|@ | @ || _The Slate._ | _BIRDS' EGGS._ |
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
| 1| T || @ _Soft_ ¶ now @ | |
| 2| F || @ _and_ @ stik @ | |
| 3| S || _sunny_ §--§--§ in | It iz bad enuff to be a fust rate |
| 4| G || @ peas _sum_ @ | monkey, but to be a third rate |
| 5| M || --Obadiah-- | one iz more disastrous than to be |
| 6| T || | an idiot. |
| 7| W || _r_|_a_|_i_|_n_| | | | |
| 8| T || *-*-*-*@Farnharm | |
| 9| F || @_more_ waz@ | * * * * * |
|10| S || @ _soft_ a @ | |
|11| G || @millerite@ | Thare iz no sure kure for lazyness, |
|12| M || ----_wetly_---- | but i hav known a seckond |
|13| T || @*now @ _mild_*@ | wife to hurry it sum. |
|14| W || ....| snatch |... | |
|15| T || _cool_ @ @ @ @ @ | |
|16| F || @ @ @ @ @ lettiss | * * * * * |
|17| S || @ @ C*a*i*n @ @ | |
|18| G || _more_----|@|---- | |
|19| M || _rain_ @ @ @ hit | It iz the suprizes ov life that |
|20| T || @ _wind_ @ Able @ | add most to our plezzures; one |
|21| W || _southy_ § now | man iz suprized with a legacy |
|22| T || @ _butiful_ sot @ | from a ritch unkle, another, that |
|23| F || : : _weather_ : : | the old spekled hen haz just cum |
|24| S || : h : e : n : s : | off the nest, with 27 chickens. |
|25| G || _more_ @ @ @ Gen. | |
|26| M || @--@ _cooler_ @--@ | |
|27| T || @ Grant @ | * * * * * |
|28| W || _w_*_i_*_n_*_d_----§@ | |
|29| T || waz @ _north_ @ a | Gamblers, nor infidels, havn't |
|30| F || @ _it_ @ _rains_ @ | faith enuff in their profeshions, to|
|31| S || a @ _wet_ @ tanner | teach it to their children. |
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
_THE BEAN._
Next to rhy bread, beans hav been called by the poets, and philosphers
the cumfort, and staff ov life. The bean iz all food, thare iz no more
waste in them, than thare iz in a pint ov cold water, when a man iz
auphull dry. Beans are all colors, and most shapes, flat, round, oblong,
square, and 3 cornered, and a quart ov them put into a pot, and biled 2
hours, will meazzure a gallon, and a haff, when they cum out. This makes
them a better dividend paying seed than enny thing we kno ov. Beans are
az old az Esau, he sold out for bean porridge. Beans gro on the jump,
and thare aint but phew things that kan beat a bean klimbing a pole. I
luv beans, but dont hanker for them. But beans, and me wont quarrell.
Baked beans are a grate necessity in Nu England, and not to hav a
platter ov them for Sunday dinner, iz lookt upon thare az being stuck-up
to the neighbors. One ov the old blue laws ov Massachusetts waz, "_thou
shalt eat baked beans on Sunday._" I kan remember now ov eating baked
beans, and rhy, and injun bread every Sunday, when i waz a boy, and
luving it, bekauze i waz obliged to.
_EXAMINE._
The happyest time in enny ones life, iz the fust 20 minnitts after they
hav had an akeing tooth jerkt out.
* * * * *
Imaginashun never filled a man's stummak yet, yu kant git pork, and
beans, by dreaming about them.
30 Days. JUNE. 1879.
[Illustration: CANCER, THE KRAB.
