_William (a Good Boy)_ Mr. HARRY NICHOLLS. } _who have kindly_
_Thomas (a Bad Boy)_ Mr. HERBERT CAMPBELL. } _offered their services._
_Benjamin (neither one thing nor the other)_ Mr. SAMUEL SUPER.
_The Monster Man-trap_ Mr. GEORGE CONQUEST.
SCENE--_An elaborate set, representing, on extreme left, a portion of
the high road, and wall dividing it from an orchard; realistic apple-and
pear-trees laden with fruit. Time, about four o'clock on a hot
afternoon. Enter_ WILLIAM _and_ THOMAS, _hand-in-hand, along road; they
ignore the dividing wall, and advance to front of stage._
_Duet.--William and Thomas._
_Wm._ I'm a reg'lar model boy, I am; so please make no mistake.
It's THOMAS who's the bad 'un--_I_ am good!
_Thos._ Yes, I delight in naughtiness for naughtiness's sake,
And I wouldn't be like WILLIAM if I could!
_Chorus._
_Wm._ Ever since I could toddle, my conduct's been model,
There's, oh, such a difference between me and him!
_Thos._ While still in the cradle, I orders obeyed ill,
And now I've grown into a awful young limb!
_Together._ Yes, now; {he's} grown into a awful young limb.
{I've}
I've made up my mind not to imitate _him_!
[_Here they dance._
_Second Verse._
_Wm._ If someone hits him in the eye, he always hits them back!
When _I_ am struck, my Ma I merely tell!
On passing fat pigs in a lane, he'll give 'em each a whack!
_Thos._ (_impenitently_). And jolly fun it is to hear 'em yell!
[_Chorus._
_Third Verse._
_Wm._ He's always cribbing coppers--which he spends on lollipops.
_Thos._ (A share of which _you_'ve never yet refused!)
_Wm._ A stone he'll shy at frogs and toads, and anything that hops!
_Thos._ (While you look on, and seem to be amused!)
[_Chorus._
_Fourth Verse._
_Wm._ As soon as school is over, THOMAS goes a hunting squirr'ls,
Or butterflies he'll capture in his hat!
_Thos. You_ play at Kissing in the Ring with all the little girls!
_Wm._ (_demurely_). Well, THOMAS, I can see no harm in _that_!
[_Chorus._
_Fifth Verse._
_Wm._ Ah, THOMAS, if you don't reform, you'll come to some bad end!
_Thos._ Oh, WILLIAM, put your head inside a bag!
_Wm._ No. THOMAS, that I cannot--till you promise to amend!
_Thos._ Why, WILLIAM, what a chap you are to nag!
[_Chorus and dance._ THOMAS _returns to road, and regards the
apple-trees longingly over top of wall._
_Thos._ Hi, WILLIAM, look ... what apples! there--don't _you_ see? And
pears--my eye! just _ain't_ they looking juicy!
_Wm._ Nay, THOMAS, since you're bent upon a sin,
_I_ will walk on, and visit BENJAMIN!
[_Exit_ WILLIAM (L. 2. E.), _while_ THOMAS _proceeds to scale
the wall and climb the boughs of the nearest pear-tree. Melodramatic
Music. The Monster Man-trap stealthily emerges from long grass below,
and fixes a baleful eye on the unconscious_ THOMAS.
_Thos._ I'll fill my pockets, and on pears I'll feast!
[_Sees Man-trap, and staggers._
Oh, lor--whatever is that hugly beast!
Hi, help, here! call him off!...
_The Monster._ 'Tis vain to holler--
My horders are--all trespassers to swoller!
You just come down--I'm waiting 'ere to ketch you.
(_Indignantly._) You _don't_ expect I'm coming up to fetch you!
_Thos. (politely.)_ Oh, not if it would inconvenience _you_, Sir!
(_In agonised aside._) I feel my grip grow every moment looser!
[_The Monster, in a slow, uncouth manner, proceeds to scramble up
the tree._
Oh, here's a go! The horrid thing can _climb!_
Too late I do repent me of my crime!
[_Terrific sensation chase! The Monster Man-trap leaps from bough
to bough with horrible agility, and eventually secures his prey,
and leaps with it to the ground._
_Thomas_ (_in the Monster's jaws_). I'm sure you seem a kind,
good-natured creature--
You will not harm me?
_Monster._ No--I'll only eat yer!
[THOMAS _slowly vanishes down its cavernous jaws; faint yells are
heard at intervals--then nothing but a dull champing sound;
after which, dead silence. The_ Monster _smiles, with an air of
repletion._
_Re-enter_ WILLIAM, _from_ R., _with_ BENJAMIN.
_Benjamin._ I'm very glad you came--but where is THOMAS?
_Wm._ (_severely._) TOM is a wicked boy, and better from us,
For on the road he stopped to scale a wall!...
[_Sees Man-trap, and starts._