She never knew how she was taken home. A horrible dream of
half-conscious misery, of dreadful movement when all she wanted was to
lie down and be still, of a confusion of sights and sounds, things dimly
seen in strange unnatural motion, voices all broken into one bewildering
hum, always that sense of being taken somewhere where she did not want
to go, when quiet and silence was all she desired, interposed between
the rocky plateau of the shore, and her room, in which she opened her
eyes in the evening in the waning light to find Janet and her maid by
her bedside, her windows wide open to admit the air, and Beaufort in
consultation with the doctor at the other end of the room. She had
opened her eyes for a minute or two before everything settled into its
place, and she perceived fully where she was. She lay in great weakness,
but no pain, remembering nothing, feeling the soft all-enveloping peace
which had been round her like a mantle, covering all her wounds again.
‘Are you there, my Den: and is that Edward?’ she said. And it was not
till some time after, till the soft shaded lights were lit in the room
and all quiet, and Beaufort seated by her bedside reading to her, that
she suddenly remembered what had passed. She put out her thin hand and
grasped him by the arm. ‘Edward, was that true?’
‘What, Carry? Nothing has happened but that you have been ill a little,
and now you are better, my love, and you must be quiet, very quiet.’
‘It _is_ true,’ she said, with her fingers clasping his arm. ‘My son did
that; _my_ son.’
‘It is put all right,’ said Beaufort; ‘there is no deadly wrong done.
And the girl is very young; she can be trained. Carry, my love!’
‘Yes, I know. I must keep quiet, and I will. I can put everything out
of my thoughts now. God has given me the power. But he meant _that_,
Edward.’
‘God knows what he meant,’ said Beaufort. ‘He did not realise. Half the
harm these boys do is that they never realise--’
‘You say women are often unjust. Would men--look over that?’
He got up from his chair and put down his book. ‘You must not question
me,’ he said, ‘you must not think of it at all. Put it out of your
thoughts altogether, my dear love. You must think of the rest of us--of
me, and poor little Janet.’ He added, after a moment, ‘no one need ever
know.’
Certainly Beaufort was very kind. He behaved in all this like a true
gentleman and true lover. He would have plucked out altogether the sting
of that great wound had it been possible, and he was quite unaware of
the other stings he had himself planted undermining her strength. She
looked up at him, lying there in her weakness, with her beautiful smile
coming back, the smile which was so soft, so indulgent, so tender, so
all-forgiving, the smile that meant despair. What could she do more,
that gentle, shipwrecked creature, unable to contend with the wild seas
and billows that went over her head? What had she ever been able to do?
Janet, who did not know what was the meaning of it all, but had vague
horrible fancies about Tom which she could not clear up, went out next
day by herself in the bright August morning to get a little air. She had
enough of her mother in her to like the sound of the sea, and to be
soothed by it. And the half-comprehended incidents of the previous night
and the alarm about Lady Car’s state had shaken Janet. She thought, with
the simplicity of her age, that perhaps if she went away a little, was
absent for an hour or so from the room, that her mother would not look
so pale when she came back, and Lady Car’s smile went to Janet’s heart.
It was too like an angel’s, she thought to herself. A living woman ought
not to be too like an angel. Her eyes kept filling with tears as she
wandered along looking out upon the sea. But gradually the bright air
and the light that was in the atmosphere and the warmth of the sunshine
stole into Janet’s heart and dried the tears in her eyes. She went into
the green enclosure of the ruined castle and sat down upon the old wall
looking out to sea. She could see the place where she and Beau had come
upon that strange group among the rocks. She had not made out yet what
it meant.
As she sat there gazing out and lost in her own thoughts and wonderings,
a voice suddenly sounded at her ear which made her start--‘Oh, my bonnie
Miss Janet,’ it said, ‘have I found you at last!’ Janet turned slowly
round aghast. The colour forsook her face, and all strength seemed to
die out of her. She had known it would come one time or other. She had
steeled herself for such a meeting every time she had been compelled to
leave the shelter of the Towers; but now that she was far away, in a
place which had no association with him, surely--surely she should have
been safe now. And yet she had known beforehand, always known that some
time this would come. His voice sank into her soul, taking away all her
strength and courage. What hold Janet supposed this man to have over her
who could tell? She feared him as if he had it in his power to carry her
away against her will or do some dreadful harm. The imagination of a
girl has wild and causeless panics as well as gracious visions. She
trembled before this man with a terror which she did not attempt to
account for. She turned round slowly a panic-stricken, colourless face.
