entertainment than the ordinary afternoon tea. Special cards are
engraved, and if any special entertainment is provided, the fact may
be indicated by the words, “Music,” or “Miscellaneous Program” (when
readings and music are interspersed). Or, the announcement may be
omitted, and the program furnish a pleasant surprise for the guests.
The card for a “musicale” or similar occasion, is simply engraved:
MRS. JOHN JEROLOMON
AT HOME
_Friday, October 11, from
four to seven o’clock._
1269 Seventeenth Street.
For a party or reception given in honor of another, the invitations
should be engraved with a blank space left for the name of the invited
guest; or, the form may be filled out, and the name of the guest appear
on the envelope only. It may read:
MR. AND MRS. ANDREW WYLIE
_request the pleasure of
.................................’s_
company on Tuesday evening, June sixth,
at nine o’clock,
to meet_
HON. W. W. BRACE.
R. S. V. P. 64 Lark Street.
or, the wording may be “request the pleasure of your company,” etc.
The same form of invitation can be adapted to almost any reception,
party or other social entertainment, with such variations as suit the
circumstances. If a series of receptions are to be given, the lower
line on the left of the card may be simply:
_Wednesdays in December,
from three to seven o’clock._
DANCING.
There is no phase of social life that contains so much of hidden peril
as that which relates to dancing. Of itself, there is nothing sinful in
dancing; but its associations and temptations, and the tendencies of
modern dancing to frivolity, unhealthful dissipation and immorality are
so obvious as to need no enumeration here. It is a positive detriment
to the spiritual growth of young men and women, and is prolific of
promiscuous acquaintanceships that cannot be claimed to be safe or
desirable for any young person having a serious object in life. The
ball-room has to many thousands proved the first step to perdition.
Of dancing, the Rev. Dr. Talmage has said:
“It is the graceful motion of the body adjusted by art to the sound
and measures of musical instrument or of the human voice. All nations
have danced. The ancients thought that Castor and Pollux taught the
art to the Lacedæmonians. But whoever started it, all climes have
adopted it. In ancient times they had the festal dance, the military
dance, the mediatorial dance, the bacchanalian dance, and queens and
lords swayed to and fro in the gardens, and the rough backwoodsman
with this exercise awakened the echo of the forest. There is something
in the sound of lively music to evoke the movement of the hand and
foot, whether cultured or uncultured. Passing down the street we
unconsciously keep step to the sound of the brass band, while the
Christian in church with his foot beats time while his soul rises upon
some great harmony. While this is so in civilized lands, the red men of
the forest have their scalp dances, their green-corn dances, their war
dances.
“The exercise was so utterly and completely depraved in ancient times
that the church anathematized it. The old Christian fathers expressed
themselves most vehemently against it. St. Chrysostom says: ‘The feet
were not given for dancing but to walk modestly, not to leap impudently
like camels.’ One of the dogmas of the ancient church reads: ‘A dance
is the devil’s possession, and he that entereth into a dance entereth
into his possession. As many paces as a man makes in dancing, so many
paces does he make to hell.’ Elsewhere the old dogmas declared this:
‘The woman that singeth in the dance is the princess of the devil, and
those that answer are her clerks, and the beholders are his friends,
and the music is his bellows, and the fiddlers are the ministers of
the devil. For as when hogs are strayed, if the hogsherd call one all
assemble together, so when the devil calleth one woman to sing in the
dance, or to play on some musical instrument, presently all the dancers
gather together.’ This indiscriminate and universal denunciation of the
exercise came from the fact that it was utterly and completely depraved.
“How many people in America have stepped from the ball-room into the
graveyard! Consumptions and swift neuralgias are close on their track.
Amid many of the glittering scenes of social life in America diseases
stand right and left and balance and chain. The breath of the sepulchre
floats up through the perfume, and the froth of Death’s lip bubbles up
in the champagne.
“It is the anniversary of Herod’s birthday. The palace is lighted.
