otherwise, Hippolitus. [5933]Some make a doubt, an uxor literato sit
ducenda, whether a scholar should marry, if she be fair she will bring
him back from his grammar to his horn book, or else with kissing and
dalliance she will hinder his study; if foul with scolding, he cannot
well intend to do both, as Philippus Beroaldus, that great Bononian
doctor, once writ, impediri enim studia literarum, &c., but he recanted
at last, and in a solemn sort with true conceived words he did ask the
world and all women forgiveness. But you shall have the story as he
relates himself, in his Commentaries on the sixth of Apuleius. For a
long time I lived a single life, et ab uxore ducenda semper abhorrui,
nec quicquam libero lecto censui jucundius. I could not abide marriage,
but as a rambler, erraticus ac volaticus amator (to use his own words)
per multiplices amores discurrebam, I took a snatch where I could get
it; nay more, I railed at marriage downright, and in a public auditory,
when I did interpret that sixth Satire of Juvenal, out of Plutarch and
Seneca, I did heap up all the dicteries I could against women; but now
recant with Stesichorus, palinodiam cano, nec poenitet censeri in
ordine maritorum, I approve of marriage, I am glad I am a [5934]married
man, I am heartily glad I have a wife, so sweet a wife, so noble a
wife, so young, so chaste a wife, so loving a wife, and I do wish and
desire all other men to marry; and especially scholars, that as of old
Martia did by Hortensius, Terentia by Tullius, Calphurnia to Plinius,
Pudentilla to Apuleius, [5935]hold the candle whilst their husbands did
meditate and write, so theirs may do them, and as my dear Camilla doth
to me. Let other men be averse, rail then and scoff at women, and say
what they can to the contrary, vir sine uxore malorum expers est, &c.,
a single man is a happy man, &c., but this is a toy. [5936]Nec dulces
amores sperne puer, neque tu choreas; these men are too distrustful and
much to blame, to use such speeches, [5937]Parcite paucorum diffundere,
crimen in omnes. They must not condemn all for some. As there be many
bad, there be some good wives; as some be vicious, some be virtuous.
Read what Solomon hath said in their praises, Prov. xiii. and
Siracides, cap. 26 et 30, Blessed is the man that hath a virtuous wife,
for the number of his days shall be double. A virtuous woman rejoiceth
her husband, and she shall fulfil the years of his life in peace. A
good wife is a good portion (and xxxvi. 24), an help, a pillar of rest,
columina quietis, [5938] Qui capit uxorem, fratrem capit atque sororem.
And 30, He that hath no wife wandereth to and fro mourning. Minuuntur
atrae conjuge curae, women are the sole, only joy, and comfort of a
man's life, born ad usum et lusum hominum, firmamenta familiae,
[5939]Delitiae humani generis, solatia vitae.
Blanditiae noctis, placidissima cura diei,
Vota virum, juvenum spes, &c.
[5940]A wife is a young man's mistress, a middle age's companion, an
old man's nurse: Particeps laetorum et tristium, a prop, a help, &c.
[5941]Optima viri possessio est uxor benevola,
Mitigans iram et avertens animam ejus a tristitia.
Man's best possession is a loving wife,
She tempers anger and diverts all strife.
