POSSESSED
(_From Penelope's Diary_)
_At Dr. Leroy's Sanitarium._
I understand why people kill themselves. There was an hour last night,
that horrible hour between four and five (I have seen so many hospital
patients die then), when I was resolved to kill myself. Seraphine was
sleeping in the next room--she has not left me since I came to this
place yesterday--and I longed to waken her for a last talk, but decided
not to. What was the use? I must settle this for myself--whether it was
possible for me to go on living or not, I must fight out this battle
alone--with my own soul.
I decided to kill myself because I felt sure, after what had happened,
that I was condemned to madness. This is evidently a place where mad
people are treated. They call it a Sanitarium, but I know what that
means. Seraphine speaks of Dr. Leroy (I have only seen him once) as a
wonderful spiritual healer and she says I will love him because he is so
kind and wise; but none of this deceives me. I know they have brought me
to a place for mad people.
Here is a thought that makes me waver--what if death is not
annihilation? What if I find myself in some new state where there are
other horrors and terrors--worse than those that I have suffered? The
Voices tell me this--taunting me. And then Christopher! He loves me so
much! He will be so sorry, if I do this!
While I was hesitating--it was just before dawn--Seraphine came to me.
She talked to me, soothed me, and, at last, she told me the truth about
myself. She said that all my troubles come from this, that I am
possessed by an evil spirit! _Literally possessed!_ This is what she was
leading up to when she told me about the great company of earth-bound
souls that are hovering about us since the war, striving to come back!
The extraordinary part of it is that I no longer regard this as a
fantastic impossibility. I no longer reject it. I am not terrified or
horrified by the thought, but almost welcome it, since it offers an
explanation of what has happened that does not involve madness. I am
either possessed by an evil spirit or I am mad, and of these two I
prefer the evil spirit. That, at least, is a definite cause carrying
with it the hope of a cure, for we read that evil spirits were cast out
in olden times, and they may be again.
* * * * *
One thing convinces me that what Seraphine says is true--I did something
at Roberta's party that my own soul or spirit, even in madness, could
never have done. I accused Christopher of committing a crime. I accused
him of treason! Christopher! My love! Seraphine bears witness to this.
I _must_ be possessed by an evil spirit! This would account for
something else that happened last night. I was just falling into a
troubled sleep when--_no, I cannot tell it!_
* * * * *
Christopher sent me a gorgeous basket of roses this morning with his
love. He loves me in spite of the devil and all his angels--he said that
to Seraphine. How wonderful! I wish they would let me see him, and
yet--I am ashamed. How can I ever face Christopher again?
There is something strange about Roberta Vallis--I feel it. She did not
come in to speak to me or say good-bye before I left her apartment--that
morning. Why not? I asked Seraphine if there was anything the matter
with Roberta--had I done anything to offend her?--but the only answer I
could get was that Roberta is not well. Seraphine is keeping something
back--I am sure of it.
* * * * *
Seraphine knows of two cases where evil spirits have been cast out. One
was a New York silversmith who had never shown any talent for art, but
who suddenly began to paint remarkable pictures, which sold for good
prices. He was desperately unhappy, however, because he felt sure that
he was becoming insane. He had visions of scenes that he was impelled to
paint and he suffered from clairaudient hallucinations. Two well known
neurologists declared that he was a victim of paranoia and must soon be
confined in an asylum. This man was brought back to a normal condition
by Dr. Leroy's treatment, and the first step in his improvement was when
he grasped the idea that his abnormal symptoms were due to possession.
This satisfied his reason and drove away his fears (I understand that),
especially when he was assured that an evil spirit can be driven out by
the power of God's love as easily as an evil germ or humour of the body
can be driven out by the same agency. What a blessed thought!
