One Morning a Precinct Parasite owing Allegiance to a Political Party
of Progressive Principles went around to the dinge office of a Fuel
Supply Co. to pull off the customary Fake Primary.
He was met at the Door by a broad-faced Lady of benevolent Mien and
black Ribbons on her Nose-Glasses, who told him to use the Mat and
not track up the Place.
"What is the Idea?" asked the alcoholic Henchman, looking vainly
about for Bottle-Nose Curley, Mike the Pike, and Smitty the Dip, who
always had been his Associates in the sacred Task of registering the
Will of the People.
Instead of the old familiar strong-arm Phalanx, he saw a Bevy of plump
Joans who were hanging Chintz Curtains, arranging a neat design of
Sweet Peas around the Ballot Box and getting ready to fire up a
Samovar. When he glanced into the Polling Booth and saw that it was
draped with Doilies he nearly had a Hemorrhage.
"This is the Glad Day you have heard so much about," replied Laura
Chivington Cadbury, displaying her dainty Badge, which showed that she
was a Judge. "You will be expected to wear Gray Gloves with a Morning
Coat and put a Carnation in your Lapel. As the Voters arrive, you
will softly inquire their Names and lead them along the Receiving Line
and make sure that each is given either a Macaroon or an Olive."
That evening when they sorted the Votes, and decided to throw out all
that were Soiled or folded Improperly, he was over in a corner making
out a list of Guests for the waiting Reporters.
MORAL: Equal Suffrage will have a demoralizing Effect upon one of the
principal Sexes.