There is no joy, no comfort, no sweetness, no pleasure in the world
like to that of a good wife,
[5942]Quam cum chara domi conjux, fidusque maritus
Unanimes degunt———
saith our Latin Homer, she is still the same in sickness and in health,
his eye, his hand, his bosom friend, his partner at all times, his
other self, not to be separated by any calamity, but ready to share all
sorrow, discontent, and as the Indian women do, live and die with him,
nay more, to die presently for him. Admetus, king of Thessaly, when he
lay upon his death-bed, was told by Apollo's Oracle, that if he could
get anybody to die for him, he should live longer yet, but when all
refused, his parents, etsi decrepiti, friends and followers forsook
him, Alcestus, his wife, though young, most willingly undertook it;
what more can be desired or expected? And although on the other side
there be an infinite number of bad husbands (I should rail downright
against some of them), able to discourage any women; yet there be some
good ones again, and those most observant of marriage rites. An honest
country fellow (as Fulgosus relates it) in the kingdom of Naples,
[5943]at plough by the seaside, saw his wife carried away by
Mauritanian pirates, he ran after in all haste, up to the chin first,
and when he could wade no longer, swam, calling to the governor of the
ship to deliver his wife, or if he must not have her restored, to let
him follow as a prisoner, for he was resolved to be a galley-slave, his
drudge, willing to endure any misery, so that he might but enjoy his
dear wife. The Moors seeing the man's constancy, and relating the whole
matter to their governors at Tunis, set them both free, and gave them
an honest pension to maintain themselves during their lives. I could
tell many stories to this effect; but put case it often prove
otherwise, because marriage is troublesome, wholly therefore to avoid
it, is no argument; [5944]He that will avoid trouble must avoid the
world. (Eusebius praepar. Evangel. 5. cap. 50.) Some trouble there is
in marriage I deny not, Etsi grave sit matrimonium, saith Erasmus,
edulcatur tamen multis, &c., yet there be many things to [5945]sweeten
it, a pleasant wife, placens uxor, pretty children, dulces nati,
deliciae filiorum hominum, the chief delight of the sons of men;
Eccles. ii. 8. &c. And howsoever though it were all troubles,
[5946]utilitatis publicae causa devorandum, grave quid libenter
subeundum, it must willingly be undergone for public good's sake,
[5947]Audite (populus) haec, inquit Susarion,
Malae sunt mulieres, veruntamen O populares,
Hoc sine malo domum inhabitare non licet.
Hear me, O my countrymen, saith Susarion,
Women are naught, yet no life without one.
[5948]Malum est mulier, sed necessarium malum. They are necessary
evils, and for our own ends we must make use of them to have issue,
[5949] Supplet Venus ac restituit humanum genus, and to propagate the
church. For to what end is a man born? why lives he, but to increase
the world? and how shall he do that well, if he do not marry?
Matrimonium humano generi immortalitatem tribuit, saith Nevisanus,
matrimony makes us immortal, and according to [5950]Tacitus, 'tis
firmissimum imperii munimentum, the sole and chief prop of an empire.
[5951]Indigne vivit per quem non vivit et alter, [5952]which Pelopidas
objected to Epaminondas, he was an unworthy member of a commonwealth,
that left not a child after him to defend it, and as [5953]Trismegistus
to his son Tatius, have no commerce with a single man: Holding belike
that a bachelor could not live honestly as he should, and with Georgius
Wicelius, a great divine and holy man, who of late by twenty-six
arguments commends marriage as a thing most necessary for all kinds of
persons, most laudable and fit to be embraced: and is persuaded withal,
that no man can live and die religiously, and as he ought, without a
wife, persuasus neminem posse neque pie vivere, neque bene mori citra
uxorem, he is false, an enemy to the commonwealth, injurious to
himself, destructive to the world, an apostate to nature, a rebel
against heaven and earth. Let our wilful, obstinate, and stale
bachelors ruminate of this, If we could live without wives, as
Marcellus Numidicus said in [5954] Agellius, we would all want them;
but because we cannot, let all marry, and consult rather to the public
good, than their own private pleasure or estate. It were an happy
thing, as wise [5955]Euripides hath it, if we could buy children with
gold and silver, and be so provided, sine mulierum congressu, without
women's company; but that may not be:
[5956]Orbis jacebit squallido turpis situ,
Vanum sine ullis classibus stabit mare,
Alesque coelo deerit et sylvis fera.
Earth, air, sea, land eftsoon would come to nought,
The world itself should be to ruin brought.
Necessity therefore compels us to marry.
But what do I trouble myself, to find arguments to persuade to, or
commend marriage? behold a brief abstract of all that which I have
said, and much more, succinctly, pithily, pathetically, perspicuously,
and elegantly delivered in twelve motions to mitigate the miseries of
marriage, by [5957] Jacobus de Voragine,
1. Res est? habes quae tucatur et augeat.—2. Non est? habes quae
quaerat.—3. Secundae res sunt? felicitas duplicatur.—4. Adversae sunt?
