completely and utterly overcome, "I give up. It's beyond me. I was to
the Sewing Society, and it's beyond them all, too. The idea of 'Liza
Em'ly's writing a book! No one can see how she ever come to think as she
could write a book. No one can see where she got any ideas to put in a
book. I don't know what any one thought she _would_ do when she set out
for the city to earn her own living, but there wasn't a soul in town as
expected her to do it, let alone writing a book, too. I can't see
whatever gives any one the idea of earning their living by writing
books. Books always seem so sort of unnecessary to me, anyway--I ain't
read one myself in years. No one in this community ever does read, and
that's what makes everybody so surprised over 'Liza Em'ly, after living
among us so long and so steady, starting up all of a sudden and doing
anything like this. And what makes it all the more surprising is she
never said a word about it either--never wrote home to the family or
told a living soul. And so you can maybe imagine the shock to the
minister when he got word as his own flesh and blood daughter had not
only written a book but got it all printed without consulting him. His
wife says he was completely done up and could hardly speak for quite a
little while, and later when the newspaper clippings begin to come, he
had to go to bed and have a salt-water cloth over his eyes. I tell you,
Mrs. Lathrop, the minister is a very sensitive nature; it's no light
thing to a sensitive nature to get a shock like a daughter's writing a
book."
"Is--" asked Mrs. Lathrop.
"Well, I should say that it was," said Miss Clegg. "I should say that it
was. And not only is it being advertised, but people are buying it just
like mad, the papers say. The minister is still more upset over that;
seems the responsibilities of even being connected with books nowadays
is no light thing. There was that man as was shot for what he wrote in
a book the other day, you know, and the minister's wife says as the
minister is most nervous over what may be in the book; she says he says
very few books as everybody is reading ought to be read, and he knows
what he's talking about, for he's a great reader himself. Why, his wife
says he's got books hid all over the house, and she says--speaking
confidentially--as he says most of 'em he's really very sorry he's
read--after he's finished 'em. She says--he says he'll know no peace
night or day now until he's read 'Liza Em'ly's book. I guess it's no
wonder that he's nervous. 'Liza Em'ly's been a handful for years, and
since she fell in love with Elijah, there's been just no managing her a
_tall_. If Elijah'd loved her, of course it would have been different,
but Elijah wasn't a energetic nature, and 'Liza Em'ly was, and when a
energetic nature loves a man like Elijah, there's just no knowing where
they will end up. I never see why Elijah didn't love 'Liza Em'ly, but
her grandmother's nose has always been against her, and he told me
himself as it was all he could think of when he sat quietly down to
think about her. But all that's neither here nor there, for it's a far
cry from a girl's nose to her brains nowadays, thank heavens, and 'Liza
Em'ly's got something to balance her now. Polly White has sent for one
of the books. She says she'll lend it around, no matter what's in it.
Polly says there's one good thing in getting married, and that is it
makes you a married woman, and being a married woman lets you read all
kinds of books. I guess Polly's been a great reader since she was
married. She's meant to get some good out of that situation, and she's
done it. The deacon isn't so badly off, either. I wouldn't say that he's
glad he's married all the time, but I guess some of the time he don't
mind, and it's about all married people ask if only some of the time
they can feel to not be sorry. A little let-up is a great relief."
"You--" said Mrs. Lathrop.
"Yes, I know," said Miss Clegg, "but I pick up a good deal from others,
and there's a feeling as married women have when they talk to a woman as
they suppose can't possibly know anything just 'cause she never got into
any of their troubles, as makes them show forth the truth very plainly.
I won't say as married women strike me more and more as fools, for it
wouldn't be kindly, but I will say as the way they revel in being
married and saying how hard it is, kind of strikes me as amusing. _I_
wouldn't go into a store and buy a dress and then, when every one knew
as I picked it out myself, keep running around telling how it didn't fit
and was tearing out in all the seams--but that's about what most of this
marriage talk comes to. I do wonder what 'Liza Em'ly has said about
marriage in _Deacon Tooker Talks_. That's a very funny name for a book,
I think myself, but that's what she's named it. And as it seems to be
about most everything, I suppose it must be about marriage, too. Of
course 'Liza Em'ly's so wild to marry Elijah that everybody knows that
that was what took her up to town. She didn't want to earn her living
any more than any girl does. Nobody ever really aches to earn their
living. But some has to, and some wants to be around with men, and there
ain't no better way to be around with men nowadays than to go to work
with 'em. You have 'em all day long then, and pretty soon you have 'em
all the time. 'Liza Em'ly wants to have Elijah all the time."
