[5145]Trogus had to the full described and set out King Ptolemy's riot
as a chief engine and instrument of his overthrow, he adds, tympanum et
tripudium, fiddling and dancing: the king was not a spectator only, but
a principal actor himself. A thing nevertheless frequently used, and
part of a gentlewoman's bringing up, to sing, dance, and play on the
lute, or some such instrument, before she can say her paternoster, or
ten commandments. 'Tis the next way their parents think to get them
husbands, they are compelled to learn, and by that means,
[5146]Incoestos amores de tenero meditantur ungue; 'tis a great
allurement as it is often used, and many are undone by it. Thais, in
Lucian, inveigled Lamprias in a dance, Herodias so far pleased Herod,
that she made him swear to give her what she would ask, John Baptist's
head in a platter. [5147]Robert, Duke of Normandy, riding by Falais,
spied Arlette, a fair maid, as she danced on a green, and was so much
enamoured with the object, that [5148]she must needs lie with her that
night. Owen Tudor won Queen Catherine's affection in. a dance, falling
by chance with his head in her lap. Who cannot parallel these stories
out of his experience? Speusippas a noble gallant in [5149]that Greek
Aristenaetus, seeing Panareta a fair young gentlewoman dancing by
accident, was so far in love with her, that for a long time after he
could think of nothing but Panareta: he came raving home full of
Panareta: Who would not admire her, who would not love her, that should
but see her dance as I did? O admirable, O divine Panareta! I have seen
old and new Rome, many fair cities, many proper women, but never any
like to Panareta, they are dross, dowdies all to Panareta! O how she
danced, how she tripped, how she turned, with what a grace! happy is
that man that shall enjoy her. O most incomparable, only, Panareta!
When Xenophon, in Symposio, or Banquet, had discoursed of love, and
used all the engines that might be devised, to move Socrates, amongst
the rest, to stir him the more, he shuts up all with a pleasant
interlude or dance of Dionysius and Ariadne. [5150]First Ariadne
dressed like a bride came in and took her place; by and by Dionysius
entered, dancing to the music. The spectators did all admire the young
man's carriage; and Ariadne herself was so much affected with the
sight, that she could scarce sit. After a while Dionysius beholding
Ariadne, and incensed with love, bowing to her knees, embraced her
first, and kissed her with a grace; she embraced him again, and kissed
him with like affection, &c., as the dance required; but they that
stood by, and saw this, did much applaud and commend them both for it.
And when Dionysius rose up, he raised her up with him, and many pretty
gestures, embraces, kisses, and love compliments passed between them:
which when they saw fair Bacchus and beautiful Ariadne so sweetly and
so unfeignedly kissing each other, so really embracing, they swore they
loved indeed, and were so inflamed with the object, that they began to
rouse up themselves, as if they would have flown. At the last when they
saw them still, so willingly embracing, and now ready to go to the
bride-chamber, they were so ravished, with it, that they that were
unmarried, swore they would forthwith marry, and those that were
married called instantly for their horses, and galloped home to their
wives. What greater motive can there be than this burning lust? what so
violent an oppugner? Not without good cause therefore so many general
councils condemn it, so many fathers abhor it, so many grave men speak
against it; Use not the company of a woman, saith Siracides, 8. 4. that
is a singer, or a dancer; neither hear, lest thou be taken in her
craftiness. In circo non tam cernitur quam discitur libido.
[5151]Haedus holds, lust in theatres is not seen, but learned. Gregory
Nazianzen that eloquent divine, ([5152]as he relates the story
himself,) when a noble friend of his solemnly invited him with other
bishops, to his daughter Olympia's wedding, refused to come: [5153]For
it is absurd to see an old gouty bishop sit amongst dancers; he held it
unfit to be a spectator, much less an actor. Nemo saltat sobrius, Tully
writes, he is not a sober man that danceth; for some such reason
(belike) Domitian forbade the Roman senators to dance, and for that
fact removed many of them from the senate. But these, you will say, are
lascivious and Pagan dances, 'tis the abuse that causeth such
inconvenience, and I do not well therefore to condemn, speak against,
or innocently to accuse the best and pleasantest thing (so [5154]Lucian
calls it) that belongs to mortal men. You misinterpret, I condemn it
not; I hold it notwithstanding an honest disport, a lawful recreation,
if it be opportune, moderately and soberly used: I am of Plutarch's
mind, [5155]that which respects pleasure alone, honest recreation, or
bodily exercise, ought not to be rejected and contemned: I subscribe to
[5156]Lucian, 'tis an elegant thing, which cheereth up the mind,
exerciseth the body, delights the spectators, which teacheth many
comely gestures, equally affecting the ears, eyes, and soul itself.
