Consumption—Death of my Step-son—Birth of my Children—The
Arrival of Several Members of my Family—Domestic Cares—Milord’s
Death—My Second Marriage—Much Travel—Fresh Sojourns in Italy—My
Third Brother—My Behaviour to my Father—His Death.
The eruptions which had been so great an affliction in my childhood
continued making their appearance at intervals; but when I was
twenty-six, the evil having settled on my chest, it was believed that I
showed strong symptoms of consumption. I was so weak that after walking
a few steps I could not breathe; bathed in a cold sweat, I could get no
rest.
Several remedies were tried on me without any good result. The doctors
advising change of air, we set out for Wales; but it was soon seen that
that cold and damp climate was more hurtful than helpful to me. Not
knowing what else to do, I was ordered to Tunbridge Wells, and it was
that marvellous specific that gradually restored me.
I was still only just convalescent, when milord’s son was himself
attacked with a decline, which carried him to his grave.
His constitution had been a robust one, but long undermined by his own
errors it could not make any resistance. He succumbed, after every
medical expedient had been tried in vain.
His father was broken-hearted; in addition to the loss of his only son,
he saw that his vast estates would pass to relations of whom he had good
reason to complain.
To provide against this misfortune as much as possible, he made a will to
the effect that, if he should die without issue, the larger part of his
property should go to the second son of the Minister, Perceval, brother
of his first wife, leaving me at the same time an annuity of £1400, on
condition that I granted him a favour, until then persistently refused.…
His grief was so great, and he had always shown me so much kindness, that
at last I felt it to be my duty to make the most painful sacrifices for
his sake—I consented to become a mother!…
With what transports of gratitude did he not welcome the first signs of
the fulfilment of his hopes! But even they did not equal his delight
when I gave birth to a son. Beside himself with joy, he ordered that no
expense was to be spared, and gave the most brilliant of entertainments;
the best families came to it and offered us their heartiest
congratulations.
As for myself, I felt then the most delightful emotion, quite new to my
heart and which I recognized as maternal love.
This happiness was increased the next year by the birth of a second son,
whose baptism was celebrated with great pomp. Mr. Perceval and Lord
Bulkeley were his godfathers.
My father, having heard that I was now sole mistress in my husband’s
house, hastened to bring his daughter, to give me, as he said, a pleasant
companion.
They both appeared in sailor costume, which made me feel greatly ashamed;
and I had them dressed in a proper fashion.
My father ran all over London, visited all the places of interest, laid
his hands on everything he could get in our house, and departed with
well-lined trunks.
I kept my sister with me, furnished her with a magnificent wardrobe,
and gave her in abundance everything she could desire; but in spite of
it all, I could never conquer her hardness of heart, and every day she
distressed me by her constant rudeness.
Her connection with Lord Newborough brought her in contact with a
distinguished ecclesiastic, whom she subsequently married.
We had just heard that my second brother had got into terrible trouble in
Italy, when he made his appearance in order to secure himself from the
hands of justice, which would have infallibly consigned him to the same
fate as one of his cousins, who was sent to the galleys for ten years.
My consternation may be imagined!
My husband was furious, and expressed very forcibly to me his disgust at
being so tormented by this _insaziabile canaglia_, as he called it. I was
almost as angry as he; nevertheless, I did my best to quiet him, thinking
to do good to my brother; but his bad conduct soon obliged us to send him
away.
I got him placed with a merchant at Leghorn, but he, too, could not keep
him for more than a few months.
Since my father’s visit I noticed that milord often forbad me to go to
entertainments frequented by the French nobility, especially the Bourbon
Princes.
This fresh antipathy greatly amused me, though I wondered over so odd a
warning; since at that time I was living in absolute retirement with my
children. Having no thought but for them, I lavished endearments on them
and all the care their growing infirmities needed; for I had the grief of
seeing that I had bequeathed them a very sad inheritance. The eruptions
which had caused me so much suffering made their appearance very early
on their little bodies; the eldest was quite covered with them. Many
remedies were tried, but the root of the evil was never wholly destroyed.
Although their father had never suffered in a similar way, his health,
shattered by other causes, gave way completely; he fell ill of a terrible
disease which lasted a year and ended in his death. In the midst of his
severe pains he would take no help but mine; he gave me constant marks of
love, and to give it effectual expression he considerably increased my
annuity.
It was in my arms that he drew his last breath, on the 11th of October,
1807.
His funeral was solemnized with all the pomp befitting his rank and
fortune; all the people of distinction made a point of attending it and
did not fail to pay their touching tributes of condolence to my grief.
The deceased had assigned for his children’s education a sum which
was thought insufficient; a larger was put at my disposal by the Lord
Chancellor; but it was ruled that I should lose it, as well as my
guardianship, if I married again.
My youth was so far past that at first this condition seemed useless and
ridiculous to me.
Meanwhile, I went to drink the waters at Cheltenham, and there I met a
Russian Baron, called Ungern Sternberg, who paid me immense attention;
I was charmed with his kindness, enchanted with his fine manners. He
loved music, dancing, riding, and a hundred other things I, too, liked.
This peculiar similarity of tastes brought us together and soon formed a
strong tie between us.
Later on I met him in the best houses in London, especially and on
several occasions at that of General Hughes, whose wife constantly
entertained me with accounts of the wonderful merits of the gentleman,
never tiring of exalting his talents and virtues.
