‘Mr. Pitwinnoch,’ said the Leddy, on being shown into what she
called ‘the bottomless pit o’ his consulting-room,’ where he wrote
alone,--‘ye’ll be surprised to see me, and troth ye may think it’s no
sma’ instancy that has brought me sae far afield the day; for I hae
been sic a lamiter with the rheumateese, that, for a’ the last week, I
was little better than a nymph o’ anguish; my banes were as sair as if
I had been brayed in a mortar, and shot into Spain. But ye maun know
and understand, that I hae a notion to try my luck and fortune in the
rowley-powley o’ a law-plea.’
‘Indeed!’ said the lawyer. ‘What has happened?’
‘Aye! Mr. Pitwinnoch, ye may weel speer; but my twa ungrateful
grandchildren, that I did sae muckle for at their marriage, hae used
me waur than I were a Papistical Jew o’ Jericho. I just, in my civil
and discreet manner, was gi’en them a delicate memento mori concerning
their unsettled count for bed, board, and washing; when up got
Milrookit, as if he would hae flown out at the broad side o’ the house,
and threepit that he didna owe me the tenth part o’ half a farthing;
and threatened to tak me afore the Lords for a Canaanitish woman,
and an extortioner.--Noo, don’t you think that’s a nice point, as my
worthy father used to say, and music to the ears of a’ the Fifteen at
Embrough?’
‘Mr. Milrookit, surely,’ said the lawyer, ‘can never resist so just a
demand. How much is it?’
‘But, first and forwards,’ replied the Leddy, ‘before we come to the
condescendence, I should state the case; and, Mr. Pitwinnoch, ye maun
understand that I hae some knowledge o’ what pertains to law, for my
father was most extraordinare at it; and so I need not tell you, that
it’s weel for me the day to know what I know. For Milrookit, as I was
saying, having refused, point-blank, Mr. Pitwinnoch, to implement the
’nuity of fifty pounds per annus, that your client--(that’s a legal
word, Mr. Pitwinnoch)--that your client settled on my gude-dochter, I
told him he would--then and there refusing--be bound over to pay me for
the bed, board, and washing. And what would ye think, Mr. Pitwinnoch?
he responded, with a justly due,--but I’ll due him; and though, had
he been calm and well-bred, I might have put up with ten pounds; yet,
seeing what a ramping lion he made himsel, I’ll no faik a farthing o’
a thousand, which, at merchants’ interest, will enable me to pay the
’nuity. So, when we get it, ye’ll hae to find me somebody willing to
borrow on an heritable bond.’
‘I think you can hardly expect so much as a thousand pounds. If I
recollect rightly, Mr. and Mrs. Milrookit stayed but six weeks with
you,’ said the lawyer.
‘Time,’ replied the Leddy, ‘ye ken, as I hae often heard my father
say, was no item in law; and unless there’s a statute of vagrancy in
the Decisions, or the Raging Magistratom, there can be no doot that I
hae’t in my power to put what value I please on my house, servitude,
and expense, which is the strong ground of the case. Therefore, you
will write a letter forthwith to Mr. Milrookit of Kittlestonheugh,
charging him with a lawful debt, and a’ justly due to me, of one
thousand pounds, without condescending on particulars at present, as
the damages can be afterwards assessed, when we hae gotten payment of
the principal, which everybody must allow is a most liberal offer on my
part.’
It was with some difficulty that Mr. Pitwinnoch could preserve himself
in a proper state of solemnity to listen to the instructions of his
client; but what lawyer would laugh, even in his own ‘bottomless pit’?
However, he said,--
‘Undoubtedly, Mrs. Walkinshaw, you have a good ground of action; but,
perhaps, I may be able to effect an amicable arrangement, if you would
submit the business to arbitration.’
‘Arbitration, Mr. Pitwinnoch!’ exclaimed the Leddy; ‘never propound
such a thing to me; for often hae I heard my father say, that
arbitration was the greatest cut-throat of legal proceedings that had
been devised since the discovery of justice at Amalphi. Na, na--I
hae mair sense than to virdict my case wi’ any sic pannelling as
arbitration. So, law being my only remeid, I hope ye’ll leave no stone
unturned till you hae brought Mr. Milrookit’s nose to the grindstone;
and to help you to haud it there, I hae brought a five pound note as
hansel for good luck,--this being the first traffic in legalities
that I hae had on my own bottom; for, in the concos mentos o’ Watty,
my son, ye ken I was keepit back, in order to be brought forward as
a witness; but there is no need o’ ony decreet o’ court for such an
interlocutor on the present occasion.’
