There comes a time when a young man begins seriously to look forward to
settling in life and having a home of his own. As a boy he may have had
his likings among the girl companions with whom he was acquainted, but
now it becomes a totally different question, and his intercourse with
young women assumes the position of courtship.
It is only natural and right that man should look where God intended him
to look for a help-meet and companion, but all depends upon the way in
which he does it. There is no need to be in a hurry. Better to wait and
make quite sure. As a general rule I should say that twenty-five was
quite young enough for a man to marry, but still that must entirely
depend upon circumstances.
Before I venture to suggest a few thoughts concerning courtship and the
choice of a wife, I should like to make a few remarks upon the manner in
which women ought to be treated by men. It is too much the custom for
men to look upon women as beings the object of whose creation was to be
pleasant companions for them before marriage and useful servants after
marriage. Hence there is a very great want of respect and honourable
treatment. A young fellow, before he steadies down as the expression is,
does not think there is anything mean or dishonourable in his leading a
girl on, and without any intention of ruining her, allowing her to lower
herself by her conversation and manners. He does not consider the harm
that he is doing to the girl, how it may be the first step to ruin. He
means no harm, only just amusing himself with her. Is it not mean,
however, simply for his own pleasure to treat a woman as if she were
merely a plaything, instead of a being as valuable in God's sight as
himself, and equally with him an object of God's love and care. No words
suffice to denounce the wickedness and meanness of the coward, who,
taking advantage of a girl's real though misguided love for him, will
seduce her into sin and then leave her to bear the punishment and
disgrace. No words can describe the heartless wickedness which will rob
a woman of that which is her greatest treasure and ornament, and bring
upon her a sorrow which the grave alone can end. He may escape
punishment here. He may even gain a sort of reputation as one who can
always gain the attention of women, but he will only receive the greater
punishment from the judge and avenger of all. One word more before I
close these remarks, which I would have gladly omitted from these papers,
but truth demands them.
Some men seem to think that the sin and responsibility is very slight if
it be committed with a woman who trades upon her sin. Undoubtedly it is
not so cowardly as the ruin of a pure and innocent woman, but who can
tell that you may not have met with that woman at the turning point in
her life, when but for you she might have repented? and at the very least
you have added to the weight of her sin. Once she had been pure, God
alone knows her history, but who of the many who have taken advantage of
her misery and helped to chain her to her life of sin will be held
guiltless by Him? Great, fearful is her guilt, but God alone knows how
she may long to be free. Far greater is their guilt who for their own
selfish enjoyment do not hesitate to plunge deeper into ruin a soul for
whom Christ died. If men treated all women honourably--all, not simply
their relations and friends,--there would not be those who make their
living by sin. Such a state of things it may be hopeless to expect, so
long as cowards are to be found amongst men, but it is not too much to
expect from honourable men and Christians that they should treat all
women with such respect, that, as far as lies in their power, the stigma
of meanness and cowardice should not rest upon the men of this land.
Treat them with respect, not only in your intercourse with them, but in
your conversation about them, and your thoughts concerning them.
But to turn to a pleasanter subject, the honourable courtship of man and
maiden. Certain things should be taken into consideration in making your
choice. First, that the object of your choice should be one whom you can
thoroughly love and entirely trust. Secondly, that she should be one
whom you feel would be a real help in life. Thirdly, that she should be
of the same religion as yourself (otherwise difficulties in after life
are sure to arise) and a really religious woman. And Fourthly, that she
should be not merely, or even necessarily, a bright and pretty companion,
but should have such qualities as are necessary for a good wife and
mother--one who can manage a home as well as help to pass an hour or so
pleasantly.
Your courtship should be thoroughly open and above-board. The parents
consent should first be obtained, and remember that you are bound to
respect their wishes. Be careful also that she shall never in any way be
compromised by your conduct. I say no more because I have assumed at the
beginning that your courtship is honourable, that you love the girl of
your choice, and that as you would shield her from all injury from
others, so she will be safe under your protection. Take no ordinary
standard as the rule of your courtship, but determine from the very
beginning that it shall be so conducted, that when as man and wife you
look back upon it, it may be with feelings free from any taint of sorrow
or shame; that when you stand before God to be married it may be as
honest man and maiden, seeking for God's full blessing upon your married
life, as it has rested upon your unmarried days. One thing I would say
in conclusion, and I mention it last as being the most important, let
your choice of a wife be a subject of earnest prayer to God, and when
your choice has been made, and your love pledged one to another, let it
be a subject of mutual prayer that each may help the other to live to the
glory of God, in the station of life in which he sees fit to place you.