Of Certain Temptations of Satan. Instructions Relating Thereto.
1. I have thought it right to speak of certain temptations I have
observed to which beginners are liable--some of them I have had
myself--and to give some advice about certain things which to me
seem necessary. In the beginning, then, we should strive to be
cheerful and unconstrained; for there are people who think it is
all over with devotion if they relax themselves ever so little.
It is right to be afraid of self; so that, having no confidence
in ourselves, much or little, we may not place ourselves in those
circumstances wherein men usually sin against God; for it is a
most necessary fear, till we become very perfect in virtue.
And there are not many who are so perfect as to be able to relax
themselves on those occasions which offer temptations to their
natural temper; for always while we live, were it only to
preserve humility, it is well we should know our own miserable
nature; but there are many occasions on which it is permitted
us--as I said just now [1]--to take some recreation, in order
that we may with more vigour resume our prayer.
2. Discretion is necessary throughout. We must have great
confidence; because it is very necessary for us not to contract
our desires, but put our trust in God; for, if we do violence to
ourselves by little and little, we shall, though not at once,
reach that height which many Saints by His grace have reached.
If they had never resolved to desire, and had never by little and
little acted upon that resolve, they never could have ascended to
so high a state.
3. His Majesty seeks and loves courageous souls; but they must be
humble in their ways, and have no confidence in themselves.
I never saw one of those lag behind on the road; and never a
cowardly soul, though aided by humility, make that progress in
many years which the former makes in a few. I am astonished at
the great things done on this road by encouraging oneself to
undertake great things, though we may not have the strength for
them at once; the soul takes a flight upwards and ascends high,
though, like a little bird whose wings are weak, it grows weary
and rests.
4. At one time I used often to think of those words of St. Paul:
"That all things are possible in God." [2] I saw clearly that of
myself I could do nothing. This was of great service to me.
So also was the saying of St. Augustine: "Give me, O Lord, what
Thou commandest, and command what Thou wilt." [3] I was often
thinking how St. Peter lost nothing by throwing himself into the
sea, though he was afterwards afraid. [4] These first
resolutions are a great matter--although it is necessary in the
beginning that we should be very reserved, controlled by the
discretion and authority of a director; but we must take care
that he be one who does not teach us to crawl like toads, nor one
who may be satisfied when the soul shows itself fit only to catch
lizards. Humility must always go before: so that we may know
that this strength can come out of no strength of our own.
5. But it is necessary we should understand what manner of
humility this should be, because Satan, I believe, does great
harm; for he hinders those who begin to pray from going onwards,
by suggesting to them false notions of humility. He makes them
think it is pride to have large desires, to wish to imitate the
Saints, and to long for martyrdom. He tells us forthwith, or he
makes us think, that the actions of the Saints are to be admired,
not to be imitated, by us who are sinners. I, too, say the same
thing; but we must see what those actions are which we are to
admire, and what those are which we are to imitate; for it would
be wrong in a person who is weak and sickly to undertake much
fasting and sharp penances to retire into the desert, where he
could not sleep, nor find anything to eat; or, indeed, to
undertake any austerities of this kind.
6. But we ought to think that we can force ourselves, by the
grace of God, to hold the world in profound contempt--to make
light of honour, and be detached from our possessions.
Our hearts, however, are so mean that we think the earth would
fail us under our feet, if we were to cease to care even for a
moment for the body, and give ourselves up to spirituality.
Then we think that to have all we require contributes to
recollection, because anxieties disturb prayer. It is painful to
me that our confidence in God is so scanty, and our self-love so
strong, as that any anxiety about our own necessities should
disturb us. But so it is; for when our spiritual progress is so
slight, a mere nothing will give us as much trouble as great and
important matters will give to others. And we think
ourselves spiritual!
