_He here discovers the cheats of Gameing, the Nature and quality of an
Ordinary, relating what manner of Persons they are which frequent it,
with many pleasant stories intermixt, with a dehortation from playing
at Dice._
All the day long there is not much playing in an Ordinary, what there
is, is amongst Gentlemen and the more civiliz’d sort of Persons, but
towards Night these Houses are throng’d with People of all sorts and
qualities and then when ravenous Beasts usually seek their prey, there
comes in Shoals of Hectors, Trappanners, Guilts, Pads, Biters, Priggs,
Divers, Lifters, Kidnappers, Vouchers, Mill-Kens, Decoys, Shop-lifters,
Foilers, Bulkers, Droppers, Ramblers, Dounakers and Crosbyters, _&c._
All these may be ranked under the general appellation of _Rooks_, this
is the Field where the seed of Hemp is sown, and grows till the Gallows
groans for it, this is _Tyburns_ Nursery, for yearly some or other of
this cursed gang go thither.
The first day I entred this _School of Vertue_, I commenced Master of
Arts, and would not easily be confuted with their Sophistry, but when
young Gentlemen Prentices or Casheers come hither unskil’d in the
quibbles and devices here practised they call him a Lamb, then
straitways a Rook (or more properly a Wolf) follows him close, and
engages him in advantagious betts, and at length worries him, that is he
so fleeceth him as not to leave him a penny, and then the snearing dogs
will laughingly say see the Lamb is bitten.
Some of these Rooks or Rogues if they perceive you to be full of Money,
though they never saw you before, will impudently and importunately
strive to borrow Money of you without the least intention of repaying,
if you should be so facile as to do it, or to go with you when you are
playing at Hazzard seven to twelve half a crown, which is more then ten
to one if you deny them their unreasonable request, you shall find them
sometimes very angry. Others will watch when you are serious at your
Game whether your Sword hangs loose behind that they may lift that away,
others will not scruple if they find an opportunity to pick your pocket
directly, if these projects fail, then have at your Gold Buttons, if you
have any on your Cloak, or steal the Cloak it self, if it either lye
loose or careless. But above all they have a trick you cannot avoid,
which is to throw at your Money with a _dry Fist_ (as they term it) that
is if they nick you (_id est_ win) ’tis theirs, if they loose they owe
you so much, if you demand your money they will peremptorily tell you
anon will serve turn, and then it may be a Rascally Boxkeeper that
usually snips with him, shall excuse him, saying he is a very honest
Gentleman, Sir you need not mistrust him, whereas he knows no body will
trust him with a _Newgate_ groat, if you chance to nick them, its ten to
one but they will wait your coming out at night and beat you soundly.
I saw a couple of blades (Gentilely garb’d) enter one evening the
Ordinary; they were lookers on a while, at length there being a vacant
Room, one of them pulls the chair and sits down, as the box came still
round he passed it, doing it so often said one angerly, if you will not
throw sir what sit you there for? hereupon he snatcht up the box,
saying, set me what you will Sir I will throw at it, the other hearing
him say so, did set him two Guinneys, which he nickt, the Gentleman
being vext did set him four more, with a round parcel of Silver, which
he won also. Now did the whole Table concern themselves buttering him,
that is, doubling or trebbling what they did set before, yet could not
turn his hand, which was so successful that he held in eleven mains
together, and just as he had almost broke the Table he chanc’t to throw
out, having got his hat full of Money he arose from the Table and went
to the fire with his Comrade, who asked him how he durst be so
impudently bold to adventure after that manner knowing he had not a
Cross about him to bless himself with all; how is that said one of the
loosers who overheard what was said, had you no Money when you went to
play, it matters not replied the winner I have enough now, had I lost
having not wherewithal to pay you, why then ye must have been content to
kick me so long till ye should say yourselves ye were satisfied; besides
Sir I am a Souldier, and have past through many a brunt, venturing my
life hard for eight pence a day, and do you think now I would not hazard
a kicking or a pumping for so many fair pounds, all that were there
concerned smiled at his confidence, but he laught heartily at their
folly and his own good fortune. _Well may he laugh that wins._
Did you but see what passions and how divers effects do vary men into
several postures, you would absolutely conclude the place to be _Bedlam_
instead of an Ordinary; you may observe one loosing to gnaw the box in
pieces, or take the sawcer of Dice and throw it over his head, whilst
the winning caster smiles and is merry as a Bee, another you may see who
hath lost all his Money, standing like _Pontius Pilate_ in the old
Primmer, or like some antick figure in a suit of hangings as motion less
and almost as liveless.
