SHIFTING SUNSHINE AND CLOUDS
Ingram and Lassie went out but not on the bridge; they did not even turn
their heads that way.
"Alva says that she can see the gorge even when it's pitch-dark," Lassie
said. "She says she shall see it plainly to the end of her life,
wherever she may be in the world." She felt quite safe now that they
were alone; she didn't even mind that embarrassing speech of Mrs. Ray's.
"Yes," said Ingram; they went calmly and happily up the road. He didn't
mind the speech either, now.
"Alva and I never walk this way," Lassie said after a minute. "We always
walk the other, except just a little bit to the post-office, of course."
"Yes," said the man again, and they went on, up the hill.
The peculiar charm of the ordinary mode of falling in love is that it is
so simple; it requires so little effort, so to speak. If it was harder
work, it might produce bigger results--results nearer the millennium
than those we are now getting. Perhaps, however, the results are a
lesson to be learned, and we are still so deep in the primer of that
learning, that love remains the cheapest, easiest, and most common of
all its tasks.
Ingram thought Lassie's remarks fascinating, and she thought his two
"Yes's" both clever and original. They were each thoroughly satisfied
with one another, and were deeply interested each minute. Ingram had
never tramped along a country road in starlight with this pretty young
girl before, and Lassie had never walked anywhere, with any man, in all
her life. It was not perhaps remarkable that what had happened was
happening. Not at all.
"How fast the time has gone," Lassie said, as they mounted the Wiley
hill; "to think that I have been here over a week!"
"And to think of all that has happened," said Ingram.
"I know; isn't it strange?"
"I shall be awfully lonesome after you go."
This sounded so mournful and pathetic that it brought a lump into her
throat and she could not speak for a minute.
"Alva will go, too," Ingram went on, presently.
"But she'll come back."
"Let us hope so."
They walked over the Wiley hill.
"Poor Mrs. Lathbun and her daughter won't go chestnutting any more after
to-morrow," Lassie said, after they passed under the heavy shadows cast
by Mrs. Wiley's huge trees. "I think that we ought to go back now, the
mail will be in."
They turned around to walk back and enjoyed every step of the way. There
is really nothing that lights up a lack of conversation like being in
love.
As they passed the post-office they saw Mrs. Ray standing on the porch,
tucked up in her shawl.
"There was a wreck," she called; "the mail's late."
"All right!" Ingram called in response.
Mrs. Ray watched them vanish out of the light cast by her open door, and
then turned, went inside, and shut it. "I like that young man," she said
to herself; "he's got a good face. I wish we were as sure of getting the
dam as he is of getting that girl. We need the dam full as much as he
thinks he needs her. It'll bring men and lots of money to this section,
and this section needs men and money. All we've got around here is women
and land, and women and land can't get very far without men and money.
It's about time we was getting some show at prosperity. I do wonder how
Sammy's getting along with his hens!"
Arrived at the hotel, Ingram bade Lassie good night and she went
up-stairs, one trembling tumult of tangling sentiments as to the
conversation now to ensue.
Alva's room was dark, but when Lassie whispered her name at the door,
the answer came quickly.
"Is that you, dear? come to me. Lassie, how I have wanted you!"
Lassie crossed to the bed, from whence the voice came. She thought she
knew why she was wanted, but she only said: "What is it, dear?"
"I am in the grip of an awful fear."
The girl stood still, much startled.
"Alva! What do you mean? What has happened?"
"I don't know. I went out on the bridge for a minute after you left, and
it came blowing down the gorge--a wind of horrid presentiment; oh, I am
beside myself, I don't know what to do. There is no mail to-night--" she
stopped, and Lassie felt that she was weeping. Finally she added: "I
ought to have stayed there at the hospital. I should not have obeyed his
wishes or what the surgeon said. I ought to have obeyed my own heart. I
ought to have stayed with him!"
The young girl was frightened, silent.
Finally she managed to stammer:
"But you said that he was not conscious--that it was not possible for
you to stay there--that no purpose could be served. Oh, what do you
fear? What do you think may have happened?"
Alva controlled herself and drew Lassie down beside her upon the bed.
"Dear, I don't know; but I do know that I shall go away to-morrow!"
"To-morrow!"
"I shall, dear. I must see him; I have telegraphed--" Again tears choked
her.
"You think something has happened?" Lassie faltered.
"Yes, something warns me. It has come over me heavily to-night. I must
go and face it. What is the reason of my love, if it seems to fail him
when the strain comes. It shall not fail. They shall not trick me into
failing. Perhaps they are trying to spare me or shield me, but I'll go
to receive the blow. An instant swept him out of his life-work--I saw
his spirit of resignation--I will be resigned, too--"
Lassie felt the bed shaken by the fierceness of sobs. She was dumb, not
knowing what to say. The orbit of Alva's love was so infinitely greater
than that of her own, that the feebler suffered eclipse in that hour.
She saw herself and Ingram completely swept aside, and was not even
conscious of the fact.