7. Now, to me, this way of going on seems to betray a disposition
to reconcile soul and body together, in order that we may not
miss our ease in this world, and yet have the fruition of God in
the next; and so it will be if we walk according to justice,
clinging to virtue; but it is the pace of a hen--it will never
bring us to liberty of spirit. It is a course of proceeding, as
it seems to me, most excellent for those who are in the married
state, and who must live according to their vocation; but for the
other state, I by no means wish for such a method of progress,
neither can I be made to believe it to be sound; for I have tried
it, and I should have remained in that way, if our Lord in His
goodness had not taught me another and a shorter road.
8. Though, in the matter of desires, I always had generous ones;
but I laboured, as I said before, [5] to make my prayer, and, at
the same time, to live at my ease. If there had been any one to
rouse me to a higher flight, he might have brought me, so I
think, to a state in which these desires might have had their
effects; but, for our sins, so few and so rare are they whose
discretion in that matter is not excessive. That, I believe, is
reason enough why those who begin do not attain more quickly to
great perfection; for our Lord never fails us, and it is not His
fault; the fault and the wretchedness of this being all our own.
9. We may also imitate the Saints by striving after solitude and
silence, and many other virtues that will not kill these wretched
bodies of ours, which insist on being treated so orderly, that
they may disorder the soul; and Satan, too, helps much to make
them unmanageable. When he sees us a little anxious about them,
he wants nothing more to convince us that our way of life must
kill us, and destroy our health; even if we weep, he makes us
afraid of blindness. I have passed through this, and therefore I
know it; but I know of no better sight or better health that we
can desire, than the loss of both in such a cause. Being myself
so sickly, I was always under constraint, and good for nothing,
till I resolved to make no account of my body nor of my health;
even now I am worthless enough.
10. But when it pleased God to let me find out this device of
Satan, I used to say to the latter, when he suggested to me that
I was ruining my health, that my death was of no consequence;
when he suggested rest, I replied that I did not want rest, but
the Cross. His other suggestions I treated in the same way.
I saw clearly that in most things, though I was really very
sickly, it was either a temptation of Satan, or a weakness on my
part. My health has been much better since I have ceased to look
after my ease and comforts. It is of great importance not to let
our own thoughts frighten us in the beginning, when we set
ourselves to pray. Believe me in this, for I know it by
experience. As a warning to others, it may be that this story of
my failures may be useful.
11. There is another temptation, which is very common: when
people begin to have pleasure in the rest and the fruit of
prayer, they will have everybody else be very spiritual also.
Now, to desire this is not wrong, but to try to bring it about
may not be right, except with great discretion and with much
reserve, without any appearance of teaching. He who would do any
good in this matter ought to be endowed with solid virtues, that
he may not put temptation in the way of others. It happened to
me--that is how I know it--when, as I said before, [6] I made
others apply themselves to prayer, to be a source of temptation
and disorder; for, on the one hand, they heard me say great
things of the blessedness of prayer, and, on the other, saw how
poor I was in virtue, notwithstanding my prayer. They had good
reasons on their side, and afterwards they told me of it; for
they knew not how these things could be compatible one with the
other. This it was that made them not to regard that as evil
which was really so in itself, namely, that they saw me do it
myself, now and then, during the time that they thought well of
me in some measure.
12. This is Satan's work: he seems to take advantage of the
virtues we may have, for the purpose of giving a sanction, so far
as he can, to the evil he aims at; how slight soever that evil
may be, his gain must be great, if it prevail in a religious
house. How much, then, must his gain have been, when the evil I
did was so very great! And thus, during many years, only three
persons were the better for what I said to them; but now that our
Lord has made me stronger in virtue, in the course of two or
three years many persons have profited, as I shall
show hereafter. [7]
13. There is another great inconvenience in addition to this: the
loss to our own soul; for the utmost we have to do in the
beginning is to take care of our own soul only, and consider that
in the whole world there is only God and our soul. This is a
point of great importance.