The highways leading thereto are all ablaze with the pomp of invited
guests. Lords, captains, merchant princes, the mighty men of the land,
are coming to mingle in the festivities. The table is spread with all
the luxuries that royal purveyors can gather. The guests, white-robed
and anointed and perfumed, come in and sit at the table. Music! The
jests evoke roars of laughter. Riddles are propounded. Repartee is
indulged. Toasts are drank. The brain is befogged. The wit rolls on
into uproar and blasphemy. They are not satisfied yet. Turn on more
light. Pour out more wine. Music! Sound all the trumpets. Clear the
floor for a dance. Bring in Salome, the beautiful and accomplished
princess. The door opens, and in bounds the dancer. The lords are
enchanted. Stand back and make room for the brilliant gyrations. These
men never saw such ‘poetry of motion.’ Their souls whirl in the reel
and bound with the bounding feet. Herod forgets crown and throne and
everything but the fascinations of Salome. All the magnificence of
his realm is as nothing now compared with the splendor that whirls on
tiptoe before him. His body sways from side to side, corresponding
with the motions of the enchantress. His soul is thrilled with the
pulsations of the feet and bewitched with the taking postures and
attitudes more and more amazing. After awhile he sits in enchanted
silence looking at the flashing, leaping, bounding beauty, and as the
dance closes and the tinkling cymbals cease to clap and the thunders of
applause that shook the palace begin to abate, the enchanted monarch
swears to the princely performer: ‘Whatsoever thou shalt ask of me
I will give it thee, to the half of my kingdom.’ At the instigation
of her mother, Salome takes advantage of the extravagant promise of
the king and says, ‘Bring me the head of John the Baptist on a dinner
plate.’ Hark to the sound of feet outside the door and the clatter of
swords. The executioners are returning from their awful errand. Open
the door. They enter, and they present the platter to Salome. What
is on this platter? A new glass of wine to continue the uproarious
merriment? No. Something redder and costlier—the ghastly, bleeding
head of John the Baptist, the death glare still in the eye, the locks
dabbled with the gore, the features still distressed with the last
agony. This woman, who had whirled so gracefully in the dance, bends
over the awful burden without a shudder.
“In my parish of Philadelphia there was a young woman brilliant as
a spring morning. She gave her life to the world. She would come to
religious meetings and under conviction would for a little while begin
to pray, and then would rush off again into the discipleship of the
world. She had all the world could offer of brilliant social position.
One day a flushed and excited messenger asked me to hasten to her house
for she was dying. I entered the room. There were the physicians, there
was the mother, there lay this disciple of the world. I asked her some
questions in regard to the soul. She made no answer. I knelt down to
pray. I rose again, and desiring to get some expression in regard to
her eternal interests, I said: ‘Have you any hope?’ and then for the
first her lips moved in a whisper as she said: ‘No hope!’ Then she
died. The world, she served it, and the world helped her not in the
last.
“With many life is a masquerade ball, and as at such entertainments
gentlemen and ladies put on the garb of kings and queens or mountebanks
or clowns and at the close put off the disguise, so a great many
pass their whole life in a mask, taking off the mask at death. While
the masquerade ball of life goes on, they trip merrily over the
floor, gemmed hand is stretched to gemmed hand, gleaming brow bends
to gleaming brow. On with the dance! Flush and rustle and laughter
of immeasurable merry-making. But after awhile the languor of death
comes on the limbs and blurs the eye-sight. Lights lower. Floor hollow
with sepulchral echo. Music saddened into a wail. Lights lower. Now
the maskers are only seen in the dim light. Now the fragrance of the
flowers is like the sickening odor that comes from garlands that have
lain long in the vaults of cemeteries. Lights lower. Mists gather
in the room. Glasses shake as though quaked by sullen thunder. Sigh
caught in the curtain. Scarf drops from the shoulder of beauty a
shroud. Lights lower. Over the slippery boards in dance of death glide
jealousies, envies, revenges, lust, despair, and death. Stench of
lamp-wicks almost extinguished. Torn garlands will not half cover the
ulcerated feet. Choking damps. Chilliness. Feet still. Hands closed.
Voices hushed. Eyes shut. Lights out.”
The dance must be classed with the wine-cup as the insidious enemy of
a pure, upright, wholesome society. Pleasant and fascinating at first,
it lures its victims to sacrifice after sacrifice until the end is
reached. No man or woman was ever benefited morally, intellectually or
physically by the dance; thousands and tens of thousands have found it
their bane, and date their ruin from the first step they danced to the
music across the floor of a lighted ball-room.