‘Why, what is the matter with you, my bonnie little lady? Are ye feared
for me?’
‘Oh, Mr. Charlie,’ said Janet, ‘don’t speak to me here. If anybody were
to see you! And mother--mother is in great trouble already. Oh, don’t
speak to me here!’
‘Do you mean you will speak to me in some other place? I’m well content
if ye’ll do that--some place where we will be more private, by
ourselves. Ye may be sure that’s what I would like best.’
‘I did not mean that,’ said Janet in great distress. ‘Oh, Mr. Charlie,
don’t speak to me at all! I am very unhappy--already.’
‘It will not make you more unhappy to speak to an old friend like me.
And who has made you unhappy, my bonnie lady? I wish I had the paying of
him. It’ll be that loon of a brother of yours.’
‘How dare you speak so of my brother?’ cried Janet with momentary
energy, and then she began to cry, unable to restrain herself in her
agitation. ‘Oh, go away! If you please, will you go away?’
‘And do you want to hear no more of the pony?’ said Charlie Blackmore.
‘She’s as bonny a little beast as ever stepped, and fit to carry a
princess--or Miss Janet Torrance. I’ve kept my word. She’s just been
bred like a princess, without doing a day’s work. I’ve kept her, as I
said I would for you.’
‘Oh, I hope you do not mean that,’ cried Janet. ‘Oh, Mr. Charlie, I hope
it was not my fault! I was very, very young then, and I did not know
there was any harm in it. Oh, I hope you have not kept her for me!’
‘What harm was there in it?’ he said, putting his hand on her arm, which
Janet drew away as if his touch had been fire. ‘Come now, Miss Janet,
you must be reasonable. There was no harm in it more than there is in a
little crack by ourselves, between you and me.’
Janet shrank into the corner of the seat away from him. ‘There was
harm,’ she said, ‘for I never told mother; and there is harm now, for if
anyone I knew were to come here and see us I would die of shame.’
‘No, my bonnie lady, you would not die; that’s too strong,’ said
Blackmore. ‘And do you know it’s not civil to draw away like that. When
we met in the East road you were not so frightened. You gave me many a
glint of your eyes then, and many a pleasant word. And do you mind the
long rides we had, and you as sorry when they were over as me? And the
miles that I rode to bring you the pony and give you pleasure, though
you turn from me now?’
‘You were very kind, Mr Charlie,’ said Janet in a trembling voice.
‘I am not saying I was kind. I would not have done it if I had not liked
it. But you were kind then, Miss Janet, and you’re not kind now.’
‘I was only a child,’ Janet cried; ‘I never thought. I know now it was
very silly--oh, more than silly. If I beg your pardon, oh, Mr. Charlie,
will you forgive me, and--leave me alone?’
‘And what if that was to break my heart?’ he said.
‘Break your heart! Why should it do that? Oh, no, no, it would not do
that; you are only laughing----’
‘Me laughing! What if I had taken a fancy, then, for a bit small girl,
and set my heart upon her, but kept out of the way for years not to see
the bonnie little thing till now that you’re woman grown and
understand? And all you say is to ask me to leave you alone? Is that a
kind thing to say?’
‘Mr Charlie,’ said Janet desperately, ‘I can hear by your voice that you
are not in earnest; and as for taking a fancy, I was only a child, and
that could mean nothing. And the whole of it was just--just sport to you
and it is for a joke you’re doing it now.’
‘Joke! it’s no joke,’ he said. ‘I know what you think; you think I’m not
gentleman enough for you. But I’ll have plenty of money, and your
father, if he had lived, would not have turned me from his door. Hallo!
who’s there?’ he cried, starting up as some one hit him sharply on the
shoulder. Janet, looking up in fresh alarm, felt a mingled rush of
terror and relief when she saw over Blackmore’s head the lowering
countenance of Tom.
