* * * * *
=_Dear Farmer Bill_=—How do you keep milk from souring?—=_Reggie._=
Leave it in the cow.
* * * * *
=_Dear Cap_=—Why is it that professors claim touch to be the most
delicate of all the senses?—=_Hook M. Cowe._=
Well, here’s why: when you sit on a pin you can’t see it, you can’t hear
it, you can’t taste it—but it is there.
* * * * *
=_Dear Captain_=—What is a button?—=_Holly Woode._=
A small event that always comes off.
* * * * *
=_Dear Capt. Billy_=—The waiters in our city of Brainerd have just
organized a union and wish you would kindly suggest some sort of a yell
to hand the cooks when they raise the dickens with us.—=_Tillie Olson._=
My feeble effort:
Grape nut, Grape nut,
Malta vita force.
Keep your trap closed.
Well, of course.
We want oysters,
Rah! Rah! Rah!
Nabisco wafers
Bah!!
* * * * *
=_Dear Capt. Billy_=—I am about to organize a nice little club for
thirsty people. What motto should our organization adopt?—=_Sipper Jin._=
How about this one: “If you don’t see what you want, ask for it.”
* * * * *
=_Dear Captain Billy_=—What were the two most popular ballads of the
American doughboy in France?—=_Mona Long._=
Before the armistice it was “I Want to Go Home.” Afterwards it was “If
You Want to Go Home, Just Let Them Alone.”
* * * * *
=_Dear Captain Billy_=—My father is a motor-man, and my mother is a
conductorette. What am I?—=_Enter Tainem._=
A transfer.
* * * * *
=_Dear Cap’n_=—What is a Pomeranian Whiff Sniff?—=_Willack Fulish._=
A Pomeranian Whiff Sniff is a species of small wooly dog with the curious
habit of trying to climb telegraph poles, hind feet first.
* * * * *
=_Dear Captain_=—Being as you are an etiquette expert, I would like to
ask if it is a gentleman’s duty to approach a young lady and tell her
that her eyebrow is on crooked and that she has a speck of soot on her
right ankle?—=_Inquisitive Andy._=
A gentleman is not supposed to notice the details of a lady’s attire. He
is supposed to be in a state of rapturous admiration of the tout ensemble.
* * * * *
=_Captain Billy_=—Is a sallow, pale skin always affected by weak
people?—=_I. M. Payle._=
Dear Payle—Not always! I know a chap that was very dark, but he found a
pair of dice and right from then he began to fade, and fade and fade.
* * * * *
=_Dear Skipper Bill_=—Why is a ship always called “She”?—=_M. T. Beane._=
Probably because the rigging costs more than the hull.
* * * * *
=_Dear Farmer Bill_=—What is the best way to make both ends meet?—=_Lady
de Barbour._=
Learn to be a contortionist.
* * * * *
=_Dear Captain Billy_=—What, in your opinion, does love most
resemble?—=_Georgette._=
A roast beef sandwich. Two thin slices of sentiment and the rest filled
in with bull.
* * * * *
=_Dear Captain Billiam_=—What kind of hand does a card sharper win
with?—=_Pokker Feene._=
An I-deal hand.
* * * * *
=_Dear Cap_=—Why are eggs much smaller now than in the past?—=_Lee Way._=