THE VOYAGE TO THE FIRMAMENT.
Twice a year, some very large birds, called Kupakki or post birds, are
wont to show themselves on the planet Nazar.
They come and go at certain regular periods, which has given rise to
various opinions. Some think, that insects, of which great multitudes
appear at the same periods, and which the birds are very fond of eating,
entice them down to the planet. This is my own notion. The circumstance,
that when these insects disappear, the birds return to the firmament,
places the opinion almost beyond all doubt. It is the same instinct,
which leads certain species of birds on our earth to migrate at regular
periods.
Others believe, that these birds are trained like hawks and other birds
of prey, to fetch booty from other lands. This conjecture is grounded
upon the great care with which they lay down their burdens, when their
flight is finished. This supposition is somewhat strengthened by the
fact, that they become tame and gentle just before they begin their
flight, suffering themselves to be thrown into nets, under which they
lie immovable. Meanwhile they are fed with insects till the regular
period arrives. Then a long box, just large enough to hold a tree or
man, is fastened to a rope, which is again tied to the legs of the bird.
On the banishment day, food is withheld from them, the nets are raised,
and the kupakkis wing their way to the firmament.
Two citizens of Potu had been doomed to banishment with myself. One was
a metaphysician, who had offended the law by making some sage remarks
upon the nature of spirits; the other was a fanatic, who, by starting
doubts concerning the holiness of religion and the uniting force of the
civil law, was suspected to have designed the overthrow of both. This
latter would not regulate himself by the public ordinances, because, he
said, all civil obedience was inconsistent with his conscience. Thus
three of us, namely, a project-maker, a metaphysician, and a fanatic,
were, on the first day of the Birch month, shut up in boxes.
I never knew what became of my fellow-sufferers. As for myself, I was
enclosed, with food sufficient for a few days. Shortly after, my
kupakki, finding nothing to eat, started off with amazing speed.
It is generally believed, under ground, that the distance between the
planet Nazar and the firmament is about four hundred miles. I had no
means of determining how long my passage was, but conjectured it to be
about twenty-four hours.
I heard nothing, during this time, but the heavy and monotonous flapping
of the kupakki's wings. At last, there sounded in my ears a confounding
noise, which announced that we could not be far from land.
I now observed that the bird had really been trained, for he set the
box, with so much care on the ground, that I did not feel the slightest
jar. The box was immediately opened, and I rose up in the midst of a
great multitude of monkeys, who, to my astonishment, conversed together
in an intelligent language rather than chattered, and walked to and fro,
in measured and dignified paces. They were dressed in cloths of varied
colors. A number of them advanced towards me with much politeness, and
handed me from the box.
They seemed to be surprised at my figure, particularly when they
discovered I had no tail. Their amazement was not at all lessened by the
fact, that I resembled them (laying aside the tail) more nearly than did
any stranger they had hitherto seen.
At the time of my arrival the water was very high, owing to the nearness
of Nazar. This planet has the same effect upon the tides of the
firmament, as our moon has upon those of the earth.
I was led to a very large building, ornamented in the richest style. The
presence of a guard at the door convinced me that it was the residence
of no common monkey. It was, as I afterwards learnt, the residence of
the mayor of the monkeys.
A number of teachers were selected to instruct me in their language.
In three months I was enabled to speak with considerable readiness. Then
I expected to procure for myself the admiration of all, for my prompt
ingenuity and superior memory. But my teachers declared me to be
sluggish and dull of apprehension, and in their impatience often
threatened to abandon their charge. As, on the planet Nazar, I had been
ironically named Skabba, or the untimely, for my quick perceptions, so
here I was called Kakidoran, which signifies, idle and stupid. Those
only are respected here, who can comprehend and express any thing
instantaneously. I amused myself during the course of my studies by
walking about the city, in which I met on all sides notable signs of
splendor and luxury.
When I had finished my education, that is, when I could speak fluently,
I was carried to the capital city Martinia, from which the whole country
takes its name. The object of the mayor evidently was, to insinuate
himself into the favor of a certain counsellor, by presenting to him a
strange and unprecedented animal.
