Of a low estimation of self in the sight of God
I will speak unto my Lord who am but dust and ashes. If I count myself
more, behold Thou standest against me, and my iniquities bear true
testimony, and I cannot gainsay it. But if I abase myself, and bring
myself to nought, and shrink from all self-esteem, and grind myself to
dust, which I am, Thy grace will be favourable unto me, and Thy light
will be near unto my heart; and all self-esteem, how little soever it
be, shall be swallowed up in the depths of my nothingness, and shall
perish for ever. There Thou showest to me myself, what I am, what I
was, and whither I have come: so foolish was I and ignorant.(1) If I am
left to myself, behold I am nothing, I am all weakness; but if suddenly
Thou look upon me, immediately I am made strong, and filled with new
joy. And it is great marvel that I am so suddenly lifted up, and so
graciously embraced by Thee, since I am always being carried to the
deep by my own weight.
2. This is the doing of Thy love which freely goeth before me and
succoureth me in so many necessities, which guardeth me also in great
dangers and snatcheth me, as I may truly say, from innumerable evils.
For verily, by loving myself amiss, I lost myself, and by seeking and
sincerely loving Thee alone, I found both myself and Thee, and through
love I have brought myself to yet deeper nothingness: because Thou, O
most sweet Lord, dealest with me beyond all merit, and above all which
I dare ask or think.
3. Blessed be Thou, O my God, because though I be unworthy of all Thy
benefits, Thy bountiful and infinite goodness never ceaseth to do good
even to ingrates and to those who are turned far from Thee. Turn Thou
us unto Thyself, that we may be grateful, humble, and godly, for Thou
art our salvation, our courage, and our strength.
(1) Psalm lxxiii. 22.