Seraphine says we must obey the safeguarding rules with which God has
surrounded the operation of His love, if we would enjoy the blessed
guardianship of that love. We must not expect God to change His rules
for us. _We must cleanse our hearts of evil!_
The other case of possession was not a patient of Dr. Leroy, but came
under Seraphine's notice while she was attending a sufferer. This was
Alice E----, a charming, refined girl about twenty, the daughter of
well-bred people who lived in Boston. They were somewhat stricter in
family discipline than most American parents, consequently Alice, from
babyhood up, was guarded and protected in every possible way. She and
her mother were almost inseparable companions. There was absolutely no
way in which Alice could have become acquainted with people of the
underworld, or heard the vile expressions that she afterward used in an
evil personality. Her face showed unusual innocence and purity, her
disposition was affectionate and serene.
But when she was about seventeen Alice began to have strange spells of
irritability; she would grow sullen and stubborn, and soon these ugly
moods became more violent; she would burst into horrible tirades against
her father and mother and declare that she couldn't stand their
goody-goody ways, that they were so damned pious they made her sick.
Then rage and lust seemed to possess her and she would talk about men in
a shocking way, using unspeakable words, while the expression of her
face and the posture of her body became those of a wanton.
At first Alice could not tell when these attacks were coming on, but
later, when she was about twenty, she knew and would beg her family to
keep "that dreadful, horrible girl" from taking hold of her. "She's
going to change me! Oh, keep her away! Don't let her get me!" she would
cry out in terror.
Through the last days of the poor girl's life the struggle between the
real Alice and the gutter woman went on almost constantly. Alice would
implore Seraphine to make the wicked girl go away so that when the end
came (she knew she was going to die) she might be herself. But the evil
spirit had firm possession and a few hours before her death Alice's
mouth was coarse and sensual, her eyes were wicked, her whole expression
revolting.
Seraphine sent word to the family that they must not come into the room;
then, kneeling by the bedside of the dying girl, she nerved herself for
a last struggle between the powers of good and evil. With all the
strength of her pure soul she invoked God's love to restore and heal
this afflicted child ere she departed for the Great Beyond; and, an hour
before the end, the family were admitted to the chamber and looked upon
Alice's pillowed face, sweetly smiling, beautiful and unsullied, as they
had always known her and cherished her. _God's love had prevailed!_
* * * * *
When Seraphine left me my mind had become calm and hopeful and I had
given up my wicked purpose. I fell asleep praying that God would save me
from the powers of darkness, that His love would watch over me and
protect me from all evil, especially from that dream on the Fall River
steamboat, the one that has tortured me so many nights.
I awakened suddenly to the knowledge that a terrible thing had happened,
an incredible thing. I was alone in my bedroom, _and yet I was not
alone_! I had escaped one degradation only to face another. I was awake,
fully awake; yet I was more abdominally tempted than ever I was in my
dreams. With all the strength of my soul I fought against the
aggressions of a real presence that--_that touched me!_ I cried out, I
struggled, I begged God to save me or else to let me die. And then
Seraphine came to me again in my agony.
But before she came the Voices sounded worse than ever, nearer about me
than ever. Why was I such a fool? Why was I so obstinate in resisting my
fate? Was I not Their appointed sacrifice? Why not be resigned to the
inevitable? Why not...? They laughed and fluttered close to me with
vile murmurings while I prayed against them with all my strength.
"_God of love, guard Thy child; God of power, save Thy child_," I
prayed.
A harsh, cruel voice broke in to tell me that Roberta Vallis was dead,
she died of terror because she had defied Them, as I had defied Them;
and, in three days, the Voice said that I, too, would die of terror.
Three days remained to me, three nights with my dream and a hideous
awakening, unless--
Then Seraphine opened my bedroom door and I sobbed in her arms a long
time before I could speak.
"Is--is Roberta dead?" I gasped.
She looked at me strangely and I knew it was true.
"Yes, dear," she answered gently, and tried to comfort me again, but it
was in vain.
"I have only three days to live, Seraphine," I said solemnly. "Three
days and three nights!"
Then I told her what the evil spirit had said, and she listened with
grave attention.