A Corean marriage--How marriages are arranged--The wedding ceremony--The
document--In the nuptial-chamber--Wife's conduct--Concubines--Widows
--Seduction--Adultery--Purchasing a husband--Love--Intrigue--Official
"squeezing"--The cause.
Among the several misfortunes, or fortunes, if you prefer the word, with
which a Corean man has to put up is an early marriage. He is hardly born,
when his father begins to look out for a wife for him, and scarcely has
he time to know that he is living in the world at all than he finds
himself wedded.... The Coreans marry very young. I have seen boys of ten
or twelve years of age who had already discarded the bachelor's long
tress hanging down the back, and were wearing the top-knot of the married
man. It must not be supposed, however, that these youthful married men
are really wedded in the strict sense of the word, for, as a matter of
fact, though husband and wife in the eyes of the world, the two do not
live together till the age of puberty is reached. In other words, the
marriage is for several years only a nominal one, and corresponds rather
to our "engagement." There are duties, none the less, which a married man
must perform, no matter how youthful he may be. From the moment he is
wedded he must be a man, however childlike in years, and henceforth he
can associate only with men. His infantile games, romps with other
children who are still bachelors, spinning tops and all other amusements,
which he so much enjoyed, are suddenly brought to an end and he is now
compelled to be as sedate as an old man.
The illustration (p. 79) shows a young married man of the age of twelve,
a relation of the queen. As I was taking his portrait, I asked him how he
liked his wife and what her appearance was.
"I do not know," he said, "for I have only seen her once, and I have as
yet never spoken to her."
"But, then, how can you like her?"
"Because it is my father's wish that I should, and I must obey my
father."
"Does your father know the girl well?"
"No, but he knows her father."
"And what does your mother say?"
"She says nothing."
"Why?"
"Because she is dead."
I found this an excellent reason for the silence on the mother's side and
I proceeded with the picture, but once again attacked him with the view
of, if possible, obtaining further information.
"When will you go and live with your wife?"
"When I shall be nineteen or twenty years old."
The whole arrangement seemed to me so strange that I naturally longed for
further details about marital relations in Cho-sen. The facts as told to
me are as follows: In Cho-senese weddings the two people least concerned
are the bride and bridegroom. Everything, or at least nearly everything,
is done for them, either by their relations or through the agency of a
middle-man. When both the persons to be wedded possess fathers, a
friendly _pourparler_ takes place between the two papas and in the course
of repeated libations of wine, the terms are settled, and with the help
of a "wise man" a lucky day is named, upon which the wedding shall take
place. On the other hand, should the bridegroom have no father, then a
middle-man is appointed by the nearest relations to carry on the
transaction with the girl's progenitor. It is not uncommon for two
persons to be married several years without ever having seen each other.
This, for instance, may be the case when the young lady resides in a
distant province, and a journey of inspection would be too expensive.
Under such circumstances the bridegroom must just patiently wait until,
perhaps, years after, the bride undertakes the journey herself and comes
to live with him in his house.
After all, on thinking the matter over and bearing in mind that with us a
marriage is indeed _a_ lottery, I cannot see why the Corean wedding
should not be equivalent to _two_ lotteries! Very often, weddings are
arranged by letter, in which case misunderstandings frequently occur. For
instance, a father who has two daughters, a sound one and a cripple, may
have arranged for the one in good condition to be married to a charming
young man of good education and means. When the day of the wedding,
however, arrives, judge of the surprise of the bridegroom to see himself
on the point of being united in matrimony with a humpback lame creature,
with a face and limbs all out of drawing--in place of the ideal beauty
whom he had expected to obtain. What is to be done? There is the written
agreement, down in black and white, and signed by his incautious father,
and there the father of the maid swearing that it was "this" daughter he
meant to give him, not the beautiful one! What is to be done under such
circumstances so as not to cause grief to his parent, except to go
through with the wedding with courage and dignity, and to provide himself
with some good-looking concubines at the earliest opportunity?