Sallust discommends singing and dancing in Sempronia, not that she did
sing or dance, but that she did it in excess, 'tis the abuse of it; and
Gregory's refusal doth not simply condemn it, but in some folks. Many
will not allow men and women to dance together, because it is a
provocation to lust: they may as well, with Lycurgus and Mahomet, cut
down all vines, forbid the drinking of wine, for that it makes some men
drunk.
[5157]Nihil prodest quod non laedere posset idem;
Igne quid utilius?———
I say of this as of all other honest recreations, they are like fire,
good and bad, and I see no such inconvenience, but that they may so
dance, if it be done at due times, and by fit persons: and conclude
with Wolfungus [5158]Hider, and most of our modern divines: Si decorae,
graves, verecundae, plena luce bonorum virorum et matronarum
honestarum, tempestive fiant, probari possunt, et debent. There is a
time to mourn, a time to dance, Eccles. iii. 4. Let them take their
pleasures then, and as [5159] he said of old, young men and maids
flourishing in their age, fair and lovely to behold, well attired, and
of comely carriage, dancing a Greek galliard, and as their dance
required, kept their time, now turning, now tracing, now apart now
altogether, now a courtesy then a caper, &c., and it was a pleasant
sight to see those pretty knots, and swimming figures. The sun and moon
(some say) dance about the earth, the three upper planets about the sun
as their centre, now stationary, now direct, now retrograde, now in
apogee, then in perigee, now swift then slow, occidental, oriental,
they turn round, jump and trace, ♂ and ☿ about the sun with those
thirty-three Maculae or Bourbonian planet, circa Solem saltantes
Cytharedum, saith Fromundus. Four Medicean stars dance about Jupiter,
two Austrian about Saturn, &c., and all (belike) to the music of the
spheres. Our greatest counsellors, and staid senators, at some times
dance, as David before the ark, 2 Sam. vi. 14. Miriam, Exod. xv. 20.
Judith, xv. 13. (though the devil hence perhaps hath brought in those
bawdy bacchanals), and well may they do it. The greatest soldiers, as
[5160] Quintilianus, [5161]Aemilius Probus, [5162]Coelius Rhodiginus,
have proved at large, still use it in Greece, Rome, and the most worthy
senators, cantare, saltare. Lucian, Macrobius, Libanus, Plutarch,
Julius, Pollux, Athenaeus, have written just tracts in commendation of
it. In this our age it is in much request in those countries, as in all
civil commonwealths, as Alexander ab Alexandro, lib. 4. cap. 10. et
lib. 2. cap. 25. hath proved at large, [5163]amongst the barbarians
themselves none so precious; all the world allows it.
[5164]Divitias contemno tuas, rex Craese, tuamque
Vendo Asiam, unguentis, flore, mero, choreis.
[5165]Plato, in his Commonwealth, will have dancing-schools to be
maintained, that young folks might meet, be acquainted, see one
another, and be seen; nay more, he would have them dance naked; and
scoffs at them that laugh at it. But Eusebius praepar. Evangel. lib. 1.
cap. 11. and Theodoret lib. 9. curat. graec. affect. worthily lash him
for it; and well they might: for as one saith, [5166]the very sight of
naked parts causeth enormous, exceeding concupiscences, and stirs up
both men and women to burning lust. There is a mean in all things: this
is my censure in brief; dancing is a pleasant recreation of body and
mind, if sober and modest (such as our Christian dances are); if
tempestively used, a furious motive to burning lust; if as by Pagans
heretofore, unchastely abused. But I proceed.
