The train pulled into the station, and the Red Knight looked at his
watch. "Forty minutes late," he said; "another infamous trick." He
seized a telegraph blank, and wrote: "Congressman McKinley, Taft
Headquarters--Brigand! Assassin! Polygamist! Collect." He turned to
Alice. "I feel much better now," he said. "Let us go."
Opposite them in the car sat a young lady who was reading "Thus Spake
Zarathustra," and chewing gum. So they knew they were in Chicago. They
came to a hotel that was taller than any building Alice had ever seen.
It was so tall that millionaires living on the top floor were in the
habit of swearing off their taxes, on the plea of non-residence in the
State of Illinois. They entered the elevator, and by and by they reached
the floor on which their rooms were situated. As they opened the door,
the first thing they saw was George the Harvester and Ormsby the
Barrister weeping in each other's arms, and wiping each other's eyes
with bundles of rejected credentials.
At the sight of the Barrister the Red Knight showed no anger. He merely
took off his helmet and threw it at the bellboy. Then he pressed his
forehead against the window-pane, and the glass cracked. Then he turned
to the Barrister. "You must have had a very pleasant trip down South,"
he said, quietly gnashing his teeth.
"I did," said the Barrister, brightening up wonderfully.
"How did it all happen?" said the Red Knight.
"Shall I tell the story by Congressional districts or by States?" said
the Barrister.
"By States," said the Red Knight.
The Barrister cleared his throat and began:
I took a barrel into Ga.
("'Ga' being Georgia, of course," he explained.)
They jumped right up and yelled "Hurrah."
I took a trunkful into Fla.
They came to cheer from near and far.
I spent two trunkfuls in Ala.
They danced and sang: "You bet we are!"
I took a crateful into Ark.
They said, "Your reasons hit the mark."
"But this is all so very, very obscure," said Alice.
"It was intended to be," said the Barrister, and went on:
I sent to them and said "Endorse,"
They stood right up and said "Of course."
I wrote to them and said "Contest,"
They said, "Cash up, we'll do the rest."
I said to them "Remember now,"
They said, "Keep cool, we'll show you how."
They voted once, they voted twice,
They voted hard, to earn the price.
"But who are 'they?'" asked Alice. "Are there really such people?"
"Of course there are," said the Barrister. "I invented them myself," and
he went on:
They started for Chicago, Ill.,
To ratify the people's will,
But----
"That's all there is," said the Barrister, stopping abruptly.
"Yes, that is all there is," said the Red Knight, "and a nice mess you
made of it."
"Mercy, Sire," cried the Barrister, falling on his knees.
"Failure deserves no pity," said the Red Knight sternly. "If it were not
for the chance that you may do better in 1916, I would make short work
of you at once. As it is, you will, as a penalty, between today and the
first of next year, read and briefly summarize every one of my past
Presidential messages."
"Including the paragraph about the tariff which Joe Cannon made you take
out?" sobbed the Barrister.
"Everything!" said the Red Knight. "Come, Alice. The trumpet calls to
battle. It's now or never--unless the circumstances change."