"Understandest thou these things," saith she, "and do they make
impression in thy mind? Art thou 'like the ass, deaf to the lyre'? Why
weepest thou? Why sheddest thou so many tears? Speak out; hide not thy
thoughts.[89] If thou expectest to be cured, thou must discover thy
wound.[90]"
Then I, collecting the forces of my mind together, made her answer in
these words: "Doth the cruelty of fortune's rage need further
declaration, or doth it not sufficiently appear of itself? Doth not the
very countenance of this place move thee? Is this the library which thou
thyself hadst chosen to sit in at my house, in which thou hast
oftentimes discoursed with me of the knowledge of divine and human
things? Had I this attire or countenance when I searched the secrets of
nature with thee, when thou describedst unto me the course of the stars
with thy geometrical rod, when thou didst frame my conversation and the
manner of my whole life according to the pattern of the celestial order?
Are these the rewards which thy obedient servants have? But thou didst
decree that sentence by the mouth of Plato: That commonwealths should be
happy, if either the students of wisdom did govern them, or those which
were appointed to govern them would give themselves to the study of
wisdom.[91] Thou by the same philosopher didst admonish us that it is a
sufficient cause for wise men to take upon themselves the government of
the commonwealth, lest, if the rule of cities were left in the hands of
lewd and wicked citizens, they should work the subversion and overthrow
of the good.
Wherefore, following this authority, I desired to practise that by
public administration which I had learnt of thee in private conference.
Thou and God Himself who had inserted thee in the minds of the wise, are
my witnesses that nothing but the common desire of all good men brought
me to be a magistrate. This hath been the cause of my grievous and
irreconcilable disagreements with wicked men, and that which freedom of
conscience carrieth with it, of ever contemning the indignation of
potentates for the defence of justice.
How often have I encountered with Conigastus, violently possessing
himself with poor men's goods? How often have I put back Triguilla,
Provost of the King's house, from injuries which he had begun, yea, and
finished also? How often have I protected, by putting my authority in
danger, such poor wretches as the unpunished covetousness of the
barbarous did vex with infinite reproaches? Never did any man draw me
from right to wrong. It grieved me no less than them which suffered it,
to see the wealth of our subjects wasted, partly by private pillage, and
partly by public tributes.
When in the time of a great dearth things were set at so excessive and
unreasonable a rate that the province of Campania was like to be
altogether impoverished, for the common good I stuck not to contend with
the chief Praetor himself, and the matter was discussed before the King,
and I prevailed so far that it went not forward. I drew Paulinus, who
had been Consul, out of the very mouth of the gaping courtiers, who like
ravenous curs had already in hope and ambition devoured his riches. That
Albinus who had likewise been Consul might not be punished upon
presumptuous[92] and false accusation, I exposed myself to the hatred of
Cyprian his accuser. May I seem to have provoked enmity enough against
myself? But others should so much the more have procured my safety,
since that for the love I bear to justice I left myself no way by the
means of courtiers to be safe. But by whose accusations did I receive
this blow? By theirs who, long since having put Basil out of the King's
service, compelled him now to accuse me, by the necessity which he was
driven to by debt. Opilio likewise and Gaudentius being banished by the
King's decree, for the injuries and manifold deceits which they had
committed, because they would not obey, defended themselves by taking
sanctuary, of which the King hearing, gave sentence, that unless they
departed out of the city of Ravenna within certain days, they should be
branded in the foreheads, and put out by force. What could be added to
this severity? And yet that very day their accusations against me went
for current. What might be the reason of this? Did my dealing deserve
it? Or did the condemnation, which went before, make them just accusers?
Was not fortune ashamed, if not that innocency was accused, yet at least
that it had so vile and base accusers? But what crime was laid to my
charge? Wilt thou have it in one word? I am said to have desired the
Senate's safety. Wilt thou know the manner how? I am blamed for having
hindered their accuser to bring forth evidence by which he should prove
the Senate guilty of treason.
What thinkest thou, O Mistress? Shall I deny this charge, that I may not
shame thee? But it is true, I desired it, neither will I ever cease from
having that desire. Shall I confess it? But I have already left
hindering their accuser. Shall I call it an offence to have wished the
safety of that order? Indeed the Senate with their decrees concerning me
had made it an offence. But folly, always deceiving herself, cannot
change the deserts of things, nor, according to the decree of
Socrates,[93] do I think it is lawful either to conceal the truth or
grant a lie. But how this may be, I leave to thine and Wisdom's censure.
And that posterity may not be ignorant of the course and truth of the
matter, I have put it down in writing.