Consolatur, adsidet, onus participat ut tolerabile fiat.—5. Domi es?
solitudinis taedium pellit.—6. Foras? Discendentem visu prosequitur,
absentem desiderat, redeuntem laeta excipit.—7. Nihil jucundum absque
societate? Nulla societas matrimonio suavior.—8. Vinculum conjugalis
charitatis adamentinum.—9. Accrescit dulcis affinium turba, duplicatur
numerus parentum, fratrum, sororum, nepotum.—10. Pulchra sis prole
parens.—11. Lex Mosis sterilitatem matrimonii execratur, quanto amplius
coelibatum?—12. Si natura poenam non effugit, ne voluntas quidem
effugiet.
1. Hast thou means? thou hast none to keep and increase it.—2. Hast
none? thou hast one to help to get it.—3. Art in prosperity? thine
happiness is doubled.—4. Art in adversity? she'll comfort, assist, bear
a part of thy burden to make it more tolerable.—5. Art at home? she'll
drive away melancholy.—6. Art abroad? she looks after thee going from
home, wishes for thee in thine absence, and joyfully welcomes thy
return.—7. There's nothing delightsome without society, no society so
sweet as matrimony.—8. The band of conjugal love is adamantine.—9. The
sweet company of kinsmen increaseth, the number of parents is doubled,
of brothers, sisters, nephews.—10. Thou art made a father by a fair and
happy issue.—11. Moses curseth the barrenness of matrimony, how much
more a single life?—12. If nature escape not punishment, surely thy
will shall not avoid it.
All this is true, say you, and who knows it not? but how easy a matter
is it to answer these motives, and to make an Antiparodia quite
opposite unto it? To exercise myself I will essay:
1. Hast thou means? thou hast one to spend it.—2. Hast none? thy
beggary is increased.—3. Art in prosperity? thy happiness is ended.—4.
Art in adversity? like Job's wife she'll aggravate thy misery, vex thy
soul, make thy burden intolerable.—5. Art at home? she'll scold thee
out of doors.—6. Art abroad? If thou be wise keep thee so, she'll
perhaps graft horns in thine absence, scowl on thee coming home.—7.
Nothing gives more content than solitariness, no solitariness like this
of a single life,—8. The band of marriage is adamantine, no hope of
losing it, thou art undone.—9. Thy number increaseth, thou shalt be
devoured by thy wife's friends.—10. Thou art made a cornuto by an
unchaste wife, and shalt bring up other folks' children instead of
thine own.—11. Paul commends marriage, yet he prefers a single
life.—12. Is marriage honourable? What an immortal crown belongs to
virginity?
So Siracides himself speaks as much as may be for and against women, so
doth almost every philosopher plead pro and con, every poet thus argues
the case (though what cares vulgus nominum what they say?): so can I
conceive peradventure, and so canst thou: when all is said, yet since
some be good, some bad, let's put it to the venture. I conclude
therefore with Seneca,
———cur Toro viduo jaces?
Tristem juventam solve: mine luxus rape,
Effunde habenas, optimos vitae dies
Effluere prohibe.
Why dost thou lie alone, let thy youth and best days to pass away?
Marry whilst thou mayst, donec viventi canities abest morosa, whilst
thou art yet able, yet lusty, [5958]Elige cui dicas, tu mihi sola
places, make thy choice, and that freely forthwith, make no delay, but
take thy fortune as it falls. 'Tis true,
[5959]—calamitosus est qui inciderit
In malam uxorem, felix qui in bonam,
'Tis a hazard both ways I confess, to live single or to marry,
[5960]Nam et uxorem ducere, et non ducere malum est, it may be bad, it
may be good, as it is a cross and calamity on the one side, so 'tis a
sweet delight, an incomparable happiness, a blessed estate, a most
unspeakable benefit, a sole content, on the other; 'tis all in the
proof. Be not then so wayward, so covetous, so distrustful, so curious
and nice, but let's all marry, mutuos foventes amplexus; Take me to
thee, and thee to me, tomorrow is St. Valentine's day, let's keep it
holiday for Cupid's sake, for that great god Love's sake, for Hymen's
sake, and celebrate [5961]Venus' vigil with our ancestors for company
together, singing as they did,
Crasam et qui nunquam amavit, quique amavit, eras amet,
Ver novum, ver jam canorum, ver natus orbis est,
Vere concordant amores, vere nubunt alites,
Et nemus coma resolvit, &c.———
Cras amet, &c.———
Let those love now who never loved before,
And those who always loved now love the more;
Sweet loves are born with every opening spring;
Birds from the tender boughs their pledges sing, &c.
