William the But one thing's certain. Camera men,
Conqueror If only they'd existed then,
1066-1087 Would have journeyed many a mile
To 'snap' King William's happy smile.
They made him King and schoolbooks say
He ruled with arbitrary sway;
Demanding with sharp battle axes
Instant payment of big taxes.
Curfew And p'raps it's just as well to tell
He introduced the Curfew Bell;
So at the early hour of eight
Each doused his glim, raked out his grate.
In bed at eight P.M. each day
Life was but sombre, dull and grey;
No cutting fancy ball room capers,
No Cinemas or evening papers.
He was a bully it is true,
But to allow him his just due
He made reforms; he also took
In hand the bulky Doomsday book.
In William's time we're glad to write
People began to be polite;
Ladies curtseyed to their beaux,
Who smartly raised their gay chapeaux.
The Jews The Jews he introduced from Spain
Bringing much knowledge in their train
Of Arts and Science; but 'Longshanks'
Expelled them with no word of thanks.
Feudalism These were the well known Feudal days,
Tenants were slaves in many ways
To mighty Lords who owned the land
And ruled them with an iron hand.
Not free from duties were the Lords,
The King could call upon their swords
And men to fight in time of need.
So feudal laws of old decreed.
William Rufus William Rufus or the 'Red'
1087-1100 In ten-eight-seven ruled instead;
This may be; but we know, alack,
Though he was red his deeds were black.
Crusades The first Crusade in ten-nine-five,
1095 A million men, a very hive,
Swarm to the East, the Holy plain
From the Mohammedans to gain.
Henry I. Henry the First, of wisdom rife,
1100-1135 Saxon Matilda makes his wife,
Saxon and Norman line uniting,
A learned chap who loved not fighting.
Stephen Stephen of Blois ascends the throne
1135-115 And 'gainst Matilda holds his own;
Grandson of the Conqueror;
Died in eleven-fifty-four.
Henry II. Henry the Second claims our rhyme
1154-1189 'The hardest worker of his time';
A wiser King we never had
Nor father with his sons so bad.
Becket This the first 'Plantagenet' King
With Becket strove like anything;
Church v. Which should be Master, Church or Crown
Crown Pull-King Pull-Bishop; both went down.
Thomas was murdered by four Knights
On steps of Altar--Sorry wights:
With bleeding feet the King atones
By pilgrimage to Becket's bones.
Despite his struggles with the Church
He knocked the barons off their perch,
Fifteen hundred Castles razing
In a manner quite amazing.
Law Trial by jury further grows;
The King's Court in this reign arose;
Our Parliaments from this proceed
And all our other Courts indeed.
Linen Linen's first used in twelve-five
Woollens alone in vogue before.
Glass Windows In eleven-eight-nought first came to pass
The novelty of window glass.
And doubtless playful little boys
Full of children's simple joys,
Cracked as our youngsters often do
With stones or ball a pane or two.
Richard Coeur de Lion from one Crusade
Coeur de Lion Returning was a prisoner made.
1189-1199 But Blondel played an Air he knew,
The King joined in; Voila the clue.
This catchy tune in a pleasant key
Opened the door to liberty.
[Illustration: IRON JELLOIDS The Great Tonic]
John And so we'll quickly journey on
1199-1216 Until we reach the reign of John;
A King whose list of crimes was heavy;
He treated badly his young 'Nevvy'.
Magna Charta He signed the Magna Charta. Yes;
1215 In twelve-fifteen, but we may guess
With much ill grace and many a twist;
For King John wrote an awful fist.
John loses Normandy to France
And by this beneficial chance
In England comes amalgamation;
Normans and Saxons form one Nation
Robin Hood And now we come to Robin Hood,
The Forest bandit of Sherwood,
A popular hero much belauded
But not by folks whom he'd defrauded.
There's no need to descant upon
His boon companion 'Little John';
Or 'Friar Tuck' so overblown
He tipped the scale at fifteen stone.
Henry III. And what of Henry number Three,
1216-1272 The King who suffered poverty?
It's very awkward we must own
To be 'hard up' when on a Throne;
[Illustration: IRON JELLOIDS The Great Tonic]
To have to scrape up an amount
To pay the butcher on account,
Or ask a dun in Kingly way
To kindly call some other day.
Coinage In twelve-five-seven it is stated
1257 Gold was coined and circulated,
Ha'pence and farthings just before;
In those times worth a great deal more.
Langton The Bible which from over seas
Died 1228 Had no chapters and no verses
Was by Archbishop Langton's skill
Divided as we use it still.
[Illustration: IRON JELLOIDS The Great Tonic]
Why was it Henry III. allowed
At court a huge rapacious crowd
To drain his coffers nearly dry
Flattering with cajolery?
