he prescribes,
[5881]Collige virgo rosas dum flos novus et nova pubes,
Et memor esto aevum sic properare tuum.
Fair maids, go gather roses in the prime,
And think that as a flower so goes on time.
Let's all love, dum vires annique sinunt, while we are in the flower of
years, fit for love matters, and while time serves: for
[5882]Soles occidere et redire possunt,
Nobis cum semel occidit brevis lux,
Nox est perpetuo una dormienda.
[5883]Suns that set may rise again,
But if once we loss this light,
'Tis with us perpetual night.
Volat irrevocabile tempus, time past cannot be recalled. But we need no
such exhortation, we are all commonly too forward: yet if there be any
escape, and all be not as it should, as Diogenes struck the father when
the son swore, because he taught him no better, if a maid or young man
miscarry, I think their parents oftentimes, guardians, overseers,
governors, neque vos (saith [5884]Chrysostom) a supplicio immunes
evadetis, si non statim ad nuptias, &c. are in as much fault, and as
severely to be punished as their children, in providing for them no
sooner.
Now for such as have free liberty to bestow themselves, I could wish
that good counsel of the comical old man were put in practice,
[5885]Opulentiores pauperiorum ut filias
Indotas dicant uxores domum:
Et multo fiet civitas concordior,
Et invidia nos minore utemur, quam utimur.
That rich men would marry poor maidens some,
And that without dowry, and so bring them home,
So would much concord be in our city,
Less envy should we have, much more pity.
If they would care less for wealth, we should have much more content
and quietness in a commonwealth. Beauty, good bringing up, methinks, is
a sufficient portion of itself, [5886]Dos est sua forma puellis, her
beauty is a maiden's dower, and he doth well that will accept of such a
wife. Eubulides, in [5887]Aristaenetus, married a poor man's child,
facie non illaetabili, of a merry countenance, and heavenly visage, in
pity of her estate, and that quickly. Acontius coming to Delos, to
sacrifice to Diana, fell in love with Cydippe, a noble lass, and
wanting means to get her love, flung a golden apple into her lap, with
this inscription upon it,
Juro tibi sane per mystica sacra Dianae,
Me tibi venturum comitem, sponsumque futurum.
I swear by all the rites of Diana,
I'll come and be thy husband if I may.
She considered of it, and upon some small inquiry of his person and
estate, was married unto him.
Blessed is the wooing,
That is not long a doing.
As the saying is; when the parties are sufficiently known to each
other, what needs such scrupulosity, so many circumstances? dost thou
know her conditions, her bringing-up, like her person? let her means be
what they will, take her without any more ado. [5888]Dido and Aeneas
were accidentally driven by a storm both into one cave, they made a
match upon it; Massinissa was married to that fair captive Sophonisba,
King Syphax' wife, the same day that he saw her first, to prevent
Scipio Laelius, lest they should determine otherwise of her. If thou
lovest the party, do as much: good education and beauty is a competent
dowry, stand not upon money. Erant olim aurei homines (saith
Theocritus) et adamantes redamabant, in the golden world men did so,
(in the reign of [5889]Ogyges belike, before staggering Ninus began to
domineer) if all be true that is reported: and some few nowadays will
do as much, here and there one; 'tis well done methinks, and all
happiness befall them for so doing. [5890]Leontius, a philosopher of
Athens, had a fair daughter called Athenais, multo corporis lepore ac
Venere, (saith mine author) of a comely carriage, he gave her no
portion but her bringing up, occulto formae, praesagio, out of some
secret foreknowledge of her fortune, bestowing that little which he had
amongst his other children. But she, thus qualified, was preferred by
some friends to Constantinople, to serve Pulcheria, the emperor's
sister, of whom she was baptised and called Eudocia. Theodosius, the
emperor, in short space took notice of her excellent beauty and good
parts, and a little after, upon his sister's sole commendation, made
her his wife: 'twas nobly done of Theodosius. [5891]Rudophe was the
fairest lady in her days in all Egypt; she went to wash her, and by
chance, (her maids meanwhile looking but carelessly to her clothes) an
eagle stole away one of her shoes, and laid it in Psammeticus the King
of Egypt's lap at Memphis: he wondered at the excellency of the shoe
and pretty foot, but more Aquilae, factum, at the manner of the
bringing of it: and caused forthwith proclamation to be made, that she
that owned that shoe should come presently to his court; the virgin
came, and was forthwith married to the king. I say this was heroically
done, and like a prince: I commend him for it, and all such as have
means, that will either do (as he did) themselves, or so for love, &c.,
marry their children. If he be rich, let him take such a one as wants,
if she be virtuously given; for as Siracides, cap. 7. ver. 19.
