Give me leave to begin with the part of my letter which has given you
the most uneasiness, and which is entirely owing to a mistake. As I
have no copy of my letter, I cannot exactly recollect my expressions,
tho' I am perfectly sure of my meaning. When I mentioned _unhappy
circumstances_ I meant only that my expences, tho' not excessive
in themselves, appeared great, and were in fact more than what the
_unhappy circumstances_ of our estate allowed you to support. That
I assure you, Dear Sir, was my only meaning; if my expression was
doubtfull, attribute it solely to the agitation of spirits I was
in when I wrote. When I reflect on my expences, I do not see, that
were I to live last winter over again at Paris, I could, according
to the almost necessary extravagance of the age, spend less than I
have done. I do not pretend to say that a man of a more exact economy
might not have done sometimes the same things for less money, but
I am sure there was no one blamable or ridiculous expence. Play in
particular, Dear Sir, must have occurred to you, tho' you do not
mention it. I give you _my word of honor_, that since I have left
England I have not lost twenty pounds.
I will say no more of my scheme, since you disaproove of it. I own
I thought it might have made me very easy without any additional
expence to you. But you do not mention, Dear Sir, my other proposal
supposing we borrowed the five thousand; that of giving me half of
it, and making no addition to my allowance whatsoever. Unless you
want the whole sum, I should still think it must be more, or at least
as eligible to you as any other. I own it would be highly agreable
to me, to have always a sum of money lying by me, besides my income;
for I do assure you, Sir, that it is much more a scheme of economy
than of expence. I should employ about seven or eight hundred of
it to encrease my annuity during a year and a half and to enable
me to travel agreably. The remainder I should put into the stocks,
and spend only the interest, reserving the Capital, for any uses
that might appear to both of us worthy of it, for I would promise,
Dear Sir, not to touch any part of it without your knowledge and
consent. In case you want the greatest part of the sum, I should beg
at least that, instead of the two Hundred a year you design adding
to my annuity, you would only add one hundred a year and a thousand
pounds. If the whole is necessary, I am far from contesting it with
you, Dear Sir, but after thanking you for the very handsome encrease
of my annuity, you must give me leave to say that six hundred pounds
a year will not enable me to travel. In this age, it would be almost
impossible for me to do it under 9 or 8 hundred; every thing is much
altered since you were abroad, and I believe if you consult those who
have travelled lately, they would name scarcely less than a thousand.
After the experience I have had, it would be deceiving both myself
and you to talk in another strain.
I own the thoughts of a mortgage frighten me. The diminution of the
estate, the weight of the interest, the uncertainty of paying which
we have already felt in the old one, give me the greatest repugnance
to encreasing it. Tho' it would hurt me excessively, I could wish
we could avoid it. I would return to England and wait for a more
favorable opportunity. This I speak merely for myself. If it is
necessary to make you easy, I have nothing more to say.
At all events, Dear Sir, you may depend upon my being in England a
few days before the 30th of December. As I should be glad to return
to this place as soon as the business is over (in case you still
chuse it) I was thinking that so short an apparition might set the
world a talking and guessing at the reasons, and as it would be
better they should know nothing of them, it might be as well if I
came over incognito. I could see you and Mrs. Gibbon in London,
appear very little in publick and go back immediately. But as I can
hear from you again before my departure, you will settle every thing
as you please.
I am surprised that Mrs. Gibbon has not received the Arquebusade
water I sent her four months ago, tho' I forgot to mention it.--A
propos upon reflexion, I directed it to Becket and neglected giving
him any directions about it. If you will write a line to him, I dare
say it lies at his shop, near Somerset house in the Strand. I shall
endevour to get you some Lucerne myself, unless you chuse to stay
till next [autumn].
I beg my love and duty to Mrs. Gibbon and sincere compliments to all
friends.
I am, Dear Sir,
Most affectionately and most sincerely yours,
E. GIBBON, JUNIOR.
[Sidenote: HIS SIX MONTHS AT LAUSANNE.]
30.
_To his Stepmother._
Lausanne, December the 7th, 1763.