country. To whatever department of activity one looks one finds therein,
working his way up for all he is worth and by not over-scrupulous
methods, the so-called canny Scot. In some professions, notably that
of journalism, as I have shown, he has made himself more or less
predominant. In banks, offices, and manufactories he is to be found
as frequently as not, ruling the roost in the capacity of manager or
overseer; and in the general atmosphere of Anglo-Saxon business life
there is a persistent feel of him. That he should come from his own
heathery wastes and starved townlets to a richer land is quite natural.
That he should desire to do his best for himself and for people of
his own blood is also natural. But that he should put on airs and
forget that, after all, he is an alien and a person who by good right
is with us only on sufferance, is the mistake he makes. The power
that he has got for himself has been won largely by combination and
advertisement. The Scotch superstition is the oyster out of which he
lives. That superstition was never more general than it is to-day, and
the advertisement of Scottish virtues and Scottish capacities was never
in merrier progress. The time has come, I think, for Englishmen to make
a stand in the matter. At any rate, the time has come for the Scotchman
to be taught his place. One would hesitate to suggest that he should be
got rid of entirely, for he has his uses and his good qualities. As a
hewer of wood and a drawer of water, as a person fitted by temperament
for the exercise of mechanical functions, he is all very well; but in
matters where intellect and sparkle are required he should be left
severely alone. To rid the press of his influence would be an excellent
thing for the press. It cannot be shown that he is of the least use in
journalism, or that he does things any better, whether as reporter,
sub-editor, or editor, than the average Englishman. And it can be shown
that he has used his influence on the press for purposes which, however
legitimate they may appear to him, are not in the public interest. It
is not in the public interest that every newspaper one picks up should
contain certificates of character for the Scotch; it is not in the
public interest that he should be continually written down for a person
of especial intellect, probity, shrewdness, humour, and the rest. His
intellect, in point of fact, is middling; his probity merely average;
his shrewdness questionable, and his humour neither here nor there.
As a subordinate he is always a very doubtful bargain. As a person in
authority he is just a bully—“a bad master,” as Dr. Nicoll puts it.
Employers of labour would find it distinctly to their interest to look
into the question and to find out how far they are being imposed upon by
mere sententiousness and wise looks with nothing behind them that is of
consequence. It is not too much to say that if you have a Scotchman in
your place of business, you are, as a rule, all the weaker for it. If
you go thoroughly into him you will find that his only quality is his
capacity for plod; as against this he has many ugly traits—jealousy,
over-reachingness, and greediness among them. Rarely, if ever, does he
understand his business, and of initiative and originality he is, as a
rule, devoid. Changes and advances are not at all in his line. If you ask
him for something new, something out of the ordinary, he will bring it to
you and impress you (by talk) with the notion that you are getting what
you want; but if you examine it, you will find that it is not new at all,
and that really it is not what you want.
The Scot, in fact, rarely rises above mediocrity; he seldom has an
inspiration or a happy thought; he cannot rise to occasions, and while
he is most punctual in his attention to duty and most assiduous and
steadfast as a labourer, his work is never perfectly done, and too
frequently it is scamped and carried out without regard to finish or
excellence. Of pride or delight in labour the Scotchman knows nothing.
He works in order that he may get money and secure his own personal
advancement. His loyalty is a question of pounds, shillings, and pence;
he will be loyal to you just as long as you are paying him more than he
can get elsewhere, and the moment somebody comes along with a better
offer, there is an end of you so far as he is concerned.
There are not wanting signs that, in spite of the manner in which it has
been hidden and bolstered up, the Scotchman’s real character is beginning
to be properly understood. Nobody can say, with any show of truth, that
the Scot is either loved or admired by the peoples with whom he comes
in contact outside his own country. Indeed, I believe that throughout
England there is a very strong anti-Scotch feeling. I have found it
difficult to meet an Englishman who, if you questioned him straightly,
would not admit that he has a rooted dislike for Scotchmen. That dislike
the Scotchman has himself aroused. His bumptiousness and uncouthness, his
lack of manners, his frequent lack of principle, and his want of decent
feeling, have brought and will continue to bring their own reward. In
this book I feel that I have merely touched the fringe of the subject.
