DOUBTS
Alva was sitting in her room, her hands clasped behind her head in her
favorite thinking attitude when Lassie returned from her walk to the
Lower Falls. The face of the older friend wore its habitual look of
far-away absorption as the young girl entered, but the look was almost
rivalled by Lassie's own look--for Lassie had returned from the Lower
Falls with what was to be her own private and personal absorption
forever after.
"Had you a pleasant time?" Alva asked.
"Oh, it was beautiful!" the young girl exclaimed, "we had such fun,
too," she stopped, and hesitated; then something in the other's face
made her ask: "Are they gone?"
Alva shook her head. "No, dear, they've received their warning, but
they've not gone."
"Oh," said Lassie, relieved, "then they won't be in jail this night,
anyway."
"No, nor any other night," Alva said, quietly; "I shall not let those
women suffer shame and humiliation when a little money can prevent it."
"You are going to pay their bills!"
"No, but I am going to help them pay them."
"You are going to give them money?"
"I have given it."
Lassie stood still in surprise, and yet, even surprised as she was,
there was a perfunctory aspect which had not been present in the
morning.
"And I have written a little letter to the hero of Miss Lathbun's
romance, too."
Lassie came close. "Alva!" she asked, "then you really believe that
there is such a man?"
Alva put out her hand and pulled the girl down upon her lap. "I do
believe it," she said. "I may be deceived in some ways, but the man is
real, I know. As I said before, one cannot invent that kind of
character."
"And you wrote him? What did you say?"
"Only a few simple words. I felt that it was the right thing to do; I
did it for the same reason that I do all things. Out of the might of my
love. If you ever come to love as I do, you'll understand how wide and
deep one's interest in all love can become--yes, in all love and in all
things."
Lassie leaned her cheek upon her friend's hair for a moment and did not
speak.
"I know what you're thinking," Alva went on then (but she did not know,
really). "But do you know what I have been thinking? I have been
wondering. Surely no two people could seem further out of my realm than
these two forlorn women, but I always said there must be a reason and a
strong one, or else they would not interest me so, and now you see what
it was. They were brought to me to succor, and that is almost the
greatest joy that I know now."
Lassie felt real life slipping from her, just as it always did when Alva
talked. She was silent and thoughtful, even her new sensation in
abeyance for the minute. Love was drawing back a step and letting Mercy
have its hour.
"But if they deserved punishment?" she asked finally, in a timid voice.
"Perhaps they do deserve it, but not at my hands. If I, feeling as I do,
suffered them to go down yet deeper into the pit, I should do a cruel
wrong. I can't do such a wrong, I must do right in so far as I know
how,--and it's their good luck to have met me just now." She smiled.
"Alva," said Lassie, kissing her, "that's a very new view to me. The
evil-doers deserve to be punished, but others ought to be doing good; so
on account of those others and on their account mainly we are taught
forgiveness of sins;" she laughed softly.
Alva opened her eyes. "What a forward leap your intellect has taken this
afternoon," she commented. "I never dreamed that Ronald was such a
Jesuit. Come now, jump up, we must go down to supper."
"But you'll just tell me what Mrs. Ray said when she saw the paper."
"My dear, I really haven't asked."
"Oh, dear; then perhaps she took it calmly! Have you seen her since?"
"Yes, she took this afternoon to clean ants out of the government
precincts. She seemed calm to me."
"Goodness! Then I'm glad that I went."
Alva laughed a little. For some odd reason the laugh caused Lassie to
blush deeply, although the laugh was absolutely innocent of innuendo.
Down-stairs, Ingram awaited them. At the other small table Mrs. Lathbun
and her daughter sat as placidly as ever. The long table was full as
usual, but there was a keen subtlety of interest abroad which rendered
the conversation there fitful and jerky in the extreme. The mother and
daughter began to feel uneasy, and before Mary Cody had placed the soup
for the later comers, they rose and went quietly up-stairs.
"Do you know what they said when Mr. O'Neil gave them warning?" Lassie
asked, when the others had also left the room.
"They said they'd pay the money just as soon as a letter could get to
Cromwell and back," Alva replied. "They had been waiting for their own
lawyer to return from day to day, but if it came to the question of real
necessity they could get money from some one else."