If these allurements do not take place, for [5167]Simierus, that great
master of dalliance, shall not behave himself better, the more
effectually to move others, and satisfy their lust, they will swear and
lie, promise, protest, forge, counterfeit, brag, bribe, flatter and
dissemble of all sides. 'Twas Lucretia's counsel in Aretine, Si vis
amica frui, promitte, finge, jura, perjura, jacta, simula, mentire; and
they put it well in practice, as Apollo to Daphne,
[5168]———mihi Delphica tellus
Et Claros et Tenedos, patareaque regia servit,
Jupiter est genitor———
Delphos, Claros, and Tenedos serve me,
And Jupiter is known my sire to be.
[5169]The poorest swains will do as much, [5170]Mille pecus nivei sunt
et mihi vallibus agni; I have a thousand sheep, good store of cattle,
and they are all at her command,
[5171]———Tibi nos, tibi nostra supellex,
Ruraque servierint———
house, land, goods, are at her service, as he is himself. Dinomachus, a
senator's son in [5172]Lucian, in love with a wench inferior to him in
birth and fortunes, the sooner to accomplish his desire, wept unto her,
and swore he loved her with all his heart, and her alone, and that as
soon as ever his father died (a very rich man and almost decrepit) he
would make her his wife. The maid by chance made her mother acquainted
with the business, who being an old fox, well experienced in such
matters, told her daughter, now ready to yield to his desire, that he
meant nothing less, for dost thou think he will ever care for thee,
being a poor wench, [5173]that may have his choice of all the beauties
in the city, one noble by birth, with so many talents, as young, better
qualified, and fairer than thyself? daughter believe him not: the maid
was abashed, and so the matter broke off. When Jupiter wooed Juno first
(Lilius Giraldus relates it out of an old comment on Theocritus) the
better to effect his suit, he turned himself into a cuckoo, and spying
her one day walking alone, separated from the other goddesses, caused a
tempest suddenly to arise, for fear of which she fled to shelter;
Jupiter to avoid the storm likewise flew into her lap, in virginis
Junonis gremium devolavit, whom Juno for pity covered in her
[5174]apron. But he turned himself forthwith into his own shape, began
to embrace and offer violence unto her, sed illa matris metu abnuebat,
but she by no means would yield, donec pollicitus connubium obtinuit,
till he vowed and swore to marry her, and then she gave consent. This
fact was done at Thornax hill, which ever after was called Cuckoo hill,
and in perpetual remembrance there was a temple erected to Telia Juno
in the same place. So powerful are fair promises, vows, oaths and
protestations. It is an ordinary thing too in this case to belie their
age, which widows usually do, that mean to marry again, and bachelors
too sometimes,
[5175]Cujus octavum trepidavit aetas,
cernere lustrum;
to say they are younger than they are. Carmides in the said Lucian
loved Philematium, an old maid of forty-five years; [5176]she swore to
him she was but thirty-two next December. But to dissemble in this
kind, is familiar of all sides, and often it takes. [5177]Fallere
credentem res est operosa puellam, 'tis soon done, no such great
mastery, Egregiam vero laudem, et spolia ampla,—and nothing so frequent
as to belie their estates, to prefer their suits, and to advance
themselves. Many men to fetch over a young woman, widows, or whom they
love, will not stick to crack, forge and feign any thing comes next,
bid his boy fetch his cloak, rapier, gloves, jewels, &c. in such a
chest, scarlet-golden-tissue breeches, &c. when there is no such
matter; or make any scruple to give out, as he did in Petronius, that
he was master of a ship, kept so many servants, and to personate their
part the better take upon them to be gentlemen of good houses, well
descended and allied, hire apparel at brokers, some scavenger or
prick-louse tailors to attend upon them for the time, swear they have
great possessions, [5178]bribe, lie, cog, and foist how dearly they
love, how bravely they will maintain her, like any lady, countess,
duchess, or queen; they shall have gowns, tiers, jewels, coaches, and
caroches, choice diet,
The heads of parrots, tongues of nightingales,
The brains of peacocks, and of ostriches,
Their bath shall be the juice of gilliflowers,
Spirit of roses and of violets,
The milk of unicorns, &c.
