I have been made a fool of by the Government. No, you needn't all hold
up your hands at once. Mine Was different from yours. I have always
looked upon myself as an efficient uncle, but now--well, one more
incident of this kind and I shall be definitely _passe_.
The technique of being an uncle I mastered quite early. For instance,
at stated seasons in the year I choose with some concentration two
toys and two improving books. The toys I give to my nieces, Lillah and
Phyllis; the books I send to a hospital. In the same spirit, when I
take them for a treat and they over-eat themselves, I simply finance
the operation and at the same time buy a large bottle of castor oil
and send it anonymously to St. Bartholomew's. You see the idea? It
is simply technique. I have explained this system to Margaret, their
mother. But she is not one who sees reason very easily.
In spite of opposition, however, I continue to do my duty.
In this spirit I dashed into the nursery the other day and declared
my afternoon and my finances at the service of Lillah and Phyllis.
Margaret definitely forbade a cinema, from a curious notion that
their patrons consisted exclusively of bacilli. So Lillah and Phyllis
declared at once for CHARLIE CHAPLIN or nothing. This was only
natural, so I bought two tickets for the latest exhibition of War
cartoons and sent them to my Aunt Julia at Harpenden. Then I took the
children to the Pictures.
This is just to show you that I know my job. But mark now how Fate
rushed me on to destruction.
"Uncle James," said Lillah, "I love you!"