At the public meeting at Hammersmith for the purpose of taking into
consideration the propriety of lighting the roads, in the midst of a most
animated discussion, Captain Atcherly proposed an adjournment of the said
meeting; which proposition being strongly negatived by a small individual,
Captain Atcherly quietly pointed to an open window, made a slight allusion
to the hardness of the pavement, and finally achieved the exit of the
dissentient by whistling
[Illustration: MY FRIEND AND PITCHER.]
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"TAKE CARE OF HIM."
"Take care of him!" That sentence has been my ruin; from my cradle upwards
it has dogged my steps and proved my bane! Fatal injunction! Little did my
parents think of the miseries those four small monosyllables have entailed
upon their hapless son!
My first assertion of infantine existence, that innocent and feeble wail
that claimed the name of life, was met by the command, "Take care of him!
take care of him!" said my mother to the doctor; "Take care of him!" said
the doctor to the nurse; and "Take care of him!" added my delighted father
to every individual of the rejoicing household.
The doctor's care manifested itself in an over-dose of castor oil; the
nurse, in the plenitude of her bounty, nearly parboiled me in an
over-heated bath; my mother drugged me with a villanous decoction of
soothing syrup, which brought on a slumber so sound that the first had
very nearly proved my last; and the entire household dandled me with such
uncommon vigour that I was literally tossed and "Catchee-catchee'd" into a
fit of most violent convulsions. As I persisted in surviving, so did I
become the heir to fresh torments from the ceaseless care of those by whom
I was surrounded. My future symmetry was superinduced by bandaging my
infant limbs until I looked like a miniature mummy. The summer's sun was
too hot and the winter's blast too cold; wet was death, and dry weather
was attended with easterly winds. I was "taken care of." I never breathed
the fresh air of Heaven, but lived in an artificial nursery atmosphere of
sea-coal and logs.
Young limbs are soon broken, and young children will fall, if not taken
care of; consequently upon any instinctive attempt at a pedestrian
performance I was tied round the middle with a broad ribbon, my unhappy
little feet see-sawing in the air, and barely brushing the ruffled surface
of the Persian carpet, while I appeared like a tempting bait, with which
my nurse, after the manner of an experienced angler, was bobbing for some
of the strange monsters worked into the gorgeous pattern.
Crooked legs were "taken care of" by a brace of symmetrical iron shackles,
and Brobdignag walnut-shells, decorated with flaming bows of crimson
ribbon, were attached to each side of my small face, to prevent me from
squinting. When old enough to mount a pony, I was "taken such care of," by
being secured to the saddle, that the restive little brute, feeling
inclined for a tumble, deliberately rolled over me some half-dozen times
before the astonished stable-boy could effect my deliverance! while the
corks with which I was provided to learn to swim in some three feet square
of water, slipped accidentally down to my toes, and left me submerged so
long that the total consumption of all the salt, and wetting in boiling
water of all the blankets, in the house was found absolutely necessary to
effect my resuscitation.
At school I was once more to be "taken care of;" consequently I pined to
death in a wretched single-bedded room, shuddering with inconceivable
horror at the slightest sound, and conjuring up legions of imaginary
sprites to haunt my couch during my waking hours of dread and misery. O
how I envied the reckless laughter of the gleeful urchins whose unmindful
parents left them to the happy utterance of their own and participation in
their young companions' thoughts!
As a parlour boarder, which I was of course, "to be taken care of," I was
not looked upon as one of the "fellows," but merely as a little
upstart--one who most likely was pumped by the master and mistress, and
peached upon the healthy rebels of the little world.
Christmas brought me no joys. "Taking care of my health" prevented me from
skating and snow-balling; while perspective surfeits deprived me of the
enjoyments of the turkeys, beef, and glorious pudding.
At eighteen I entered as a gentleman commoner at ---- College, Cambridge;
and at nineteen a suit of solemn black, and the possession of five
thousand a year, bespoke me heir to all my father left; and from that hour
have I had cause to curse the title of this paper. Young and
inexperienced, I entered wildly into all the follies wealth can purchase
or fashion justify; but I was still to be the victim of the phrase. "We'll
take care of him," said a knot of the most determined play-men upon town;
and they did. Two years saw my five thousand per annum reduced to one, but
left me with somewhat more knowledge of the world. Even that was turned
against me; and prudent fathers shook their heads, and sagely cautioned
their own young scapegraces "to take care of me."
All was not yet complete. A walk down Bond Street was interrupted by a
sudden cry, "That's him--take care of him!" I turned by instinct, and was
arrested at the suit of a scoundrel whose fortune I had made, and who in
gratitude had thus pointed me out to the myrmidon of the Middlesex
sheriff. I was located in a lock-up house, and thence conveyed to jail. In
both instances the last words I heard in reference to myself were "Take
care of him." I sacrificed almost my all, and once more regained my
liberty. Fate seemed to turn! A friend lent me fifty pounds. I pledged my
honour for its repayment. He promised to use his interest for my future
welfare. I kept my word gratefully; returned the money on the day
appointed. I did so before one who knew me by report only, and looked upon
me as a ruined, dissipated, worthless Extravagant. I returned to an
adjoining room to wait my friend's coming. While there, I could not avoid
hearing the following colloquy--
"Good Heaven! has that fellow actually returned your fifty?"
"Yes. Didn't you see him?"
"Of course I did; but I can scarcely believe my eyes. Oh! he's a deep
one."
"He's a most honourable young man."
"How can you be so green? He has a motive in it."
"What motive?"
"I don't know that. But, old fellow, listen to me. I'm a man of the world,
and have seen something of life; and I'll stake my honour and experience
that that fellow means to do you; so be advised, and--'Take care of him!'"
This was too much. I rushed out almost mad, and demanded an apology, or
satisfaction--the latter alternative was chosen. Oh, how my blood boiled!
I should either fall, or, at length, by thus chastising the impertinent,
put an end to the many meaning and hateful words.
We met; the ground was measured. I thought for a moment of the sin of
shedding human blood, and compressed my lips. A moment I wavered; but the
voice of my opponent's second whispering, "Take care of him," once more
nerved my heart and arm. My adversary's bullet whistled past my ear: _he_
fell--hit through the shoulder. He was carried to his carriage. I left the
ground, glad that I had chastised him, but released to find the wound was
not mortal. I felt as if in Heaven this act would free me from the worldly
ban. A week after, I met one of my old friends; he introduced me by name
to his father. The old gentleman started for a moment, then
exclaimed--"You know my feeling, Sir--you are a duellist! Tom, 'Take care
of him!'"
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