‘I say, Charlie get out of that,’ said Tom. ‘I’m not going to stand this
sort of thing, you know. I may be going to the dogs myself, but my
sister shan’t. Be off, I tell you, and leave her alone.’
‘Am I the dogs, Mr. Tom? No such black dogs as you’re going to, my
friend. Keep your good advice to yourself, and don’t intrude where you
are not wanted. We can manage our affairs without you.’
‘By Jove!’ cried Tom, ‘if you speak another word to my sister, I’ll
pitch you over the cliff!’
Blackmore began to laugh with an exasperating contempt--contempt which
exasperated Janet, though Tom too had touched the same note of the
intolerable. She sprang up hastily, putting out her arm between them.
‘You are two men,’ she said, ‘but Tom is not much more than a boy, and
you are quarrelling about me that wants nothing in the world so much as
to get away from both of you. Do you hear me? I would not vex mother,’
Janet cried, ‘for all the men in the world. Oh, can’t you see that you
are like two fools wrangling over me?’
‘Let him take himself off, then,’ said Tom.
‘And let him hold his tongue, the confounded young scamp!’ cried the
other, ‘that dares to challenge me--when he knows I could lick him
within an inch of his life.’
Tom was half mad with disappointment and humiliation. He was very proud
in his way, with the mingled pride of the peasant and the _nouveau
riche_, the millionaire and the (Scotch) clown. He had meant, after he
had ‘had his fun,’ to have settled down when his time came, and to have
married a lady like his mother. Without imagination, or sense, or
principle, or restraint of honour, he had pursued his reckless career,
too precipitate and eager in pursuit of pleasure to leave time to think,
even if he had been able to think. The abominable treachery of which he
had intended to be guilty had not touched his conscience, not having
appeared to his obtuse understanding as anything worse than many
‘dodges’ which other fellows adopted to get what they wanted. And it was
with a rage and humiliation unspeakable that he found himself--he, the
son of the man who had married Lady Caroline Lindores, married in his
turn to a girl from a little Oxford shop, a little shopgirl, a common
little flirt, less than nobody, not so good by ever so many grades as
his mother’s maid. To find that he had married her when he meant only to
deceive her, and made her mistress of the Towers, which was as Windsor
Castle to Tom, and put her in the place of Lady Car, was gall and
bitterness to him. His conscience had given him little trouble, but his
wounded pride, his mortification, his humiliation were torture to him.
He had come out raging with these furious pangs, eager to find
something, anything, with which he could fight and assuage his burning
wrath. To pitch Charlie Blackmore over the cliffs, even to be pitched
over them himself, and roll down the sharp rocks and plunge in the cold
sea beneath, he felt as though it would be a relief from the gnawing and
the rage within.
‘Come on, then!’ he cried, furious; ‘I’ll take no licking from any man,
if he were Goliath. Come on!’
‘Mr. Charlie,’ cried Janet, putting out her hands, ‘if it’s true, you
may do one thing for me. One thing I ask you to do as if you were the
best gentleman in the world, and I will think you so if you will do it:
leave me to him and him to me. And good-bye; and neither say you like us
nor hate us, but just go--oh go! Do you hear me?’ she said, stamping her
foot. ‘I ask you as a gentleman.’ She had caught her brother by the arm
and held him while she waved the other away.
‘That’s a strong argument,’ said Blackmore. He was moved by what she
said, and also by common sense which told him his suit was folly. ‘If
we’re fools, you’re none, Miss Janet Torrance,’ he said with a laugh,
‘which is more than I thought. What! am I to turn my back upon a man
that’s clenching his neives at me? Well, maybe you’re right! There’s
none in the county will think Charlie Blackmore stands in fear of Tom
Torrance. Yes, missie, you shall have your will. I’m going--good-bye to
both him and you.’
‘Do you think I’ll let the fellow go like that?’ cried Tom, making a
step after him, but perhaps his fury fell at the sight of the might and
strength of the retiring champion--perhaps it was only the wretchedness
in his mind that fell from the burning to the freezing point. He sat
down gloomily, after having watched him disappear, on the bench from
which Charlie Blackmore had risen.