"It is my heart that suffers," Alva pressed on after a minute, "only my
heart, Lassie; my soul is strong, very strong. There is nothing else for
my spirit to learn, but half of my being still suffers; it cannot
remember every second how it was when I knelt beside him and he told me
in whispers that he was content and that if I loved him I also would be
content. I have tried to be content, I have been content until
to-day--until to-night. But now, as I lay here in the dark, it seemed as
if content had fled not only me but the whole universe. I feel as if
content had ceased to exist. Rebellion is in the air. In some strange
way I'm sure that he has abjured resignation and renunciation; I feel
that he is in the throes of something--he is suffering, suffering agony;
and I want to be with him. I _must_ be with him! I shall leave
to-morrow!"
Lassie trembled; she had never seen any one like this before.
"When do you want me to go, Alva," she whispered, presently.
"Could you go to-morrow at four, and I will take the train the opposite
way at eight?"
"I'll be ready; don't mind about me a bit, dear."
"We must go. Oh, listen to that wind coming down the gorge; doesn't it
sound as if some spirit were in travail? So sad, so melancholy!
Something tremendous is taking place, and I am far from him while he
endures."
The wind was surely rising, and its moan shook the window sash.
"I'm going mad," Alva exclaimed, springing from the bed; "why did I
leave him? No matter what they said, I should have stayed there. My
place was there. Oh, I have been cast in so many moulds these last
years; I have taken so many prizes, only to find them dust in my hands;
and now God will not--must not take this one from me! I have learned the
folly of the material, I have bent my head beneath the yoke enough to be
spared another lash of the goad. I pray--oh, I pray--that this cup may
pass me by."
Lassie sat still, now quite terrified.
Alva paced up and down the little room. "I have been dragged--or I have
managed to drag myself--up one step above the ordinary. I had accepted
the loneliness that comes when one gets where no one else stands. I
learned not to expect companionship. But we are not the less lonely
because we go our way alone,--we are not the less lonely. And that same
rule holds all through. Lassie, I tell you, that one does not crave
companionship the less because one chooses to marry a dying man; one
does not crave caresses the less when one loves as I do." She wrung her
hands miserably. "I'm weak--weak--weak! This is the test and
I am failing. I, who have worked so far, am being carried
down--down--down--now--to-night. Oh, the struggle, the tragedy, the
lesson! Life's lessons are always so terrible." Then, her emotions
seeming for the moment to exhaust all her strength, she came back to the
bed, and said, with some approach to calmness:
"Perhaps it is that I preached too much to you, dear, or was too sure of
myself. Perhaps my joy was a selfish joy, or perhaps I did wrong in
planning to leave my parents, even for a little while. Just in
proportion as one rises, so do the subtlety of their problems increase.
To love a man whose life was too big for any one to share unless she
could give herself wholly--that was hard but I learned that lesson; I
would have given my life wholly. Then to have my duty chain me away from
him--that was terrible but I accepted that, too. Then to have him struck
down--I thought that that was the worst of all, but something held me up
through that. But--but," she broke out in a wail of absolute,
heartbroken desolation, "but if he is going to leave me before we--" and
there she stopped short, shivered violently, and became stilly rigid.
Lassie dared to put her arms about her.
"Why do you think such dreadful things? You don't know that anything has
happened."
Alva drew a long, sharp breath. "But I do know it," she said; "something
has happened. You will see in the morning. Oh, I would have given up my
life while he was giving up his, and minded it so little; but to have to
give him up! What shall I do? I wanted those weeks, even if they shrank
to days--to hours. It seemed to me that we had earned the right to a
little, so little, happiness. The memories would have given me strength
to bear the hereafter. If I could only be a soul, and a brave one, like
him,--but to-night I am all heart, all quivering fear." She paused to
control her voice again.
"But, Alva, let me give you back your own speeches in comfort. How often
you've told me how only his soul counted, and how that was yours for
eternity, and how, because of that, you found yourself equal to all
things. And you've told me, too, dear, how his renunciation, how his
exchange of power, strength and life for weakness and death--and all
without a murmur--made you quite confident that you would never fail,
either."
"Yes," Alva murmured, "yes, I remember, but--"
"And you said that the way that he ignored his poor, crushed body and
looked straight towards another future life of fresh labor made you full
of courage, too. You remember."
"Yes, yes, I remember." Then she tried to dry her eyes. "I won't admit
that the world has a right to shudder, and yet I am shuddering myself,"
she said, sadly. "I must learn to be braver. I can't fight down
foreboding, but I must be braver. But, dear, I do so love him--I have so
wanted him--he is so dear to me. I have so lived upon the picture of our
hours together. That little house across the river is full of him for
me. I saw him in it well and strong of spirit, fighting against the
desecration of the gorge, and showing me how I might help on the work
when he was gone. I meant to give him the joy of one more crusade, and
one more victory to his credit. He would have known how to act, even if
his only sympathizers were the poor and those yet to be born. He
understood the claims of the poor and the unborn; he gave his life for
them."
Lassie enfolded her in her tender arms; the little star was in eclipse,
yet even in eclipse it was gathering power on high. Alva leaned her
cheek against the head on her shoulder.