"What--" began Mrs. Lathrop.
"Oh, she says she thinks they're so congenial; she told me herself as
Elijah 'understood.' It seems to be a great thing to understand
nowadays. It's another of those things we used to take for granted but
which is now got new and uncommon and most remarkable. She told me when
she and Elijah watched the sun setting together, they both understood,
and she seemed to feel that that was a safe basis on which to set out
for town and start in to earn her own living. The minister didn't want
her to go. He was very much against it. It cost such a lot, too. The
minister's wife said it would have been ever so much cheaper to fix a
girl to get married. You can get married with six pairs of new
stockings, the minister's wife says, and it takes a whole dozen with the
heels run to earn your living. The minister's wife was very confidential
with me about it all, and 'Liza Em'ly confided considerably in me, too.
They both knew I'd never tell. Every one always confides in me because
they know I never tell. Why, the things folks in this community have
told me! Well!--But I _never_ tell. The real reason I never tell is
because they always tell every one themselves before I can get around,
but then a confiding nature is always telling its affairs, and so you
can't really blame 'em. I never tell my own affairs, because I've
learned as affairs is like love letters, and if they're interesting
enough, it is very risky. But really, Mrs. Lathrop, I must be going now,
and as soon as I get hold of that book, I'll be over with my opinion.
_Deacon Tooker Talks!_ My, but that is a funny name for a book! I can't
see myself what kind of a book it can possibly be with that title--but
anyway, we shall soon know now."
"Yes, we--" began Mrs. Lathrop.
"Yes, indeed," said Susan, and the seance broke up for that day.
It was resumed the day after, and the day after that, but no further
progress having been made in the development of 'Liza Em'ly's affairs,
that interesting topic remained in abeyance until after the next meeting
of the Sewing Society, when the subject was put forward with emphasis.
"You never hear the beat," said the lady who nearly always went to the
Sewing Society to the lady who hadn't been there for years; "this book
of 'Liza Em'ly's seems to be something just beyond belief. Polly read it
all aloud to us to-day, and I must say it's a _most_ astonishing book. I
will tell you in confidence, Mrs. Lathrop, as I ain't surprised that the
minister hid his copy and that the newspapers is all printing things
about it. Seems it's a man in bed talking to his wife who is asleep
most of the time, only he don't pay the slightest attention to her not
paying the slightest attention. Polly had the name right, it is _Deacon
Tooker Talks_ (which is a _most_ singular name to my order of thinking).
The cover has got a picture of the deacon's head on a pillow talking,
and you can think how the minister would feel over his daughter's book's
cover having a pillow on it! I walked home with Mrs. Fisher, and she
will have it that 'Liza Em'ly's put her father into the book, soul and
body. There's a man called Mr. Lexicon as is a lawyer in the book, and
Mrs. Fisher says it's the minister. I wouldn't swear as it wasn't the
minister myself, but I hate to believe it, for a girl as'll put her
father in a book would be equal to most anything, I should suppose. But
Mrs. Fisher's sure it's the minister; she says she knew him right off by
his ear-muffs. Only 'Liza Em'ly has disguised the ear-muffs by calling
them overshoes. Mr. Lexicon has always got on his overshoes. Mrs.
Fisher waited until we got away from all the rest, and then she showed
me a review from a New York paper that just took my breath away. It says
no such book has appeared before a welcoming public in two hundred and
fifty years, and she's going to write the paper and ask what the book
two hundred and fifty years ago was about. Mrs. Fisher says she's
thinking very seriously of writing a book herself. She says she's always
wanted to write a book, and now she thinks she'll go up to town and see
'Liza Em'ly and ask her about their writing a book together. She says
she'll furnish all the story, and 'Liza Em'ly can write the book. Then
they'll divide the money even. And there'll be money to divide, too, for
'Liza Em'ly's book is surely selling. Mrs. Macy come up after Mrs.
Fisher went home, and she had a piece out of another newspaper that Mrs.
Lupey sent her, saying the book was in its ninth edition already. She
had it with her at the Sewing Society, but she didn't bring it out, out
of consideration for the feelings of the minister's wife. Mrs. Macy
says she thinks she'll write a book, too. She's got the same idea as
Mrs. Fisher about writing it with 'Liza Em'ly, only she says she'll let
'Liza Em'ly use some of her own ideas mixed in with Mrs. Macy's ideas,
and she can have two thirds of the money. She says it can't be hard to
write a book, or 'Liza Em'ly couldn't never have done it, but she says
'Liza Em'ly has got the Fishers in her book, and she's surprised Mrs.