The government of Martinia is aristocratical. The state is administered
by a great council, selected from the body of the old nobility.
Before proceeding to the house of the lord, to whom I was to be offered,
the mayor led me to a hotel, where we could make ourselves presentable
to his excellency. Several servants, called maskatti, or dressers,
joined us for this purpose. One took the mayor's sword to burnish it;
another tied different colored bands to his tail. I will here remark,
that nothing lays nearer to a monkey's heart than the adornment of his
tail.
When my conductor was polished, dressed and adorned, we departed for the
president's palace, followed by three servants.
On coming to the entrance, the mayor loosed his shoes, that he might not
soil the marble floor. After waiting for a long time, with not a little
impatience, we were suffered to enter the reception hall. Here the
president sat in a golden chair.
As soon as he saw us, the president burst out in a terrific laugh. I
concluded either that he was seized by delirium, or that silly and
insane laughter was a peculiarity of great people in Martinia. In short,
I took his lordship to be a fool.
I afterwards expressed this opinion to the mayor; but he assured me that
the president was a monkey of remarkable natural powers; that his mind
was so comprehensive, that he not only determined matters of the highest
importance at table, with his glass in hand, but even wrote or dictated
a new statute between the courses.
His excellency tattled to me half an hour, his tongue wagging, the
while, with an agility immeasurably superior to that of our European
barbers.
Then turning to my companion, he said, he would take me among his
subordinate attendants, since he perceived, from my sluggish
disposition, that I must have been born in the land of stupidity, where
Long-eared mortals, in perpetual fogs,
Oft lose their way to mire in horrid bogs:--
and consequently that I was unfit for any office of trust and
respectability. "I have, indeed," urged the mayor, "observed a natural
obtuseness in this man; nevertheless, when he is allowed time to think,
he judges by no means badly."
"Of what use is that," replied the president; "here we need nimble
officers, for the immense diversity of our affairs does not give us time
to think."
The president, having spoken thus, very gravely, and carefully examined
my body, and directed me to lift a heavy weight from the floor. Seeing
that I did this with ease, he remarked: "Nature, although she has
stinted you in the faculties of the soul, has compensated, in some
measure, by granting to you a degree of bodily strength."
I now received orders to go out and wait in the court. Soon after the
mayor followed, and as he passed, told me that his excellency had
determined to include me in his train.
I concluded from his lordship's undervaluing opinion of me, that my
situation could not be very elevated; still, I was curious to know my
fate, and therefore asked the mayor if he knew what I was to be
entrusted with. The mayor answered: "His excellency, with special grace,
has appointed you for his chief porteur,[1] with a yearly pay of
twenty-five stercolatus." (A stercolatu is about one dollar of our
money.) "Furthermore, he will not require your services for any but
himself and her grace, his lady." This answer was like a thunder-stroke
to me; but I was sensible that it was useless to object.
I was carried to a chamber, where a supper of dried fruits was laid;
after eating a little, my bed was pointed out to me.
I threw myself upon the bed, but my mind was so agitated, that I could
not for a time close my eyes in sleep. The pride and contempt with which
the monkeys regarded me, provoked me almost to rage. A more than Spartan
patience was needed to listen with indifference to their sneers. At last
I slumbered. How long I know not, for in the firmament there is no
division of night and day. It is never dark, except at a certain period,
when the planet Nazar comes between the firmament and the subterranean
sun.
On awakening, I found at my side a mean looking monkey, who asserted
that he was my colleague: He had brought with him a false tail, which he
fixed upon me, and then tied to it some ribbons of various colors. He
told me that in half an hour the president would be ready to set out for
the Academy, and that I must prepare myself to begin my duties. The
ceremony of promoting a doctor was to take place.
We bore the president to the Academy in a golden sedan, and were
suffered to remain in the hall during the performance.
At the entrance of the president, all the doctors and masters of art
rose and turned their tails towards him. To a dweller on the earth, such
salutations would probably have appeared unseemly and ridiculous, as
such a movement with us is expressive of indifference or dislike.
