INTRODUCTIONS, INVITATIONS, AND CALLS.
Formal introductions are not in vogue in this country. The nearest
approach to it is when one is desirous of introducing a stranger or one
of his particular friends to another. When you desire to present a man
to a woman you must ask her if you may bring Mr. ---- to her house. In
New York the customary time for such visits is in the afternoon, between
four and six. In introducing men to one another it is unnecessary to
make a formal appointment. In presenting a man to a woman her permission
must first be asked. The formula is, "Mrs. C----, may I present Mr.
D----?" Informal introductions may be made between people visiting in
the same house by simply saying, "Mrs. D----, may I present Mr. B----?"
or "Mr. F----, do you know Mr. C----?" These informal introductions
need not be recognized afterward unless mutually agreeable.
Introductions are never made in the street or in public places of any
kind, or in public conveyances, unless under exceptional circumstances.
It is extremely bad form to introduce a guest on his entrance into a
room to more than one other. Wholesale introductions are not the custom
in New York. General introductions are not made at a dinner or at any
function. People are sufficiently well bred to engage in general
conversation when in the houses of their friends, even if they do not
know each other, and not to take advantage of the circumstances
afterward.
At any function at which the guests are told off, the host or hostess
only presents the man to the woman whom he is to take down. A man never
shakes hands upon being presented to a woman, but always on being
introduced to a man. A man should never shake hands with a woman while
wearing his gloves unless she also is gloved. Your hostess will give her
hand to you when you make your obeisance. After being presented, an
invitation is apt to follow. It may be, "Drop in to tea any afternoon,"
or simply, "I would be glad to have you call." This invitation should
always come from a married woman. Unmarried women do not ask young men
to call. A man may ask the privilege of calling, or the mother of the
young woman may say, "We should be pleased to have you call, Mr. Smith."
In New York and in many of the larger cities, as has already been
stated, the proper time for a man to call on a woman is between the
hours of four and six in the afternoon. Sometimes women have "days" in
the season, and you should pay your call on one of them. Otherwise any
afternoon may do, and you can use Sunday for this purpose after three
o'clock.
Afternoon dress is, of course, requisite. In those places where evening
calls are made a man must wear formal evening dress.
On the opening of the door by the servant, a man asks of him whether the
hostess or "the ladies" are at home. This will depend on the number of
the members of the family receiving. He gives to the domestic the proper
number of cards. The servant precedes him, opens the drawing-room door
for him, and in some ultra English houses he is announced. His card or
cards have been deposited on the silver tray which the servant has
presented to him in the hall and left there. A visiting card is never
brought into the drawing room. A man on a first or a formal call carries
his stick and hat into the drawing room with him. To "hang his hat" in
the hall shows great intimacy--even relationship--in the house. He,
however, should leave there his overcoat and his rubbers and umbrella.
His hostess will advance to meet him, and will extend to him her right
hand with a somewhat stiff angular motion, and he should shake it with a
quick nervous movement of his right. He should neither grasp nor squeeze
her hand, nor should he attempt that absurd so-called British shake in
the air, which is never practiced except by player folk. A man removes
his glove from his right hand on entering the drawing room, and holds
this with his stick and hat in his left. The hat should be at an angle,
the top about level with his nose. At weddings, the opera, and dances,
where a woman is gloved, a man, if it is required to shake hands, does
not remove his gloves. On ordinary occasions a woman is seldom gloved in
her own drawing room, and if she is, handshaking is not usually
expected. Should the hostess be gloved, as at a large affair, such as a
formal or wedding reception, a man shakes hands with her with them on.
Tea is generally served in the afternoon on a tray with wafers, little
cakes, and sometimes sandwiches. If you take a sandwich or a cup of tea,
a doylie will be given you, which place upon your knee. When another
caller enters the room stand up, whether it is a woman or a man. Ten
minutes is all that is necessary for a formal call. It is less awkward
to leave when a new caller is announced. Shake hands with your hostess
and bow to the people present. Leave the room sideways, so as not to
turn your back upon the company, and bow to them as you reach the door,
thus bowing yourself out. Remember, do not be a lingerer or a sitter. No
men are more dreaded in society than these wretched bores. The first
arrivals leave first. Freezing out is not known in good society.
Calls should be made after every civility extended and every invitation
accepted or regretted; after weddings, wedding receptions, deaths in
families, etc., as fully explained in the chapter on card-leaving.
A letter of introduction is always sent, never left in person. Calls at
the theater or in opera boxes are mere social amenities, and are not
accepted as formal. A man enters an opera box, stands, and bows. His
hostess will turn around and greet him. He will then, if there is a
vacant chair, take one, and sit and talk a little while, leaving on the
arrival of another caller. These rules for afternoon calls can be
applied also to those made in the evening.
If no day is set for a first call, a man is expected to drop in any
afternoon within ten days after the invitation. The sooner a call is
made the greater the compliment. A second call may be made within two or
three months; after that once or twice a year, as intimacy permits. A
man is never asked to dinner or to any function at a house at which he
has not first called. The usual form of a dinner invitation, the hostess
being married, reads:
_My dear Mr. Smith:_
_Will you dine with us, most informally, on Wednesday,
December the ninth, at eight o'clock? Hoping that you have no
engagement for that evening, believe me,_
_Yours very sincerely,_
_Alice de Tompkins._
_November thirtieth._
An answer to an invitation like this, which should be sent within
twenty-four hours, reads:
_My dear Mrs. de Tompkins:_
_It will give me great pleasure to dine with you on Wednesday
evening, December the ninth, at eight o'clock. With many thanks for
your kind thought of me,_
_Yours very sincerely,_
_Algernon Smith._
_December first._
Or, in the case of a formal dinner consisting of more than ten or twelve
guests:
_Mr. and Mrs. de Tompkins_
_request the pleasure of_
_Mr. Smith's_
_company at dinner on_
_Wednesday evening, December_
_the ninth, at eight o'clock._
The answer reads:
_Mr. Algernon Smith, Jr.,_
_accepts with pleasure_
_Mr. and Mrs. de Tompkins's_
_kind invitation for_
_Wednesday evening, December the ninth,_
_at eight o'clock._
_December first._
Answers to formal luncheon invitations are written in the same manner,
only changing the hours, etc.
Informal invitations to breakfasts and luncheons will be treated in the
chapter on that subject.
The form of an invitation to a private dance is:
_Mr. and Mrs. de Tompkins request the pleasure of Mr. Algernon
Smith's company on Friday evening, January the ninth, at nine
o'clock._
_R. S. V. P._ _Dancing._
The answer to this would be similarly worded as in case of the formal
dinner. As dance invitations are usually sent out three weeks in
advance, three days' grace is allowed for the answer.
When an invitation is received to a subscription ball, like the
assemblies in various cities, you should acknowledge it, by your
acceptance or regret, to the subscriber sending it; but when an
invitation is received from a ball committee, you should accept as
follows:
_Mr. James de Courcy Peterson accepts with pleasure the committee's
kind invitation for Thursday evening, February the fifteenth._
_January second._