adviseth, Forego not a wife and good woman; for her grace is above
gold. If she have fortunes of her own, let her make a man. Danaus of
Lacedaemon had a many daughters to bestow, and means enough for them
all, he never stood inquiring after great matches, as others used to
do, but [5892]sent for a company of brave young gallants to his house,
and bid his daughters choose every one one, whom she liked best, and
take him for her husband, without any more ado. This act of his was
much approved in those times. But in this iron age of ours, we respect
riches alone, (for a maid must buy her husband now with a great dowry,
if she will have him) covetousness and filthy lucre mars all good
matches, or some such by-respects. Crales, a Servian prince (as
Nicephorus Gregoras Rom. hist. lib. 6. relates it,) was an earnest
suitor to Eudocia, the emperor's sister; though her brother much
desired it, yet she could not [5893]abide him, for he had three former
wives, all basely abused; but the emperor still, Cralis amicitiam magni
faciens, because he was a great prince, and a troublesome neighbour,
much desired his affinity, and to that end betrothed his own daughter
Simonida to him, a little girl five years of age (he being forty-five,)
and five [5894]years older than the emperor himself: such
disproportionable and unlikely matches can wealth and a fair fortune
make. And yet not that alone, it is not only money, but sometimes
vainglory, pride, ambition, do as much harm as wretched covetousness
itself in another extreme. If a yeoman have one sole daughter, he must
overmatch her, above her birth and calling, to a gentleman forsooth,
because of her great portion, too good for one of her own rank, as he
supposeth: a gentleman's daughter and heir must be married to a knight
baronet's eldest son at least; and a knight's only daughter to a baron
himself, or an earl, and so upwards, her great dower deserves it. And
thus striving for more honour to their wealth, they undo their
children, many discontents follow, and oftentimes they ruinate their
families. [5895]Paulus Jovius gives instance in Galeatius the Second,
that heroical Duke of Milan, externas affinitates, decoras quidem regio
fastu, sed sibi et posteris damnosas et fere exitiales quaesivit; he
married his eldest son John Galeatius to Isabella the King of France
his sister, but she was socero tam gravis, ut ducentis millibus
aureorum constiterit, her entertainment at Milan was so costly that it
almost undid him. His daughter Violanta was married to Lionel Duke of
Clarence, the youngest son to Edward the Third, King of England, but,
ad ejus adventum tantae opes tam admirabili liberalitate profusae sunt,
ut opulentissimorum regum splendorem superasse videretur, he was
welcomed with such incredible magnificence, that a king's purse was
scarce able to bear it; for besides many rich presents of horses, arms,
plate, money, jewels, &c., he made one dinner for him and his company,
in which were thirty-two messes and as much provision left, ut relatae
a mensa dapes decem millibus hominum sufficerent, as would serve ten
thousand men: but a little after Lionel died, novae nuptae et
intempestivis conviviis operam dans, &c., and to the duke's great loss,
the solemnity was ended. So can titles, honours, ambition, make many
brave, but unfortunate matches of all sides for by-respects, (though
both crazed in body and mind, most unwilling, averse, and often unfit,)
so love is banished, and we feel the smart of it in the end. But I am
too lavish peradventure in this subject.
Another let or hindrance is strict and severe discipline, laws and
rigorous customs, that forbid men to marry at set times, and in some
places; as apprentices, servants, collegiates, states of lives in
copyholds, or in some base inferior offices, [5896]Velle licet in such
cases, potiri non licet, as he said. They see but as prisoners through
a grate, they covet and catch, but Tantalus a labris, &c. Their love is
lost, and vain it is in such an estate to attempt. [5897]Gravissimum
est adamare nec potiri, 'tis a grievous thing to love and not enjoy.