But every land has its own customs. I have seen so many strange
ceremonies and varied usages, that I have come to observe, rather than
laugh at them.
The act of promotion, on this occasion, was performed with the following
ceremonies. The candidate was placed in the middle of the hall. Then
three officers, each with a pail of cold water, approached him with
measured steps. Each in turn dashed his bucket of water in the
candidate's face. The sufferer is obliged to receive this bath without
distorting his countenance, on pain of forfeiting his degree. Odorous
oils were then sprinkled over him, and finally a powerful vomit was
given to him. When this last dose had produced its usual effect upon the
candidate, he was pronounced to be a lawfully graduated doctor.
I turned to a learned doctor, who stood near me, and humbly asked him
the meaning of all I had seen.
First expressing his pity for my ignorance, the sneering pedant
condescended to inform me, that the ceremony of the water was
significant of the preparation for a new course of life and duty; the
ointment, of elevation above the mass; and the vomit, of the
extermination of prejudice and error.
I fancied, but I did not say so, that my dignified instructor in the
mysteries needed a fresh vomit.
The Martinianic religion is not at all practical. There are two hundred
and thirty speculations concerning the form and being of God, and three
hundred and ninety-six of the nature and qualities of the soul. There
are many churches and theological seminaries, but in neither is taught
the way to live and die well. The people are all critics, who go to be
amused by the art and delicacy of the holy teachers. The more obscure
and involved the propositions of their preachers, the more are they
praised. The Martinians are indifferent to every thing they can easily
understand.
Martinia is the paradise of project-makers. The more inconsistent and
useless a scheme, the surer is it of general approbation.
When I once spoke with an enthusiastic monkey, of the earth and its
inhabitants, he fell upon the notion, to bore through to the surface,
and make a convenient and easy way of communication.
He prepared a long and eloquently worded plan on this subject, which
pleased and excited every body.
A company was formed, and named the "Subterranean Boring Company" its
originator, Hiho Pop-coq, was made its president. The stock was seized
on with avidity, and the project was not abandoned until a multitude of
families had been ruined, and the public affairs brought into the
greatest disorder; and even then the scheme was dropped, less from its
supposed impracticability, than from the length of time required to
accomplish it.
The author of it was not only left unpunished, but was overwhelmed with
the general applause, for the originality and boldness of his attempt.
The Martinians are used to console themselves on such occasions, by
repeating the following couplet:
"The project ended in defeat;
The notion was, however, neat."
When I had thoroughly studied the character of this people, I determined
to take advantage of their weaknesses, and by some outrageous proposal,
to gain their respect, and thereby better my condition.
I revealed my intention to a shrewd old monkey, who encouraged me in
these words:
[Illustration]
Who would succeed in Martinianic land,
Must quit the useful, to propose the grand;
Hazard those deeds, that to the gallows pave,
Thy fortune's made! Here's honor for the knave.
After due deliberation, my choice became fixed upon that ornament for
the head, called wigs by us.
I had previously noticed that the land contained a multitude of goats;
with the hair of these creatures I proposed to manufacture my wigs.
My step-father had been engaged in the trade, and as I had, with the
inquisitiveness of youth, observed the process, I could bungle at it.
I made a goat's-hair wig for myself, and adorned with it, presented
myself to the president.
This dignitary was astonished at the new and uncommon decoration. He
seized it from my head, and placing it on his own, hastened in a very
undignified manner to the mirror.
So enraptured was he at the sight of the pompous protuberance, that he
shrieked out: "Divine art, how like a God am I!"--he sent immediately
for her Grace to partake in his joy.
She was not less pleased than her lord. She embraced him, kissed him,
and assured him that she had never seen him more handsome.
The president addressed himself to me with much less haughtiness than
usual. "O Kakidoran!" he exclaimed, "if this discovery of yours pleases
the Council as well as it does me, your fortune is made. You may hope
for the most honorable reward the State can give."
I gracefully thanked his Excellency, and immediately wrote a petition,
which I requested him to lay before the Council.