Let him that is averse from marriage read more in Barbarus de re uxor.
lib. 1. cap. 1. Lemnius de institut. cap. 4. P. Godefridus de Amor.
lib. 3. cap. 1. [5962]Nevisanus, lib. 3. Alex. ab Alexandro, lib. 4.
cap. 8. Tunstall, Erasmus' tracts in laudem matrimonii &c., and I doubt
not but in the end he will rest satisfied, recant with Beroaldus, do
penance for his former folly, singing some penitential ditties, desire
to be reconciled to the deity of this great god Love, go a pilgrimage
to his shrine, offer to his image, sacrifice upon his altar, and be as
willing at last to embrace marriage as the rest: There will not be
found, I hope, [5963]No, not in that severe family of Stoics, who shall
refuse to submit his grave beard, and supercilious looks to the
clipping of a wife, or disagree from his fellows in this point. For
what more willingly (as [5964]Varro holds) can a proper man see than a
fair wife, a sweet wife, a loving wife? can the world afford a better
sight, sweeter content, a fairer object, a more gracious aspect?
Since then this of marriage is the last and best refuge, and cure of
heroical love, all doubts are cleared, and impediments removed; I say
again, what remains, but that according to both their desires, they be
happily joined, since it cannot otherwise be helped? God send us all
good wives, every man his wish in this kind, and me mine!
[5965]And God that all this world hath ywrought
Send him his Love that hath it so deere bought.
If all parties be pleased, ask their banns, 'tis a match. [5966]Fruitur
Rhodanthe sponsa, sponso Dosicle, Rhodanthe and Dosicles shall go
together, Clitiphon and Leucippe, Theagines and Chariclea, Poliarchus
hath his Argenis', Lysander Calista, to make up the mask)
[5967]Polilurque sua puer Iphis Ianthi.
And Troilus in lust and in quiet
Is with Creseid, his own heart sweet.
And although they have hardly passed the pikes, through many
difficulties and delays brought the match about, yet let them take this
of [5968] Aristaenetus (that so marry) for their comfort: [5969]after
many troubles and cares, the marriages of lovers are more sweet and
pleasant. As we commonly conclude a comedy with a [5970]wedding, and
shaking of hands, let's shut up our discourse, and end all with an
[5971]Epithalamium.
Feliciter nuptis, God give them joy together. [5972]Hymen O Hymenae,
Hymen ades O Hymenaee! Bonum factum, 'tis well done, Haud equidem sine
mente reor, sine numine Divum, 'tis a happy conjunction, a fortunate
match, an even couple,
Ambo animis, ambo praestantes viribus, ambo
Florentes annis,———
they both excel in gifts of body and mind, are both equal in years,
youth, vigour, alacrity, she is fair and lovely as Lais or Helen, he as
another Charinus or Alcibiades,
[5973]———ludite ut lubet et brevi
Liberos date.———
Then modestly go sport and toy,
And let's have every year a boy.
[5974]Go give a sweet smell as incense, and bring forth flowers as the
lily: that we may say hereafter, Scitus Mecastor natus est Pamphilo
puer. In the meantime I say,
[5975]Ite, agite, O juvenes, [5976]non murmura vestra columbae,
Brachia, non hederae, neque vincant oscula conchae.
Gentle youths, go sport yourselves betimes,
Let not the doves outpass your murmurings,
Or ivy-clasping arms, or oyster-kissings.
And in the morn betime, as those [5977]Lacedaemonian lasses saluted
Helena and Menelaus, singing at their windows, and wishing good
success, do we at yours:
Salve O sponsa, salve felix, det vobis Latona
Felicem sobolem, Venus dea det aequalem amorem
Inter vos mutuo; Saturnus durabiles divitias,
Dormite in pectora mutuo amorem inspirantes,
Et desiderium!———
Good morrow, master bridegroom, and mistress bride,
Many fair lovely bairns to you betide!