They may, indeed, I deny not, marry if they will, and have free choice,
some of them; but in the meantime their case is desperate, Lupum
auribus tenent, they hold a wolf by the ears, they must either burn or
starve. 'Tis cornutum sophisma, hard to resolve, if they marry they
forfeit their estates, they are undone, and starve themselves through
beggary and want: if they do not marry, in this heroical passion they
furiously rage, are tormented, and torn in pieces by their predominate
affections. Every man hath not the gift of continence, let him
[5898]pray for it then, as Beza adviseth in his Tract de Divortiis,
because God hath so called him to a single life, in taking away the
means of marriage. [5899]Paul would have gone from Mysia to Bithynia,
but the spirit suffered him not, and thou wouldst peradventure be a
married man with all thy will, but that protecting angel holds it not
fit. The devil too sometimes may divert by his ill suggestions, and mar
many good matches, as the same [5900]Paul was willing to see the
Romans, but hindered of Satan he could not. There be those that think
they are necessitated by fate, their stars have so decreed, and
therefore they grumble at their hard fortune, they are well inclined to
marry, but one rub or other is ever in the way; I know what astrologers
say in this behalf, what Ptolemy quadripartit. Tract. 4. cap. 4. Skoner
lib. 1. cap. 12. what Leovitius genitur. exempl. 1. which Sextus ab
Heminga takes to be the horoscope of Hieronymus Wolfius, what Pezelius,
Origanaus and Leovitius his illustrator Garceus, cap. 12. what
Junctine, Protanus, Campanella, what the rest, (to omit those Arabian
conjectures a parte conjugii, a parte lasciviae, triplicitates veneris,
&c., and those resolutions upon a question, an amica potiatur, &c.)
determine in this behalf, viz. an sit natus conjugem habiturus, facile
an difficulter sit sponsam impetraturus, quot conjuges, quo tempore,
quales decernantur nato uxores, de mutuo amore conjugem, both in men's
and women's genitures, by the examination of the seventh house the
almutens, lords and planets there, a ☉d et ☾a &c., by particular
aphorisms, Si dominus 7mae in 7ma vel secunda nobilem decernit uxorem,
servam aut ignobilem si duodecima. Si Venus in 12ma, &c., with many
such, too tedious to relate. Yet let no man be troubled, or find
himself grieved with such predictions, as Hier. Wolfius well saith in
his astrological [5901]dialogue, non sunt praetoriana decreta, they be
but conjectures, the stars incline, but not enforce,
[5902]Sidera corporibus praesunt caelestia nostris,
Sunt ea de vili condita namque luto:
Cogere sed nequeunt animum ratione fruentem,
Quippe sub imperio solius ipse dei est.
wisdom, diligence, discretion, may mitigate if not quite alter such
decrees, Fortuna sua a cujusque fingitur moribus, [5903]Qui cauti,
prudentes, voti compotes, &c., let no man then be terrified or molested
with such astrological aphorisms, or be much moved, either to vain hope
or fear, from such predictions, but let every man follow his own free
will in this case, and do as he sees cause. Better it is indeed to
marry than burn, for their soul's health, but for their present
fortunes, by some other means to pacify themselves, and divert the
stream of this fiery torrent, to continue as they are, [5904]rest
satisfied, lugentes virginitatis florem sic aruisse, deploring their
misery with that eunuch in Libanius, since there is no help or remedy,
and with Jephtha's daughter to bewail their virginities.
Of like nature is superstition, those rash vows of monks and friars,
and such as live in religious orders, but far more tyrannical and much
worse. Nature, youth, and his furious passion forcibly inclines, and
rageth on the one side; but their order and vow checks them on the
other. [5905]Votoque suo sua forma repugnat. What merits and
indulgences they heap unto themselves by it, what commodities, I know
not; but I am sure, from such rash vows, and inhuman manner of life,
proceed many inconveniences, many diseases, many vices, mastupration,
satyriasis, [5906]priapismus, melancholy, madness, fornication,
adultery, buggery, sodomy, theft, murder, and all manner of mischiefs:
read but Bale's Catalogue of Sodomites, at the visitation of abbeys
here in England, Henry Stephan. his Apol. for Herodotus, that which
Ulricus writes in one of his epistles, [5907]that Pope Gregory when he
saw 600 skulls and bones of infants taken out of a fishpond near a
nunnery, thereupon retracted that decree of priests' marriages, which
was the cause of such a slaughter, was much grieved at it, and purged
himself by repentance. Read many such, and then ask what is to be done,
is this vow to be broke or not? No, saith Bellarmine, cap. 38. lib. de
Monach. melius est scortari et uri quam de voto coelibatus ad nuptias
transire, better burn or fly out, than to break thy vow. And Coster in
his Enchirid. de coelibat. sacerdotum, saith it is absolutely gravius
peccatum, [5908]a greater sin for a priest to marry, than to keep a
concubine at home. Gregory de Valence, cap. 6. de coelibat. maintains
the same, as those of Essei and Montanists of old. Insomuch that many
votaries, out of a false persuasion of merit and holiness in this kind,
will sooner die than marry, though it be to the saving of their lives.