14. There is another temptation--we ought to be aware of it, and
be cautious in our conduct: persons are carried away by a zeal
for virtue, through the pain which the sight of the sins and
failings of others occasions them. Satan tells them that this
pain arises only out of their desire that God may not be
offended, and out of their anxiety about His honour; so they
immediately seek to remedy the evil. This so disturbs them, that
they cannot pray. The greatest evil of all is their thinking
this an act of virtue, of perfection, and of a great zeal for
God. I am not speaking of the pain which public sins occasion,
if they be habitual in any community, nor of wrongs done to the
Church, nor of heresies by which so many souls are visibly lost;
for this pain is most wholesome, and being wholesome is no source
of disquiet. The security, therefore, of that soul which would
apply itself to prayer lies in casting away from itself all
anxiety about persons and things, in taking care of itself, and
in pleasing God. This is the most profitable course.
15. If I were to speak of the mistakes which I have seen people
make, in reliance on their own good intentions, I should never
come to an end. Let us labour, therefore, always to consider the
virtues and the good qualities which we discern in others, and
with our own great sins cover our eyes, so that we may see none
of their failings. This is one way of doing our work; and though
we may not be perfect in it at once, we shall acquire one great
virtue--we shall look upon all men as better than ourselves; and
we begin to acquire that virtue in this way, by the grace of God,
which is necessary in all things--for when we have it not, all
our endeavours are in vain--and by imploring Him to give us this
virtue; for He never fails us, if we do what we can.
16. This advice, also, they must take into their consideration
who make much use of their understanding, eliciting from one
subject many thoughts and conceptions. As to those who, like
myself, cannot do it, I have no advice to give, except that they
are to have patience, until our Lord shall send them both matter
and light; for they can do so little of themselves, that their
understanding is a hindrance to them rather than a help.
17. To those, then, who can make use of their understanding, I
say that they are not to spend the whole time in that way; for
though it be most meritorious, yet they must not, when prayer is
sweet, suppose that there never will be a Sunday or a time when
no work ought to be done. They think it lost time to do
otherwise; but I think that loss their greatest gain. Let them
rather, as I have said, [8] place themselves in the presence of
Christ, and, without fatiguing the understanding, converse with
Him, and in Him rejoice, without wearying themselves in searching
out reasons; but let them rather lay their necessities before
Him, and the just reasons there are why He should not suffer us
in His presence: at one time this, at another time that, lest the
soul should be wearied by always eating of the same food. These
meats are most savoury and wholesome, if the palate be accustomed
to them; they will furnish a great support for the life of the
soul, and they have many other advantages also.
18. I will explain myself further; for the doctrine of prayer is
difficult, and, without a director, very hard to understand.
Though I would willingly be concise, and though a mere hint is
enough for his clear intellect who has commanded me to write on
the subject of prayer, yet so it is, my dulness does not allow me
to say or explain in a few words that which it is so important to
explain well. I, who have gone through so much, am sorry for
those who begin only with books; for there is a strange
difference between that which we learn by reading, and that which
we learn by experience.
19. Going back, then, to what I was saying. We set ourselves to
meditate upon some mystery of the Passion: let us say, our Lord
at the pillar. The understanding goeth about seeking for the
sources out of which came the great dolours and the bitter
anguish which His Majesty endured in that desolation.
It considers that mystery in many lights, which the intellect, if
it be skilled in its work, or furnished with learning, may there
obtain. This is a method of prayer which should be to everyone
the beginning, the middle, and the end: a most excellent and safe
way, until our Lord shall guide them to other supernatural ways.
20. I say to all, because there are many souls who make greater
progress by meditation on other subjects than on the Sacred
Passion; for as there are many mansions in heaven, so there are
also many roads leading thither. Some persons advance by
considering themselves in hell, others in heaven--and these are
distressed by meditations on hell. Others meditate on death;
some persons, if tender-hearted, are greatly fatigued by
continual meditations on the Passion; but are consoled and make
progress when they meditate on the power and greatness of God in
His creatures, and on His love visible in all things. This is an
admirable method--not omitting, however, from time to time, the
Passion and Life of Christ, the Source of all good that ever
came, and that ever shall come.
