, the bedding having been properly aired. It would seem
that no one would offer a visitor a bed that has not been changed and
aired after having been slept in, yet guests, exchanging experiences,
acknowledge it has been done--let us hope through inadvertence, though it
is really inexcusable.
There should be plenty of fresh towels and water; a fresh cake of soap, a
candlestick and matches, and a waste paper basket. On the dressing-bureau
there should be a spotless spread, a pincushion well stocked with pins,
hand mirror, comb and brush. The guest will bring her own, but may need to
use these before her luggage arrives. The brush and comb should have been
washed after a previous using.
A lounge, preferably placed at the foot of the bed if there is room; a
light quilt or blanket for use upon it; an easy chair, and a clock in good
working order are desirable furnishings. Writing materials should be
provided. Some careful and painstaking hostesses include a small writing
desk, well stocked with paper, pens and ink, postage stamps, even picture
postal cards already stamped and ready to be addressed. A new magazine and
a few books, and a little basket containing thimble, needles, scissors and
several spools of cotton complete the conveniences arranged for the guest.
A potted plant, or a few flowers in a vase, give a personal touch that
bespeaks the hostess's solicitude for the pleasure of her friend.
There is no more delicious flattery than that of having one's personal
tastes remembered and recognized.
The Visitor's Entertainment.--The entertainment of a guest is, of course,
dependent on the hostess's means, mode of life, social standing, the
season of the year, and whether one lives in town or in the country.
She will ask some of her friends to call on her guest; she will give a
little entertainment for her, at cards, or a tea, or a reception,
according to circumstances. No doubt her friends will include her visitor
in their invitations during her stay. She will take her friend to see the
sights of her home city if she is a stranger; she may give a theatre
party, or at least take her friend several times. She will pay her guest's
carfare, unless the other anticipates her, and pay for the theatre
tickets. It will be perfectly correct for the guest to "stand treat" by
inviting her host and hostess to accompany her to concert or play, paying
for the seats herself.
The Hostess's Invitations.--It often happens that a hostess has
invitations not extended to her visitor. She may have accepted; before her
guest's arrival, an invitation to dinner, card party or luncheon. In
neither of these may she ask to have her guests included. They are formal
functions for which arrangements are made long in advance. She may say to
an intimate friend who is giving a musical or an "At home" or any informal
affair, that she has a visitor staying with her, and the friend will no
doubt extend an invitation to the latter. It is proper for host and
hostess to accept invitations in which a guest is not included if they
make some provision for her pleasure during their absence.
She may be asked to invite some friend to dine with her, or someone
provided to take her to the theatre. Nor has she a right to feel affronted
at being left at home.
One thing must be carefully avoided, the hostess must not let her guest
feel, for one moment, that she is the cause of inconvenience or trouble.
Even if she is, the fact must be sedulously concealed. Bear with the
annoyance until the visit ceases; then do not invite her again. It is the
hostess's privilege to invite; having invited she must not allow her
equanimity to be disturbed.
[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 715]