MR. PUNCH,--Dear Sir,--As an able-bodied seaman and expert on the marine
serpent and other such questions of the hour, I have been very properly
asked for my opinion on the late collisions in the far East. Lest my
utterances should be misrepresented by journals unaccustomed to deal
with refinements of maritime phraseology, I send you a correct report of
my interview.
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"What deduction," began the reporter from the recesses of a deck-chair
that had figured at Trafalgar, "do you make with regard to the future of
naval warfare from the engagements of which we have lately read such
distracting accounts?"
"My leading deduction," I replied, "is that it is difficult beforehand
to conjecture which side is going to win, and impossible afterwards to
discover which has actually won. History, however, and a long course of
technical experience, alike convince me that, given equal courage and
skill on both sides, vessels equally well equipped and armoured and of
precisely similar shape, tonnage, and fighting power, victory may be
expected, in many cases out of a few more, to fall to the party that is
_numerically the stronger of the two_. You are, perhaps, with me on this
point?"
"I confess," he replied, "that you throw for me a new and lurid light on
a question always difficult for the lay mind to grapple with. But tell
me of the torpedo and its mission."
"The deadliness," I said, "of this modern weapon of naval warfare is to
be fully appreciated by such alone as have been its unhappy victims. In
the incredibly short space of time between the moment of impact
and the decease of those who are, as an immediate result, blown to
indistinguishable atoms, no reliable evidence has, in the nature of
things, been taken down from the lips of the people best qualified to
submit it.
"Disconnected fragments of speech, chiefly of a profane character,
constitute the sole testimony upon which we have to base our
conclusions. But we may safely affirm that one of the most, if not _the_
most, important detail in the manipulation of this projectile is the
aim. Wrongly directed it is comparatively innocuous. In the unavoidable
hurry and confusion of the moment, when the attention of the operator is
diverted by the reiterated play of missiles upon his person, possibly a
prey at the very time to insufferable nausea, it is almost impossible to
guarantee the missile from aberration. You will pardon my
technicalities?"
"I thank you," he replied, "and I follow you. But in what way do you
account for the success of the Japanese with these submarine weapons?"
"Peruse the reports," I answered, "and draw your own deductions. '_On
the morning of the 18th_' (the morrow of the battle) '_the Japanese
flotilla of torpedo-boats returned to the Yalu and leisurely destroyed
with torpedoes several stranded Chinese vessels_.'
"Here we have the best conceivable endorsement of my views. That which
in the excitement of the fray they were impotent to achieve, this, with
fitting leisure, unhampered by the annoyance of hostile opposition, and
with the object rigidly fixed, as in a vice, they effected with
unqualified and unquestioned success."
Dazzled by my reflections he proceeded to put a fresh conundrum to me.
"What say you," he asked, "to the resources of China? I see that the
Dowager Empress has sent three millions of taels to the forces."
"The tael," I explained, "is excellent eating. I perceive no immediate
reason for the evacuation of Peking as far as the supply of game is
concerned. This, however, is a side issue, and not strictly nautical in
its bearing.
"To proceed at once, and in conclusion, to the matter of our own naval
supremacy" (for I saw this inevitable question already framed on his
lips), "I will give you in a word the accumulated wisdom of long years
of naval intuition. My motto is '_Always win!_'
"Once let the enemy, however inferior, win, and for the time being you
are beaten. We are--and here I rely not only on my own observation, but
on the testimony of countless myriads of my species--_we are an
insular nation_. Further, _our commerce is largely dependent on our
merchandise_. It was not till I had realised to the full these two
momentous and crucial facts that I arrived at the conclusion which I
have already imparted to you, and now venture to repeat--'_Always win!_'
You bear me out, I imagine?"
"I bear myself," he affably replied; thus concluding an interview in the
course of which there had been no manner of hitch except the usual
nautical one at the moment of his coming aboard; and that was due not to
the absence of braces, but to respect for my position as an Admiralty
Crichton.
There, _Mr. Punch_, you are welcome to make any use you will of a
statement that contains practically and tactically the final word on the
future of naval warfare.
_Crede_, dear Sir,