_A Shell-Fish--pretty mutch all shell_]
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
|@ | @ || _The Slate._ | _BLOSSOMS._ |
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
| 1| G || @ _Hottish_ @ _now_ | |
| 2| M || A-b-e-l @ @ @ | Yu kan possibly argy a man |
| 3| T || @ _so_ @ _peas_ @ | out ov hiz religion, but you kant |
| 4| W || @ @ Young @ @ | out ov the color ov hiz nektye, |
| 5| T || _rainy_ @ departed | or the squeeze ov hiz boots. |
| 6| F || @ _wind_ @ 1851 @ | |
| 7| S || @ _Easty_ @ Abel @ | |
| 8| G || _hotter_ @ @ died | * * * * * |
| 9| M || @ _it_ @ _rains_ @ | |
|10| T || young @ _cooler_ @ @ | |
|11| W || @ @ aged @ _warm_ | Luv between wimmin iz impossible, |
|12| T || @ 16 @ now @ | even friendship iz only praktikabel.|
|13| F || _thunder_ @@@ the | |
|14| S || @ lam @ Sampson @ | |
|15| G || @ sporteth @ waz @ | * * * * * |
|16| M || @ @ _litening_ @ @ | |
|17| T || | |
|18| W || @ a @ strengthy @ | |
|19| T || _more_ @ @ @ _hot_ | Thare iz nothing so skarse az |
|20| F || @ man @ Judith @ | originality, even an original phool |
|21| S || _wetty_ @ Ferguson | would be a grate relief just now. |
|22| G || @ _cooler_ marrid @ | |
|23| M || @ _big_ @ _warmth_ | |
|24| T || @1846@ now | |
|25| W || _wind_ @@@ bild | * * * * * |
|26| T || @@ _Easty_ bokays @@ | |
|27| F || _cooler_ @ Columbus | |
|28| S || @ _it_ @ _rains_ @ | The man who never makes |
|29| G || found @ _hotter_ @ | enny blunders iz a very nice piece |
|30| M || @ @ @ Amerika | ov masheenery,--that's all. |
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
_QUESTIONS AND REPLIZE._
Q.--What iz the best religious kreed to hav?
A.--Charity. If a man will swop off all the religious kreed he haz got
on hand, and invest the proceeds in charity, he will allwus be proud ov
the job.
* * * * *
Q.--Will yu pleze define an Enthuziast?
A.--An Enthuziast iz a party who beleaves about 4 times az mutch az he
kan prove, and who kan prove about 4 times az mutch az ennyboddy else
beleaves.
* * * * *
Q.--What three things hav dun the most to civilize the world?
A.--The Bible, the looking-glass, and the muskett
* * * * *
Q.--Whitch iz the most reddy animile?
A.--The mule--they alwuss sleep standing, so to be on hand when the
kiking begins to flow.
* * * * *
Q.--What iz the quikest food on reckord?
A.--The oyster on the haff shell--they kan be et sitting, standing, or
on the run.
31 Days. JULY. 1879.
[Illustration: LEO, THE LION.
_Strayed or Stolen.--Return to P. T. Barnum._]
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
|@ | @ || _The Slate._ | _RAINBOWS._ |
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
| 1| T || @ _Grate warmth_ | |
| 2| W || the @ _sighns_ @ | I never tri to settle other peoples |
| 3| T || @ --hog _ov_ -- @ | quarrells, i hav seen men tri |
| 4| F || _*l*i*t*e*n*i*n*g*_ | to do this, and git badly whipt bi |
| 5| S || panteth @ @ @ | both partys. |
| 6| G || @ @ @ now @ _hotter_ | |
| 7| M || dig -- @ @ @ -- _more_ | * * * * * |
| 8| T || @ _hotter_ @ for @ | |
| 9| W || _it_ @ @ @ _rains_ | Hunting for happiness iz like |
|10| T || @ ice @ Bill @ | hunting for hen's eggs away under |
|11| F || _wind_ -- @ -- Purdy | the barn, after yu hav fonnd |
|12| S || @ _south_ quit @ | them, haff the time yu find they |
|13| G || _mulch_ @ @ @ @ 1822 | are addled. |
|14| M || | |
|15| T || @ _t.h.u.n.d.e.r_ @ | * * * * * |
|16| W || Bill @ @ @ _hottish_ | |
|17| T || ---- had ---- | |
|18| F || _litening_ @ @ @ @ | Thare iz lots ov people in this |
|19| S || @ @ the heart | world who say they haint got |
|20| G || @ _it_ @ _rains_ | enny faith in a heaven or hell |
|21| M || @ @ ailment @ @ | and yet they hav got faith enuff |
|22| T || George :@.:::@.: | to invest their last dollar in a |
|23| W || @ _more_ @ _rain_ @ | lottery ticket, or a bottle ov quak |
|24| T || :::: * Washington | medisin. |
|25| F || @ _windy_ @ fit @ | |
|26| S || _cooler_ @ @ @ into | * * * * * |
|27| G || @ @ @ _bright_ @ @ @ | |
|28| M || the @ @ revolushun | |
|29| T || @ _very_ @ @ _now_ | I kno ov men whoze word iz |
|30| W || -- @ _hot keep_ @ -- | better than their bond, these are |
|31| T || _litening_ * @ * _cool_| the knight errants ov honesty. |
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
_THE GORRILLA._
The gorrilla iz a free-born citizen ov Western Afrika, and in point ov
intilekt, averages well with the rest ov the natives. They are about 5
foot 3 in hight, and hav got a sanguine temper, wuss than a fish womans.