His Excellency took the petition together with the wig, and departed. I
understood that all the cases which were to come before the Council on
this day, had been laid aside, so inquisitive were all to hear and
examine my project. The work was accepted, and an appropriate reward was
adjudged to me. I was called up to the council-chamber on my entrance,
an old monkey stood up, and, after thanking me in the name of the whole
republic, proclaimed that my work should be rewarded as its merits
deserved. He then demanded, what length of time I should need to
fabricate another such head ornament? I replied, that it was reward
enough for me, that my curious workmanship had gained the approbation of
the great men who composed the Council; for the rest, I bound myself to
make another wig in two days, and also to manufacture wigs enough for
the whole city in a month, provided I might count upon the assistance of
a number of monkeys, accustomed to work. This proposal, however, made
the president hot about the ears, and he exclaimed with much eagerness:
"It is not fit, my dear Kakidoran, that this ornament should be common
to the whole town, for being worn by all without distinction, it will
become ordinary and vulgar. The nobility must necessarily be
distinguished from the common people."
All the members of the Council concurred in his opinion, and the city
marshal was charged to take heed that none might wear wigs, except the
nobility. This order having been promulgated, the citizens thronged
about the council-chamber to obtain titles and charters, which some
bought with their money and others procured through the influence of
their friends; so that in a short time full half the city were made
nobles. But when petition after petition poured in from the provinces,
that the like favor should be extended to them, the Council, being
possessed with a righteous fear of riot and civil war, finally
determined to allow every one, without distinction of rank, to wear a
wig. I thus had the pleasure to see the whole Martinianic nation wigged
before I left that country. And, truly, it can scarcely be imagined what
a funny and ridiculous appearance the wigged monkeys presented! The
whole nation made so much of my project and its accomplishment, that a
new era was established; and from this time the wig-age commenced in the
Martinianic annals.
In the meantime, I was loaded with praises and panegyrics, wrapped in a
purple cloak, and returned from the court-house in the president's own
sedan, the same _porteur_, who had formerly been my companion, serving
me now as a horse. From that day I dined continually at the table of his
Excellency.
With this glittering preamble to my fortunes, I commenced in earnest the
work I had promised, and soon finished wigs enough for the whole
Council; and after sweating for a month--a patent of nobility was
brought to me, couched in the following words:
"In consideration of the most excellent and very useful
discovery, through which Kakidoran, born in Europe, has made
himself worthy of the gratitude of the whole Martinianic
nation, we have resolved to advance him to the rank of
nobility, so that he, and all his descendants shall be
regarded as true noblemen, and enjoy all the prerogatives
and rights, of which the nobility of Martinia are in
possession. Furthermore, we have determined to dignify him
with a new name; he shall therefore from this day, be no
longer called Kakidoran, but Kikidorian. Moreover, since his
new dignity requires a richer style of living, we grant him
a yearly pension of two hundred patarer. Given in the
council-chamber of Martinia, the fourth day of the month
Merian, under the great seal of the Council."
Thus I suddenly became changed from a simple porteur to a respectable
nobleman, and lived for a long while in great splendor and honor. When
it was known that I was high in the favor of the president, everybody
sought my good will and protection. It is the fashion among the poets of
Martinia to panegyrize the tails of eminent monkeys, as it is with us to
eulogize the beauty of women. Several poets commended the beauty of my
tail, although I had none. To say everything on this subject in a few
words--their fawning servility towards me was so extreme, that a certain
man of high rank and station, did not hesitate, nor did he feel himself
shamed, to promise me that his wife should make herself agreeable to me
in every possible way, provided that I would recompense him by
recommending him to the president.
When I had lived in this land for the space of two years, at first a
_porteur_ and latterly a nobleman, an incident, entirely unexpected,
occurred, which was nearly fatal to me. I had, up to this period, been
in special favor with his Excellency; and her Grace, the president's
lady, had evinced so much kindness to me, that I was regarded the first
among all her favorites. She was distinguished for her virtue; but, when
in the lapse of time, I perceived one after another ambiguity in her
expressions, I began to feel a kind of mistrust, especially when I
observed that
Sometimes she'd smile with wanton grace,
Then unto sudden tears give place,
While gazing, silent, on my face
With mild devotion.