21. He who begins is in need of instruction, whereby he may
ascertain what profits him most. For this end it is very
necessary he should have a director, who ought to be a person of
experience; for if he be not, he will make many mistakes, and
direct a soul without understanding its ways, or suffering it to
understand them itself; for such a soul, knowing that obedience
to a director is highly meritorious, dares not transgress the
commandments it receives. I have met with souls cramped and
tormented, because he who directed them had no experience: that
made me sorry for them. Some of them knew not what to do with
themselves; for directors who do not understand the spirit of
their penitents afflict them soul and body, and hinder
their progress. [9]
22. One person I had to do with had been kept by her director for
eight years, as it were, in prison; he would not allow her to
quit the subject of self-knowledge; and yet our Lord had already
raised her to the prayer of quiet; so she had much to suffer.
23. Although this matter of self-knowledge must never be put
aside--for there is no soul so great a giant on this road but has
frequent need to turn back, and be again an infant at the breast;
and this must never be forgotten. I shall repeat it, [10]
perhaps, many times, because of its great importance--for among
all the states of prayer, however high they may be, there is not
one in which it is not often necessary to go back to the
beginning. The knowledge of our sins, and of our own selves, is
the bread which we have to eat with all the meats, however
delicate they may be, in the way of prayer; without this bread,
life cannot be sustained, though it must be taken by measure.
When a soul beholds itself resigned, and clearly understands that
there is no goodness in it--when it feels itself abashed in the
presence of so great a King, and sees how little it pays of the
great debt it owes Him--why should it be necessary for it to
waste its time on this subject? Why should it not rather proceed
to other matters which our Lord places before it, and for
neglecting which there is no reason? His Majesty surely knows
better than we do what kind of food is proper for us.
24. So, then, it is of great consequence that the director should
be prudent--I mean, of sound understanding--and a man of
experience. If, in addition to this, he is a learned man, it is
a very great matter. But if these three qualities cannot be had
together, the first two are the most important, because learned
men may be found with whom we can communicate when it is
necessary. I mean, that for beginners learned men are of little
use, if they are not men of prayer. I do not say that they are
to have nothing to do with learned men, because a spirituality,
the foundations of which are not resting on the truth, I would
rather were not accompanied with prayer. Learning is a great
thing, for it teaches us who know so little, and enlightens us;
so when we have come to the knowledge of the truths contained in
the holy writings, we do what we ought to do. From silly
devotions, God deliver us!
25. I will explain myself further, for I am meddling, I believe,
with too many matters. It has always been my failing that I
could never make myself understood--as I said before [11]--but at
the cost of many words. A nun begins to practise prayer; if her
director be silly, and if he should take it into his head, he
will make her feel that it is better for her to obey him than her
own superior. He will do all this without any evil purpose,
thinking that he is doing right. For if he be not a religious
himself, he will think this right enough. If his penitent be a
married woman, he will tell her that it is better for her to give
herself unto prayer, when she ought to attend to her house,
although she may thereby displease her husband. And so it is, he
knows not how to make arrangements for time and business, so that
everything may be done as it ought to be done; he has no light
himself, and can therefore give none to others, however much he
may wish to do so.
26. Though learning does not seem necessary for discretion, my
opinion has always been, and will be, that every Christian should
continue to be guided by a learned director if he can, and the
more learned the better. They who walk in the way of prayer have
the greater need of learning; and the more spiritual they are the
greater is that need. Let them not say that learned men not
given to prayer are not fit counsellors for those who pray: that
is a delusion. I have conversed with many; and now for some
years I have sought them the more, because of my greater need of
them. I have always been fond of them; for though some of them
have no experience, they do not dislike spirituality, neither are
they ignorant of what it is, because in the sacred writings with
which they are familiar they always find the truth about
spirituality. I am certain myself that a person given to prayer,
who treats of these matters with learned men, unless he is
deceived with his own consent, will never be carried away by any
illusions of the devil. I believe that the evil spirits are
exceedingly afraid of learned men who are humble and virtuous,
knowing that they will be found out and defeated by them.