I never saw but one gorrilla, and he waz not filled with life, but waz
filled with straw. I dont want to see another, it weakens mi respekt for
mi ansesstors. They are four legged, and kan walk purpendikular, or
horizontal, but when they do walk uprite, they are the wust looking
relashuns we hav. They liv alone, and are more terrible in a ruff and
tumble fite, than enny person that livs. I hav allwuss wondered whi sum
one didn't import one into this country, and match him for 2 thousand
dollars to fite in a ring. I am oppozed to ring battles, but when this
skirmish takes place, i want to be there, and bet my patrimony on to the
gorrilla. May the best man win. The gorrilla haz a good appetight, for
one that haint been kultivated, and will eat enny thing he kan ketch,
from a coloured brother to an anakondy The gorrilla iz no doubt good for
sumthing, but what that iz i kant tell, nor dont want to know. Farewell
yu auphull, ugly, mizerable kuss.
The end ov the gorrilla.
_WEIGH._
The devil holds poor kards, but he allwuss plays them mighty well.
* * * * *
A man with a very small hed iz like a pin without enny, very apt to git
into things beyond hiz depth.
31 Days. AUGUST. 1879.
[Illustration: VIRGO, THE VIRGIN,
_Sweet 16 (sub rosa 38)._]
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
|@ | @ || _The Slate._ | _DRIPLETS._ |
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
| 1| F || @ _Big_ Sam @ | |
| 2| S || _shower_ @@ Loyd | Mules are like sum men, after |
| 3| G || @_heaty_ @ born@ | yu hav studdid their karakter for |
| 4| M || _mutch_ --II-- _wet_ | 5 years cluss, the best thing yu |
| 5| T || @ 1820 @ now @ | kan do, is to git an average on |
| 6| W || _wind_ @ @ @ hive | them. |
| 7| T || @ _sou_ * _east_ * @ | |
| 8| F || bees @ h-o-n-e-s-t-y | * * * * * |
| 9| S || @ _more_ @ _hot_ @ | |
|10| G || | Thare aint nothing so cheap |
|11| M || ---- iz @ the ---- | az bad spellin, and if it iz sutch |
|12| T || _thund r_ @ @ @ best | an element of suckcess az sum |
|13| W || @ _and_ @ policy @ | shrewd kriticks hav diskovered, |
|14| T || _litening_ @ @ Moses | they owe it to their airs, and |
|15| F || @ wind @ and @ | assines, to adopt it at once, and |
|16| S || _l-i-g-h-t_ @ A-a-r-o-n| bekum ritch and famus |
|17| G || @ _hard_ @ were @ | |
|18| M || _shower_ @ @ @ near | |
|19| T || @ _now_ - nabors @ | * * * * * |
|20| W || _mix_ @ @ @ _grate_ | |
|21| T || @ _juleps_ @ _heat_ @ | No man haz ever yet bekum |
|22| F || K*a*t*e @ _w_*_e_*_t_ | so wize az to kno how mutch he |
|23| S || @ Davis @ _kloudy_ @ | luvs himself, and how little hiz |
|24| G || died @ _windy_ @ @ @ | nabor. |
|25| M || @@ 1849 @ Robert | |
|26| T || @ _big_ @ Burns @ | * * * * * |
|27| W || @ @ _hot_ @ waz | |
|28| T || _more_ @ a @ @ | -- | It iz quite common to meet |
|29| F || @_c*o*o*l*e*r_@ | people who hav more religion, |
|30| S || -II-ploughman-II- | and even morality, than they hav |
|31| G || @@ _it_ @ _rains_ @@ | common sense. |
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
_QUESTIONS, AND ANSWERS._
Q.--When iz the right time to marry?
