QUACK.--The game of Ducks and Drakes was played originally by
NOAH, after the subsidence of the Flood. We hear of it again in the
Chronicles of CORNELIUS LONGIBOVUS MENDAX, who relates that it solaced
the last hours of ARTAXERXES when he lay on his death-bed in the
desert of Sahara, and called in vain for his third wife, PSAMMETICA,
who was at that moment gathering mushrooms in the garden of the Royal
Palace at Persepolis.
CHAFF-CUTTER.--To make Dodo's eggs, take a solution of _ext. turp.
rutifolia_, and boil for two hours. Then simmer on a slow fire, add
two pinches of salt, and the hard part of a bullock's hide. Pass
through a common sieve, and hatch out under a tame Pterodactyl.
GARDEN.--VENDITUS ITERUM.--The bark of the dog-rose is naturally worse
than the Bight of Benin. The one you sent us had no dew-claws. Quite
right; it has had its day. So has Martin.
* * * * *
"ECCLESIASTICAL INTELLIGENCE."
[Illustration]
Under this heading the _Times_, some days ago, informed us that
a certain set of Oxford Dons had met together in order to make
arrangements for the establishment in the University of a couple of
first-class Evangelical Clergymen, possessing "special gifts," to
whom such Undergraduates as might be piously inclined could go for
instruction and good counsel. It was stated, in their sketch of a
prospectus of this scheme, that these two grave and reverend Gentlemen
are to be "accessible at all times." This is excellent. Also, "they
will be given to hospitality," which is still more excellent, and let
us hope that, in return, hospitality will be given to _them_. But it
is difficult to combine "accessibility at all times" with perpetual
festivities. For how would it suit either of these well-intentioned
Clergymen, after the hospitalities of an ordinary day, commencing
with University Breakfast, going on to University Lunch, thence
to University Tea, then dinner, wine, and, finally, supper, to be
accessible to anyone who chose to ring them up during the small
hours to ask for "counsel and advice so judicious and so sound"?
Very "special" indeed would have to be the "gifts" of the two
always-hospitable and ever-accessible Clergymen, who would undertake
the mission; and, among their most essential special qualifications,
would have to be, first, the capacity for taking any amount of
everything without being in the least the worse for it, and, secondly,
the capacity of perpetual wakefulness and clear-headedness, without
the extraneous and artificial application of wet towels round the
head. Men with such special gifts are, indeed, rare; nay, they are
demi-gods. But, if such men are to be found, no matter at what cost,
we sincerely wish they (the originators of this scheme) may get them.
* * * * *