27. I have said this because there are opinions held to the
effect that learned men, if they are not spiritual, are not
suited for persons given to prayer. I have just said that a
spiritual director is necessary; but if he be not a learned man,
he is a great hindrance. It will help us much if we consult
those who are learned, provided they be virtuous; even if they be
not spiritual, they will be of service to me, and God will enable
them to understand what they should teach; He will even make them
spiritual, in order that they may help us on. I do not say this
without having had experience of it; and I have met with more
than two.
28. I say, then, that a person who shall resign his soul to be
wholly subject to one director will make a great mistake, if he
is in religion, unless he finds a director of this kind, because
of the obedience due to his own superior. His director may be
deficient in the three requisites I speak of, [12] and that will
be no slight cross, without voluntarily subjecting the
understanding to one whose understanding is none of the best.
At least, I have never been able to bring myself to do it,
neither does it seem to me to be right.
29. But if he be a person living in the world, let him praise God
for the power he has of choosing whom he will obey, and let him
not lose so excellent a liberty; yea, rather let him be without a
director till he finds him--for our Lord will give him one, if he
is really humble, and has a desire to meet with the right person.
I praise God greatly--we women, and those who are unlearned,
ought always to render Him unceasing thanks--because there are
persons who, by labours so great, have attained to the truth, of
which we unlearned people are ignorant. I often wonder at learned
men--particularly those who are in religion--when I think of the
trouble they have had in acquiring that which they communicate to
me for my good, and that without any more trouble to me than the
asking for it. And yet there are people who will not take
advantage of their learning: God grant it may not be so!
30. I see them undergo the poverty of the religious life, which
is great, together with its penances, its meagre food, the yoke
of obedience, which makes me ashamed of myself at times; and with
all this, interrupted sleep, trials everywhere, everywhere the
Cross. I think it would be a great evil for any one to lose so
great a good by his own fault. It may be some of us, who are
exempted from these burdens--who have our food put into our
mouths, as they say, and live at our ease--may think, because we
give ourselves a little more to prayer, that we are raised above
the necessity of such great hardships. Blessed be Thou, O Lord,
who hast made me so incapable and so useless; but I bless Thee
still more for this--that Thou quickenest so many to quicken us.
Our prayer must therefore be very earnest for those who give us
light. What should we be without them in the midst of these
violent storms which now disturb the Church? If some have
fallen, the good will shine more and more. [13] May it please
our Lord to hold them in His hand, and help them, that they may
help us.
31. I have gone far away from the subject I began to speak of;
but all is to the purpose for those who are beginners, that they
may begin a journey which is so high in such a way as that they
shall go on by the right road. Coming back, then, to what I
spoke of before, [14] the meditation on Christ bound to the
pillar, it is well we should make reflections for a time, and
consider the sufferings He there endured, for whom He endured
them, who He is who endured them, and the love with which He bore
them. But a person should not always fatigue himself in making
these reflections, but rather let him remain there with Christ,
in the silence of the understanding.
32. If he is able, let him employ himself in looking upon Christ,
who is looking upon him; let him accompany Him, and make his
petitions to Him; let him humble himself, and delight himself in
Christ, and keep in mind that he never deserved to be there.
When he shall be able to do this, though it may be in the
beginning of his prayer, he will find great advantage; and this
way of prayer brings great advantages with it--at least, so my
soul has found it. I do not know whether I am describing it
aright; you, my father, will see to it. May our Lord grant me to
please Him rightly for ever! Amen.
1. Ch. xi. § 24.
2. Philipp. iv. 13; "Omnia possum in Eo."
3. Confess. x. ch. 29: "Da quod jubes, et jube quod vis."
4. St. Matt. xiv. 30: "Videns vero ventum validum, timuit."
5. Ch. vii. §§ 27, 31.
6. Ch. vii. § 16.
7. See ch. xxxi. § 7, and ch. xxxix. § 14.
8. Ch. xii. § 3.
9. See St. John of the Cross, Living Flame, pp. 267,
278-284, Engl. trans.
10. See ch. xv. § 20.
11. § 18.
12. Prudence, experience, and learning; see § 24.
13. Dan. xii. 3: "Qui autem docti fuerint, fulgebunt quasi
splendor firmamenti."
14. § 19.