Fisher didn't recognize 'em at the Sewing Society. 'Liza Em'ly calls 'em
the Hunters. Fishers, hunters--you see! An' John Bunyan she calls Martin
Luther, an' in place of being a genius, she covered that all up by
making him a painter. Laws, Mrs. Macy says writing a book's easy. She
says that book of 'Liza Em'ly's is really too flat for words, and what
makes people buy it, she can't see. Well, I shan't buy a copy, I know
_that_. I ain't knowed 'Liza Em'ly all my life to go doing things like
that now."
With which very common view as to the works produced by our intimate
friends, Miss Clegg rose to take her departure.
"Did--?" asked Mrs. Lathrop, when they next met.
"No--I asked, but not a soul knew. We haven't got _any_ man in town as
it could _possibly_ be. They was all discussing it, too. Mrs. Macy and
Mrs. Fisher is really going to town to see 'Liza Em'ly and take up their
ideas to talk over. Mrs. Macy is putting her ideas down on a piece of
paper, so as to be sure she has 'em with her. Mrs. Fisher's keeping hers
in her head, for she says if she lost them, anybody might write her
book. They think they'll go Tuesday. I hope they will, 'cause if they
do, they'll come straight from the train and tell me, and then I'll come
straight over and tell you."
With which amicable arrangement Miss Clegg again took her departure.
It was quite two weeks before affairs shaped themselves for Mrs. Macy
and Mrs. Fisher to go to the city on their literary errand, but they
managed it at last, and you may be very sure that Mrs. Lathrop peeked
eagerly and earnestly out of her window many times the afternoon after
their journey. They came up to call upon Miss Clegg and narrate their
adventures quite according to their usual friendly ideals, and directly
they took their leave that good lady hied herself rapidly to Mrs.
Lathrop to tell the tale.
Mrs. Lathrop met her at the door and both sank into chairs immediately.
"Well, what--" said the older lady then, and her younger friend rejoined
promptly:
"Perfectly dumfounding; nothing like it was ever knowed before or ever
will be again."
"Wha--?" began Mrs. Lathrop.
"They're both completely paralyzed. Mrs. Fisher can't say a word, and
Mrs. Macy can't keep still."
"Wha--?" began Mrs. Lathrop again.
Miss Clegg drew a sharp breath. "They went to see 'Liza Em'ly, an' they
saw her. My goodness heavens, I should think they did see her. Mrs.
Macy says if any one ever supposed as the Hanging Gardens of Babylon was
any wonder, they'd ought to go to the city an' see 'Liza Em'ly, and the
Hanging Gardens would keep their mouths shut forever after."
"Wha--?" began Mrs. Lathrop for the third time.
But Miss Clegg was now quite ready to discharge her full duty. "Seems
'Liza Em'ly's book went into the twentieth edition yesterday," she said,
opening her eyes and mouth with great expressiveness. "They knew that
before they got there, for you can believe Mrs. Macy or not, just as you
please, Mrs. Lathrop, but there were actually signboards saying so stuck
up all along in the fields as the train went by. The train-boy had the
books for sale on the train, too, and kept dropping 'em on top of 'em
all the way, but they didn't mind that, for Mrs. Fisher read her book as
fast as she could until he picked it up again, and she read to good
purpose, for this afternoon she asked for a glass of water, and while I
was out with her in the kitchen getting it, she told me there isn't a
mite of doubt but Mrs. Macy is in the book, and Doctor Carter of
Meadville is in right along with her. Mrs. Fisher says 'Liza Em'ly has
called her Miss Grace and him Doctor Wagner of Lemonadetown, but she
says she knew 'em instantly by the description of how they was in love;
she says you'd recognize how they was in love right off. I must say,
Mrs. Lathrop, as I think 'Liza Em'ly ought to be very careful what she
writes about real people if you can tell 'em as quick as that; but
anyway, they got to town and took a street car, and then, lo and behold,
if their first little surprise wasn't the finding as 'Liza Em'ly has
stopped living where she lives and gone to live in a hotel, so they had
to go to the hotel, too, and when they got there, what do you think?--If
'Liza Em'ly wasn't giving a reception to celebrate the twentieth
edition!"