Her's all the art of tenderness,
That pleases while it wounds no less:
Her breasts, half-covered, now confess
Their strange emotion.
Then sighs that can no reason find,
Or used to make my reason blind:--
Her hands upon her breast entwined--
Ah, female charms!
Her face would lose its rosy hue
For lily's, washed in morning dew;
Aurora's purple blazed anew,
In love's alarms.
My suspicions finally became certainties, when a chambermaid brought to
me, one day, the following note:
"DEAREST KIKIDORIAN,--
"The feeling which I owe to my rank and high descent, and
the modesty natural to my sex, have until now hindered the
sparks of love which have long secretly burned in my bosom,
from breaking forth in open flame: but I am weary of the
combat, and my heart can no longer resist its bewitching
enemy. Have pity for a female, from whom only the utmost
degree of burning love could have been able to extort a
confession.
PTARNNSA."
I cannot describe how singularly I felt at this entirely unexpected
declaration of love: but as I held it far better to expose myself to
the revenge of a furious female, than to sin against the order of
nature, by a shameful intimacy with a creature that did not belong to my
race, I immediately wrote an answer in the following words:
"GRACIOUS LADY,--
"The constant favor his Excellency, your husband, has shown
to me; the undeserved benefits he has bestowed upon me; the
moral impossibility of fulfilling your gracious desires; and
many other reasons, that I will not name, move me to submit
to the anger of my gracious lady, rather than consent to an
action that would stigmatize me as the most ungrateful and
the lowest among all two-legged creatures. Besides, what is
desired of me, would be more bitter to satisfy than death
itself. This action, if I yielded to it, would effect the
ruin and dishonor of one of the most respected families in
the State, and my willingness would injure, before all
others, that person who has desired it. With the most solemn
and sincere assurances of gratitude I must here declare,
gracious lady, that under no circumstances can I fulfil your
wishes in this respect, although to all other commands I
promise a blind obedience.
KIKIDORIAN."
Underneath I wrote the following admonition:
"Think of this heavy sin;
Fly ere it be too late:
Shall vice, the pander, newly in,
Bow virtue to the gate?
Let Cupid not ensnare you--
His cunning wiles beware you,
The sweets of sin soon vanish--
Its pains, ah! who can banish."
This letter I sent to the lady, and it had the effect that I expected;
her love was changed to the bitterest hatred:--
In vain her glowing tongue would vie,
To tell her frightful agony.
Despairing shame her accents clip;--
They freeze upon her snowy lip.
No tears did flow; _such_ pain oft dries
The blessed current of the eyes:
Fell vengeance from her black orbs glanced,
While like a fury, she advanced.
Nevertheless, she restrained her fury, until she recovered the
love-letter she had written to me. As soon as she had secured it, she
hired some persons to testify by oath, that, in the absence of his
Excellency, I had attempted to violate her. This fable was represented
with so much art and speciousness, that the president did not doubt its
truth, and I was ordered to be put in prison. In this, my despairing
condition, I saw no other means of deliverance than to confess the
crime, with which I had been charged, and supplicate the president for
mercy: which being done, my life was conceded, but I was doomed to
perpetual imprisonment. My charter of nobility was immediately taken
from me, and I was sent to the galleys as a slave. My destination was to
one of the ships belonging to the republic, which then lay ready to sail
for _Mezendares_, or the Land-of-wonders. Thence were brought the wares
that Martinia cannot produce. This ship, on board of which my evil
fortune had now cast me, was propelled both by sails and oars; at each
oar two slaves were chained: consequently I was attached to another
unfortunate. I was consoled, however, by the prospect of a voyage,
during which I hoped to find new food and nourishment for my insatiable
inquisitiveness, although I did not believe all that the seamen told of
the curious things I should see. Several interpreters accompanied us;
these being made use of by the Mezendaric merchants in the course of
their commercial negotiations.
[Illustration]