_by the late
DR. ANDREW WILSON._
_The public are very familiar with the term "Anaemia," and this fact
alone testifies to the extremely common nature of the ailment thus
indicated._
_As a rule Anaemia shows a gradual progress. There is experienced a
feeling of lassitude, of being "easily tired out," and a distaste for
active exertion. The digestion is enfeebled, and, without feeling
actually ill, the sufferer inclines towards an inactive life, while the
appetite usually disappears, and a general bodily upset is represented.
The lips are pale, the red of the eyelids, seen by turning down the
lower eyelid, will exhibit a similar appearance. Breathlessness is
another notable sign; the least exertion, going upstairs for instance,
causes the sufferer to pant, because the heart, not being supplied with
blood of good quality, cannot perform its work properly. The pulse is
weak and irregular._
_For ANAEMIA (shown by breathlessness on slight exertion, pallor,
depression and weakness) Doctors prescribe the well-known Iron
Jelloids No. 2.--there is nothing better._
_For DEBILITY, WEAKNESS and NERVINESS, Men find the Ideal Tonic
and Restorative in Iron Jelloids No. 2A._
_A Ten Days Treatment (price 1/3) will convince you._
[Illustration: Iron 'Jelloids'
(_Pronounced Jell-Lloyds._)]
Reliable Tonic for Men Iron Jelloids No. 2A.
For Anaemia in Men and Women Iron Jelloids No. 2.
For Growing Children Iron Jelloids No. 1.
_Of all Chemists. A Ten Days Treatment 1/3. Large size 3/-_
_Manufactured by The Iron Jelloid Co., Ltd., 189, Central Street,
London E.C.1. England._
A HUMOROUS
HISTORY OF ENGLAND
TOLD AND PICTURED
by
C. HARRISON
Published by
WARRICK & BIRD,
4, Nile Street, London, N.1.
1920.
[Illustration: An After-Dinner Speech in Ye Olden Time.
(And any other Time.)]
[Illustration: BOADICEA.]
Preface _"Arms and the man" was Virgil's strain;
But we propose in lighter vein
To browse a crop from pastures (Green's)
Of England's Evolution scenes.
Who would from facts prognosticate
The future progress of this State,
Must own the chiefest fact to be
Her escalator is the Sea._
[Illustration: "Take cover"]
Prehistoric Historians erudite and sage,
When writing of the past stone age,
Tell us man once was clothed in skins
And tattooed patterns on his shins.
Rough bearded and with shaggy locks
He lived in dug-outs in the rocks.
Was often scared and run to earth
By creatures of abnormal girth:
Mammoths and monsters; truth to tell
We find their names too long to spell.
He joined in little feuds no doubt;
And with his weapons fashioned out
Of flint, went boldly to the fray;
And cracked a skull or two per day.
Druids We read of priests of Celtic day,
Ancient Druids, holding sway
By smattering of Occult law
And man's eternal sense of awe.
Stonehenge They used Stonehenge on Salisbury Plain
Reputed Prehistoric Fane;
Note each megalithic boulder;
No Monument in Europe's older.
[Illustration]
[Illustration: "Veni, Vidi, Vici"]
Phoenicians Merchant explorers of that day,
Hustling Phoenicians, came this way
To ship tin ore from Cornish mines
Three thousand years before these lines.
But still in spite of petty strife
Man lived what's termed the 'simple life'
Julius Caesar Till Julius Caesar in five-five
B.C. 55 With his galleys did arrive.
He wrote despatches of the best,
'Veni, Vidi' and the rest,
Sending the news of victory home;
And flags then fluttered high in Rome.
His 'photo' one plain fact discloses
He brought in fashion Roman noses.
Of this great General 'tis allowed
The best 'Life' is by J. A. Froude.
Boadicea Boadicea earns our praise.
A.D. 62 First woman leader in those days;
For Freedom strove all she could do,
'Twas lost in A.D. sixty-two.
Agricola Then came Agricola one day
And gained a battle near the Tay.
He started trimming up this isle,
And laid out roads in Roman style.
East, North, South, West, it's safe to say
His handiwork is traced to-day.
The Natives too were taught to know
By busy merchants' constant flow
The wisdom that great Empire held;
Their ignorance was thus dispelled.
Romans left About four hundred-ten A.D.
A.D. 410 The Romans left sans ceremonie.
Can it be wondered at when Rome
Was needing help 'gainst Huns at home.
Our antiquarians often find
The relics which they left behind;
A Villa here and pavement there,
Coins galore and Roman ware.
[Illustration]
Anglo-Saxons And so we run our flippant rhymes
A.D. 430 Right on to Anglo-Saxon times.
Hengist and Horsa with their men
Came from their Jutish pirate den,
Jutes And paid us visits in their ships
Bent on their ruthless looting trips.
And Angles landing in the Humber
Gave that district little slumber.
They plundered morning, noon, and night,
Were rough, uncouth, and impolite,
No 'By your leave' or 'S'il vous plait'
They came to rob, remained to prey.
Horsa Horsa was slain in four-five-five,
455 Leaving Hengist still alive
To live out his allotted term,
Surviving partner of the Firm.
King Arthur Time has many a fable wound
About King Arthur's table round,
Where Knights quaffed cordials, wines and ales,
And told their little fairy tales.
Augustine About six hundred years A.D.
597 To teach us Christianity
Came Augustine. Wondrous Story;
Canterbury's Pile his glory.
Heptarchy Called 'Heptarchy' the seven Saxon
827 States each other made attacks on;
After four hundred years they'd striven
They coalesced in eight-two-seven.
[Illustration: IRON JELLOIDS The Great Tonic]
Alfred Of good King Alfred we've all heard
872-901 How when hiding he incurred
A lady's anger for not taking
Care of Cakes which she was baking.
(Most probably she left the King
While she went out a-gossiping.)
Before he died in nine-nought-one,
Old England's Navy had begun.
He laid a tax on every town
To aid his fleet to gain renown.
He was the best of Saxon Kings
And did a lot of useful things;
Built Oxford with its noble spires
And mapped out England into Shires.
Danes In seven-eight-three first came the Danes
783 Who caused the Saxons aches and pains.
They sailed right up our rivers broad,
Putting the natives to the sword.
"Danegeld" For centuries our sadly fated
991 Towns by them were devastated.
Etheldred the 'Unready Toff'
By 'Danegeld' tries to buy them off.
[Illustration: IRON JELLOIDS The Great Tonic]
Canute Two hundred years the raiding Danes
1014-1036 Came over. Then their Canute reigns.
We'll merely mention that he tried
An object lesson with the tide.
Hardicanute Hardicanute, sad to confess,
1039-1041 Died from drinking to excess.
He couldn't conquer love of wine
And with him went the Danish line.
Edward Edward the Confessor staid
the Confessor The Saxon line renewed. Remade
1041-1066 At Westminster the Abbey grand,
And signed the first 'Will' in this land.
And since his time ('tis not refuted)
Scores of Wills have been disputed.
Ah! legal quibbles such as these
Mean Lawyers waxing rich on fees.
Harold Harold last of the Saxon line
1066 At Hastings made an effort fine
And lost his life--it was to be,
Crushed by the men of Normandy.
From Scandinavia they'd come,
And made fair Normandy their home;
William the Whence William spying out our shore,
Conqueror Oliver-Twist-like, wanted more.
1066-1087 In ten-six-six he won the day
In that tough fight out Hastings way.
Of course, no record in our reach,
Depicts 'ole Bill' thus on the beach.
[Illustration]
[Illustration: IRON JELLOIDS The Great Tonic