The squeak of the outside door was heard; it was Mrs. Ray, and the next
second she was in their midst.
"Good evening," she said briskly.
At the sound of her voice Mrs. O'Neil hurried in from the kitchen and
Mary Cody followed her as far as the door and stood there, spellbound
with eager interest.
Mrs. Ray was out of breath and had her shawl over her head and her bond
under her arm. "I just run down before the mail to get Jack to sign this
and find out if anything more's come up. Sammy Adams was in to see me
about five, and he's scared white over their being swindlers. He says to
think of them swindling around his house all that night long! He's
afraid to stay in his house now, and he's afraid to leave it. He was
running to the window to look out that way all the time. I'm afraid
Sammy's getting mooney. There were days when Mr. Ray used to be always
looking out the window. Those were always his mooney days."
"Nothing new's come up," said Mrs. O'Neil; "the old lady took her two
cups of coffee same as usual, didn't she, Mary?"
"She took three to-night," said Mary Cody.
"Loading up to skip," said Mrs. Ray, significantly; "well, Nellie,
where's your husband? He's got to sign this before I can go back. The
United States Government won't trust me after seventeen years without my
bondsmen are still willing to support their view."
"Jack's in the bar," said his wife; "I'll go and fetch him."
"Do sit down, Mrs. Ray," Alva begged. Ingram jumped up and drew out a
chair. Mrs. Ray seated herself.
"Are they up-stairs, Mary?" she asked.
"Yes, went right up after supper," said Mary Cody.
"I thought they looked troubled," said Lassie.
"Well, they did post a letter, after all," said Mrs. Ray, turning to
Alva. "I never malign any one, so I wanted to tell you that. They didn't
come in and lay it on the counter, like honest people, but they put it
in that box that the United States Government requires me to keep nailed
up outside and unlock and peek into twice every day of the year around.
Theirs was the first letter any one ever put in, I guess, because
although folks feel I'm honest enough to be postmistress, they don't
think I'm silly enough to look in that box twice a day, just because I
said I would on my oath. The boys put June-bugs and garter-snakes in to
try if I do; but I always find 'em before they've quit being lively."
"What did you do with the letter?" Mary Cody asked.
"Do with it! Don't I have to put any letter into the next mail and lock
the bag, no matter what my feelings are? Yes, indeed."
"Where was it addressed?" asked Ingram, leaning back and putting his
hands in his pockets.
"That I can't tell you," said Mrs. Ray; "my oath keeps my mouth closed
on all business connected with the United States Mail, but I'll tell you
what I did do. I copied the address off, and then I looked through the
little book of post-office regulations and I couldn't find one word to
prevent my bringing you a copy, so here it is."
She opened her hand as she spoke and showed a piece of paper. Lassie,
who was nearest her, took it eagerly.
"Oh!" she exclaimed disappointedly, "this is the letter that she told
Mr. O'Neil she'd write. It's to their lawyer. It isn't anything new."
"Well, give it back to me so I can tear it up," said Mrs. Ray; "I meant
to tear it up, anyway. But where is Mr. O'Neil? I want to get my bond
filed. By the way," she said, turning to Ingram, "you owe me two cents."
"Two cents!"
"Yes; the stamp come off of one of your letters, and I put on a new one.
I've saved the other for you. It was a letter addressed to New York.
You'll have to buy some glue if you're ever meaning to get your money's
worth out of that stamp. I licked it good, but it won't stick. Too many
been at it before you and me, I guess. That's the way with most stamps
that won't stick, I always think."
"Here's the two cents," said Ingram.
"Thank you very much. Well, every one in town is wondering what the
lawyer will answer them. He's a real man, for Nathan says he got beat
for the Legislature once. But will he send them any money? That's the
question!"
"What do you think?" asked Ingram.
"I can't have any opinion. Any one who's had anything to do with the
Government closes my lips as a servant to the United States. It was very
hard for me to give up having opinions when I first came into politics,
but I'm so used to it now that I wouldn't feel easy if I could speak
freely any more."
"But if you weren't postmistress what would you think?" Ingram queried.
"Wouldn't think anything; I'd know they'd skip! They'll skip to-night;
mark my words."
"Oh, but they won't," said Alva, smiling; "they'll pay their bill--wait
and see."