WEDDING ETIQUETTE.
_Invitations._
Socially considered, marriage is the most important and imposing
of all functions. It gives opportunity for the greatest display,
the most elegant toilets, and the most lavish and superb manner of
entertainment. Yet singularly enough, the etiquette of weddings is
probably more variable and subject to innovation than that of any other
event in the social calendar. At no two grand weddings is the etiquette
precisely the same.
Wedding invitations according to present custom are consigned to the
post from two to three weeks preceding the date of the event. Those
sent to friends and relatives abroad are sent quite three weeks
earlier. A representative invitation is given below:
MR. AND MRS. CHARLES F. BROWNE
_request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter,_
EVA MADGE,
_to_
MR. SAMUEL MARTIN HOPE,
_on Wednesday, June the twenty-first,
at twelve o’clock, in
The Church of the Pilgrims._
This is engraved in round-hand script, without flourish and with little
shading, and a tendency toward the medium and the small in size. The
lines are rather close together, allowing considerable margin at top
and bottom of the note. The paper most preferred has a white dull
kid and parchment finish, in size between octavo and billet. When
folded it fits an envelope that is almost square and which offers a
choice of either a pointed or square flap. In town the pointed flap is
considered the proper thing while the country favors the square one.
The envelope inclosing the note is without gum and of the same weight
as the inclosure, while the outer one, intended as a carrier only, is
of lighter quality and gummed for sealing.
Wedding invitations require no answer. But people living at a distance,
who cannot attend the wedding, should send their cards by mail, to
assure the hosts that the invitation has been received.
The usual form of invitation for a wedding reception is as follows:
_At Home
After the Ceremony,
7 East Market Street_—
This is enclosed, with the cards of the young bride and of her intended
husband, to the favored ones only.
People with a large acquaintance cannot always invite all their friends
to a wedding reception, and therefore invite all to the church.
Sometimes people who are to give a small wedding at home request an
answer to the wedding invitation; in that case, of course, an answer
should be sent, and people should be very careful not to ignore these
flattering invitations. Any carelessness is inexcusable when so
important an event is in view. Bridesmaids, if prevented by illness or
sudden bereavement from officiating, should notify the bride as soon as
possible, as it is a difficult thing after a bridal program is arranged
to reorganize it.
CHURCH WEDDINGS.
We have gradually adopted feature by feature of the English style of
wedding in America until to-day the general order followed in both
countries may be said, in all essential particulars, to be identical.
The bridegroom is dressed in a frock-coat and light trousers of any
good pattern; in other words, he wears a formal morning dress, drives
to the church with his best man, and awaits the arrival of the bride
in the vestry-room. He may wear gloves or not as he chooses. The best
man is the intimate friend, sometimes the brother, of the groom.
He accompanies him to the church, follows him to the altar, stands
at his right hand a little behind him, and holds his hat during the
marriage-service. After that is ended he pays the minister’s fee,
accompanies the bridal party home, being in a coupé by himself, and
assists the ushers to introduce friends to the newly wedded pair.
The bridegroom is allowed to make what presents he pleases to the
bride, and to send some gift, such as a fan, locket, ring or bouquet,
to the bridesmaids; he also buys the wedding-ring, and, of course,
sends a bouquet to the bride; but he is not to furnish cards or
carriages or the wedding breakfast; that is done by the bride’s family.
In England the groom is expected to drive the bride away in his own
carriage, but in America this custom is not often followed. The bride,
beautifully dressed usually in white satin, with point lace veil and
orange blossoms, is driven to the church in a carriage with her father,
who gives her away. Her mother and other relatives precede her and take
front seats; her bridesmaids should also precede her, and await her
in the chancel. The ushers then form the procession with which almost
all city weddings are begun. The ushers first, two and two; then the
bridesmaids, two and two; then some pretty children—bridesmaids under
ten; and then the bride, leaning on her father’s right arm. Sometimes
the child bridesmaids precede the others. As the procession reaches
the lowest altar step the ushers break ranks and go to the right and
left and the bridesmaids also go to right and left, leaving a space for
the bridal pair. As the bride reaches the lowest step the bridegroom
advances, takes her by the right hand, and conducts her to the altar,
where both kneel. The clergyman signifies to them when to rise, and
then proceeds with the ceremony. The bridal pair walk down the aisle
arm-in-arm, and are conducted to the carriage and driven home, the rest
following. In some cases, a bridal register is signed in the vestry.