Facts that go to prove the main contentions I have laid down abound. I
have not been able to use a tithe of them. Every person of understanding
can give you instance after instance of the Scotchman’s underbredness,
ineptitude, and disposition to meanness. Furthermore, Scotchmen
themselves are full of such instances. Indeed, for the material used in
most of the chapters of this work I am indebted to Scotchmen. From first
to last I have done my best to convict them out of their own mouths, and
if I have failed, the fault is not the fault of the Scotch.
For the general guidance of young Scotchmen who wish to succeed in this
country and who do not desire to add further opprobrium to the Scotch
character, I shall offer a few broad hints, which are worth taking to
heart:
I. REMEMBER THAT OUTSIDE SCOTLAND YOU ARE A GOOD DEAL OF A
FOREIGNER.
II. BE ASSURED THAT THE KING’S ENGLISH IS THE LANGUAGE WHICH
DECENT MEN EXPECT YOU TO SPEAK IN ENGLAND.
III. DOURNESS IS REALLY NOT A VIRTUE.
IV. THERE IS NOTHING SPECIALLY CREDITABLE IN HAVING BEEN BORN
ON A MUCK HEAP. DO NOT BOAST ABOUT IT.
V. THERE ARE GREATER VIRTUES THAN THRIFT. IT IS BETTER TO DIE
PENNILESS THAN TO HAVE BEEN TOO MUCH OF A SAVER.
VI. NEVER UNDERTAKE WHAT YOU CANNOT DO. A SHUT MOUTH AND A
SENTENTIOUS AIR WILL NOT SERVE YOU FOR EVER.
VII. DO NOT SET UP TO BE A JUDGE OF ANY OF THE FINE ARTS. YOU
ARE NOT INTENDED FOR IT.
VIII. TRY TO FORGET THAT THE BATTLE OF BANNOCKBURN WAS WON BY
THE SCOTCH IN 1314. THE DATES OF FLODDEN AND CULLODEN ARE
MUCH BETTER WORTH REMEMBERING, THOUGH MOST ENGLISHMEN HAVE
FORGOTTEN BOTH OF THEM.
IX. DO YOUR BEST TO LIVE DOWN DR. NICOLL’S SUGGESTION THAT
YOU ARE NOT OVER-SCRUPULOUS IN YOUR METHODS OF DEALING WITH
COMPETITORS.
X. IF, WITHOUT SERIOUS INCONVENIENCE TO YOURSELF, YOU CAN
MANAGE TO REMAIN AT HOME, PLEASE DO.
ADVERTISEMENT
Never apologise before the offence is a good rule, and in certain
circumstances a still better rule is, do not apologise at all. I have
not the smallest intention of regretting anything that has been written
in the foregoing chapters. But I am informed by a Scotchman who has been
kind enough to read them in proof that there is some likelihood of their
being misunderstood. This, of course, would be a thousand pities. So that
I shall venture on what may be termed, for the want of a better phrase,
an explanation. When Dr. Johnson was asked to explain his reasons for
disliking the Scotch, his reply was of the vaguest. Lamb also did not
quite know why he disliked them; and, on the whole, it is difficult to
say flatly why one cannot get on with the simple child of Caledonia.
As a matter of fact, my own antipathy always amuses me. Whether it will
amuse the Scotch is another matter. But for the sake of their own peace
of mind I should like to ask them not to jump to foolish conclusions
about various hard things I have said. Since the time of Burns, Scotchmen
appear to have yearned for some one who should show them their faults:
Oh wad some power the giftie gie us
To see oorsels as ithers see us!
