THE SICK-ROOM.
Mrs. Asquith took her place in Hetty’s room to keep watch there, with
indescribable anxiety and alarm. She had been warned that every night
since that mysterious occurrence Hetty had seemed to go over again in
her dreams the midnight visit which had jarred her being. It had been
the effort of her nurses to soothe and silence her, to get her, if
possible, to forget; but every night the dreadful recollection had come
back. Mary sat down to watch, feeling that this moment of return upon
the cause of all the trouble might be the moment of recovery, if she but
knew how to use it aright. But that was the question, of far more
importance for the moment than those other wonders and anxieties which
had arisen in her mind, and which she had not been able to satisfy. How
was she to act that this moment might be the critical one, that she
might be able to penetrate within the mist that enveloped Hetty? She
tried to think, tried to form for herself a plan of action, but with
trembling and doubt. The child’s life, the child’s reason, might depend
upon her own presence of mind, her power to touch the right chord, her
wisdom. Mary had never taken credit to herself for wisdom. She had never
had to face the intricate problems of human consciousness; how to
minister to a mind diseased had never been among her many duties. Out of
all the simple calls of her practical life, out of her nursery, where
everything was so innocent, how was she to reach at once to the height
of such a crisis as this? She tried to apply all her unused faculties to
it; but they eluded her, and ran into frightened anticipations,
endeavours to realise what was about to happen. She had no confidence
that she would keep her self-possession, or have her wits about her
when the moment come. Oh, if Harry had but been here! But then she
remembered all he had to do, and was glad to think that he would be
quietly asleep and unconscious of what was going on; and that after all,
the fatigue, and the disquietude and dreadful fear that she would not be
equal to the necessities of the occasion, would be endured by herself
alone. He had plenty to trouble him, she reflected. He would be wretched
enough in his anxiety, without wishing him to share this vigil. And then
Mary appealed silently to the only One Who is never absent in trouble,
imploring Him to stand by her; and felt a little relief in that, and in
the softening tears that came with her prayer.
The room was very still, and so was the house, all wrapt in sleep and
silence. The housekeeper and Miss Hofland had both offered to sit up,
but she had rejected all companionship. She could not have borne the
presence of a stranger, or the possibility of any third person coming
between her and her child. A nightlight burned faintly in a corner; the
light of the fire diffused a soft glow. All was warm and still and
breathless in the deep quiet of the night. And as the hours passed on so
still, bringing no change with them, Mary’s thoughts wandered to the
past, into which she seemed to have come back when she entered this
house. Her youth seemed to come back: the familiar figures which she had
not seen for years surrounded her once more. Hetty slept, or seemed to
sleep, not moving in her bed; and in Mary’s thoughts the familiar room
took back its old appearance. This was where the mother of the house had
sat with her basket of coloured worsteds and her endless work, which was
never done. And there the girls had their little establishments: Anna
with her music, Sophie with her little drawings. Neither the drawings
nor the music had been of high quality, but Mary’s anxious heart went
away to them in the midst of this vigil, and got a moment’s refreshment
and affectionate soft consolation out of their faded memory. She had not
been of much account in those days, but they had all been good to her.
And now they were both at the other end of the world, knowing nothing of
Mary, as Mary knew nothing of them. And Percy, where was he, the
handsome, careless fellow? And John, poor John? Ah! that struck a
different chord in her musings. Where was he, if this house was still
his? and who was the wife that had made him rich, and then left him, and
left her child in this mysterious way? Where was John? Was it true that
he had lost his wits (he had so few, dear fellow, at the best of
times!), and was shut up somewhere in a madhouse, as had been said? Shut
up in a madhouse, he who never would have hurt a fly, shut up--shut up!
