stultitiae, a seminary of folly, which if it be stirred up, or get
ahead, will run in infinitum, and infinitely varies, as we ourselves
are severally addicted, saith [225]Balthazar Castilio: and cannot so
easily be rooted out, it takes such fast hold, as Tully holds, altae
radices stultitiae, [226]so we are bred, and so we continue. Some say
there be two main defects of wit, error and ignorance, to which all
others are reduced; by ignorance we know not things necessary, by error
we know them falsely. Ignorance is a privation, error a positive act.
From ignorance comes vice, from error heresy, &c. But make how many
kinds you will, divide and subdivide, few men are free, or that do not
impinge on some one kind or other. [227]Sic plerumque agitat stultos
inscitia, as he that examines his own and other men's actions shall
find.
[228]Charon in Lucian, as he wittily feigns, was conducted by Mercury
to such a place, where he might see all the world at once; after he had
sufficiently viewed, and looked about, Mercury would needs know of him
what he had observed: He told him that he saw a vast multitude and a
promiscuous, their habitations like molehills, the men as emmets, he
could discern cities like so many hives of bees, wherein every bee had
a sting, and they did nought else but sting one another, some
domineering like hornets bigger than the rest, some like filching
wasps, others as drones. Over their heads were hovering a confused
company of perturbations, hope, fear, anger, avarice, ignorance, &c.,
and a multitude of diseases hanging, which they still pulled on their
pates. Some were brawling, some fighting, riding, running, sollicite
ambientes, callide litigantes for toys and trifles, and such momentary
things, Their towns and provinces mere factions, rich against poor,
poor against rich, nobles against artificers, they against nobles, and
so the rest. In conclusion, he condemned them all for madmen, fools,
idiots, asses, O stulti, quaenam haec est amentia? O fools, O madmen,
he exclaims, insana studia, insani labores, &c. Mad endeavours, mad
actions, mad, mad, mad, [229]O saeclum insipiens et infacetum, a
giddy-headed age. Heraclitus the philosopher, out of a serious
meditation of men's lives, fell a weeping, and with continual tears
bewailed their misery, madness, and folly. Democritus on the other
side, burst out a laughing, their whole life seemed to him so
ridiculous, and he was so far carried with this ironical passion, that
the citizens of Abdera took him to be mad, and sent therefore
ambassadors to Hippocrates, the physician, that he would exercise his
skill upon him. But the story is set down at large by Hippocrates, in
his epistle to Damogetus, which because it is not impertinent to this
discourse, I will insert verbatim almost as it is delivered by
Hippocrates himself, with all the circumstances belonging unto it.
When Hippocrates was now come to Abdera, the people of the city came
flocking about him, some weeping, some intreating of him, that he would
do his best. After some little repast, he went to see Democritus, the
people following him, whom he found (as before) in his garden in the
suburbs all alone, [230]sitting upon a stone under a plane tree,
without hose or shoes, with a book on his knees, cutting up several
beasts, and busy at his study. The multitude stood gazing round about
to see the congress. Hippocrates, after a little pause, saluted him by
his name, whom he resaluted, ashamed almost that he could not call him
likewise by his, or that he had forgot it. Hippocrates demanded of him
what he was doing: he told him that he was [231]busy in cutting up
several beasts, to find out the cause of madness and melancholy.
Hippocrates commended his work, admiring his happiness and leisure. And
why, quoth Democritus, have not you that leisure? Because, replied
Hippocrates, domestic affairs hinder, necessary to be done for
ourselves, neighbours, friends; expenses, diseases, frailties and
mortalities which happen; wife, children, servants, and such business
which deprive us of our time. At this speech Democritus profusely
laughed (his friends and the people standing by, weeping in the mean
time, and lamenting his madness). Hippocrates asked the reason why he
laughed. He told him, at the vanities and the fopperies of the time, to
see men so empty of all virtuous actions, to hunt so far after gold,
having no end of ambition; to take such infinite pains for a little
glory, and to be favoured of men; to make such deep mines into the
earth for gold, and many times to find nothing, with loss of their
lives and fortunes. Some to love dogs, others horses, some to desire to
be obeyed in many provinces,[232] and yet themselves will know no
obedience. [233]Some to love their wives dearly at first, and after a
while to forsake and hate them; begetting children, with much care and
cost for their education, yet when they grow to man's estate, [234]to
despise, neglect, and leave them naked to the world's mercy. [235]Do
not these behaviours express their intolerable folly? When men live in
peace, they covet war, detesting quietness, [236] deposing kings, and
advancing others in their stead, murdering some men to beget children
of their wives. How many strange humours are in men! When they are poor
and needy, they seek riches, and when they have them, they do not enjoy
them, but hide them under ground, or else wastefully spend them. O wise
Hippocrates, I laugh at such things being done, but much more when no
good comes of them, and when they are done to so ill purpose. There is
no truth or justice found amongst them, for they daily plead one
against another, [237]the son against the father and the mother,
brother against brother, kindred and friends of the same quality; and
all this for riches, whereof after death they cannot be possessors. And
yet notwithstanding they will defame and kill one another, commit all
unlawful actions, contemning God and men, friends and country. They
make great account of many senseless things, esteeming them as a great
part of their treasure, statues, pictures, and such like movables, dear
bought, and so cunningly wrought, as nothing but speech wanteth in
them, [238]and yet they hate living persons speaking to them.