as old Volpone courted Celia in the [5179]comedy, when as they are no
such men, not worth a groat, but mere sharkers, to make a fortune, to
get their desire, or else pretend love to spend their idle hours, to be
more welcome, and for better entertainment. The conclusion is, they
mean nothing less,
[5180]Nil metuunt jurare, nihil promittere curant:
Sed simul accupidae mentis satiata libido est,
Dicta nihil metuere, nihil perjuria curant;
Oaths, vows, promises, are much protested;
But when their mind and lust is satisfied,
Oaths, vows, promises, are quite neglected;
though he solemnly swear by the genius of Caesar, by Venus' shrine,
Hymen's deity, by Jupiter, and all the other gods, give no credit to
his words. For when lovers swear, Venus laughs, Venus haec perjuria
ridet, [5181]Jupiter himself smiles, and pardons it withal, as grave
[5182]Plato gives out; of all perjury, that alone for love matters is
forgiven by the gods. If promises, lies, oaths, and protestations will
not avail, they fall to bribes, tokens, gifts, and such like feats.
[5183]Plurimus auro conciliatur amor: as Jupiter corrupted Danae with a
golden shower, and Liber Ariadne with a lovely crown, (which was
afterwards translated into the heavens, and there for ever shines;)
they will rain chickens, florins, crowns, angels, all manner of coins
and stamps in her lap. And so must he certainly do that will speed,
make many feasts, banquets, invitations, send her some present or other
every foot. Summo studio parentur epulae (saith [5184]Haedus) et
crebrae fiant largitiones, he must be very bountiful and liberal, seek
and sue, not to her only, but to all her followers, friends, familiars,
fiddlers, panders, parasites, and household servants; he must insinuate
himself, and surely will, to all, of all sorts, messengers, porters,
carriers; no man must be unrewarded, or unrespected. I had a suitor
(saith [5185]Aretine's Lucretia) that when he came to my house, flung
gold and silver about, as if it had been chaff. Another suitor I had
was a very choleric fellow; but I so handled him, that for all his
fuming, I brought him upon his knees. If there had been an excellent
bit in the market, any novelty, fish, fruit, or fowl, muscatel, or
malmsey, or a cup of neat wine in all the city, it was presented
presently to me; though never so dear, hard to come by, yet I had it:
the poor fellow was so fond at last, that I think if I would I might
have had one of his eyes out of his head. A third suitor was a merchant
of Rome, and his manner of wooing was with [5186]exquisite music,
costly banquets, poems, &c. I held him off till at length he protested,
promised, and swore pro virginitate regno me donaturum, I should have
all he had, house, goods, and lauds, pro concubitu solo; [5187]neither
was there ever any conjuror, I think, to charm his spirits that used
such attention, or mighty words, as he did exquisite phrases, or
general of any army so many stratagems to win a city, as he did tricks
and devices to get the love of me. Thus men are active and passive, and
women not far behind them in this kind: Audax ad omnia foemina, quae
vel amat, vel odit.
[5188]For half so boldly there can non
Swear and lye as women can.
[5189]They will crack, counterfeit, and collogue as well as the best,
with handkerchiefs, and wrought nightcaps, purses, posies, and such
toys: as he justly complained,
[5190]Cur mittis violas? nempe ut violentius uret;
Quid violas violis me violenta tuis? &c.
Why dost thou send me violets, my dear?
To make me burn more violent, I fear,
With violets too violent thou art,
To violate and wound my gentle heart.
When nothing else will serve, the last refuge is their tears. Haec
scripsi (testor amorem) mixta lachrymis et suspiriis, 'twixt tears and
sighs, I write this (I take love to witness), saith [5191]Chelidonia to
Philonius. Lumina quae modo fulmina, jam flumina lachrymarum, those
burning torches are now turned to floods of tears. Aretine's Lucretia,
when her sweetheart came to town, [5192]wept in his bosom, that he
might be persuaded those tears were shed for joy of his return.
Quartilla in Petronius, when nought would move, fell a weeping, and as
Balthazar Castilio paints them out, [5193]To these crocodile's tears
they will add sobs, fiery sighs, and sorrowful countenance, pale
colour, leanness, and if you do but stir abroad, these fiends are ready
to meet you at every turn, with such a sluttish neglected habit,
dejected look, as if they were now ready to die for your sake; and how,
saith he, shall a young novice thus beset, escape? But believe them
not.