A.--Enny whare between 21, and ninety-four years.
Q.--What iz a woman's chief joy in this world?
A.--Her own or sumboddy else's baby.
Q.--Which iz the most diffident, and humbel kritter amung the animals?
A.--A bobtailed kat, probberbly.
Q.--How menny yards ov 5 dollar silk duz it take to make a dress.
A.--I dont kno, but it allwuss takes 2 yards and a haff more than yu buy
the fust time.
Q.--What do mankind gennerally take the most pride in?
A.--In sumthing their nabors haint got, nor kant git.
Q.--What two persons in the whole congregashun, need the clusset
watching?
A.--A praying pollytisian, and an offishus deakon.
Q.--How iz the best way to git rid ov kokroaches?
A.--Sell out yure house, and lot, and jine the gipseys.
Q.--What cums the nearest to makeing a woman sware?
A.--To hav her clothes line brake when it iz full ov a Monday's washing.
Q.--Which iz the two most thankless jobs in this world?
A.--To keep skool, and be an undertaker.
Q.--How do yu define experience?
A.--Experience iz the science ov finding out how deep a mill pond iz, by
wading into it, and drowning.
_DOUBLETS._
I kant help but respekt the heathen, they hav made az good a showing on
their kapital, az the christians hav.
* * * * *
Next to the mother in law, cums the Grandmother, to regulate the cook,
the kat, and the baby.
30 Days. SEPTEMBER. 1879.
[Illustration: LIBRA, THE SKALES.
_For full particulars enquire ov E. & T. Fairbanks & Co._]
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
|@ | @ || _The Slate._ | _HOT STUFF._ |
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
| 1| M || @ _Cool_ @ now @ | |
| 2| T || _and_ @ pik @ @ | Yung man studdy politeness, |
| 3| W || @ _kloudy_ @ geese @ | even if yu ask a man for hiz |
| 4| T || Dave @ @ @ _rainy_ | tooth pik, after he haz got dun |
| 5| F || @ Pettibone @ | using it, dont fale to thank him |
| 6| S || _w-i-n-d_ m-a-r-r-i-d | politely for it. |
| 7| G || @ @ _noth_ he @ @ | |
| 8| M || _East_ @ @ @ marrid | * * * * * |
| 9| T || _more_ @ for @ | |
|10| W || @ _wetty_ @ luv | Lasting friendships kan only |
|11| T || @ now @ _cooler_ @ | exist between equals, superiority |
|12| F || chew @ @ @ _more_ | insists upon respekt, and inferior- |
|13| S || @ apples @ _cooler_ @ | ity iz too often apt to excite |
|14| G || ----Solaman---- | pitty. |
|15| M || @ @ @ _slight_ @ | |
|16| T || mutch @ _frost_ @ | * * * * * |
|17| W || | |
|18| T || @ @ wives @ _now_ | If yu want to find out a man's |
|19| F || -- _windy_ @ the -- | tru karakter examin him at home |
|20| S || _warmy_ @ litening | bi the fire side, here he iz the |
|21| G || @ _cool_ @ bug @ | hero ov the ockashun, and iz |
|22| M || _nights_ @ @ @ puts | angelick, or devlish, in spite ov |
|23| T || -- @ _wind_ @ in @ -- | himself. |
|24| W || _southy_ : ---- : an | |
|25| T || @ @ _more_ @ @ | * * * * * |
|26| F || -a-p-p-e-a-r-a-n-c-e- | |
|27| S || _wetful_ -- Gen.@ @ | |
|28| G || @ _windy_ @ Jackson | Thare aint no sutch things az |
|29| M || _wet_ * would @ @ | invenshuns, all things that we hav |
|30| T || -- @ @ sware @ @ -- | are diskoverys. |
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
_THE APPLE DUMPLIN._
The dumplin are about the natral size ov yure phist, made out ov dough,
and filled with apples. They are served up hot, with sum sweet-tasteing
liniment on them, and are az eazy to struggle with az a sugar-plum. They
aint so good kold az they ought to be. Kold dumplin, and raw potatoe,
eat similar. I never et apple dumplin yet, without thanking the Lord for
that one, and the Landlady for another one. Four apple dumplins, at one
sitting, iz just about mi size. I wish i knu who invented theze
kind-hearted balls, i would like to weep over hiz memory. Punkin pi, and
apple dumplin, hav dun az mutch to civilize man az enny two missionarys
that hav ever lived. Good vittles iz next to good morals enny how. Yu
may talk about virtew az mutch az yu pleze, yu kant never inokulate a
man with virtew fust rate on an empty stummuk. Giv a man four apple
dumplin, with sum good kind ov ointment on them, and after he haz et
them, and they hav settled down to hard pan, yu kan krawl up to him on
either side, with a dose of morality, or even sum new kind of sope, for
taking spots out ov clothes.
