It is doubtful whether the ills of matrimony are really curable, for,
generally speaking,
Matrimonial incompatibility is a malignant, not a benignant, disease; its
prognosis is doubtful; nor does it run a regular course.
* * *
Many are the women who, soon after marriage, silently turn over in their
minds this little problem: whether it were better to marry the man they
loved but who did not love them; or to marry the man who loved them but
to whom they were indifferent. And
The man a woman ultimately marries will give her no clue to the solution.
And for the following reasons:
(i) He, fond wight, does not know that any such problem is agitating her
little brain; and
(ii) She, of course, dare not divulge the factors of the problem. In
short,
Most marriages are brought about by the following simple, yet fateful,
consideration: The man marries the woman he wants; the woman marries the
man who wants her. The two propositions, though apparently identical,
often produce results very far from identical. And yet,
Sometimes--sometimes--that glorious dream comes true, in which a hale
and heart-whole youth implants the first pure passionate kiss upon the
lips of a hale and heart-whole girl.--Ah, happy twain! For them the sun
shines, the great earth spins, and constellations shed their selectest
influence. 'T is a dream that all youth dreams. 'T is a dream makes
wakeful life worth living.
Ah! the wild dream of youth! The maenad dream! The spring-time dream!
Of the maid: the dim, dim dream of stalwart man offering a love supreme
without alloy, and taking, forceful, a love as flawless, as supreme; a
steady breast on which to lean, strong circling arms, a face set firm
against the world, a face that softens only to her up-turned eyes that
seek the lover who is hers and hers alone; a dream of music, color, and
the swaying dance; of rivals splendidly out-shone; of home and friends
and trappings; of raiment. Retinue; of ordered bliss; and by and by, in a
still dimmer far-off time, a time un-whispered to herself, of
baby-fingers, baby lips . . . . . .
Of the youthful man: a vivid dream, involved, unsteady, shifting; a dream
of lust and love and smoke, and flame and fame; of cuirass and horse and
saber; of blood and battle; of high place; of many dominated by his
look and gesture; of mighty man, and orders issued, preemptory, not to be
gain said; also of lithe arms, a supple waist, sweetly-soft entwining
limbs, a gentle girlish woman all his own who never was another's and
always will be his; and an heir and household gods.--Ah! the wild dream
of youth!
Youths, dream ye while ye may! And you, ye aged, I charge ye do not wake
them: it is the dream makes wakeful life worth living. And yet--and
yet,
Sometimes--sometimes, alack and fie for shame, things come to such a
pass, between husband and wife, that a modus viviendi has to be tacitly
agreed upon. In that case, alas!
Too often, between husband and wife, it depends upon who is the better
actor and liar--to their shame be it said. But before this happens,
much else must have happened. For,
Here and there, ahem! we meet a woman who is like the moon: she circles
sedately round, and dutifully faces, the planet to which she is united;
but that planet does not know that she is irradiated and warmed by a
far-distant sun--a sun which symbolizes, ahem! Duty, or Necessity, or
Affection for her children, or (tell it not in Gath) Affection for
another.
And here and there, ahem! we meet a man who, like the sun, shines
steadfastly enough upon his own earth, but shines also, all unbeknown to
earth, upon other earths--and errant comets--and small aerolites.
* * *
As it is usually physical or sentimental characteristics that bring a man
and a woman into the field of mutual attraction, so it is generally
physical or sentimental characteristics that drag them apart. Thus,
A clever wife will put up with a stupid husband, and an intellectual man
will get on admirably with a dull but domestic woman. But
If either party to the marriage contract disregards or is unable to
appease the demands made upon him or her for sympathy or emotion, there
is likely to be trouble; for