"Yes, I will wait and see," said Mrs. Ray, darkly. "I'll wait a long
while and see very little. Yes, indeed. What sticks in my mind is poor
Sammy Adams. He says he's afraid to sleep alone in his house, and he's
too afraid of dogs and cats to have any to watch. He's going to put two
hens in his kitchen to-night and roll a sofa against the front door. He
says he knows every time the hens stir he'll go most out of his senses.
Sammy says he wasn't meant to live alone."
"What did you say to that?"
"Said it didn't look to me as if he was meant to live with hens,
neither. But where is your husband, Nellie?" (Mrs. O'Neil had just
re-entered the room). "I've got to get hold of him. I'm in a awful hurry
to get home. There's the mail, and I've got Sally Catt's dress to
finish, too."
"He'll be in in just a minute," said Mrs. O'Neil; "did Sally decide to
line it, after all?"
"No, she didn't decide to line it; but she decided to have me line it,
which is more to my point. I'm sure I'm glad not to be Joey Beall and
have to adapt myself to Sally; but then, if folks are still calling a
fellow Joey after he's forty, I don't know that it matters much who
marries him, and Sally hasn't changed her mind as to liking the house on
the hill since he moved it up on the hill to please her."
"I'm sorry for Joey," said Mrs. O'Neil, warmly.
"Well, I'm not," said Mrs. Ray. "I'm not sorry for any one who's a fool.
Speaking of fools, if they don't pay to-morrow, how much longer are you
intending to keep them for nothing? I'd just like to know that."
"They can't get an answer to the letter before to-morrow night."
"Huh! So you're going to feed them all day to-morrow, too! Well, I don't
know how you and Jack keep clothes on your backs the way you go on. I
never saw people like you two. If I ever want to live free, I know where
to come."
"Indeed you do, Mrs. Ray," said Mrs. O'Neil, her bright eyes filling
suddenly; "indeed you do. You come right down here any day you want to,
and you can stay here till you die. You know I've told you that a
thousand times."
"You're easy," said Mrs. Ray, drawing herself up with great dignity. "I
just believe you mean it, too, Nellie, and I just suppose if I was to
come and borrow a hundred dollars without witnesses, Jack would be
plenty idiot enough to give it to me, too."
"Well, I should hope so," said his wife; "who'd he trust sooner?"
Mrs. Ray looked around the table. "And it's this sort of people that
those two up-stairs are cheating," she said; "well, it's a queer world.
But if I ain't signed and witnessed and back up at my house before long,
the United States Government will likely go swearing out something
against me; where _is_ your husband, Nellie?"
"He said he'd be right in. Mary Cody, you go and tell him to hurry."
Mary Cody disappeared obediently.
"Joey Beall says you won't have her, long," said Mrs. Ray,
significantly; "he saw her and Edward Griggs climbing down the bank
Sunday. He saw you two walking to the Lower Falls, too," she added,
turning suddenly on Ingram and Lassie.
The inference fell like a sledge-hammer. Alva started violently, and
looked from one confused face to the other.
But before any one could say anything Mr. O'Neil walked into the room.
"Well, there you are at last," said Mrs. Ray. "I am glad to see you!
Here I sit, filing away at my bond and can't make any headway because
you're the first to sign."
"It's hard to get away from the bar to-night," said Mr. O'Neil, bringing
pen and ink. "They're betting I never see my money."
"We'll never see it in the world, Jack," said his wife; "everybody says
so."
"Except me," interposed Alva, her eyes on Lassie.
"And you haven't had any experience with swindlers," said Mrs. Ray;
"that's easy seen. You ain't any more fit to be trusted with a pair of
sharpers than Mr. and Mrs. O'Neil, or poor Sammy Adams alone in his
house to-night, relying on hens in the hour of need."
"Perhaps not," Alva said sighing. She was deeply shaken by the new
conception of what was transpiring around her, in the discovery of how
much might go on without her ever noticing. Lassie in love with Ingram!
And the girl was not even out yet! What would her mother say!
"There, there's my name for another year for you, Mrs. Ray," said Jack
O'Neil, pushing the bond towards its owner.
"And remember, Mrs. Ray," added his wife, laughing, "remember, if you
ever want a place to live or to borrow any money, you come straight
here."