[239]Others affect difficult things; if they dwell on firm land they
will remove to an island, and thence to land again, being no way
constant to their desires. They commend courage and strength in wars,
and let themselves be conquered by lust and avarice; they are, in
brief, as disordered in their minds, as Thersites was in his body. And
now, methinks, O most worthy Hippocrates, you should not reprehend my
laughing, perceiving so many fooleries in men; [240]for no man will
mock his own folly, but that which he seeth in a second, and so they
justly mock one another. The drunkard calls him a glutton whom he knows
to be sober. Many men love the sea, others husbandry; briefly, they
cannot agree in their own trades and professions, much less in their
lives and actions.
When Hippocrates heard these words so readily uttered, without
premeditation, to declare the world's vanity, full of ridiculous
contrariety, he made answer, that necessity compelled men to many such
actions, and divers wills ensuing from divine permission, that we might
not be idle, being nothing is so odious to them as sloth and
negligence. Besides, men cannot foresee future events, in this
uncertainty of human affairs; they would not so marry, if they could
foretell the causes of their dislike and separation; or parents, if
they knew the hour of their children's death, so tenderly provide for
them; or an husbandman sow, if he thought there would be no increase;
or a merchant adventure to sea, if he foresaw shipwreck; or be a
magistrate, if presently to be deposed. Alas, worthy Democritus, every
man hopes the best, and to that end he doth it, and therefore no such
cause, or ridiculous occasion of laughter.
Democritus hearing this poor excuse, laughed again aloud, perceiving he
wholly mistook him, and did not well understand what he had said
concerning perturbations and tranquillity of the mind. Insomuch, that
if men would govern their actions by discretion and providence, they
would not declare themselves fools as now they do, and he should have
no cause of laughter; but (quoth he) they swell in this life as if they
were immortal, and demigods, for want of understanding. It were enough
to make them wise, if they would but consider the mutability of this
world, and how it wheels about, nothing being firm and sure. He that is
now above, tomorrow is beneath; he that sate on this side today,
tomorrow is hurled on the other: and not considering these matters,
they fall into many inconveniences and troubles, coveting things of no
profit, and thirsting after them, tumbling headlong into many
calamities. So that if men would attempt no more than what they can
bear, they should lead contented lives, and learning to know
themselves, would limit their ambition, [241]they would perceive then
that nature hath enough without seeking such superfluities, and
unprofitable things, which bring nothing with them but grief and
molestation. As a fat body is more subject to diseases, so are rich men
to absurdities and fooleries, to many casualties and cross
inconveniences. There are many that take no heed what happeneth to
others by bad conversation, and therefore overthrow themselves in the
same manner through their own fault, not foreseeing dangers manifest.
These are things (O more than mad, quoth he) that give me matter of
laughter, by suffering the pains of your impieties, as your avarice,
envy, malice, enormous villainies, mutinies, unsatiable desires,
conspiracies, and other incurable vices; besides your
[242]dissimulation and hypocrisy, bearing deadly hatred one to the
other, and yet shadowing it with a good face, flying out into all
filthy lusts, and transgressions of all laws, both of nature and
civility. Many things which they have left off, after a while they fall
to again, husbandry, navigation; and leave again, fickle and inconstant
as they are. When they are young, they would be old, and old, young.
