THE VOYAGE TO THE LAND-OF-WONDERS.
Before I proceed to the description of this sea-voyage, I must first
caution all severe and unmerciful critics not to frown too much at the
narration of things, which seem to war against nature, and even surpass
the faculties of faith in the most credulous man. I relate incredible
but true things, that I have seen with my own eyes. Raw and ignorant
ninnies who have never started a foot from their homes, regard every
thing as fable, whose equal they have never heard of or seen; or, with
which they have not been familiar from childhood. Learned people, on
the contrary, especially those who have a deep knowledge of natural
history, and whose experience has proved to them how fruitful nature is
in changes, will pass a more reasonable sentence upon the uncommon
things narrated.
In former days a people were found in Scythia, called Arimasps, who had
but one eye, which was placed in the middle of the forehead: another
people, under the same climate, had their foot-soles turned out
backwards, and in Albany were people born with gray hairs. The ancient
Sanromates ate only on every third day and fasted the other two; in
Africa were certain families who could bewitch others by their talk; and
it is a well known fact, that there were certain persons in Illyria,
with two eye-balls to each eye, who killed people by merely looking at
them: this, however, they could do, only when they were angry; then
their fierce and scintillating stare was fatal to whomever was rash or
unfortunate enough to meet it: on the mountains of Hindostan were to be
found whole nations with dog's heads, who barked; and others who had
eyes in their backs. Who would believe this and even more, if Pliny,
one of the most earnest writers, had not solemnly assured us, that he
had neither heard nor read the least hereof, but had seen it all with
his own eyes? Yes, who would have imagined that this earth was hollow;
that within its circumference were both a sun and moon, if my own
experience had not discovered the secret? Who would have thought it
possible, that there was a globe, inhabited by walking, sensible trees,
if the same experience had not placed it beyond all doubt? Nevertheless,
I will not pick a quarrel with any one, on account of his incredulity in
this matter, because I must confess, that I myself, before I made this
voyage, mistrusted whether these tales might not have arisen from the
exaggerated representations of seamen, or that they were the result of
that well-known qualification of this class of men, familiarly styled
the "spinning a yarn."
In the beginning of the month Radir, we went on board our ship, weighed
anchor, and
The wind in swelling sails embraced the bending masts,
And, like an arrow in the air, with lightning speed,
The keel shrieked through the foaming billows.
The wind was fair for some days, during which we poor rowers had a
comfortable time, for the oars were not needed; but on the fourth day it
fell calm;
The sails did fall: in haste the seats were fixed;
With plashing stroke, the oars smote heaven in the waters.
For a long time we met with nothing; but as soon as we lost sight of
land, strange figures raised themselves from the quaking gulph. They
were mermaids, who, when the weather becomes calm and the billows rest
themselves, rise to the surface and swim towards any passing ship, to
ask for alms. Their language was so similar to the Martinianic, that
some of our sailors could speak with them without an interpreter. One of
these singular creatures demanded of me a piece of meat; when I gave it
to her, she looked at me steadily for a time, and said: you will soon
become a hero, and rule over mighty nations! I laughed at this
divination, for I considered it empty flattery, although the sailors
swore to it, that the mermaids' prediction seldom failed. At the end of
eight days we came in sight of land; which the seamen called
Picardania. As we entered the harbor, a magpie came flying towards us,
which, they said, was the custom-house inspector-general. When this
dignitary had flown thrice around the ship, he returned to the shore and
came back with three other magpies: these seated themselves on the prow
of the ship. I came very near bursting with laughter, when I saw one of
our interpreters approach these magpies, with many compliments, and
heard him hold a long conversation with them. They had come for the
purpose of examining our freight and detecting any forbidden articles
that we might have concealed; when all was found correct, we were
suffered to unload. As soon as this was done, a number of magpies flew
to the ship, who proved to be merchants. The captain then went ashore,
accompanied by myself and two monkeys, namely, our supercargo and an
interpreter; after clearing the ship and disposing of the cargo, we
returned, and shortly set sail.
In three days we reached Music-land. After casting anchor, we went on
shore, preceded by one of the interpreters, who carried a bass-viol in
his hand. As we found the whole country about us empty and desolate,
discovering no where any trace of living creatures, the captain ordered
a trumpet to be sounded, to inform the inhabitants of our arrival.
Before the echoes of the blast from the trumpet had subsided, (and they
seemed to penetrate farther and reverberate longer than usual from the
perfect stillness of this apparently void region,) about thirty musical
instruments came hopping towards us. These were bass-viols. On the very
long neck of each was placed a little head; the body was also small, and
covered by a smooth bark, which, however, did not close entirely around
the frame, but was open in front and disposed loosely about them. Over
the navel, nature had built a bridge, above which four strings were
drawn. The whole machine rested on a single leg, so that their motion
was a spring rather than a walk. Their activity was very great, and they
jumped with much agility over the fields. In short, we should have taken
them for musical instruments, as their general appearance purported, if
they had not had each two arms and hands. In the one hand was a bow, the
other was used upon the frets. When our interpreter would converse with
them, he put his viol in its position, and commenced playing an air.