is as frequent on their lips as “The best laid schemes o’ mice and men,”
“A man’s a man for a’ that,” and the rest of them. And, in this instance,
I have simply done my best to play the rôle of “some power.” To put an
ugly man in front of a mirror is not, perhaps, to do him the most tender
of services, especially if you comment upon his style of beauty the
while. For all that, I am hoping that in some small measure I may be
doing great and useful things for the Scotch as a nation. If they would
only be at a little pains to discover their faults and at a little more
pains to correct them, one could encourage hopes for Scotland. “Much may
be done with the Scotchman,” said Dr. Johnson, “if you catch him young,”
or words to that effect. I am afraid that to all Scotchmen who have
passed the age of forty the present volume will be a wasted lesson. But
there appear to be a very large number of Scots who have not yet attained
the prime of life, and it is among these that I expect my counsel to have
effect. They really cannot do themselves the smallest hurt by taking to
heart the warnings and advice which, as a result of great labour, are
here put before them. Oh, my dear young Scottish friends, let me implore
you to be wise in time. If I have beaten you with clubs, be assured that
it is as much for your good as for my emolument. If you have bought
this book, you never spent a few sixpences to better advantage in your
life. If you have borrowed it, as I expect most of you have, you are
forgiven, providing you will really try to mend. For all things to which
I have set my hand that may cause you pain I am truly sorry. Yet, as the
chastisers of one’s youth were wont to say, the punishment hurts me far
more than it hurts you. I know you will believe me and do your best to
love me. Whether you do or not, I shall ever continue to take a kindly
interest in you and to pray for your general reform.
THE END
FOOTNOTES
[1] In a booklet entitled _The Kilt and How to Wear It_, the Hon. Stuart
Erskine assures us that “in Scotland every man is a gentleman.” On the
other hand, in England quite a number of Scotchmen seem to be doctors. I
trust that I shall not be considered wanting in respect if I prefix the
august, abdominal “Dr.” to the names of all Scotch gentlemen whom I have
occasion to mention.
[2] _Vide_ that piece of arrant Jeromeism, _My Lady Nicotine_.
[3] Andrew Lang, “Magic Mirrors and Crystal-gazing,” _Monthly Review_,
February, 1902.
[4] The Free University Education Scheme of Dr. Andrew Carnegie (many
times millionaire, beloved of the American steel worker, and author of a
book called _Triumphant Democracy_, if you please) will no doubt change
all this.
[5] George Lockhart, _Memoirs Concerning the Affairs of Scotland from
Queen Anne’s Accession to May, 1707_.
[6] John Hill Burton, D.C.L., LL.D., _The Scot Abroad_.
[7] “English and Scotch,” _The British Weekly_, January 16, 1902.
[8] “English and Scotch,” _The British Weekly_, January 16, 1902.
[9] “The Battle of Bannockburn was won by the Scotch in 1314. Here’s tae
us, wha’s like us?”—_Scotch Toast._
[10] George Vivian Poore, _A Treatise on Medical Jurisprudence_, 1901.
[11] There are some people who think they sufficiently acquit themselves,
and entertain their company, with relating facts of no consequence, but
at all out of the road of such common incidents as happen every day;
and this I have observed more frequently among the Scots than any other
nation, who are very careful not to omit the minutest circumstances of
time or place; which kind of discourse, if it were not a little relieved
by the uncouth terms and phrases, as well as accent and gesture peculiar
to that country, would be hardly tolerable.—Jonathan Swift, _Hints
towards an Essay on Conversation_.
[12] Charles Lamb, _Essays of Elia_.
[13] Mr. Spielman has assured us that seventy-five per cent. of the jokes
accepted from outsiders by _Punch_ come from Scotland; this, however,
only tends to show that Lamb and Smith knew what they were talking about,
for it is everywhere admitted that if you want humour, you must make a
point of avoiding _Punch_.
[14] “It may be surely counted not without significance among ethnical
phenomena that, though France has all along shown in her language the
predominance of the Latin race, three infusions of northern blood had
been successively poured into the country: first, the Franks; then the
Normans; and, lastly, the Scots. It seems not unreasonable that these
helped to communicate to the vivacity and impetuosity of the original
race those qualifications of enterprise and endurance which were needed
to make up the illustrious history of France.”—_The Scot Abroad._
[15] In the Embankment Gardens, London, there is a statue of Burns, on
the pedestal of which appears the appended inscription:
“The Poetic Genius of my country found me at the plough and threw her
inspiring mantle over me. She bade me sing the loves, the joys, the rural
scenes, and rural pleasures of my native soil in my native tongue. I
tuned my wild, artless notes as she inspired.”
Now any poet who can babble about his wild, artless notes is beyond
praying for. I think this particular monument ought to be taken down.
[16] Albert Leffingwell, M.D., _Illegitimacy: Two Studies in Demography_.