SCENE.--_A Chamber in a Civic Building. The Town Clerk and the Auditor
discovered at a table covered with papers._
_Clerk._ Then I believe that you are entirely satisfied with the
accounts?
_Auditor._ Oh, perfectly. (_After a pause._) There is one item
I wanted to ask about--I've no doubt you'll be able to explain it
satisfactorily--it's this "£25 for ginger-beer to the Mayor and Council
on the occasion of opening the new Cemetery." Does not--er--that sum
represent a rather large number of bottles?
_Clerk_ (_in an off-hand way_). Well, we put down ginger-beer, you know,
as it _looks_ better, and there's a rather strong temperance party in
the borough. Of course, it was really champagne--"extra sec," too, you
bet!
_Auditor._ Oh, of course. I merely mentioned the matter for the sake of
form. And the "£15 for cigars"--that was an expenditure incurred at the
same time, I conclude?
_Clerk_ (_carelessly_). Oh, yes. Y'see, one of the Councillors is the
leading tobacconist in the place.
_Auditor_ (_relieved_). Ah, that accounts for it. Then these "models of
the Crematorium in gold and jewels, as brooches for the wives of the
Councillors"--I see they come to £105 in all.
_Clerk_ (_sternly_). You don't _object_ to the brooches, I presume?
_Auditor_ (_anxiously_). Oh, not at all. Not in the least. A
most--er--praiseworthy method of spending the ratepayers' money.
_Clerk._ Quite so. Our Mayor's our leading jeweller, you know. So, as
you've put "Examined and Approved," shall we go in to lunch? For a "cold
collation on the occasion of the audit" our Council always allows £10.
It'll be rather a good feed.
[_Exeunt into banqueting apartment._