Let Venus to you mutual love procure,
Let Saturn give you riches to endure.
Long may you sleep in one another's arms,
Inspiring sweet desire, and free from harms.
Even all your lives long,
[5978]Contingat vobis turturum concordia,
Corniculae vivacitas———
The love of turtles hap to you,
And ravens' years still to renew.
Let the Muses sing, (as he said;) the Graces dance, not at their
weddings only but all their days long; so couple their hearts, that no
irksomeness or anger ever befall them: let him never call her other
name than my joy, my light, or she call him otherwise than sweetheart.
To this happiness of theirs, let not old age any whit detract, but as
their years, so let their mutual love and comfort increase. And when
they depart this life,
———concordes quoniam vixere tot annos,
Auferat hora duos eadem, nec conjugis usquam
Busta suae videat, nec sit tumulandus ab illa.
Because they have so sweetly liv'd together,
Let not one die a day before the other,
He bury her, she him, with even fate,
One hour their souls let jointly separate.
[5979]Fortunati ambo si quid mea carmina possunt,
Nulla dies unquam memori vos eximet aevo.
Atque haec de amore dixisse sufficiat, sub correctione, [5980]quod ait
ille, cujusque melius sentientis. Plura qui volet de remediis amoris,
legat Jasonem Pratensem, Arnoldum, Montaltum, Savanarolum, Langium,
Valescum, Crimisonum, Alexandrum Benedictum, Laurentium, Valleriolam, e
Poetis Nasonem, e nostratibus Chaucerum, &c., with whom I conclude,
[5981]For my words here and every part,
I speak hem all under correction,
Of you that feeling have in love's art,
And put it all in your discretion,
To intreat or make diminution,
Of my language, that I you beseech:
But now to purpose of my rather speech.
SECT. III. MEMB. I.
SUBSECT. I.—_Jealousy, its Equivocations, Name, Definition, Extent,
several kinds; of Princes, Parents, Friends. In Beasts, Men: before
marriage, as Co-rivals; or after, as in this place_.
Valescus de Taranta cap. de Melanchol. Aelian Montaltus, Felix
Platerus, Guianerius, put jealousy for a cause of melancholy, others
for a symptom; because melancholy persons amongst these passions and
perturbations of the mind, are most obnoxious to it. But methinks for
the latitude it hath, and that prerogative above other ordinary
symptoms, it ought to be treated of as a species apart, being of so
great and eminent note, so furious a passion, and almost of as great
extent as love itself, as [5982]Benedetto Varchi holds, no love without
a mixture of jealousy, qui non zelat, non amat. For these causes I will
dilate, and treat of it by itself, as a bastard-branch or kind of
love-melancholy, which, as heroical love goeth commonly before
marriage, doth usually follow, torture, and crucify in like sort,
deserves therefore to be rectified alike, requires as much care and
industry, in setting out the several causes of it, prognostics and
cures. Which I have more willingly done, that he that is or hath been
jealous, may see his error as in a glass; he that is not, may learn to
detest, avoid it himself, and dispossess others that are anywise
affected with it.
Jealousy is described and defined to be [5983]a certain suspicion which
the lover hath of the party he chiefly loveth, lest he or she should be
enamoured of another: or any eager desire to enjoy some beauty alone,
to have it proper to himself only: a fear or doubt, lest any foreigner
should participate or share with him in his love. Or (as [5984]Scaliger
adds) a fear of losing her favour whom he so earnestly affects. Cardan
calls it a [5985]zeal for love, and a kind of envy lest any man should
beguile us. [5986]Ludovicus Vives defines it in the very same words, or
little differing in sense.
There be many other jealousies, but improperly so called all; as that
of parents, tutors, guardians over their children, friends whom they
love, or such as are left to their wardship or protection.
[5987]Storax non rediit hac nocte a coena Aeschinus,
Neque servulorum quispiam qui adversum ierant?