The practice of having concubines is a national institution and of the
nature of polygamy. These second wives are not exactly recognised by the
Government, but they are tolerated and openly allowed. The legal wife
herself is well aware of the fact, and, though not always willing to have
these rivals staying under the same roof, she does not at all object to
receiving them and entertaining them in her own quarters--if her lord and
master orders her to do so. There are, nevertheless, strong-minded women
in the land of Cho-sen, who resent the intrusion of these thirds, and
family dissension not unfrequently results from the husband indulging in
such conduct. Should the wife abandon her master's roof in despair he can
rightfully have her brought back and publicly spanked with an instrument
like a paddle, a somewhat severe punishment, which is apt to bring back
to reason the most ill-tempered and strong-willed woman. Such a thing,
though, very seldom happens, for, as women go, the Corean specimens of
feminine humanity seem to be very sensible, and not much given to
jealousy or to worrying their little heads unnecessarily about such
small failings. They are perfectly well aware that their husbands cannot
easily divorce them, when once the fatal knot has been tied, and that,
though practically inferior beings and slaves, they nevertheless come
first, and are above their rivals in the eye of the law; which, I
suppose, is satisfaction enough for them. Even when on friendly terms
with her husband's second loves, the wife number one never forgets to
impress them with the fact that, though tolerated, they are considered by
her to be much lower beings than herself; which makes them feel all the
more her studied politeness to them. Occasionally, however, even the
cool-headed Corean woman gets possessed with the vice of envy--sometimes
mixed with hatred--with the result that reciprocal scratches and tearings
of the hair become _l'ordre du jour_. But to condescend to such means of
asserting one's authority is looked down upon by the more respectable
women; and suffering in silence is pronounced to be a nobler way of
acting under the circumstances, the woman thus setting an example of good
nature eliciting the admiration of all her neighbours.
The wedding ceremony in Cho-sen is simple. It is not celebrated as with
us, in the house of the bride, but in that of the bridegroom. The bride
it is, who--carried in a palanquin, if a lady of means and good family,
or on pony or donkey back, if she belongs to the lower classes--goes,
followed by parents, relations and friends, to the house of the
bridegroom. Here she finds assembled his friends and relations, and,
having been received by the father of the bridegroom, she mounts a small
platform erected for the purpose in the centre of the room and squats
down. Her father follows suit, placing himself just behind her. The
bridegroom, apparently unconcerned by the serious change in his life that
is in prospect, sits on his heels in front of her on the platform. A
document is then produced and unrolled, on which, in hundreds of
fantastic Chinese characters, it is certified that the performance taking
place is a _bonâ-fide_ marriage between Mr. So-and-so and the daughter of
So-and-so; the weaker sex, as we have already seen, not being entitled to
a personal name. The two contracting parties having signed the document,
the fathers of the bride and bridegroom and the nearest relations, follow
suit. If, as happens in many cases, the woman is able neither to read nor
write, she can make "her mark" on the roll of paper in question; and I
must confess that of all the ingenious marks I have seen, this one is the
most ingenious of all. If she be a lady of rank and illiterate, her
little hand is placed on the paper and the outline drawn round the
fingers and wrist with a fine brush dipped in Chinese ink; but if she
happens to have no blue blood in her veins, and is, therefore, of less
gracious manners, the simpler process of smearing her hand with black
paint and hitting the document with it is considered to render the
ceremony more impressive. A more or less vivid impression of the wife's
fleshly seal having been affixed in this way to some part or other of the
document according to her skill in aiming, the two unfortunates resume
their dignity on the platform, sitting face to face without a word or
motion. The bridegroom then makes four grand bows to his wife, in sign of
resignation or assent, I suppose; and she returns two, while she treats
her father-in-law with double that amount of reverence. This constitutes
the marriage ceremony proper, but much further bowing has to be gone
through by both the parties to each of the people present, who,
accompanying their wedding-gifts of birds and fish with pretty
compliments, come forward, one by one, to the platform and drink the
health, happiness and joy of the wedded pair. It is the duty of the bride
to remain perfectly mute and apparently unconcerned at all the pretty
speeches addressed to her by the bridegroom and his friends until the
nuptial-chamber is entered later in the evening. Previous to this,
however, the bridegroom is taken away into the men's apartment, while, on
the other hand, the wife is led into the ladies' own room. The former
then has his tress cut off and tied into a top-knot--an operation
entrusted to his best friend; while the latter also has her hair changed
from the fashion of the maiden to that of a married woman, by her most
intimate friend. It is only after this change in the coiffure that a man
begins to be taken notice of in the world, or is regarded as responsible
for his own conduct.
