_Remarks on Ordinary Defects among Girls._
We are now to speak of the care and attention which are requisite
to preserve girls from many defects to which they are too commonly
addicted. They are oftentimes brought up in so effeminate and timid a
manner, as to be rendered incapable of a firm and regular conduct. At
first there is much affectation, which afterwards become habitual, in
those ill-founded fears, and in those tears, which are so cheaply and
plentifully bestowed. A contempt of such affectations would operate
greatly in correcting them; as they are in a considerable degree the
offspring of vanity.
They should also be repressed in the indulgence of too violent
friendships, little jealousies, excessive compliments, and flatteries:
all these things spoil them, and accustom them to imagine that dryness
and austerity belongs to every thing which is serious and grave. We
should strive to effect this, so that their common mode of parlance be
short and precise. A good understanding consists in retrenching all
superfluous discourse, and in saying much in few words: whereas, the
greater part of women say little in many words. They mistake facility
of utterance and vivacity of imagination for good sense: they make no
selection of their thoughts: they observe no order in regard to the
things they have to explain: they are passionate in every thing they
utter, and passion produces loquacity. Nothing very excellent can be
expected of a woman, if she is not obliged to reflect on consequences,
to examine her thoughts, to explain them in a precise manner, and
afterwards to be silent.
Another circumstance which greatly contributes to the loquacity of
women, is, that they are naturally artificial, and use a _roundabout_
manner to arrive at the proper end. They are fond of _finesse_: and
how is it possible they should be otherwise, when they are ignorant
of a more prudent method--and when it is usually the first thing which
example has taught them? They have a soft and ductile nature which
enables them easily to play a part in every thing: tears cost them
nothing: their passions are lively, and their knowledge limited: hence
it is that they neglect nothing to come off successful--and that they
admire certain methods, which to a serious and prudent woman would
appear very exceptionable: they seldom stop to enquire whether such a
thing is desirable, but are anxious and indefatigable only in obtaining
it. Add to this, they are timid and full of what is called "_mauvais
honte_;" which is another source of dissimulation. The method of
preventing so great an evil, never to put them under a necessity of
finessing, but accustom them to declare ingenuously their sentiments
upon every lawful topic. Let them be at liberty to express their
_ennui_ whenever they feel it: and let them never be subjected to feign
an admiration of certain persons or certain books, which in reality
displease them.
Sometimes a mother is prejudiced against a governess, and undertakes
the management of the child herself, while the daughter cunningly acts
contrary to her taste. When children are so wretched that they are under
the necessity of disguising their sentiments, the way of extricating
them from such a dilemma, is, to instruct them solidly in the maxims of
true prudence--as one perceives that the method of correcting a taste
for novels and romances, is, by exciting a turn for useful and agreeable
histories. If you do not encourage a rational curiosity, they will
entertain an irrational one--in like manner, if you do not form their
minds on the principles of true prudence, they will become attached to
falsehood, which is, in fact, _finesse_.
Shew them, by examples, how one is able, without duplicity, to be
discreet, foresighted, and attached to _legitimate_ means of succeeding.
Tell them that prudence consists chiefly in speaking little--in
entertaining a greater distrust of oneself than of others, and not in
uttering false sentiments, and playing a deceitful part. An upright
conduct, and a general reputation for integrity, begets more confidence
and esteem, and, in the end, even more temporal advantages, than
perverse and suspicious habits. How much does this judicious rectitude
of conduct distinguish a person, and render her fit for the most
important undertakings!
But add, how base and contemptible is _premeditated finesse_! it is
either an account of some trifle which one is ashamed to mention, or it
must be considered as a pernicious passion. When one wishes for that
which it is lawful to wish for, the request is made openly--and it is
sought for in a direct and proper method, with moderation. What is
there more delightful and agreeable, than to be sincere? always
tranquil--always content--having nothing to fear or to feign? On the
contrary, a dissimulating character is always in agitation--remorse--and
danger--and under the deplorable necessity of covering _one finesse_ by
substituting an _hundred others_.
With all these shameful disquietudes, artificial characters never escape
that misery from which they are constantly flying--sooner or later their
_real_ character will appear. If the world has been their dupe in some
single action, it will not continue so during the whole of their lives:
oftentimes they are the dupes of those whom they wished to deceive: for
there is sometimes an appearance of being dazzled by them, and they
think themselves beloved--at the very moment, perhaps, when they are
despised. At least they cannot prevent suspicion--and can any thing be
more contrary to the rational interests of a prudent woman, than to see
herself always suspected? Unfold these things by degrees--according as
opportunity, necessity, or the bent of your pupil's intellect, may
suggest.
Observe, however, that cunning (or _finesse_) is always the offspring
of a base heart and narrow-minded spirit. In proportion as we wish to
conceal our views we become cunning--being convinced that we are not as
we ought to be--or, that, seeking for lawful objects, we adopt unworthy
means of obtaining them--which arises from our ignorance in seeking such
objects. Make children remark the impertinence of certain artifices that
they see practised--the contempt which it draws on those practising
them--and lastly, make them ashamed of themselves when you detect them
in some dissimulation. As they grow up, deprive them of what they love,
when they wish to obtain it by _artifice_--but declare, that they shall
possess it when they ask _openly_: do not be afraid even of indulging
their little weaknesses, in order to give them an opportunity and the
courage of shewing them. False shame is the most dangerous of evils and
the most difficult to cure; and this too, if great care be not taken,
will render all others irremediable.
Paint, in their proper colours, those infamous artifices by which they
would wish to deceive their neighbour without having the reproach of
deceiving him: there is more perfidy and knavery in these refinements,
than in common artifices. Some people, one may say, boldly practice
deception--but wretches of the preceding description, add novelty and
disguise to authorise it. Tell a child that GOD _is truth itself_--that
it is mocking _him_ when we jest at truth in our discourse--which should
be precise and correct, and should consist in few words, that truth be
not violated.
Be on your guard not to imitate those who applaud children, when they
have discovered sharpness of intellect by some _finesse_. Far from
supposing these tricks pretty and diverting, check them severely--and
manage it so, that all their artifice may end unsuccessfully, and
experience at last may disgust them with it. In praising them for
such and such faults, we, in fact, persuade them that _ability_ and
_deception_ are one and the same thing.