They immediately answered him by touching their strings, and thus
alternating with each other, a regular musical conversation was carried
on. At first they played only Adagio, with much harmony; then they
passed over to discordant tunes; and finally concluded with a very
pleasant and lively Presto. As soon as our people heard this, they
leaped and sung for joy, saying, that the bargain for the wares was now
fixed. Afterwards I learnt that the Adagio, they first played, was
merely an opening or preface to the conversation, and consisted only of
compliments; that the discordant tones which followed, were bickerings
and disputes about prices; and, finally, that the sweet sounding Presto
indicated that an agreement had been made. At the conclusion of these
negotiations, the wares stipulated for were landed. The most important
of these is Kolofonium, with which the inhabitants rub their bows or
organs of speech.
Late in the month of Cusan, we set sail from Music-land, and after some
days sailing hove in sight of a new land, which, on account of the foul
smell that reached our noses at a great distance, our seamen supposed to
be Pyglossia.
The inhabitants of this land are not very unlike the human race in their
general appearance; the sole difference being, that these people have no
mouth: they speak from the face which turns towards the south when the
nose points to the north. The first of them who came on board, was a
rich merchant. He saluted us after the custom of his nation, by turning
his back towards us, and immediately began to bargain with us for our
wares. I kept myself considerably remote during the negotiation, as
neither the sound nor the smell of his speech pleased me. To my great
horror our barber was taken sick at this time, so that I was obliged to
summon a Pyglossian perfume. As the barbers here are quite as talkative
as among us, this one, while shaving me, filled the cabin with so
disagreeable a smell, that, on his departure, we were obliged to smoke
with all the incense we had on board.
We sailed hence to Iceland. This land consisted of desolate rocks,
covered by eternal snows. The inhabitants who are all of ice, live here
and there in the clefts of the rocks on the tops of the mountains, where
the sun is never seen, enveloped by almost perpetual darkness and frost.
The only light they have comes from the shining rime.
These lands, of which I here have given a view, are all subject to the
great emperor of Mezendora proper, and are therefore called by seafaring
people the Mezendoric islands. This great and wonderful country, namely,
Mezendora, is the goal of all extended voyages. Eight days sail from
Iceland brought us to the imperial residence. There we found all that
realized, which our poets have fancied of the societies of animals,
trees and plants; Mezendora being, so to speak, the common father-land
of all sensible animals and plants. In this empire each animal and every
tree can obtain citizenship, merely by submitting to the government and
laws. One would suppose, that, on account of the mixture of so many
different creatures, great confusion would prevail among them: but this
is far from the case. On the contrary, this very difference produces the
most happy effects; which must be attributed to their wise laws and
institutions, decreeing to each subject that office and employment to
which his nature and special faculties are best fitted. Thus, the lion,
in consideration of his natural magnanimity, is always chosen regent.
The elephant, on account of his keen judgment, is called to sit in the
State-council. Courtiers are made of chameleons, because they are
inconstant and know how to temporize. The army consists of bears, tigers
and other valorous animals; in the marine service, on the contrary, are
oxen and bulls; seamen being generally hardy and brave people; but
severe, inflexible, and not particularly delicate in their living, which
corresponds very well with their element. There is a seminary for this
class, where calves or sea-cadets are educated for sea-officers. Trees,
for their natural discretion and gravity, are usually appointed judges:
counsellors are geese; and the lawyers of the courts in ordinary are
magpies. Foxes are generally selected as ambassadors, consuls,
commercial-agents, and secretaries-of-legation. The ravens are chosen
for dealing-masters and executors on the effects of those deceased. The
buck-goats are philosophers, and especially grammarians, partly for the
sake of their horns, which they use on the slightest occasion, to gore
their opponents, and partly in consideration of their reverend beards,
which so notably distinguish them from all other creatures. The staid
yet energetic horse has the suffrage for the mayoralty and other civil
dignitaries. Estate owners and peasants are serpents, moles, rats and
mice. The ass, on account of his braying voice, is always the leader of
the church-choir. Treasurers, cashiers and inspectors are commonly
wolves; their clerks, being hawks. The (roosters) cocks are appointed
for watchmen, and the dogs house-porters.
The first who came on board of us, was a lean wolf or inspector, the
same as a custom-house-officer in Europe, followed by four hawks, his
clerks. These took from our wares what pleased them best, proving to us
thereby that they understood their business perfectly, and had all its
appropriate tricks at their fingers' ends. The captain took me ashore
with him. As soon as we had set foot on the quay, a cock came towards
us, demanded whence we were, the nature of our cargo, and announced us
to the inspector-general. This latter received us with much courtesy,
and invited us to dine with him. The mistress of the house, whom I had
heard to be one of the greatest beauties among the female wolves, was
not present at the table: the reason of this was, as we afterwards
learned, her husband's jealousy, who did not deem it advisable to allow
such a handsome wife to be seen by strangers. There were, however,
several ladies at table; among others, a certain commodore's wife, a
white cow with black spots: next to her sat a black cat, wife to the
master of hunt at court, newly arrived from the country. At my side was
placed a speckled sow, the lady of a renovation-inspector: that species
of officer-ship being generally taken from the hog-race. It must be
observed that the inhabitants of the Mezendoric empire, although they
are animals in figure, have hands and fingers on the fore feet.