[5909]Anno 1419. Pius 2, Pope, James Rossa, nephew to the King of
Portugal, and then elect Archbishop of Lisbon, being very sick at
Florence, [5910]when his physicians told him, that his disease was
such, he must either lie with a wench, marry, or die, cheerfully chose
to die. Now they commended him for it; but St. Paul teacheth otherwise,
Better marry than burn, and as St. Hierome gravely delivers it, Aliae,
sunt leges Caesarum, aliae Christi, aliud Papinianus, aliud Paulus
noster praecipit, there's a difference betwixt God's ordinances and
men's laws: and therefore Cyprian Epist. 8. boldly denounceth, impium
est, adulterum est, sacrilegum est, quodcunque humano furore statuitur,
ut dispositio divina violetur, it is abominable, impious, adulterous,
and sacrilegious, what men make and ordain after their own furies to
cross God's laws. [5911]Georgius Wicelius, one of their own arch
divines (Inspect. eccles. pag. 18) exclaims against it, and all such
rash monastical vows, and would have such persons seriously to consider
what they do, whom they admit, ne in posterum querantur de inanibus
stupris, lest they repent it at last. For either, as he follows it,
[5912]you must allow them concubines, or suffer them to marry, for
scarce shall you find three priests of three thousand, qui per aetatem
non ament, that are not troubled with burning lust. Wherefore I
conclude it is an unnatural and impious thing to bar men of this
Christian liberty, too severe and inhuman an edict.
[5913]The silly wren, the titmouse also,
The little redbreast have their election,
They fly I saw and together gone,
Whereas hem list, about environ
As they of kinde have inclination,
And as nature impress and guide,
Of everything list to provide.
But man alone, alas the hard stond,
Full cruelly by kinds ordinance
Constrained is, and by statutes bound,
And debarred from all such pleasance:
What meaneth this, what is this pretence
Of laws, I wis, against all right of kinde
Without a cause, so narrow men to binde?
Many laymen repine still at priests' marriages above the rest, and not
at clergymen only, but of all the meaner sort and condition, they would
have none marry but such as are rich and able to maintain wives,
because their parish belike shall be pestered with orphans, and the
world full of beggars: but [5914]these are hard-hearted, unnatural,
monsters of men, shallow politicians, they do not [5915]consider that a
great part of the world is not yet inhabited as it ought, how many
colonies into America, Terra Australis incognita, Africa, may be sent?
Let them consult with Sir William Alexander's Book of Colonies, Orpheus
Junior's Golden Fleece, Captain Whitburne, Mr. Hagthorpe, &c. and they
shall surely be otherwise informed. Those politic Romans were of
another mind, they thought their city and country could never be too
populous. [5916]Adrian the emperor said he had rather have men than
money, malle se hominum adjectione ampliare imperium, quam pecunia.
Augustus Caesar made an oration in Rome ad caelibus, to persuade them
to marry; some countries compelled them to marry of old, as [5917]Jews,
Turks, Indians, Chinese, amongst the rest in these days, who much
wonder at our discipline to suffer so many idle persons to live in
monasteries, and often marvel how they can live honest. [5918]In the
isle of Maragnan, the governor and petty king there did wonder at the
Frenchmen, and admire how so many friars, and the rest of their company
could live without wives, they thought it a thing impossible, and would
not believe it. If these men should but survey our multitudes of
religious houses, observe our numbers of monasteries all over Europe,
18 nunneries in Padua, in Venice 34 cloisters of monks, 28 of nuns, &c.
ex ungue leonem, 'tis to this proportion, in all other provinces and
cities, what would they think, do they live honest? Let them dissemble
as they will, I am of Tertullian's mind, that few can continue but by
compulsion. [5919]O chastity (saith he) thou art a rare goddess in the
world, not so easily got, seldom continuate: thou mayst now and then be
compelled, either for defect of nature, or if discipline persuade,
decrees enforce: or for some such by-respects, sullenness, discontent,
they have lost their first loves, may not have whom they will
themselves, want of means, rash vows, &c. But can he willingly contain?