A Gentleman I took notice of one day, who loosing (what moneys he had
about him) sate very pensively, in steps a young blade in this interval
and briskly took up the box, but it came not to his hands above thrice,
before he had lost all he had brought in with him, which so inraged the
Noddy that he behaved himself like a meer frantick Fellow, swearing
Damme was not I a villain in less than an hour to loose four pounds,
this melancholly person hearing him swear and fret for a sum so
inconsiderable to what he had lost, Damm you (said he) Damme that have
lost fourscore pounds in half an hour, it seems the greater looser
thought it a piece of injustice the lesser should be damn’d before him.
Frequent are the quarrels in this place occasioned by the heat of Wine
before they came in or by loss made chollerick afterwards; Swords
commonly drawn, or boxes and Candlesticks thrown at one anothers heads;
sometimes the Rooks will raise a seeming feud (especially when their
stocks are low) when they see a Table covered with money, which may give
them an occasion to scramble; such are the usual garboyls in this place
that they form a perfect type of Hell.
I cannot forbear smiling when I think of a certain passage one time at
an Ordinary. A Gentleman who was well stored with Gold played high, and
in a little time had not one penny left he first splits the Box, & then
Box the Box-keeper, having so done, takes off his own hat from his head
which was black, dame, said he, who dares say this hat is not white, he
is a son of a whor that will not say so, the standers by seeing his loss
had made him mad, replyed not a word; he perceiving on the other side
that none would quarrel with him, seats himself, and fell fast asleep;
another Gentleman who had lost as much or more than the former came to
him who slept, and awakeing him, what is that you said Sir, is your
black hat white, it’s a damn’d lye, I say it’s blew, deny it if you
dare. The Gentleman was well pleased to see one madder then himself, and
therefore without passion desired him to go and sleep as he had done,
and on his awaking they should not differ about the colour, into what
frenzies do these damn’d Dice put men into?
When late at night and the Company grows thin and your eyes dim with
watching, then is the time for false Dice to be put on the ignorant,
then also is there a security in, Palming, Topping, Slurring, _&c._
There are a certain sort of gentle and subtle Rooks whose outside speaks
as much a Gentleman as most of the first magnitude. This Cunningham
seldom plays in an Ordinary, yet will sit there a whole evening to the
intent he may observe who winns, if considerable, and the winner seem
Plyable, generous, and Bubbable, he will some way or other insinuate
into his acquaintance by applauding his happy hand, congratulating his
success _&c._ and then familiarly, yet civily prompt him to a glass of
Wine that they may drink to the continuance of that good fortune.
Having gotten him to the Tavern he is sure to wheadle him into Play, and
by hook or by crook (as we use to say) he is sure to winn some if not
all his money; and that he may not be suspected for not playing squarely
he will (if he be sure of his bubble) loose considerably sometimes, but
in the long run he is sure to recover it again. I was several times so
served but they could do no good upon me; yet notwithstanding that by my
frequent practice I had gain’d a great deal of skill and crafty
knowledge in the Dice, I lost, spent, and consumed all my moneys, and
therefore I shall advise all to detest this abominable kind of life; if
the most certain loss of your money will do it: I do undertake to
demonstrate that any one with constant play upon the square shall be
looser at the years end. I have heard it very confidently aver’d by an
eye witness that three Gentlemen sate down at twelve penny Inn and Inn;
each of them drew three pound a piece in two houres time, the box had
four pounds of the money.
And that I may further perswade all men from gaming, consider how few
there are if any who have gotten an Estate by play, but how many
thousand antient and worthy families have been ruined and destroyed
thereby. It is confest there is no constant gamester but at one time or
other hath a considerable run of winning; but such is the infatuation of
play, that I could never hear of any that could give over when they were
well. I have known those have gotten many hundreds of pounds, and have
rested a while with an intention never to play more; but by over
perswasion, having broke bulk, as they term it, were in again for all
and lost it.
Besides if a man hath a good parcel of money ’tis extreme folly to play
whether himself or another shall be possessor thereof; if his stock be
small it is downright madness to hazard that the loss whereof shall
reduce a man to beggery. Moreover if you were but sensible of the
anguish that is upon that mans spirit the next morning, having slept
upon the loss of his money now irrecoverable, it would deter any one
from ever medling with the cursed cause of so much vexation and trouble;
what I now say is the product of wofull experience.
————_Experto credo Roberto._
To conclude, having lost all my money, I began to grow miserably poor,
to prevent the further increase of my wants I sought out my old Master
whom I found upon the _Royal Exchange_, upon our going off for joy to
see me, carryed me to a Tavern where I acquainted him with all my Land
Travels since my leaving him, and assuring him I was weary of living
longer ashore, he advised me to go with him, and he would make me his
mate, I gladly contented and in that quality I sail’d with him for
_Guinney_.