After dinner the speckled sow entered into conversation with our
interpreter, during which she told him that she was overhead and ears in
love with me. He comforted her in the best manner he could, and promised
her his support and aid; then he turned himself towards me and
endeavored to persuade me to be easy; but when he observed that his
flattering and arguments were vain, he advised me to take to flight, as
he knew that this lady would move heaven and earth to satisfy her
desires. From this time I remained constantly on board; but the ship
itself was not a fortification sufficiently secure from the attacks of
this lady, who by messengers and love-letters strove to melt the ice
that surrounded my heart. Had I not, in the shipwreck I afterwards
suffered, lost my papers, I should now give some specimens of the
swine's poetry. I have forgotten it all, except the following lines, in
which she praises her being thus:
O thou! for whom my too fond soul most ardently doth thirst,
For whom my earliest passion, in retirement I have nursed:
Think not my figure homely, though it be endued in bristles,--
What beauty hath the leafless tree, through which the cold wind
whistles?
How unadorned the noble horse, when of his beauteous mane he's shorn!
O! who would love a purring cat, all in her furlessness forlorn.
Ah, look around my darling pig! look on all living things,
From the huge unwieldy mammoth to the smallest bird that sings;--
Were these not shagged or feathered all, how loudly should we jeer;--
Who would warmly strive to please e'en man, were man without a beard?
After our truck was finished and a rich freight stowed away, we sailed
for home. We had scarcely got into the open sea when it suddenly became
calm, but soon after the wind breezed up. Having sailed awhile with a
good wind, we saw again some mermaids, who
--dripping wet
Shot forth, and dived between the foaming waves,
and now and then emitted horrible shrieks. The sailors were much
terrified at this, for they knew by experience, that these mournful
sounds were presages of storm and wreck. They had scarcely taken in the
sails, before the whole heavens became veiled in black clouds:
Day sinks in night: all nature shudders.
Then, in an instant, loose from every point
The storm, in frightful gusts and devilish uproar
Breaks; the axis of the globe grates fearful,--
And thunders, clap on clap, resound the concave:
The waves, din-maddened, tower to mountains.
Wildly, gone her helm, the half-crushed craft
Tumbles ungovernable. Now despairing shrieks
Mingling with ocean's roar and crash of heaven,
Rise from the peopled deck: 'tis finished!
Every movable thing on deck floated off, for besides the ever-rolling
billows, an immense rain fell in terrific water-spouts, accompanied by
thunder and lightning. It seemed as though all the elements had
conspired for our destruction. During the rolling of the ship, our masts
were carried away, and then all hope of salvation was gone. Now and then
a huge billow rolled over us, and carried with it one or two men far
beyond the ship. The storm raged more and more; no one cared longer for
the vessel: without helm, without masts, without captain and mates, who
had been washed overboard, the wreck lay at the pleasure of the waves.
Having floated thus for three days, a bauble for the storm, we finally
descried a mountainous land in the distance. While rejoicing in the hope
of soon reaching this haven, our vessel struck so hard against a blind
rock, that she was instantly dashed in pieces. In the confusion and
terror of the moment I got hold of a plank, and, careless for the rest,
thought only upon saving myself, so that even now I know nothing of the
fate of my companions. I was quickly driven forth by the billows; and
this was fortunate for me, for otherwise I should have been crushed
among the timbers of the ship or torn in pieces by the jagged rocks upon
which we had been cast, or escaping this should eventually have perished
from hunger and fatigue. I was wafted by the waves within a cape, where
the sea was calmer, and where the roaring of the excited ocean sounded
less frightfully. When I saw that I was near the shore, I began to
scream vigorously, hoping to call the inhabitants to my assistance. I
soon heard a sound on the seashore, and saw some of the natives come
from a wood near by; they got into a yawl and sailed towards me; this
boat being curiously fashioned of ozier and oak-branches twisted
together, I concluded that this people must be very wild and
uncultivated. I was heartily glad, when I found them to be men, for they
were the first human beings I had met during the whole voyage. They are
very like the inhabitants of our globe, who live in hot climates; their
beards are black and their hair curled; the few among them who have
long and light hair, are considered monsters. The land which they
inhabit is very rocky: from the curved ridges of the rocks and the
connecting tops of the mountains, which cut the air in multiplied
sinuosities, every sound reverberates in echo upon echo from the dales
below. The people in the yawl approached the plank upon which I floated,
drew me from it, carried me to the shore, and gave me to eat and drink.
Although the food did not taste very good, yet as I had fasted for three
days, it refreshed me very much, and in a short time I regained my
former strength.
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