Mary’s thoughts had run away with her, had made her forget for a moment
what was her chief object, her only object. The start she gave, when a
new and alarming idea thus came into her mind, brought her back to
herself. She had drifted towards that wondering suspicion, that
undefined alarm on the evening before, after Bessie’s revelation, and
Mrs. Mills’ evident desire to stave off all further questions. Who was
the invalid gentleman? she had asked with an awakening of curiosity, of
interest, and wonder. But the housekeeper and the doctor had been called
most opportunely away, and she had got no answer to a question. She
started when it came back thus in sudden overwhelming force. But the
very keenness of the question, which felt almost like a discovery,
brought her back to herself with a guilty sensation, as if she had
forgotten Hetty in thus following out another train of thought. And what
was all the world in comparison with Hetty, whose well-being now hung in
the balance, and whom perhaps her mother, dreaming and thinking of
others, might miss the moment to save? She recovered herself in an
instant, and brought herself back with all her mind concentrated upon
her child. Hetty lay still as in depths of sleep; but from time to time
her eyes were opened, though only to close again, and the sight of those
open eyes chilled the mother through and through, and drove everything
else out of her mind. It was now the most ghostly depth of night, the
darkest and the coldest, when morning seems to begin to wake with a
chill and shiver. Hetty’s eyes had closed again, and Mrs. Asquith had
resumed her seat to watch, with a nervous anticipation of the
crisis--when presently the bed shook with the nervous shuddering of the
little form that lay on it; and starting up, she found Hetty with her
eyes wide open, an agonised look upon her face, and her hands clutching
the bedclothes, as had been described to her. The mother’s dress
brushing the bed as she rose hastily, seemed to increase the dreamer’s
horror. She began to move from side to side, moaning as in a nightmare,
struggling to rise. And then a babble of broken words came to her lips.
What was she saying? Mrs. Asquith listened with keen anguish, her
faculties sharpened to their utmost strain. Was it some explanation,
some complaint, that Hetty was trying to utter, something that would
make this mystery clear? Her mother made out that it was the same thing
over and over, now more now less clear. Her ears made out the words at
last by dint of repetition--Heaven knows, the most innocent words!--“My
child, my little darling! my child, my little darling! have I found you
at last?”
When this had gone on for some time, Mary in her excitement could bear
it no longer. She raised her child suddenly in her arms, clasping her
close, taking possession of her in a transport of love and pity.
“Hetty!” she cried, “Hetty!” almost with a shriek. “What is it? what is
it? Tell me what it is!”
The girl uttered another cry, a wild and piercing shriek, as shrill as
that which on the former occasion had roused the house. She started up
in her bed, struggling, pushing Mrs. Asquith’s arms away, looking wildly
round her with the frantic gaze of terror. Then all at once the contrast
seemed to reach her stunned soul--not darkness and the awful visitant
who had driven her out of herself, but light and that beloved face
which poor Hetty thought she had not seen for years. She gave another
cry of recognition, “Mother!” and flung herself upon her mother’s
breast. Mrs. Asquith trembled with the shock, for Hetty plunged into her
arms and buried her face as if she had fled into some place of refuge;
but if it had been the weight of the great house, as well as that of
Hetty, Mary could have borne it in the sudden hope and relief of her
soul.
“My dearest!” she said, “my sweet, my own Hetty, I’m here. There’s
nobody can touch you, I’m here! Don’t you know, my darling, your mother?
There’s nobody can touch you while I am here!”
Hetty made no response in words, but she suspended her whole weight upon
her mother, clinging to her, burrowing with her head on Mary’s bosom. It
was no ordinary embrace; it was the taking of sanctuary, the entry into
a city of refuge. So far as the child was aware, she had found her
natural protector for the first time. She hid herself in Mary,
disappearing almost in the close clasping arms, in the soft shield and
shelter of her mother’s form. Mary’s head was bowed down on Hetty’s; her
shoulders curved about her; the girl’s slim white figure almost
disappeared, all pressed, folded, enclosed in the mother’s embrace. This
was what the housekeeper saw when she rushed to the door, roused by the
scream, expecting some repetition of the former scene. Mary signed to
her with her eyes, having no other part of her free, to go away. She
made the same sign to Miss Hofland, who appeared in her nightdress,
trembling and distressed, behind the well-clothed housekeeper. Mary felt
that she dared not speak to them, dared not even move or say a word. The
success of all depended on her being left alone with her child.
Even the movement of this interruption, however, though hushed and full
of precaution, aided the clearing of Hetty’s brain. She raised her head
for a moment, gave a furtive glance round. “Is he--is he--gone, mamma?”
“Yes, my darling; there is no one here but you and I.”
Hetty moved a little more, and cast a tremulous glance, holding her
mother tighter and tighter, over her shoulders. “Is the window--shut? Is
it safe? Are you sure? Are you sure”--with another passionate strain,
under which Mary tottered, yet held up mechanically, she could not tell
how--“that he can’t come back?”