_A STATEMENT._
Thare iz nothing about a man that will outlast a nikname, it will stik
to him, az long az a bobtale will to a dog.
* * * * *
Most people repent ov their sins bi thanking God they aint so wicked az
their nabors.
[Illustration]
Thare iz one thing i notiss.--When a man falls down on
the ice, whare the water iz an inch, and a haff deep, he never seems
to feel proud ov the job =
Josh Billings
[Illustration]
The goose, like sumother folks, haz more politeness than
thare iz enny need ov.--i hav seen them lower their heds, in going
into a barn door, 18 foot high.=
I hav. Josh Billings
31 Days. OCTOBER. 1879.
[Illustration: SCORPIO, THE SKORPION.
_When the pinch comes, he is thar._]
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
|@ | @ || _The Slate._ | _WILD FLOWERS._ |
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
| 1| W || @ _Frostly_--now | Virtew iz the only standard to |
| 2| T || _winde_ @ ask @ @ | mezzure men, or things by, it iz |
| 3| F || @ _sharp_ @ for | possible to be grate, and devlish |
| 4| S || Jake @ sum @ | at the same time. |
| 5| G || @ -Tanner- @ | |
| 6| M ||nu @ died @ s-i-d-e-r | * * * * * |
| 7| T || @ _cool_ @ Jake @ | |
| 8| W || _wind_ @ waz | Thare iz only one kind ov person |
| 9| T || @ _northy_ @ hit @ | who iz fit to liv in solitude, |
|10| F || _sharp_ @ @ @ | and he iz the one who iz capable |
|11| S || @ @ by @ _frost_ | ov adorning enny posishun in |
|12| G || @ a @ _last_ @ | sosiety. |
|13| M || @ muel @ _night_ @ | |
|14| T || --B-o-n-a-p-a-r-t-- | * * * * * |
|15| W || _kold_ @ @ @ waz | |
|16| T ||% @ % _leaves_ %@% | Thoze who hav real merit are |
|17| F || ov @ @ @ _are_ | the last ones to see it in them- |
|18| S || @ @ french @ @ | selfs, and the fust ones to see it |
|19| G || @ _falling_ @ | in others. |
|20| M || @ p-a-r-i-e-n-t-s @ | |
|21| T || now @ @ @ | * * * * * |
|22| W || @ @ _still_ @ hunt | |
|23| T || _kolder_ @ @ for | If thare ever iz a perfektly |
|24| F || @ _windy_ @ @ @ | happy person found in this |
|25| S || @ @ chesnutts @ | world, it will be the one who haz |
|26| G || @ @ E-v-e @ @ | got but little, and dont want |
|27| M || _more_ § @ § @ § @ | enny thing more. |
|28| T || @ _kold_ @ died @ | |
|29| W || @ Early @ | |
|30| T || | |
|31| F || | |
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
_PUNKIN PI._
Punkin pi iz the sass ov Nu England. They are vittles and drink, they
are joy on the haff-shell, they are glory enuff for one day, and are
good kold or warmed up. I would like to be a boy again, just for sixty
minnitts, and eat miself phull ov the blessed old mixtur. Enny man who
dont luv punkin pi, wants watching cluss, for he means to do sumthin
mean the fust good chance he kan git. Giv me all the punkin pi i could
eat, when i waz a boy, and i didn't kare whether sunday-skool kept that
day or not. And now that i hav grown up to manhood, and hav run for the
legislature once, and only got beat 856 votes, and am thoroly marrid,
thare aint nothing i hanker for wuss, and kan bury quicker, than
two-thirds ov a good old-fashioned punkin pi, an inch and a halff thik,
and well smelt up, with ginger and nutmeg. Punkin pi iz the oldest
Amerikan beverage i kno ov, and ought to go down to posterity with the
trade mark ov our grandmothers on it; but i am afrade it wont, for it iz
tuff even now to find one that tastes in the mouth at all az they did 40
years ago.