"Wh--?" cried Mrs. Lathrop.
"Yes, indeed," continued Miss Clegg, "certainly--yes, I should say so,
too. If they didn't get a fine shock over 'Liza Em'ly and her hotel and
her reception and the whole thing, Mrs. Macy says she'll never know what
a shock is when she sees it. Seems they was shoved into one end of a
elevator without so much as by your leave and out the other end before
they'd caught their breath, and then they found themselves in a room
with flowers all tied up in banners, and Elijah, with his hair parted in
the middle, passing cups of tea which a lady, with her muff on her head,
was pouring out, while 'Liza Em'ly sat on a table swinging her feet in
shoes she never bought in _this_ town, Mrs. Macy'll take her Bible oath,
and a dress that trained on the floor even from the table."
"My heavens alive!" cried Mrs. Lathrop.
"Oh, that isn't anything," said Susan, "just you wait. Well, and so Mrs.
Macy says you can maybe imagine their feelings when they found their two
perfectly respectable and well brought up selves in the middle of such a
kind of a party! One man and one girl was under the piano playing cat's
cradle, while another man was doing a sum on the wallpaper with a
hatpin. Mrs. Macy says she wouldn't have been surprised at nothing after
that, you'd think, but she says when it comes to 'Liza Em'ly nowadays,
you don't know even what you're thinkin', for you'd suppose 'Liza Em'ly
would at least have looked ashamed of her feet and her train. Instead of
that, she just clapped her hands and said, 'Hello, home-folks,' which
nearly sent Mrs. Fisher over backwards. Elijah saw them then, and _he_
had the good manners to drop a teacup, but even he didn't look anywhere
near as used up as in Mrs. Macy's opinion a man away from business with
his hair parted in the middle in the middle of the afternoon had ought
to look. He gave them chairs though, and they set down between a young
lady as was smoking a cigarette and another as was very carefully
powdering herself in a little mirror set in her pocketbook. Just then
there was a noise like a awful crash and a hailstorm, and after they'd
both jumped and Mrs. Macy come near dislocating her hip, they see that
a man was beginning on the piano. Well, Mrs. Macy says _such_
piano-playing her one hope is as she may be going to be spared
hereafter; she says he'd skitter up the piano with both hands, and then
he'd bang his way back to where he belonged, and every time he hit the
very bottom, he'd give his head a flop and jerk down another lot of hair
over his eyes. Mrs. Macy says she never see a man with so much loose
hair where he could manage it, for he kept getting down more and more
till he looked like a cocoanut and nothing else, so help Mrs. Macy, and
then, when he was completely hid, he hit the piano four cracks and
folded his arms and was done."
"Mercy on--!" cried Mrs. Lathrop.
"I should say so," continued Miss Clegg, "and Mrs. Macy says everybody
clapped like mad, and then 'Liza Em'ly come to earth and went and threw
her arms around his neck, which to Mrs. Macy's order of thinking, didn't
look much like she was going to marry Elijah. And then, before they
could shake hands or say good-by or do a thing, a boy came in with a
lot of telegrams on a tray, and while 'Liza Em'ly was fixing half a
spectacle in one eye to read 'em, a young lady dressed in snakeskins,
and very little else, jumped into the room right over the backs of their
two chairs in a most totally unlooked-for way, and then began to spin
about and wriggle here and there and in and out generally, and Mrs.
Fisher got up and said they really must go, and Elijah showed 'em to the
door with the lady in snakeskins making figure eights around them all
three and 'Liza Em'ly throwing a rose at them and kissing her hand till
somehow they got into the hall. They walked down flights of stairs then
till they thought there never would be a bottom anywhere, and then they
looked at each other, and after a while they got where they could speak,
and then they came home."
"Well, wha--?" began Mrs. Lathrop.
"Me, too," said Susan, "I think it's _awful_! And the worst of it is for
her to be the minister's daughter. Think of it! They bought a paper as
had her picture on it and a account of the reception as they'd just been
at. It said Herr Schnitzel Beerstein played, so they know his name now,
and Madame Kalouka S-k-z-o-h danced, so when it comes to her name, they
ain't much better off than they were before. Wherever they looked they
see posters of _Deacon Tooker Talks_, and people in the cars was all
discussing the book. Two ministers is going to take it for a text
to-morrow, and the candy stores has all got little candy boxes like beds
with a chocolate drop for Deacon Tooker and a gum-drop for his wife."