[243] Princes commend a private life; private men itch after honour: a
magistrate commends a quiet life; a quiet man would be in his office,
and obeyed as he is: and what is the cause of all this, but that they
know not themselves? Some delight to destroy, [244]one to build,
another to spoil one country to enrich another and himself. [245]In all
these things they are like children, in whom is no judgment or counsel
and resemble beasts, saving that beasts are better than they, as being
contented with nature. [246] When shall you see a lion hide gold in the
ground, or a bull contend for better pasture? When a boar is thirsty,
he drinks what will serve him, and no more; and when his belly is full,
ceaseth to eat: but men are immoderate in both, as in lust—they covet
carnal copulation at set times; men always, ruinating thereby the
health of their bodies. And doth it not deserve laughter to see an
amorous fool torment himself for a wench; weep, howl for a misshapen
slut, a dowdy sometimes, that might have his choice of the finest
beauties? Is there any remedy for this in physic? I do anatomise and
cut up these poor beasts, [247]to see these distempers, vanities, and
follies, yet such proof were better made on man's body, if my kind
nature would endure it: [248]who from the hour of his birth is most
miserable; weak, and sickly; when he sucks he is guided by others, when
he is grown great practiseth unhappiness [249]and is sturdy, and when
old, a child again, and repenteth him of his life past. And here being
interrupted by one that brought books, he fell to it again, that all
were mad, careless, stupid. To prove my former speeches, look into
courts, or private houses. [250]Judges give judgment according to their
own advantage, doing manifest wrong to poor innocents to please others.
Notaries alter sentences, and for money lose their deeds. Some make
false monies; others counterfeit false weights. Some abuse their
parents, yea corrupt their own sisters; others make long libels and
pasquils, defaming men of good life, and extol such as are lewd and
vicious. Some rob one, some another: [251]magistrates make laws against
thieves, and are the veriest thieves themselves. Some kill themselves,
others despair, not obtaining their desires. Some dance, sing, laugh,
feast and banquet, whilst others sigh, languish, mourn and lament,
having neither meat, drink, nor clothes. [252]Some prank up their
bodies, and have their minds full of execrable vices. Some trot about
[253]to bear false witness, and say anything for money; and though
judges know of it, yet for a bribe they wink at it, and suffer false
contracts to prevail against equity. Women are all day a dressing, to
pleasure other men abroad, and go like sluts at home, not caring to
please their own husbands whom they should. Seeing men are so fickle,
so sottish, so intemperate, why should not I laugh at those to whom
[254]folly seems wisdom, will not be cured, and perceive it not?
It grew late: Hippocrates left him; and no sooner was he come away, but
all the citizens came about flocking, to know how he liked him. He told
them in brief, that notwithstanding those small neglects of his attire,
body, diet, [255]the world had not a wiser, a more learned, a more
honest man, and they were much deceived to say that he was mad.
Thus Democritus esteemed of the world in his time, and this was the
cause of his laughter: and good cause he had.
[256]Olim jure quidem, nunc plus Democrite ride;
Quin rides? vita haec nunc mage ridicula est.
Democritus did well to laugh of old,
Good cause he had, but now much more;
This life of ours is more ridiculous
Than that of his, or long before.
Never so much cause of laughter as now, never so many fools and madmen.
'Tis not one [257]Democritus will serve turn to laugh in these days; we
have now need of a Democritus to laugh at Democritus; one jester to
flout at another, one fool to fleer at another: a great stentorian
Democritus, as big as that Rhodian Colossus, For now, as
[258]Salisburiensis said in his time, totus mundus histrionem agit, the
whole world plays the fool; we have a new theatre, a new scene, a new
comedy of errors, a new company of personate actors, volupiae sacra (as
Calcagninus willingly feigns in his Apologues) are celebrated all the
world over, [259]where all the actors were madmen and fools, and every
hour changed habits, or took that which came next. He that was a
mariner today, is an apothecary tomorrow; a smith one while, a
philosopher another, in his volupiae ludis; a king now with his crown,
robes, sceptre, attendants, by and by drove a loaded ass before him
like a carter, &c. If Democritus were alive now, he should see strange
alterations, a new company of counterfeit vizards, whifflers, Cumane
asses, maskers, mummers, painted puppets, outsides, fantastic shadows,
gulls, monsters, giddy-heads, butterflies. And so many of them are
indeed ([260]if all be true that I have read). For when Jupiter and
Juno's wedding was solemnised of old, the gods were all invited to the
feast, and many noble men besides: Amongst the rest came Crysalus, a
Persian prince, bravely attended, rich in golden attires, in gay robes,
with a majestical presence, but otherwise an ass. The gods seeing him
come in such pomp and state, rose up to give him place, ex habitu
hominem metientes; [261]but Jupiter perceiving what he was, a light,
fantastic, idle fellow, turned him and his proud followers into
butterflies: and so they continue still (for aught I know to the
contrary) roving about in pied coats, and are called chrysalides by the
wiser sort of men: that is, golden outsides, drones, and flies, and
things of no worth. Multitudes of such, &c.