_REMARKS._
Noboddy really luvs to be cheated, but it duz seem az tho every one waz
anxious to see how near they could cum to it.
* * * * *
The wust tyrant in the world iz the wife ov a henpekt husband.
30 Days. NOVEMBER. 1879.
[Illustration: SAGITTARIUS, THE ARCHER.
_Sarching for the Bulls Eye._]
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
|@ | @ || _The Slate._ | _FALLING LEAVES._ |
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
| 1| S || @ _Chilly_ @ the | Lasting reputashuns are ov a |
| 2| G || _windful_ @ snake | slo growth, the man who wakes |
| 3| M || @ now @ seeks @ | up famus sum morning, iz very |
| 4| T || _puntch_ @ hiz | apt to go to bed sum night and |
| 5| W || @ _fires_ @ den @ | sleep it all off. |
| 6| T || Fred @ @ _kolder_ | |
| 7| F || @ Smith @ _it_ @ @ | * * * * * |
| 8| S || @ _rains_ @ waz @ | |
| 9| G || @ @ _snowy_ @ a @ | Man waz kreated a little lower |
|10| M || _now_ @ @ @ Stage | than the angells, and he haz been |
|11| T || @ _pay_ @ driver @ | a gitting a little lower ever since.|
|12| W || _taxes_ @ @ @ Fred | |
|13| T || @ _now_ @ drove @ | * * * * * |
|14| F || _pay_ @ @ @ from | |
|15| S ||_pew_ Belchertown @ | A man with a very small hed |
|16| G || @ _rent_ @ into | on him iz like a pin without |
|17| M || _now_ @ Boston @ @ | enny, very apt to git into things |
|18| T || @ _visit_ @ _it_ @ | beyond hiz depth. |
|19| W ||_the_ @ @ @ _grows_ | |
|20| T || @ _diskonsolate_ @ | * * * * * |
|21| F || _raw_ @ @ the | |
|22| S || @ _wind_ Siamese @ | I hav seen folks who i thought |
|23| G || _lifts_ @ twins @ | had too mutch propriety, it would |
|24| M || @ _more_ @ hav @ | be a relief to see them do sumthing |
|25| T || _snow_ @ departed | just a little phoolish, once |
|26| W || @ our @ _rainy_ @ | in a while. |
|27| T ||fourfathers @ _hard_ | |
|28| F || @ hav @ _frost_ @ | |
|29| S || gone @ @ alass @ | |
|30| G || | |
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
_PERSONALS._
⁂ H. J. B.--If the lady with lavender poodle, would like tew swop dogs,
Barney O'Toole iz her man.
B. O'TOOLE.
* * * * *
⁂ D.--Dont menshun it; mum iz the word. Star ov buty, the goose hangeth
hi.
LOVER.
* * * * *
⁂ SWEETNESS.--Virtew iz her own cashier; the violet iz blu; the racoon
haz a bushy tail; man waz made tew mourn; meet me at the pea-nut stand.
HARROLD.
* * * * *
⁂ SPONGKAKE.--Dost luv me? The kold moon listened when yu breathed a vow
in Bridget Costello's ear; dont go back on me Patrik, if thou dost, be
jabbers i will hav satisfackshun.
BRIDGET.
* * * * *
⁂ BILL MUSTACH.--Dont put on airs; how about that box ov 5 cent cigars
yu owe for? Yure wash-woman mourns yure abscence.
SAM PEEL.
31 Days. DECEMBER. 1879.
[Illustration: CAPRICORNUS, THE GOAT.