After being arrayed in the fashion just mentioned, and having gone
through a good deal of feasting, husband and wife are led off to the
nuptial-chamber. Here, numerous straw puppets, which had better be left
undescribed, are placed, with a certain implication, which need not be
explained. With these, then, the two poor wretches are shut in, while all
the relations and servants sit outside giggling and listening at the
door. The wife is not supposed to utter a sound, and if by chance her
voice is heard she can fully expect to have her life chaffed out of her,
and to be the talk and the cause of good-natured fun all over the
neighbourhood. The middle-men--either the fathers or others--are entitled
to assist at the first-night business, and to report to the relations and
friends whether the marriage is to turn out a happy one or not. They
generally act their part behind a screen placed for the purpose in the
nuptial-chamber.
What happens is generally this: the man either takes a violent fancy for
his new bride or else he does not care for her. If the former is the
case, the first fortnight or so is a very happy one for the couple, and
the two are continually by each other's side; but, by-and-by, of course,
the ardour of these days gets quieted down, and, to show his wife that
after all he does not think much of her, the man will even proceed to
enter into relationship with a second wife, and probably soon after that
also with a third or even a fourth, according to his means. After a time,
he will again return to the first and principal wife, and repeat to her a
certain amount of affection, though never quite so much as is displayed
towards the last love. The Corean treats his wife with dignity and
kindness, and feeds her well, but she is never allowed to forget that she
is an inferior personage. To this, however, the women of Cho-sen seem
quite resigned, and it is marvellous how faithful they are to their
husbands, and how much they seem to think of them and their welfare and
happiness, their own selves being quite forgotten. Should a woman of the
better classes be left, a widow, she must wear mourning as long as she
lives, and ever shed tears over the loss of her husband. To re-marry she
is not permitted. Women of the lower classes, it is true, do not always
observe this rule--which is not law, but merely etiquette.
Many a Cho-sen lady, also, on finding herself deprived of her better half
when she is still young in years and physique voluntarily puts an end to
her days, that she may join her husband, wherever he may have gone,
rather than go through life alone. If, however, a son is born, she will
nurse him, and look upon him as her master when he grows older and
becomes the head of the family.
To obtain a divorce in Corea is not an easy matter. Large sums of money,
however, often obtain what right cannot. The principal causes for which,
if proved, a divorce can be obtained, are: infidelity, sterility,
dishonesty, and incurable malady. These faults, be it understood, only
apply to women, for against the men the weaker sex has, unfortunately, no
redress. Indeed, by the law of Corea a man becomes the owner of a woman
if he can prove that he has had intimate relations with her. In such a
case as this, even though it has been against her parents' and her own
will, he has a perfect right to take her to his house, and make her a
wife or a concubine.
Adultery until lately was punished in Corea with flogging and capital
punishment. Now the law is more lenient, and wives accused of such a
dreadful offence are beaten nearly to death, and when recovered, if they
do recover, are given as concubines to low officials in the Palace or at
some of the _Yamens_.
Women who are much deformed and have reached a certain age without
finding a husband are allowed the privilege of purchasing one, which, in
other words, corresponds to our marriage for money. In Corea, however,
the money is paid down as the consideration for the marriage. But this
sort of thing is not very frequent, and husbands in such cases are
generally recruited from among ruined gentlemen or from the middle
classes, among whom with money anything can be done. It is not considered
quite honourable, and the Cho-senese despise such conduct on the part of
a man.
When a woman marries she becomes co-proprietress of all her husband's
fortune and property, and should he die without having any sons, money
and land descend to her. When this happens, however, the larger part of
the fortune is swallowed up by the astrologers and priests, who give the
woman to understand that they are looking after the welfare of her
deceased beloved. In matters concerning the dead, the Coreans are
heedless of expense, and large sums are spent in satisfying the wishes
that dead people convey to the living through those scamps, the
astrologers.
The life of a Corean woman, though that of a slave kept in strict
seclusion, with prospects of floggings and head-chopping, is not always
devoid of adventures. Love is a thing which is capricious in the extreme,
and there are stories current in Cho-sen about young, wives being
carelessly looked after by their husbands, and falling in love with some
good-looking youth, of course married to some one else. Having, perhaps,
against her master's orders, made a hole through the paper window, and
been peeping at the passers-by in the street, after months, or even years
of drudgery and sleepless nights thinking of her ideal--for Corean women
are passionate, and much given to fanciful affections--she at last
chances to see the man of her heart, and manages, through the well-paid
agency of some faithful servant, to enter into communication with him. If
the man in question happens to be a high official or a nobleman, what
happens generally is that the lady's husband either gets suddenly packed
off by order of the King to some distant province, or is sent upon some
travelling employment which probably necessitates his leaving his wife
behind for several years, during which period, under the old-fashioned
excuse of news received of the husband's death, or the plea of poverty,
she very likely becomes the concubine of the man she loves. In Corean
literature, there are many stories of the burning affections of the fair
sex, some being said to have committed crimes, and even suicide, to be
near the man they loved.