The Leddy having, in this clear and learned manner, delivered her
instructions, she left the office, and soon after Milrookit was also
shown into ‘the bottomless pit,’ where he gave an account of the
transaction, somewhat different, but, perhaps, no nearer the truth.
He was, however, not a little surprised to find the pursuer had been
there before him, and that she had instructed proceedings. But what
struck him with the greatest consternation was a suggestion from Mr.
Pitwinnoch to compromise the matter.
‘Take my advice, Mr. Milrookit,’ said he, ‘and settle this
quietly--there is no saying what a law-suit may lead to; and,
considering the circumstances under which you hold the estate, don’t
stir, lest the sleeping dog awake. Let us pacify the old Leddy with two
or three hundred pounds.’
‘Two or three hundred pounds, for six weeks of starvation! The thing,
Mr. Pitwinnoch, is ridiculous.’
‘True, sir,’ replied the lawyer; ‘but then the state of the Entail--you
should consider that. Be thankful if she will take a couple of
hundreds.’
‘Nay, if you counsel me to do that, I have no alternative, and must
submit.’
‘You will do wisely in at once agreeing,’ said Pitwinnoch; and, after
some further conversation to the same effect, Milrookit gave a cheque
for two hundred pounds, and retired grumbling.
The lawyer, rejoicing in so speedy and fortunate a settlement, as soon
as he left the office, went to the Leddy, exulting in his address.
‘Twa hundred pounds!’ said she,--‘but the fifth part o’ my thousand!
I’ll ne’er tak ony sic payment. Ye’ll carry it back to Mr. Milrookit,
and tell him I’ll no faik a plack o’ my just debt; and what’s mair, if
he does na pay me the whole tot down at once, he shall be put to the
horn without a moment’s delay.’
‘I assure you,’ replied the lawyer, ‘that this is a result far beyond
hope--you ought not for a moment to make a word about it; for you must
be quite aware that he owes you no such sum as this. You said yourself
that ten pounds would have satisfied you.’
‘And so it would--but that was before I gaed to law wi’ him,’ cried
the Leddy; ‘but seeing now how I hae the rights o’ the plea, I’ll hae
my thousand pounds if the hide be on his snout. Whatna better proof
could ye hae o’ the justice o’ my demand, than that he should hae come
down in terror at once wi’ two hundred pounds? I hae known my father
law for seven years, and even when he won, he had money to pay out of
his own pocket--so, wi’ sic eres o’ victory as ye hae gotten, I would
be waur than mad no to stand out. Just gang till him, and come na back
to me without the thousand pound--every farthing, Mr. Pitwinnoch--and
your own costs besides; or, if ye dinna, maybe I’ll get another man
o’ business that will do my turn better--for, in an extremity like a
lawsuit, folk maunna stand on friendships. Had Mr. Keelevin been noo to
the fore, I wouldna needed to be put to my peremptors; but, honest man,
he’s gone. Howsever, there’s one Thomas Whitteret, that was his clerk
when my friend that’s awa’ made his deed o’ settlement--and I hae heard
he has a nerve o’ ability; so, if ye bring na me the thousand pounds
this very afternoon, I’ll apply to him to be my agent.’
Mr. Pitwinnoch said not a word to this, but left the house, and,
running to the Black Bull Inn, ordered a post-chaise, and was at
Kittlestonheugh almost as soon as his client. A short conversation
settled the business--the very name of Thomas Whitteret, an old clerk
of Keelevin, and probably acquainted with the whole affair, was worth
five thousand pounds, and, in consequence, in much less time than the
Leddy expected, she did receive full payment of her thousand pounds;
but, instead of expressing any pleasure at her success, she regretted
that she should have made a charge of such moderation, being persuaded,
that, had she stood out, the law would have given her double the money.