Our Captain had thus far proceeded in recounting the memorable passages
of his life, as we were making ready to cast Anchor, we being at that
time not above a league from _Naples_ overjoy’d at the succesfulness of
this our petty Voyage, we made ourselves all ready to go ashore;
landing, our greatest care was to get convenient Lodgings, with some
difficulty we obtain’d them, and having settled our selves in them,
immediately got our Bills of Exchange accepted, till they came due we
fitted our selves with all things both necessary and pleasurable, yet
for some important Reasons for a while we laid an imbargo on our
accustomed profest Extravagancies, keeping a strict rein on our
head-strong wills and desires, but having received our Money we no
longer dallied with our delights, but gave them leave to court us in
what pleasant shapes they judged most convenient for our satisfaction.
Every day produced its new divertisement, every hour each of us studied
how we might appear Rivals to the most Epicurean critical pallated
Poleanate of the Universe, for since we were sailing in the Ocean of
_Senseless Security_ under a stiff gale of _Plenty_, we shaped our
course for the _Port of Sensuality_. The time being expired we had our
Money paid us to a Doit, with as much respect as if we had been the
greatest Merchants in _Europe_, desiring our further acquaintance and
correspondence, which we promised not so much to traffick with them as
to play some tricks upon them.
As our Lodgings were large and sumptuous sparing no cost for their
furniture, so were our habits very rich (_modo Neapolitano_) wearing
about us as many precious stones dayly as would have been a good return
for a young Merchant after a three years sweating expectation: the
gloriousness of our outward appearances made us no less a wonder to the
_Neapolitan_ Inhabitants than we were to our selves, for we now began to
admire one another having totally forgotten what once we were. Mr.
_Goose-quill_ the Scrivener strutted the Streets strangely whose garb
and gait flourisht like the _Capital T_ of _This Indenture_, the state
of his present _Condition_ made him receive many an _Obligation_, which
he always generously _cancel’d_ and continually _obliged_ others on
_valuable considerations_. The Drugster notwithstanding all his
striving, to seem otherwise, yet still showed himself to be a Chip of
the old Block, a rasp of Log-wood, and scented strongly of his old
occupation. His habit prompted him to personate the _Spaniard_; which he
did so scurvily that never did _thing_ appear more prepostorous, had you
seen him walk you would have sworn all his Members were in an uprore or
about to revolt from their Principal; for his Whiskers _tilted_ his
eyes, and they again being inraged to be confined within such narrow
limits by their staring seemed to strive to come out that they might
check the insolency of that audacious beard; and as for his arms and
legs there was not the least correspondency; for his hands were in a
continual motion being every minute imploy’d in cocking his Beaver upon
one side, but his legs moved so slowly and stately, that they seemed to
be offended at their slavish Office, showing their loathness by their
slowness to be Porters to a burden of so little worth. _Doll_ as she had
been conversant amongst the Gentry, so in her deportment she behaved her
self as well as any of the best education; but for _Jenny_ I could
hardly forbear laughing, to see how the proud _Minks_ would jut it as
she went, her Milking-Pail, and dragled tail, were clean out of her
remembrance, so was her being a _Motly-Wast-coteer_, there being not the
least track of her former condition discoverable, she resolved to make
others esteem of her by the value she did put on her self, not rating
her condition as she was the quondam off-spring of Curds and Cream, but
prizing it as one of Fortunes darlings, whom neither Cloaths nor Money
could make more splendid, and as for an haughty spirit now unmatchable;
I took upon me (as well I thought I might) to check her for giving six
hundred Crowns for a Locket, she smartly took me up, what said she
though I was born in the Ebb of Fortune, will you now intrench and wound
the liberty my better stars have conferred upon me? To be plain I will
not have my desires and pleasures circumscribed and taught me since I
have enough and will enjoy it. Sir if you once begin to be narrow
minded, you will be a Thief both to the esteem and enjoyment you may
have in the world, I will not be limited to please your fancy as for my
delights I will pursue them in what shapes I fancy both at home and
abroad, I will spare no cost that may engage wide mouth’d report to
proclaim the boundlessness of my pleasures and gallantry; all the Wits
of the City I will ingage with Sack and Money to write Panegyricks on my
Gaudy and Witty superfluities, not a _Cavaleero_ in _Naples_, but shall
vail his bonnet at my Balcony, and when I please the splendor of my
habit shall fix my Gazers as Statues in the place they stand. I thought
she was mad till she smilingly took me by the hand, saying you see
_Latroon_ I have a Soul as if Nobility had waited on my Cradle, however,
my will shall alwayes be in subordination to yours.
* * * * *
As for the Captain he was a Man well read, and having seen the world,
the novelty of a place never alter’d him, he had a good natural genius,
and very facetious in discourse which appears sufficiently by the witty
narrative of his Life, the relation whereof, did infinitely please us,
but most especially my _Jenny_, who would often repeat to me some
passages, but one day after dinner being altogether she took occasion to
speak of the Captains gaming and other Extravagancies, and having drawn
several good Observations from them, she desired the Company to give her
audience, and she would give an account of a notable Extravagant, a
young Man of her acquaintance, but as an introduction to her story, she
begg’d leave to speak something of his Father first, and thus she began.
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