To Hetty’s bewildered mind the terrible moment of that midnight visit
had only just passed. She knew nothing of the interval; nor did she ask
how it was that, miraculously, when she was most wanted, her mother had
come to her; that is always natural in a child’s experience. She wanted
no explanation of that, but only to make sure that the cause of her
terror had disappeared.
“Darling, lie down and go to sleep. You are safe, quite safe. I am going
to stay with you, don’t you see? Could any harm happen to you and me
here?”
Hetty raised her head and turned her face upward for her mother’s kiss.
It was warm and soft with returning life. “No!” she said, with a
long-drawn breath, with that profound conviction of childhood. She had
turned into a child after her trance, all other development disappearing
for the moment. But her hands seemed incapable of disengaging
themselves. She could not loosen her hold. “Oh, mamma, don’t let me go!
oh, hold me fast! Oh, don’t let any one come, mamma!”
“Nobody, my love; I won’t leave you, not for a moment--not for a moment,
Hetty.”
After a while the girl fell fast asleep, with her head upon her mother’s
shoulder, and her arms so soft, yet clenched like iron round Mary’s
neck. Hetty was far too profoundly dependent, too desperate in her
absolute need, to be capable of thinking of the comfort of her shield
and guardian. Cramped and aching, but happy and relieved beyond
description in mind, Mary, too, after a while dozed and slept. When she
opened her eyes, the chill grey of the morning was coming on. The night
was over, with its dangers and fears. Hetty’s desperate clinging had
relaxed; her head was falling back; the soft warmth and ease of sleep
had softened all the rigidity of her trance away. Mary laid her down
softly upon her pillow with a light heart, though every limb and every
muscle was aching, and took her place once more by the bedside, that she
might be the first object on which her child’s waking eyes should rest.
And Hetty slept--how long she slept! Fatigue crept over Mrs. Asquith;
she dozed, and dreamed, and woke with a start, half-a-dozen times
before, in the full daylight, Hetty opened her eyes. There was a moment
of awful suspense--the blank look of her stupefied state seemed to waver
for an instant over her face, like a mist trembling, wavering, uncertain
whether to go or stay. Then light broke out, and love and meaning in the
girl’s eager look. “Oh, mamma!”
There had been by this time many anxious tappings at the door. Miss
Hofland had looked in with an anxious face; and little Rhoda, with eyes
full of awe, had peeped round the edge of the door; and the housekeeper,
with whispers and signs and that invariable cup of tea which is intended
to be the consolation of the watcher. But Mary would not be beguiled for
a moment from her child’s side; the danger was too near, the deliverance
too great, to be trifled with. And the other great questions which had
almost distracted her mind from Hetty came back as she waited. Hetty’s
murmurs in the hour of recollection had strangely, fantastically
strengthened her suspicions. Could she dare to recall Hetty, waking and
restored to reason, to that awful remembrance? Whatever happened she
could not risk her child.
This question was put to rest later in the day by Hetty herself, who,
very weak, scarcely able to move with physical exhaustion, lay still in
her bed, regarding her mother with all a child’s beatitude. She had
heard all the nursery stories again, Rhoda assisting as before, and
laughed and cried and been happy in all the sweetness of convalescence
over the little witticisms of baby. But later, when Rhoda, was sent
away, Hetty lay very silent for a time, and then called her mother to
her bedside.
“Mamma,” she said, growing paler and deeply serious, “I wanted to ask
you, could he take me for Rhoda? Could he be--could he be--Rhoda’s
_father_, mamma?”
“Hetty,” said Mary, taking her child’s hands, “could you repeat to me,
my darling, quietly, without exciting yourself, what you told me in the
night? What he said?”
The colour came in a flood to Hetty’s face, then ebbed away, leaving her
quite pale. She clasped her mother’s hands tight; and then she repeated
slowly, like a lesson, “Oh, my child, my little darling! have I found
you at latht?”
“Oh, Hetty! God bless you, my dearest! Why did you say ‘at latht’?” Mary
cried.
Hetty looked at her mother with startled eyes. “I don’t know what I
said. I said only what he said, mamma.”
“Hetty,” cried Mary in great agitation, “I think God has sent us here,
both you and me.”
[Illustration]
[Illustration]