[5194]———animam ne crede puellis,
Namque est foeminea tutior unda fide.
Thou thinkest, peradventure, because of her vows, tears, smiles, and
protestations, she is solely thine, thou hast her heart, hand, and
affection, when as indeed there is no such matter, as the [5195]Spanish
bawd said, gaudet illa habere unum in lecto, alterum in porta, tertium
qui domi suspiret, she will have one sweetheart in bed, another in the
gate, a third sighing at home, a fourth, &c. Every young man she sees
and likes hath as much interest, and shall as soon enjoy her as
thyself. On the other side, which I have said, men are as false, let
them swear, protest, and lie; [5196]Quod vobis dicunt, dixerunt mille
puellis. They love some of them those eleven thousand virgins at once,
and make them believe, each particular, he is besotted on her, or love
one till they see another, and then her alone; like Milo's wife in
Apuleius, lib. 2. Si quem conspexerit speciosae formae invenem,
venustate ejus sumitur, et in eum animum intorquet. 'Tis their common
compliment in that case, they care not what they swear, say or do: One
while they slight them, care not for them, rail downright and scoff at
them, and then again they will run mad, hang themselves, stab and kill,
if they may not enjoy them. Henceforth, therefore,—nulla viro juranti
foemina credat, let not maids believe them. These tricks and
counterfeit passions are more familiar with women, [5197]finem hic
dolori faciet aut vitae dies, miserere amantis, quoth Phaedra to
Hippolitus. Joessa, in [5198]Lucian, told Pythias, a young man, to move
him the more, that if he would not have her, she was resolved to make
away herself. There is a Nemesis, and it cannot choose but grieve and
trouble thee, to hear that I have either strangled or drowned myself
for thy sake. Nothing so common to this sex as oaths, vows, and
protestations, and as I have already said, tears, which they have at
command; for they can so weep, that one would think their very hearts
were dissolved within them, and would come out in tears; their eyes are
like rocks, which still drop water, diariae lachrymae et sudoris in
modum lurgeri promptae, saith [5199] Aristaenetus, they wipe away their
tears like sweat, weep with one eye, laugh with the other; or as
children [5200]weep and cry, they can both together.
[5201]Neve puellarum lachrymis moveare memento,
Ut flerent oculos erudiere suos.
Care not for women's tears, I counsel thee,
They teach their eyes as much to weep as see.
And as much pity is to be taken of a woman weeping, as of a goose going
barefoot. When Venus lost her son Cupid, she sent a crier about, to bid
every one that met him take heed.
[5202]Si fleatam aspicias, ne mox fallare, caveto;
Sin arridebit, magis effuge; et oscula si fors
Ferre volet, fugito; sunt oscula noxia, in ipsis
Suntque venena labris &c.
Take heed of Cupid's tears, if cautious.
And of his smiles and kisses I thee tell,
If that he offer't, for they be noxious,
And very poison in his lips doth dwell.
[5203]A thousand years, as Castilio conceives, will scarce serve to
reckon up those allurements and guiles, that men and women use to
deceive one another with.
SUBSECT. V.—_Bawds, Philters, Causes_.
When all other engines fail, that they can proceed no farther of
themselves, their last refuge is to fly to bawds, panders, magical
philters, and receipts; rather than fail, to the devil himself.
Flectere si nequeunt superos, Acheronta movebunt. And by those indirect
means many a man is overcome, and precipitated into this malady, if he
take not good heed. For these bawds, first, they are everywhere so
common, and so many, that, as he said of old [5204]Croton, omnes hic
aut captantur, aut captant, either inveigle or be inveigled, we may say
of most of our cities, there be so many professed, cunning bawds in
them. Besides, bawdry is become an art, or a liberal science, as Lucian
calls it; and there be such tricks and subtleties, so many nurses, old
women, panders, letter carriers, beggars, physicians, friars,
confessors, employed about it, that nullus tradere stilus sufficiat,
one saith,
[5205]———trecentis versibus
Suas impuritias traloqui nemo potest.