"How I suffer," she murmured. "Lassie, I feel that I have entered into a
maelstrom--a whirlwind. I seem to hear a dirge in that wind outside. I
must go to-morrow--we must go to-morrow."
"Yes, we'll go," said Lassie, soothingly.
"It is my heart, just my heart. It is so hard to strike an even balance
between the heart and the soul. My poor, thin, trembling flesh has ruled
to-night, truly."
"Let me sleep with you," Lassie pleaded; "let me hold you fast and love
you dearly."
Alva smiled in the dark. "Come, then," she said; "I fancy that I shall
sleep if my hand clasps yours--and if I know that we leave to-morrow."
Later, after Lassie had slept thus for some hours, she was awakened by
Alva's rising and going to the window.
"What is it, dear, you are not faint?"
Alva turned, the pale, early sunrise illuminated her face.
"Some riddle has been solved somewhere, dear," she said; "I'm quite calm
now. The struggle for him as well as for me is over."
"Then come back and sleep with my arms tight round your neck," said the
friend, stretching forth her arms.
Alva came back like an obedient child, crept in close beside her, and in
a few minutes was sleeping as a child sleeps.
Later, when the real morning came and the real, enduring wakefulness
with it, it was Alva who roused first again, and, sitting up in bed, put
back her hair with both hands and smiled into her friend's eyes.
"You're all right, now?" Lassie said, joyfully.
"Very right, dear; the crisis is over. Forget last night. I shall never
be like that again."
Lassie turned her face towards the window; looking out from where she
lay she could see the valley one burst of flame, its wave of color
sweeping off afar and the hoar frost sparkling over all the glory. "I
feel as if I never had seen anything so beautiful in all my life
before," the girl exclaimed; "I don't know what it makes me think of,
but it is as if my soul were growing, I am so happy to see you happy
again."
Alva sat there with the white coverlet heaped about her and smiled.
"Thank you, dear," she said, with simplicity. "I am happy, and last
night and this morning have caused both our souls to grow."
"It's too beautiful!" the girl said, after a long pause; "the valley is
more beautiful than I ever realized before."
Presently Alva left the bed and went to close the window. "There's a
mist lying low in the valley," she said then; "it lies there like an
emblem of peace. Omens are curious. That cold, sad wind last night had
its message, and the morning mist has another. I know that some change
is at hand, but I know that whatever it is its burden is good. I feel
equal to anything this morning. I feel as if God had come to me in the
night and told me that he was charging Himself with my care."
Lassie looked at her with freshly awakened anxiety.
"Oh, don't look at me that way," she begged; "that is the very hardest
of all--to have those to whom you talk regard you as if you were mad."
"But you astonish me so. Last night you were so frightened."
"Last night some struggle was on, my dear; this morning it is settled."
She stopped and spoke very slowly. "I think, perhaps, that he knows now
that he can never come to the house," she said, and although her lips
quivered slightly her voice was clear and composed.
"Alva," Lassie cried, in sudden horror, "you think that he is dead--that
is what you think."
As soon as the words had passed her lips, she was frightened at her own
temerity; but Alva, whose back was towards her, now turned towards her
smiling.
"He is not dead," she said; "he was thinking of me all last night and
this morning. He is not dead. That I know."
"How can you be sure?"
"When people love as we do, they can be very sure. I was awfully shaken
last night, Lassie; I confess it. Something big, that we shall know all
about later, hung in the balance and I trembled. But it's settled now."
There came a tap at the door just then, announcing Mary Cody with their
hot water.
"They're still asleep," she said in a whisper; "if the letter from the
lawyer don't come in this morning's mail, Mr. O'Neil is going to eject
them. Only think!"
Naturally this remark gave quite a new turn to the conversation.
"Unless they pay, you know," Alva reminded Mary Cody.
"How do you eject people?" Lassie asked, rejoicing in the cheerfulness
of the commonplace. "If he puts them out the front door and they just
walk around and come into the kitchen, what can any one do?"
"I don't know," said Mary Cody, apparently thunderstruck at the mental
vision of the O'Neil House besieged by Mrs. and Miss Lathbun, trying to
get in again. "I don't know what we could do. There's seven doors to
this house."
"Will Mr. O'Neil pull them out, or push them out?" Lassie asked
further; "or will he just drive them out?"
"I don't know," said Mary Cody; "everybody in town'll be up at the
post-office waiting to see if the letter from the lawyer comes, I
expect. If it doesn't come, Mr. O'Neil is going to Ledge Centre and get
a warrant."
"Oh, dear," said Lassie.
"You won't get any mail this morning," said Mary Cody; "there's a wreck
on the road. Two coal trucks and a car of cabbages. There'll be no
eastern mail till noon."
Then Mary Cody went away again.
"Isn't it strange that all this should happen just during the little
time that we're here?" Lassie said; "it's made it very exciting."
Alva went on brushing her hair.
Lassie looked at her then, and saw that she bore many traces of her
violent emotion of the night before.
"You won't try to go to-day, will you?" she said, suddenly.
"Oh, yes, I shall go." Then she turned and looked straight into the
girl's eyes. "I _must_ go," she said; "something has happened."