Formerly brides removed the whole of the left glove; now they neatly
cut the finger out of the glove, so that they can remove that without
pulling off the whole glove for the ring.
In a marriage at home, the bridesmaids and best man are usually
dispensed with. The clergyman enters and faces the company, the bridal
pair follow and face him. After the ceremony the clergyman retires, and
the wedded pair receive congratulations.
WEDDING BREAKFASTS.
The English fashion of a wedding breakfast is not common here yet, but
it is well to describe the proper etiquette. The gentlemen and ladies
invited should be notified a fortnight in advance, and should accept
or decline immediately, as it has all the formality of a dinner. On
arriving at the house the gentlemen leave their hats in the hall, but
ladies do not remove their bonnets. After greeting the bride and groom
and the father and mother, the company talk together until breakfast
is announced. Then the bride and groom go first, followed by bride’s
father with groom’s mother, then groom’s father with bride’s mother,
then best man with first bridesmaid, then bridesmaids with attendant
gentlemen, and then the other invited guests, as the bride’s mother
arranges. Coffee and tea are not usually offered, but bouillon, salads,
birds, oysters, and other hot and cold dishes, ices, jellies, etc., are
served at this breakfast, and finally the wedding-cake is set before
the bride, who cuts a slice.
“Stand-up” breakfasts are far more commonly served, as the French say,
_en buffet_. More guests can come and it is far less trouble to serve a
collation to a number of people standing about than to furnish what is
really a dinner to a number sitting down.
HOME WEDDINGS AND PRIVATE WEDDINGS.
If the marriage is to be solemnized at home, the date follows the
names in succession, and the place of residence is given last. The
invitation may vary, “the wedding reception of their daughter,” etc.
Or, accompanying the church wedding invitation may be a square card
bearing the lines: “Reception from half-past seven until nine o’clock,”
with place of residence on the line below.
If the ceremony is private, the immediate family and chosen friends
are invited verbally. It is then optional whether or not a formal
announcement shall be made to a wider circle of friends by sending
out engraved cards the day after the ceremony. These are, like the
invitations, printed on note sheets. The private wedding and after
announcement is often the most suitable method when a bride is
comparatively alone in the world, or has no near relatives. In such a
case the announcement is worded: “Mr. Walter Edward Brown and Miss Anna
Childers Wilson married; Wednesday, October twentieth, 619 Grace St.”
If no other place is given this is understood to be the place where to
address cards of congratulation. If the young couple are to receive
later, in a new home, that address, with date of the “at home,” is also
given, thus, “At home, after November fifteenth, 6417 Ocean Ave.” If
the change of residence is to another town, the name of the town is
also given.
WEDDING GIFTS AND OTHER GIFTS.
There are probably few matters that are the occasion of more
troublesome study and vexation of spirit than the selection of wedding
presents. They should in all cases be chosen with due reference to the
circumstances of the bride. For the daughter of wealthy parents, who
marries a man of large means, rare and costly articles are suitable
wedding gifts. For a bride who is going to housekeeping on a moderate
income, articles that are useful as well as beautiful are appropriate.
A handsome chair, a china cabinet, or some china to put in it, a few
standard books, fine table linen, or one of the many other things
within the range of house-furnishing are acceptable.
Presents devised and made by the ingenuity and labor of the
giver—hand-painted screens or china, embroidered work, or a painting or
etching—are specially complimentary gifts.
A man should not make valuable presents to a lady outside of his own
family, unless she is very much his senior, and a friend of long
standing. A lady should not accept valuable gifts from a gentleman
unless his relationship to her warrants it. Trifling tokens of
friendship or gallantry—a book, a bouquet, or a basket of bonbons—are
not amiss; but a lady should not be under obligation to a man for
presents that plainly represent a considerable money value. When a gift
is accepted, the recipient should not make too obvious haste to return
the compliment, lest he or she seem unwilling to rest under obligation.