‘I don’t care what becomes of me, Jan,’ he said. ‘I’m done. Nothing that
ever happens will be any good to me now. I’ve choked that fellow off,
that’s one thing, and he’ll never dare speak to you again. But as for
me, I’m done, and I’ll never lift my head any more.’
‘Oh Tom!’ Janet cried. She was too much excited by her own affairs to
turn in a moment with this new evolution to his--but that panting cry
bore any meaning according to the hearer’s apprehension, and he was too
deep in his own thoughts to need more.
‘Yes,’ said Tom, ‘it’s all over with me. Just come of age and lots of
money to spend, and all the world before me, as you might say--but I’ll
never have the heart to make any stand again. To think that all I’ve
got, and might have done so much with, is to go to a woman that never
had sixpence in her life and knows no more than a dog how to behave
herself! As for hurting her, it wouldn’t have hurt her, not a bit--and
if she’d had the chance she would have done just as bad by me. Law,’
cried Tom, with bitter contempt, ‘what’s the good of law when it can’t
protect a fellow before he comes to his full senses! To think I should
have tied such a burden on my back, and done for myself for ever before
I came of age. It’s horrible,’ he cried with the earnestness of
conviction; ‘it’s damnable--that’s what it is.’
‘Oh Tom, perhaps it will not be so bad,’ said Janet, putting her hand
within his to show her sympathy. She was very uncertain as to what it
was that caused this despair, and she had been vaguely impressed with
the fact that this time what Tom had done was something terrible; but
neither her own trouble nor any doubt about his conduct (which was so
seldom blameless) could quench the sympathy with which she responded to
his appeal.
‘Oh, yes, it will be quite as bad and worse--and I’m a ruined man,’
cried Tom. ‘Done for! although it was only last week,’ he said with a
piteous quiver of the lip which a half-grown moustache nearly shaded,
‘that I came of age.’
Janet felt the pathos of this appeal go to the bottom of her heart. She
did not know what to say to comfort him, and she could not keep her own
eyes from straying after Charlie, who after all had been very kind, who
had gone away at her prayer like the most complete of gentlemen. She was
very thankful to be released, yet her eyes followed him with something
like pride in his docility, and in the vigour and strength and
magnanimity of her first lover. Though she was much afraid of him, Janet
forgave him kindly as soon as he was gone. The tears came into her eyes
for Tom’s distress, while yet, with a thought for the other, she watched
him with a corner of her eye over Tom’s bowed head. He turned round and
took off his hat to her before he disappeared under the low arch, and
Janet, in politeness and regret, made the faintest little bow and gave
him a last glance. This made her pause before she answered Tom.
‘It’s all Beau’s fault,’ said Tom, as if he had been talking of stolen
apples. ‘She would never have been any wiser, nor mother either, if it
hadn’t been for Beau with his confounded law. And I don’t believe it
now,’ he said; ‘I won’t believe it. Think, Jan--to be married and done
for, and no way of getting out of it, before you are twenty-one!’
‘But wasn’t it--your own doing, Tom?’
Then Tom got up and gave vent to a great moral aphorism. ‘There is
nothing in this world your own doing,’ he said; ‘you’re put up to it, or
you’re led into it, and one tells you one thing and another another. But
when you’ve been and done it after what’s been told you, and every one
has had a hand in it to lead you on, then they all turn round upon you,
and you have to bear it by yourself. And everybody says it’s your own
doing. And neither the law nor your friends will help you. And you’re
just ruined and done for--before you ever had begun at all.’
‘Oh Tom,’ cried Janet, ‘come home--and perhaps it will not turn out so
bad after all.’
‘It can’t turn out anything but bad--and I’ll just go and drown myself
and be done with it all.’
‘Oh Tom, Tom!’
He got up from her with his hands deep in his pockets and his gloomy
head bent. ‘Leave alone,’ he said, pushing her away with his shoulder as
in the old nursery days. ‘Where’s dinner? But I’ll dine at the club, you
can tell Beau, if they’ll have me there.’