Such occult notes, stenography, polygraphy, Nuntius animatus, or
magnetical telling of their minds, which [5206]Cabeus the Jesuit, by
the way, counts fabulous and false; cunning conveyances in this kind,
that neither Juno's jealousy, nor Danae's custody, nor Argo's vigilancy
can keep them safe. 'Tis the last and common refuge to use an
assistant, such as that Catanean Philippa was to Joan Queen of Naples,
a [5207]bawd's help, an old woman in the business, as [5208]Myrrha did
when she doted on Cyniras, and could not compass her desire, the old
jade her nurse was ready at a pinch, dic inquit, opemque me sine ferre
tibi—et in hac mea (pone timorem) Sedulitas erit apta libi, fear it
not, if it be possible to be done, I will effect it: non est mulieri
mulier insuperabilis, [5209]Caelestina said, let him or her be never so
honest, watched and reserved, 'tis hard but one of these old women will
get access: and scarce shall you find, as [5210]Austin observes, in a
nunnery a maid alone, if she cannot have egress, before her window you
shall have an old woman, or some prating gossip, tell her some tales of
this clerk, and that monk, describing or commending some young
gentleman or other unto her. As I was walking in the street (saith a
good fellow in Petronius) to see the town served one evening, [5211]I
spied an old woman in a corner selling of cabbages and roots (as our
hucksters do plums, apples, and such like fruits); mother (quoth he)
can you tell where I can dwell? she, being well pleased with my foolish
urbanity, replied, and why, sir, should I not tell? With that she rose
up and went before me. I took her for a wise woman, and by-and-by she
led me into a by-lane, and told me there I should dwell. I replied
again, I knew not the house; but I perceived, on a sudden, by the naked
queans, that I was now come into a bawdy-house, and then too late I
began to curse the treachery of this old jade. Such tricks you shall
have in many places, and amongst the rest it is ordinary in Venice, and
in the island of Zante, for a man to be bawd to his own wife. No sooner
shall you land or come on shore, but, as the Comical Poet hath it,
[5212]Morem hunc meretrices habent,
Ad portum mittunt servulos, ancillulas,
Si qua peregrina navis in portum aderit,
Rogant cujatis sit, quod ei nomen siet,
Post illae extemplo sese adplicent.
These white devils have their panders, bawds, and factors in every
place to seek about, and bring in customers, to tempt and waylay
novices, and silly travellers. And when they have them once within
their clutches, as Aegidius Mascrius in his comment upon Valerius
Flaccus describes them, [5213]with promises and pleasant discourse,
with gifts, tokens, and taking their opportunities, they lay nets which
Lucretia cannot avoid, and baits that Hippolitus himself would swallow;
they make such strong assaults and batteries, that the goddess of
virginity cannot withstand them: give gifts and bribes to move
Penelope, and with threats able to terrify Susanna. How many
Proserpinas, with those catchpoles, doth Pluto take? These are the
sleepy rods with which their souls touched descend to hell; this the
glue or lime with which the wings of the mind once taken cannot fly
away; the devil's ministers to allure, entice, &c. Many young men and
maids, without all question, are inveigled by these Eumenides and their
associates. But these are trivial and well known. The most sly,
dangerous, and cunning bawds, are your knavish physicians, empirics,
mass-priests, monks, [5214] Jesuits, and friars. Though it be against
Hippocrates' oath, some of them will give a dram, promise to restore
maidenheads, and do it without danger, make an abortion if need be,
keep down their paps, hinder conception, procure lust, make them able
with Satyrions, and now and then step in themselves. No monastery so
close, house so private, or prison so well kept, but these honest men
are admitted to censure and ask questions, to feel their pulse beat at
their bedside, and all under pretence of giving physic. Now as for
monks, confessors, and friars, as he said,
[5215]Non audet Stygius Pluto tentare quod audet
Effrenis monachus, plenaque fraudis anus;
That Stygian Pluto dares not tempt or do,
What an old hag or monk will undergo;
either for himself to satisfy his own lust; for another, if he be hired
thereto, or both at once, having such excellent means. For under colour
of visitation, auricular confession, comfort and penance, they have
free egress and regress, and corrupt, God knows, how many. They can
such trades, some of them, practise physic, use exorcisms, &c.
[5216]That whereas was wont to walk and Elf,
There now walks the Limiter himself,
In every bush and under every tree,
There needs no other Incubus but he.