To a European mind, certainly, the native way of arranging marriages does
not seem very likely to make the contracting parties happy, for neither
the tastes nor respective temperaments of the young couple are regarded.
Still, taking everything into consideration, it is marvellous how little
unhappiness--comparatively--there is in a Corean household. Besides, it
must not be supposed that, slave though she be, the Corean woman never
gets things her own way. On the contrary, she does, and that as often as
she likes. Among the upper classes, especially those about the Court,
half the trouble in the kingdom is caused by the women, not openly,
indeed, but in a clever underhand way through their _enervé_ husbands,
whom, instead of being the governors, they rule and lead by the nose.
Promotions, punishments, and beheadings are generally the consequence of
the work of some female fiend. There is probably no place in the world in
which intrigue is so rampant as in the Corean Capital. The Queen herself
is said to exercise an enormous influence over the King, and, according
to Corean reports, it is really she, and not the King, that rules
Cho-sen. She is never either seen or heard of; and yet all the officials
are frightened out of their lives if they think they have incurred her
displeasure. For no plausible reason whatever men are sometimes seen
deprived of their high position, degraded and exiled. Nobody knows why it
is; the accused themselves cannot account for it. There is only one
answer possible, namely, _Cherchez la femme_. The fact is, a Corean woman
can be an angel and she can be a devil. If the former, she is soft, good,
willing to bear any amount of pain, incredibly faithful to her husband,
painstaking with her children, and willing to work day and night without
a word of reproach. If, however, she is the other thing, I do not think
that any devils in existence can beat her. She then has all the bad
qualities that a human body can contain. I firmly believe that when a
Corean woman is bad she is capable of anything! Much of the distress,
even, which prevails all over the country is more or less due to the
weakness of the stronger sex towards the women. Everybody, I suppose, is
aware of the terrible system of "squeezing"; that is to say, the
extortion of money from any one who may possess it. It is really painful
all over Corea to see the careworn, sad expression on everybody's face;
you see the natives lying about idle and pensive, doubtful as to what
their fate will be to-morrow, all anxious for a reform in the mode of
government, yet all too lazy to attempt to better their position, and
this has gone on for generations! Such is human nature. It is hard to
suffer, but this is considered to be nothing compared with the trouble of
improving one's position.
"What is the use of working and making money," said a Corean once to me,
"if, when the work is done and the money made, it is taken from you by
the officials; you are worn out by the work you have done, yet are as
poor as before, that is, mind you, if you are fortunate enough not to be
exiled to a distant province by the magistrate who has enriched himself
at your expense?" "Now," added the Cho-senese, looking earnestly into my
face, "would you work under those circumstances?" "I am hanged if I
would," were the words which, to the best of my ability, I struggled to
translate into the language of Cho-sen, in order to show my approval of
these philosophic views; "but, tell me, what do the officials do with all
the money?"
"It is all spent in pleasure. Women are their ruin. The feasts which they
celebrate with their singers and their concubines cost immense sums of
money. Besides, their women are like leeches, and continually incite them
to extort more and more from the public to satisfy their ambition and
evil habits. They are women mostly born in dirt, but who now find
themselves in lavishness and luxury. People who spring up from nothing
never are satisfied with what they possess, and it is always a pleasure
to them to see other people suffering as they formerly did."
There is little doubt that what the Corean said is perfectly true, and
that the system of "squeezing" is carried on by the magistrates to such
an extent as to entirely ruin the people; wherefore, it is only natural
that its depressing effects should be impressed upon the people
"squeezed." I also believe that there is a good deal of truth in what he
said about their females being supplied with large funds by the
magistrates. The money must come from some part, and since, personally,
they are poor and only receive a small pay, there is no doubt that the
money in question is extorted as described. But let this suffice for the
good and bad qualities of the Cho-sen fairies and their funny way of
being married.
[Illustration: THE MARK]