I think not. Therefore, either out of commiseration of human
imbecility, in policy, or to prevent a far worse inconvenience, for
they hold some of them as necessary as meat and drink, and because
vigour of youth, the state and temper of most men's bodies do so
furiously desire it, they have heretofore in some nations liberally
admitted polygamy and stews, a hundred thousand courtesans in Grand
Cairo in Egypt, as [5920]Radzivilus observes, are tolerated, besides
boys: how many at Fez, Rome, Naples, Florence, Venice, &c., and still
in many other provinces and cities of Europe they do as much, because
they think young men, churchmen, and servants amongst the rest, can
hardly live honest. The consideration of this belike made Vibius, the
Spaniard, when his friend [5921]Crassus, that rich Roman gallant, lay
hid in the cave, ut voluptatis quam aetas illa desiderat copiam
faceret, to gratify him the more, send two [5922]lusty lasses to
accompany him all that while he was there imprisoned, And Surenus, the
Parthian general, when he warred against the Romans, to carry about
with him 200 concubines, as the Swiss soldiers do now commonly their
wives. But, because this course is not generally approved, but rather
contradicted as unlawful and abhorred, [5923]in most countries they do
much encourage them to marriage, give great rewards to such as have
many children, and mulct those that will not marry, Jus trium
liberorum, and in Agellius, lib. 2. cap. 15. Elian. lib. 6. cap. 5.
Valerius, lib. 1. cap. 9. [5924]We read that three children freed the
father from painful offices, and five from all contribution. A woman
shall be saved by bearing children. Epictetus would have all marry, and
as [5925]Plato will, 6 de legibus, he that marrieth not before 35 years
of his age, must be compelled and punished, and the money consecrated
to [5926]Juno's temple, or applied to public uses. They account him, in
some countries, unfortunate that dies without a wife, a most unhappy
man, as [5927]Boethius infers, and if at all happy, yet infortunio
felix, unhappy in his supposed happiness. They commonly deplore his
estate, and much lament him for it: O, my sweet son, &c. See Lucian, de
Luctu, Sands fol. 83, &c.
Yet, notwithstanding, many with us are of the opposite part, they are
married themselves, and for others, let them burn, fire and flame, they
care not, so they be not troubled with them. Some are too curious, and
some too covetous, they may marry when they will both for ability and
means, but so nice, that except as Theophilus the emperor was
presented, by his mother Euprosune, with all the rarest beauties of the
empire in the great chamber of his palace at once, and bid to give a
golden apple to her he liked best. If they might so take and choose
whom they list out of all the fair maids their nation affords, they
could happily condescend to marry: otherwise, &c., why should a man
marry, saith another epicurean rout, what's matrimony but a matter of
money? why should free nature be entrenched on, confined or obliged, to
this or that man or woman, with these manacles of body and goods? &c.
There are those too that dearly love, admire and follow women all their
lives long, sponsi Penelopes, never well but in their company, wistly
gazing on their beauties, observing close, hanging after them, dallying
still with them, and yet dare not, will not marry. Many poor people,
and of the meaner sort, are too distrustful of God's providence, they
will not, dare not for such worldly respects, fear of want, woes,
miseries, or that they shall light, as [5928]Lemnius saith, on a scold,
a slut, or a bad wife. And therefore, [5929]Tristem Juventam venere
deserta colunt, they are resolved to live single, as [5930]Epaminondas
did, [5931]Nil ait esse prius, melius nil coelibe vita, and ready with
Hippolitus to abjure all women, [5932]Detestor omnes, horreo, fugio,
execror, &c. But,
Hippolite nescis quod fugis vitae bonum,
Hippolite nescis———