Thinking she saw that I thoroughly agreed with her, she told me that he
intended to ask for my hand. Such an idea never having entered my head,
I looked upon it as an idle tale and laughed at it. But she returned to
the charge; her husband joined in, and the Baron himself made me a formal
offer.
Seeing that this was a serious matter, I did not hesitate in giving an
absolute refusal; alleging my position with regard to my two sons.
Every possible step was taken to make me believe that it would be easy
for me to obtain permission to retain all my rights over them.
My objections were contested so cleverly; I was so lulled with hopes;
such earnest and well-worded entreaties were made to me, that it became
well-nigh impossible to make any further opposition. I yielded, and made
up my mind to contract a second union which everything around me combined
to represent to me in the most tempting light.
My consent given, my future husband went to carry the news to his own
family, while I went to Lady Charlotte Bellasis, my late husband’s niece
by marriage, at Newborough Park.
The Baron joined me there, and our wedding was celebrated on the 11th of
September, 1810.
Immediately afterwards we returned to London to prepare for our departure.
I will not attempt to describe the grief I felt at having to dismiss my
servants; still less will I try to describe the anguish of my heart when
I realized that it was vain to dream of keeping the guardianship of my
children. Milord’s executors were inexorable, they tore them from me.
Having left at the beginning of November, we travelled across Switzerland
in severe cold, and did not arrive in Petersburg until the last fortnight
of January.
Count Pahlen, our uncle, First Minister to the Emperor, received us in
the most friendly fashion; he introduced me to the highest society, and,
but for the bitter coldness of the weather, I should have taken part in
all their gaieties.
If I was not presented at Court, it was because, as an English lady, such
a presentation should have been made by the English Ambassador, and at
that time there was not one, in consequence of the war between the two
countries.
Nevertheless, I was admitted to look on at a brilliant entertainment
inside the Palace; and the Emperor Alexander, having noticed me amongst
the other lady spectators, commanded his first gentleman-in-waiting to
show me all the splendours of that delightful residence.
Everything I looked at, and still more the universal courtesy of manner,
promptly convinced me of the great mistake it is to look upon the Russian
nation as behindhand in European civilization.
Spring having brought back warmth, we went to Reval, to offer our
respects to my mother-in-law, who welcomed us warmly, and showed me much
kindness.
A little later we set sail for the Island of Dago, where lay the Baron de
Sternberg’s principal estates.
All his acquaintances there received me with enthusiasm, and did their
best to divert my mind; but with no success until the birth, in the
following month, of a third son, whom I called Edward, after his father.
How can I describe what this newly-born son was to me, especially when
his first signs of intelligence made me foresee that he would become more
and more worthy of my love?
Feeling unable to let him be out of my sight for a moment, I took him
with me the first time I went to see his brothers.
I had the comfort of finding them pretty well in health; but alas! it was
but too evident to me that perfidious skill had been at work in filling
their minds with unjust prejudices against her who had always loved them
so tenderly. In spite of their goodness of heart, they could not help
showing a certain coolness which greatly grieved me.
I set to work to revive their old love for me, and flatter myself I
succeeded.
At the end of a year my husband came to fetch me in one of his own
vessels, manned by his own people, in which I lived as in a house of my
own.
While in England I had been given several very great curiosities, among
others a fan from the East Indies and a magnificent bird-of-paradise
feather; I added to these a little piece of work I had made out of the
rarest shells then known, and took the liberty of sending the whole to
her Majesty the Empress Elizabeth, who most graciously had a delightful
and flattering letter written to me, and sent with it a magnificent clasp
set with brilliants.
But I will tell nothing more of my return to Russia nor of another
journey to England I made. Let us go back to my parents.
My father had written to me of the deaths, one after another, of my
second brother, my grandmother and my mother; and he was constantly
expressing the most intense wish to embrace me once more before he
himself followed them to the grave.
At last I yielded to his pressing entreaties, moved greatly by a vague
hope I had always kept of seeing again the old Countess Borghi, of whose
death I had never positively heard.
When I got to Italy I made inquiries about her which resulted in my
hearing that she had died when I was scarcely nine years old.
My father, aunt and brother joined me at the hotel where I had put up for
the time; they were all in excellent health.
My brother became my intimate confidant; I told him all my affairs and
put all my concerns into his hands, delegating my authority to him.
Very soon I noticed that he was received very coldly in the good houses
to which I took him; I asked one of my old friends the reason for this,
to be told by her that the young man, having behaved very badly during
the course of his studies at the University of Pisa, where he took his
degree in Law, had brought back with him a doubtful reputation, which day
by day grew worse.
My own experience promptly showed me that these suspicions were far from
being without foundation; and thenceforth I left off confiding in him.…
For two consecutive years I took every care of my father; not only did I
provide for his wants, but I invited him to my table; I desired him to
come to the parties I gave; I tried to cheer him up by my talk; I made
much of him; while, on his side, he always showed me the most profound
respect, never calling me anything but milady, and behaving to me like a
humble retainer.
In vain I implored him to remember that I owed my existence to him; to
call me his daughter and to treat me like one; I saw that my loving
reproaches awoke no sweet transports of paternal affection. He scarcely
ventured to look me in the face, and spoke only of his gratitude,
constantly repeating that I had been his lucky star and mumbling the word
“Borghi” and another that he never finished.
This confusion and these many mysterious speeches seemed to me the signs
of approaching mental aberration and made me very uneasy.
At last he fell dangerously ill, and I was inconsolable. I sent for
doctors; I got three attendants for him, and ordered that he was to have
every comfort.
[Illustration: MARIA STELLA, LADY NEWBOROUGH