"Well, wha--" began Mrs. Lathrop.
"I don't know," said Miss Clegg. "The book's made right out of this
community, and since I've read it myself, I can see who every one is
_except_ Deacon Tooker. I can't see who Deacon Tooker is, for we haven't
got anybody like him. He's talking the whole time; in fact, the book is
all what he says about everything, and all his wife ever does is to wake
up when he shakes her and then go to sleep again. The idea's very
remarkable of a man laying awake chattering to himself all night long,
but I never heard of any such person here. Our only deacon is Deacon
White, and he never talks a _tall_."
"I wonder if the min--" began Mrs. Lathrop.
"No, I don't believe so," said Miss Clegg. "My goodness, suppose he did
and hit something like they did! No, I hope he won't ever think of it,
and as for 'Liza Em'ly, I hope she'll remember her married father and
mother soon and remember her quiet and loving home, too, before she gets
in the habit of having parties like that very often. My gracious, think
of going to call on a girl as you see christened and having a snake-lady
gartering her way up your leg while you were trying to say good-by and
get away alive. Mrs. Macy says the creature was diving here and
wriggling there and slipping under tables and over chairs in a way as
made your flesh go creeping right after her. Well, it's clear 'Liza
Em'ly's started on a most singular career. Mrs. Macy says first they
give her a sandwich with a bow of ribbon on it, and she swallowed the
ribbon; and then they give her a piece out of a cake that they said had
a lucky quarter in it, and she's almost sure she swallowed the quarter,
so maybe she was prejudiced."
"Well, I--" began Mrs. Lathrop.
"They felt the same way," said Miss Clegg; "they've come home very much
used up. Mrs. Macy says you can talk to her about the days of ancient
Rome and the way folks act underground in Paris, but she says she knows
positively as what she and Mrs. Fisher saw with their own eyes in 'Liza
Em'ly's sitting-room beat all those kind of little circuses hollow. Mrs.
Macy says she's seen enough of what they call high life now to last her
till she dies of shame. She says the only bright spot in the whole thing
is as 'Liza Em'ly's nose isn't anywhere near as prominent as you'd think
any more, and she's got a automobile and is going to Europe when the
book goes into its fiftieth edition."
"Well--I--" mused Mrs. Lathrop.
"Yes, and I will, too," said Miss Clegg. "I'll go straight home and do
it. I'm awful tired. And it bothers me more than I like to own not
knowing who Deacon Tooker is. You know my nature, Mrs. Lathrop, and
although I was never one to try to find out things nor to talk about 'em
after I've managed to find 'em out, still I never was one to like not to
know things, and I must say I do want to know who Deacon Tooker is.
Well, they say all things comes to him who waits, so I think I won't
stop here any longer. Good-by, and when I do find out, you can count on
my coming right over to tell you."
"Goo--" began Mrs. Lathrop.
But Miss Clegg had shut the door after her.
V
SUSAN CLEGG'S "IMPROVEMENTS"
There was nothing small or mean or economical about Jathrop Lathrop, now
that he had turned out rich. He was the soul of generosity, the epitome
of liberality, the concentrated essence of filial devotion as expressed
in checks and carte-blanche orders directed at his mother.
One of his earliest kind thoughts was to have Mrs. Lathrop's home
completely modernized, and as Susan Clegg lived next door and was his
mother's best and dearest friend, he decided to build her house over,
too.
To that end he hunted up the highest-priced architect of whom he could
hear and asked to have designs submitted forthwith. The highest-priced
architect readily undertook the reconstruction of the Lathrop and Clegg
domiciles, but being too occupied to go down into the country and look
over the field personally, he delegated one of his youngest and most
promising assistants to accomplish the task, and the young and promising
assistant forthwith packed his dress-suit case and set off.
He was an assistant of most extraordinary youth and almost unbelievable
promise, and he saw a chance to plan colleges (endowed by J. Lathrop,
Esq.), palaces (to be built for Lathrop, the millionaire), possibly to
be commissioned with the overseeing of the artistic development of some
new, up-springing city (Lathropville, Alaska, or something of that
sort), if he should only succeed in at once accomplishing a close union
of feeling with the golden offspring of our old friend. His first really
rich client is to a young debutant in bricks just what a well-hung
picture is to the budding artist, or a song before royalty is to a
singer. Such being the well-known facts of life the young and promising
assistant fully intended to do himself proud in the reconstruction of
the two houses consigned by Jathrop's benevolence to his tender mercies.