For why should I speak of those feigned letters, in which I am charged
to have hoped for Roman liberty? The deceit of which would manifestly
have appeared, if it might have been lawful for me to have used the
confession of my very accusers, which in all business is of greatest
force. For what liberty remaineth there to be hoped for? I would to God
there were any! I would have answered as Canius did, who being charged
by Gaius Caesar, son to Germanicus, that he was privy to the conspiracy
made against him, answered: 'If I had been made acquainted with it, thou
shouldest never have known of it.'[94] Neither hath sorrow so dulled my
wits in this matter that I complain of the wicked endeavours of sinful
men against virtue, but I exceedingly marvel to see that they have
brought to pass the things they hoped to do. For the desire of doing
evil may be attributed to our weakness, but that in the sight of God the
wicked should be able to compass whatsoever they contrive against the
innocent, is altogether monstrous. Whence not without cause one of thy
familiar friends[95] demanded: 'If,' saith he, 'there be a God, from
whence proceed so many evils? And if there be no God, from whence cometh
any good?' But let that pass that wicked men, which seek the blood of
all good men, and of the whole Senate, would also have overthrown me,
whom they saw to stand in defence of good men and of the Senate. But did
I deserve the same of the Senators themselves? I suppose thou
rememberest how thou being present didst alway direct me when I went
about to say or do anything. Thou rememberest, I say, when at Verona the
King, being desirous of a common overthrow, endeavoured to lay the
treason, whereof only Albinus was accused, upon the whole order of the
Senate, with how great security of my own danger I defended the
innocency of the whole Senate. Thou knowest that these things which I
say are true, and that I was never delighted in my own praise, for the
secret of a good conscience is in some sort diminished when by declaring
what he hath done a man receiveth the reward of fame. But thou seest to
what pass my innocency is come; instead of the rewards of true virtue, I
undergo the punishment of wickedness, wherewith I am falsely charged.
Was it ever yet seen that the manifest confession of any crime made the
judges so at one in severity, that either the error of man's judgment or
the condition of fortune, which is certain to none, did not incline some
of them to favour? If I had been accused that I would have burnt the
churches, or wickedly have killed the priests, or have sought the death
of all good men, yet sentence should have been pronounced against me
present, having confessed, and being convicted. Now being conveyed five
hundred miles off, dumb and defenceless, I am condemned to death and
proscription for bearing the Senate too much good will. O Senate, which
deserves that never any may be convicted of the like crime!
The dignity of which accusation even the very accusers themselves saw,
which that they might obscure by adding some sort of fault, they belied
me that I defiled my conscience with sacrilege, for an ambitious desire
of preferment. But thou, which hadst seated thyself in me, didst repel
from the seat of my mind all desire of mortal things, and within thy
sight there was no place for sacrilege to harbour; for thou didst instil
into my ears and thoughts daily that saying of Pythagoras, 'Follow
God.'[96] Neither was it fitting for me to use the aid of most vile
spirits when thou wast shaping me into that excellency to make me like
to God. Besides the innocency which appeared in the most retired rooms
of my house, the assembly of my most honourable friends, my holy father-
in-law Symmachus, who is as worthy of reverence as thou thyself art, do
clear me from all suspicion of this crime. But O detestable wickedness!
they the rather credit thee with so great a crime, and think me the
nigher to such mischievous dealing, because I am endued with thy
knowledge, and adorned with thy virtues, so that it is not enough that I
reap no commodity for thy respect, unless thou beest also dishonoured
for the hatred conceived against me. And that my miseries may increase
the more, the greatest part do not so much respect the value of things
as the event of fortune, and they esteem only that to be providently
done which the happy success commends. By which means it cometh to pass
that the first loss which miserable men have is their estimation and the
good opinion which was had of them. What rumours go now among the
people, what dissonant and diverse opinions! I cannot abide to think of
them; only this will I say, the last burden of adversity is that when
they which are in misery are accused of any crime, they are thought to
deserve whatsoever they suffer. And I, spoiled of all my goods, bereaved
of my dignities, blemished in my good name, for benefits receive
punishments.
And methinks I see the cursed crews of the wicked abounding with joy and
gladness, and every lost companion devising with himself how to accuse
others falsely, good men lie prostrate with the terror of my danger, and
every lewd fellow is provoked by impunity to attempt any wickedness, and
by rewards to bring it to effect; but the innocent are not only deprived
of all security, but also of any manner of defence. Wherefore I may well
exclaim:
[89] Homer, _Il._ i. 363.
[90] Cf. _Tr._ v. (_supra_, p. 76), _quasi non deterior fiat
inscientiae causa dum tegitur._
[91] Plato, _Rep._ v. 473.
[92] Presumptuous=founded on presumption.
[93] Cp. Plato, _Rep._ vi. 485; the [Greek: philosophos] cannot be
[Greek: philopseudaes.]
[94] _Vide supra_, p. 69. This seems to be the only record of Canius's
retort to Caligula.
[95] i.e. Epicurus, cp. Lact. _De Ira Dei_ xiii.
[96] Cf. [Greek: ho bios apas suntetaktai pros to akolouthein toi
Theoi], Iambl. _De Vita Pyth._ xviii., and Seneca, _De Vita Beata_ xv.