[Illustration: Alle fees in advance
Earlye closinge daye Thursdaye]
Astrology Many simple folk, (it's queer)
Used to patronise the seer
And pay cash down for magic spell
Perchance a Horoscope as well.
Or open wide at special rate
That musty tome the Book of Fate;
Or seek the Philtre's subtle aid
To win the hand of some fair maid.
We mus'nt miss the Troubadours
Who went forth on their singing tours,
Twanging harps and trilling lays
To maids of medieval days.
And Oh! the right good merry times
With Maskers, Mummers and the Mimes,
Hobby horses gaily prancing,
Bats and Bowls and Maypole dancing.
When folks would take a lengthy journey
To see the Knights at Joust or Tourney:
Or watch the early English 'Knuts'
Show their skill at Archery butts.
Then come gloomy History pages
On torture of the Middle ages;
The clanking fetters grim and black,
The thumbscrew and the awful rack,
The horrors of the dungeon deep
Beneath the moat or castle keep,
Rusty locks and heavy keys
And--let us change the subject, please.
First House of Commons twelve-six-five,
At Westminster they all arrive.
Simon de Simon de Montfort was the man
Montfort Who 'engineered' this useful plan.
1265 And we can picture these M.P.s
Newly fledged and ill at ease
Doing their level best to try
To catch the embryo speaker's eye.
[Illustration: IRON JELLOIDS The Great Tonic]
Edward I. Edward First 'Longshanks' nicknamed
1272-1307 For his lengthy stride far-famed.
Here he is in twelve-seven-two
Bounding along with much ado.
A Soldier, Statesman and a King
His lofty ideals picturing
That England, Scotland, Wales all three,
United should one country be.
[Illustration: IRON JELLOIDS The Great Tonic]
First Prince In twelve-eight-two annexes Wales;
of Wales Where afterwards no strife prevails.
1282 He promised a Prince with English
So gave his new-born speechless son.
[Illustration: IRON JELLOIDS The Great Tonic]
Edward I. Next Scotland Edward tries to tackle
1272-1307 No easy task the Scotch to shackle;
(continued) Wallace and Bruce resistance make,
The King dies ere he gains the stake.
In Edward's reign some author writes
They first used candle dips for lights;
And coal came in about this date
Mixed (as to-day) with lots of slate.
[Illustration: IRON JELLOIDS]
So Monarchs, Barons, Dukes and Knights
Warmed their toes with Derby Brights;
But those in hovels had the smuts
Arising from cheap Kitchen Nuts.
Roger Bacon Roger Bacon (ob. twelve-nine-three)
1293 Versed was in arts of alchemy;
Gunpowder's composition knew;
And many another chemic brew.
Many Mortmain Acts are passed;
Six centuries these efforts last
To stop the hungry Hierarchy
Devouring all the Squirearchy.
Lollards Lollards in thirteen-seven arose
1307 Popish rituals to oppose;
John Wycliffe gives to old and young
The Bible in the vulgar tongue.
With John of Gaunt's protection strong
He dared to preach 'gainst cleric wrong;
Precursor of the Reformation
To liberal thought attuned the nation.
Edward II. Edward the Second with his minions
1307-1327 Governs badly these dominions
His son a man of different mould
Edward III. Was Edward Three, both wise and bold.
1327-1377 Through clinging to their French domains
Our Kings are French through many reigns
And Edward fighting in this cause
French Wars Commenced a hundred years of Wars.
A century's struggle. For our pains
Only Calais town remains.
A century after this 'twas lost,
In Mary's reign. Oh! what a frost.
Weaving In thirteen-three-one England's taught
1331 Weaving by men from Flanders brought.
Ryghte goode cloth with lots of 'body'
The world was then not up to 'shoddy.'
Blanket of Bristol in this year
Invented blankets for our cheer;
And since that time its been our boast
Our beds have been as warm as toast.
Edward 'Black Prince' One-three-four-six,
A brave and noble warrior, 'licks'
Crecy The valiant French in Crecy's fray;
1346 Cannon first used upon this day,
Causing panic with their rattle;
But the Yeomen win the battle,
For, flicking arrows from their bows
They 'filled the air as when it snows.'
Thereon the English Calais seize
And of the channel hold the keys;
The Spanish pirates bend the knee
Then Edward III's 'King of the sea.'
Parliament Lords and Commons from this date
1376 Have their meetings separate,
The Commons first a Speaker make
The Chancellors the Woolsack take.
Ten lady members have the Lords
But doubtless fearful of their words,
Or thinking it not orthodoxy,
They only let them vote by proxy.
While Church and Barons have their squabbles
The House of Commons more power nobbles;
On laws and taxes dares speak out
And give the Pope the right-about.
[Illustration: IRON JELLOIDS The Great Tonic