"I'll remember," said Mrs. Ray, rising and adjusting her shawl. "Well,
it's back to duty and the mail-bag, now. So good night."
She went out and Ingram felt an intolerable longing to avoid Alva's eyes
until she should have had a little time to think. Lassie shared the
feeling; she, too, was greatly upset by Mrs. Ray's loquacity.
"Let us go out and walk until it's time to get the letters," the man
suggested to the girl. His tone was curiously imperative, and she
welcomed its command and jumped up quickly to fetch her wraps.
"Ronald," Alva said, gently, then, "she's very young."
He met her eyes squarely. "I know," he said; "but I'm not." She said no
other word, but sat silent until they were gone. Mr. O'Neil returned to
the bar at once, and in a minute--when Alva was alone--his wife came
and sat opposite her. Alva was supporting her chin on her hands, trying
to disentangle three urgent trains of thought.
"I'll be so glad when they're gone," Mrs. O'Neil said, with a sigh.
"They've worn on me terribly, and now that I know what they are, it's
awful. There's no possible chance of their being straight any more. They
wear their heels off on the outside, and Mary Cody says Edward Griggs
worked in a shoe store once, and knows for a fact that that's the sign
of dishonesty."
"But have you ever seen their shoes?" Alva asked, with a slight smile.
"Why, I haven't put anything into the oven without having to take their
heels out first, since they came."
"I'd forgotten." Alva sighed.
Mrs. O'Neil glanced at her quickly.
"You musn't take them so much to heart," she said, gently. "They could
be good if they wanted to."
"It isn't them, altogether," the other replied. Mrs. O'Neil looked at
her in a sort of blind sympathy. She thought that the youth and
sweetness of the young girl was what weighed so heavily on the young
woman opposite. "But men will be men," she reflected, and tried to think
of something to say, and couldn't.
The evening freight went roaring by.
"Why, I thought it went up before," Alva said.
"I did, too, but that must have been the wrecking-train; there must be a
wreck on the road."
"Let's go out on the bridge!" Alva suggested. "I feel choked; I want
fresh air, and there is a moon."
"Shall I go with you?"
"Yes, do."
"I'll tell Mary Cody."
While Mrs. O'Neil went for a shawl and to tell Mary Cody, Alva sought
her big cape. Then they went out together into the frost, for the frost
was sharp in the air.
"The woods will soon end being beautiful," the little woman said.
Alva walked swiftly on and made no reply. In less than five minutes they
stood out over the gorge and looked down on its matchless glory of
silver illuminating blackest shadow.
"I hope that the dam won't spoil all this," the girl said suddenly.
"You like to look at it, don't you?" Mrs. O'Neil said softly.
"Living here on its banks, as you do, I don't believe you can appreciate
it!" Alva exclaimed. "Can it possibly mean to any one what it does to
me, I wonder."
"I think it's pretty and I love so to look at it," said Mrs. O'Neil in
gentlest sympathy.
Alva caught her hand and pressed it hard in both her own. "Do you know,
Mrs. O'Neil, if I were very happy I should love best to be happy here,
and if more sorrow were to be, I would choose to have that here, too. I
am so close to God when I live in His country."
She took the warm hand that she held and pressed it close against her
heart.
"I wish that every one was so good as you are," Mrs. O'Neil said,
impulsively.
"Every one is better than we give them credit for being."
"Even those two?"
"Yes, even those two."
"I can't quite believe that," said the little woman.
"Wait and you'll see."
Then they stood quiet, until a cold wind, coming down the gorge, smote
them bitterly.
"We must go in," Alva said, regretfully; "the wind comes so strongly
here."
They turned and were only a few steps on their way when Alva stopped
suddenly.
"Do you believe in signs?" she asked.
"Why--I don't know."
Alva put both hands up to her head. "That cold wind was a sign," she
said, her voice trembling. "Oh, I feel so strangely. Something strong
and fearful is sweeping into my life to-night."
In her heart she hoped that it was only the shock of learning that
Lassie loved.
But in her soul she knew that it must be something else. The long strain
of the waiting days had worn anxiety to its sharpest edge. When Truth
mercifully veils itself, Time--the softener--wears the veil thin until
at last, when we have gained strength enough to bear, we have learned to
know.