_A strong Butter (I don't like strong butter)._]
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
| | @ || _The Slate._ | _FAG ENDS._ |
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
| 1| M || @ _Bitter_ @ now | |
| 2| T || _k.o-l-d_ @ @ @ set | The world all praze the philo- |
| 3| W || @ _it_ @ _snows_ @ | sophers, but toss their pennys into |
| 4| T || @ @ down @ @ | the caps ov the monkeys. |
| 5| F || @ _kolder_ @ @ @ | |
| 6| S || @ before @ _now_ @ | |
| 7| G || the @ @ @ _drink_ | * * * * * |
| 8| M || @ kitchen @ _hot_ @ | |
| 9| T || _stuff_ @ @ @ @ fire | It iz allwus safe to follow the |
|10| W || @ _more_ @ now @ | religious beleaf that our Mother |
|11| T || _snow_ @ @ @ krak | taught us,--thare never waz a |
|12| F || @ _high_ @ wallnuts @ | Mother yet, who taught her child |
|13| S || _winds_ @ @ @ now | to be an infidel. |
|14| G || @ _big_ @ post @ | |
|15| M || @ @ _s-t-o-r-m_ @ @ | |
|16| T || @ @ Books @ | * * * * * |
|17| W || _sleety_ @ @ @ now | |
|18| T || @ _more_ @ read @ | |
|19| F || @ @ _stormy_ @ @ | Employment iz the grate boon |
|20| S || A§l§l§m§i§n§a§x | ov life, a man with nothing to do, |
|21| G || @ _now it thaws_ @ | iz not haff so interesting, az a |
|22| M || sing @ _kolder_ @ @ | ripening turnip. |
|23| T || @ @ psalms @ now | |
|24| W || @ _snow_ @ @ Eat @ | |
|25| T || @ @ @ @ pork | * * * * * |
|26| F || @ _feet_ @ _and_ @ | |
|27| S || @ _d*e*e*p_ @ @ @ | |
|28| G || @ @ @ _beans_ | Sarkasm iz a keen weapon, but |
|29| M || Good @ Bye | in handling it, menny people take |
|30| T || @ @ Boys @ @ | holt ov the blade, insted of the |
|31| W || Yours, @ @ @ J. B. | handle. |
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
* * * * *
* * * * *
ECCENTRICITIES OF GENIUS
By Major J. B. Pond.
READ WHAT IS SAID OF IT.
"It is distinctly one of the most interesting books of the year
from any point of view."--_Rochester Sunday Herald._
"It is many a day since I have read so fascinating a book of
reminiscences. Many a day--or perhaps I should have said a
'night'--for this volume has given me delight during hours, when,
according to the laws of nature, I should have been
asleep."--_Neweil Dwight Hillis._
"One of the most simple, naive and straightforward books ever
written. It fairly reeks with personality.... No man living has had
such interesting association with so many interesting
people."--_Home Journal._
"Adorned by many pictures, never before published."--_Detroit
Journal._
"Possesses unparalleled attractions."--_Boston Journal._
"Major Pond goes deep into his subject, tarnishing pen-portraits
that are admirably clear and graphic."--_The Mail and Express._
The whole book, stuffed as it is with anecdotes and extracts from
personal letters, is marvelously interesting."--_Boston
Transcript._
"All the world loves a teller of stories, and readers will surely
take approvingly to the man who gives them so much of entertaining
reading as is found in Major Pond's 600 pages of bright personal
description."--_N. Y. Times._
"Shining by reflected light, its pages literally teem with
interesting anecdotes of many sorts."--_Chicago Evening Post._
"Originality stamps the volume, copiously illustrated with
portraits."--_The Boston Globe._
"It has a thousand charms, and a thousand points of interest. It is
full of striking gems of thought, rare descriptions of men and
places, biographical bits that delight one by their variety, and
the distinction of those alluded to. From a literary view it is as
interesting as Disraeli's famous "Curiosities of
Literature."--_Philadelphia Item._
"If any more charming and interesting book has appeared this
season, it has not come to our notice. The get-up is worthy of the
matter of the book."--_Philadelphia Evening Telegraph._
It is a handsome octavo volume, 5-3/4 x 8-3/4 inches, of 620 pages, with
nearly 100 half-tone portrait illustrations. Beautifully bound in
English silk cloth, with gold stamp on side, gilt top. At all
Bookstores. $3.50.
THE VOYAGE OF ITHOBAL
BY
SIR EDWIN ARNOLD
Ithobal was the first African explorer we know about. He was a sea
captain of Tyre, who rescued and married an African Princess, and then
induced the King of Egypt to put him in charge of a voyage of
exploration of the wonderful land of his wife's birth.
After a voyage of fifteen thousand miles around Africa, he returns after
numerous and exciting adventures, which bring out almost every feature
of African life and scenery. Ithobal relates the story of his enterprise
in a discourse of seven days before the throne of Pharaoh, who crowns
him with honors.