MR. WILLIAM WATSON describes his new book of verse, _The Man Who Saw_,
as "an intermittent commentary on the main developments and some of
the collateral phenomena of the War." People are already asking, "Why
was a man like this left out of the Dardanelles Commission?"
***
Weeds are a source of great trouble to the amateur gardener, says a
contemporary, because he is not always able to recognise them. A good
plan is to pull them out of the ground. If they come up again they are
weeds.
***
We hope that Mr. CHARLES COCHRAN is not indisposed, but we have not
noticed a new revue by him this week.
***
Sulphur from Italy is being distributed by the Explosives Committee.
This body must not be confused with the Expletives Committee, which
gets it supply of sulphur straight from the Front.
***
The Metropolitan Water Board is appealing against waste of water. It
is proposed to provide patriotic householders with attractive cards
stating that the owner of the premises in which the card is displayed
is bound in honour not to touch the stuff.
***
According to a member of the Inventions Board, over two thousand
solutions of the U-boat problem have already been received.
Unfortunately this is more than the number of U-boats available for
experiment, but it is hoped that by strictly limiting the allowance to
one submarine per invention the question may be determined in a manner
satisfactory to the greatest possible number.
***
Of eight applications received by the Barnes Council for the vacancy
of Inspector of Nuisances three came from men of military age. It is
expected that the Council will suggest that these gentlemen should be
invited to inspect the nuisances in front of the British trenches.
***
The proprietor of thirteen steam rollers told the Egham Tribunal that
in two years he had only been able to take one of them out of the
yard. We cannot think that he has really tried. Much might have been
done with kindness and a piece of cheese, while we have often seen
quite large steam rollers being enticed along the road by a man with a
red flag.
***
A Swiss correspondent is informed that "Hindenburg's legs are no
longer strong enough to support him." The weakness appears to be
gradually extending to his arms.
***
"The starched collar must go," remarks a contemporary ruefully.
Not, we hope, before a substitute has been found for some of those
unwashable necks.
***
"Lady conductors," said the Underground Railway official last week,
"must remember that the seats and straps are put there for the use of
the passengers." We know all about straps, but we have often wondered
what it feels like to use one of the seats on the Underground.
***
The police have raided a coining plant in Marylebone. It is becoming
more and more difficult to make money.
***
Under a recent Government order the importation of wild animals into
Great Britain is forbidden. Allotment holders throughout the country
hope the order will be read out to any wireworm or potato-moth that
attempts to land at our ports.
***
A deputation to the FOOD CONTROLLER has demanded that the allowance of
bread to farm labourers should be increased to two pounds per head per
day. The amount is considered excessive in view of the national needs,
and the alternative course of permitting them to eat all they can grow
is being favourably considered.
***
Mr. MITCHEL, the Mayor of New York, has forbidden musicians to play
the National Anthems of the Allies in ragtime. Mr. MITCHEL is a great
humanitarian and simply hates the sound of anything in pain.
***
The German Society of Actors and Singers had forbidden its members
to sing in the United States. Enthusiasts from the latter country
are planning an early trip to Northern France rather than miss
entertainment in the Siegfried and Wotan line.
***
Following so closely upon the report that a Wallasey woman had
discovered a German coin in a loaf of bread we were not surprised by a
contemporary headline, "Seymour Hicks in a new Rôle."
***
Damage to the extent of twenty-five thousand pounds is said to have
been caused to the crops in Australia by mice, and the Australian
authorities contemplate the purchase of a mouse trap.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Economist_ (_soliloquising_). "WE MUST ALL DENY
OURSELVES SOMETHING. AND TO THINK, DESPITE THE PAPER SHORTAGE, PEOPLE
ARE STILL SMOKING CIGARETTES."]
* * * * *