[262]———ubique invenies
Stultos avaros, sycopliantas prodigos.
Many additions, much increase of madness, folly, vanity, should
Democritus observe, were he now to travel, or could get leave of Pluto
to come see fashions, as Charon did in Lucian to visit our cities of
Moronia Pia, and Moronia Felix: sure I think he would break the rim of
his belly with laughing. [263]Si foret in terris rideret Democritus,
seu, &c. A satirical Roman in his time, thought all vice, folly, and
madness were all at full sea, [264]Omne in praecipiti vitium stetit.
[265]Josephus the historian taxeth his countrymen Jews for bragging of
their vices, publishing their follies, and that they did contend
amongst themselves who should be most notorious in villainies; but we
flow higher in madness, far beyond them,
[266]Mox daturi progeniem vitiosorem,
And yet with crimes to us unknown,
Our sons shall mark the coming age their own,
and the latter end (you know whose oracle it is) is like to be worse.
'Tis not to be denied, the world alters every day, Ruunt urbes, regna
transferuntur, &c. variantur habitus, leges innovantur, as
[267]Petrarch observes, we change language, habits, laws, customs,
manners, but not vices, not diseases, not the symptoms of folly and
madness, they are still the same. And as a river, we see, keeps the
like name and place, but not water, and yet ever runs, [268]Labitur et
labetur in omne volubilis aevum; our times and persons alter, vices are
the same, and ever will be; look how nightingales sang of old, cocks
crowed, kine lowed, sheep bleated, sparrows chirped, dogs barked, so
they do still: we keep our madness still, play the fools still, nec dum
finitus Orestes; we are of the same humours and inclinations as our
predecessors were; you shall find us all alike, much at one, we and our
sons, Et nati natorum, et qui nascuntur ab illis. And so shall our
posterity continue to the last. But to speak of times present.
If Democritus were alive now, and should but see the superstition of
our age, our [269]religious madness, as [270]Meteran calls it,
Religiosam insaniam, so many professed Christians, yet so few imitators
of Christ; so much talk of religion, so much science, so little
conscience; so much knowledge, so many preachers, so little practice;
such variety of sects, such have and hold of all sides, [271]—obvia
signis Signa, &c., such absurd and ridiculous traditions and
ceremonies: If he should meet a [272] Capuchin, a Franciscan, a
Pharisaical Jesuit, a man-serpent, a shave-crowned Monk in his robes, a
begging Friar, or, see their three-crowned Sovereign Lord the Pope,
poor Peter's successor, servus servorum Dei, to depose kings with his
foot, to tread on emperors' necks, make them stand barefoot and
barelegged at his gates, hold his bridle and stirrup, &c. (O that Peter
and Paul were alive to see this!) If he should observe a [273]prince
creep so devoutly to kiss his toe, and those red-cap cardinals, poor
parish priests of old, now princes' companions; what would he say?
Coelum ipsum petitur stultitia. Had he met some of our devout pilgrims
going barefoot to Jerusalem, our lady of Lauretto, Rome, S. Iago, S.
Thomas' Shrine, to creep to those counterfeit and maggot-eaten relics;
had he been present at a mass, and seen such kissing of paxes,
crucifixes, cringes, duckings, their several attires and ceremonies,
pictures of saints, [274]indulgences, pardons, vigils, fasting, feasts,
crossing, knocking, kneeling at Ave-Marias, bells, with many such;
—jucunda rudi spectacula plebi,[275] praying in gibberish, and mumbling
of beads. Had he heard an old woman say her prayers in Latin, their
sprinkling of holy water, and going a procession,
[276]———incedunt monachorum agmina mille;
Quid momerem vexilla, cruces, idolaque culta, &c.