To refuse all trifling favors is regarded as rudeness. It is often the
greatest wisdom as well as kindness, to allow some one to do us a favor.
When some well-meaning person innocently offers a gift that strict
conventionality would forbid one to accept, it is sometimes better to
suspend the rules and accept the token, than to hurt the feelings by
refusal.
Gifts of flowers to the convalescent are among the graceful expressions
of courteous interest. Even a total stranger may send these, without
offending.
Wedding gifts may be sent at any time within two months before the
wedding. All who send gifts should be asked to the wedding and
reception.
WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES.
It is becoming more and more the custom, both in town and country,
to celebrate wedding anniversaries. These occasions, however, with
a few exceptions, are usually confined to the exchange of gifts and
expression of good-will by members of the immediate family. But when
a number of years have passed, a married pair, whose wedded lives
have been harmonious, begin to look forward to the approach of an
anniversary which can be celebrated by a much wider circle. The
marriage anniversary which falls after five years is sometimes called
“a wooden wedding;” after ten years, “tin;” after twenty, “crystal;”
at twenty-five, “silver;” at fifty, a “golden anniversary;” and at
seventy-five the “diamond wedding” occurs.
So general has been the custom, in the past, of making these
anniversaries occasions for the making of gifts of all descriptions
that self-respecting families have at last drawn the line at this
practice and engraved upon their anniversary invitation cards:
“No gifts received.” Still some old friends will take the liberty
sometimes of disregarding the engraved injunction, just as such valued
individuals indulge themselves in familiarities with the rules that
usually govern one’s private social affairs. But if remoter relatives
or mere society acquaintances send a gift other than flowers or a book,
after being requested to restrict their generosity, they need not
be surprised if the act be considered an impertinence, and resented
accordingly.
The prevailing style of cards of invitation to an anniversary party or
reception is the same as to any ordinary entertainment. A wedding-bell,
or a horse-shoe of white flowers, with the date of the marriage wrought
into it with colored blossoms, or a bride’s loaf dated in sugar and
placed upon a separate table, informs the guests of the reason for
rejoicing. Here is the correct form of invitation card for such
occasions:
MR. AND MRS. ALEXANDER J. MARSHALL
_request the pleasure of your presence
on Tuesday evening, January eleventh, at
eight o’clock, to celebrate the
twenty-fifth anniversary of their marriage._
No. 47 Rylance Street.
_No gifts received._
It is customary for the host and hostess to secure as many guests
as possible from among those who were present at their wedding. The
clergyman who performed the ceremony is bidden, and, if possible, the
wedding-garments are again worn.
Other interesting formalities are added, making the occasion
impressive, without being oppressive. Near kinspeople offer
congratulations first, when other guests follow after the manner of
a wedding reception. When a formal supper is provided, the host and
hostess lead together upon this peculiar occasion, and the guests
follow in convenient order, as at an ordinary party. The supper may be
in buffet style, if preferred.
NOTES ABOUT WEDDINGS.
When a honeymoon follows, the old customs are still maintained. The
father, mother and intimate friends kiss the bride, and, as the happy
pair drive off, a shower of satin slippers and rice follows them. If
one slipper alights on the top of the carriage, luck is assured to them
forever.
Many brides nowadays prefer to be married in traveling dress and hat,
and leave immediately without congratulations.
Wedding-cake is no longer sent about. It is neatly packed in boxes;
each guest takes one, if she likes, on leaving the house.
Wedding-favors of white ribbon and artificial flowers are used in
England, but not to any great extent in America. Here the groom wears a
_boutonnière_ of natural flowers.
A widow should never be accompanied by bridesmaids, or wear a veil or
orange-blossoms. She should wear a colored silk and a bonnet, and be
attended by her father, brother or some near friend. It is proper for
her to remove her first wedding-ring, as the wearing of that cannot but
be painful to the bridegroom. If married at home, she may wear a light
silk and be bonnetless.
It is an exploded idea that of allowing every one to kiss the bride.
Only near relatives have this privilege.