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MEM. BY AN OLD MAID.--If you "look over your age," you won't find anyone
else willing to do the same.
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[Illustration: DEEPER AND DEEPER STILL.
_He._ "ISN'T THAT MRS. GAYLY SITTING BY THOMPSON? HOW _FAT_ SHE'S
GROWN! WHAT A MISFORTUNE FOR A WOMAN TO LOOK LIKE THAT!" _She._
"OH--YOU SHOULD NOT SAY THAT TO _ME_!"
_He._ "WHY NOT? OF COURSE I ONLY MEANT WHEN THE WOMAN IS _YOUNG_!"]
* * * * *
"FOR EXAMPLE!"
_Or, an Ex-Radical's Reflections in a Peer-Glass._
["I say that I, at any rate, am ready to view with favour any
reasonable proposal which would add an elective element to the
composition of the House of Lords, which would bring them into
closer touch with popular sentiment."--_Mr. Chamberlain at Leeds
(Times' Report)._]
"_They toil not, neither do they spin_"--
Aught but occasional orations!
Ah! that was in my days of sin.
How time has altered our relations
Yes, I _was_ down upon the Lords,
When I compared them with the lilies:
New Rads remind me of my words;
But then New Rads are all old sillies.
How _dare_ they, dupes of GLADSTONE'S guile,
Poor Party tools, mere flies in amber,
To imitate my earlier style,
And rave against a Second Chamber?
And do they think to corner _me_
By mere _tu quoque_ and quotation?
A gift of ready repartee
Secures such easy extrication.
I worship what I wished to burn?--
The jeer is really most unhandsome!
For things have taken quite a turn
Since I ran rather wild on Ransom.
The House of Lords is our sole hope,
Sheet-anchor, lighthouse, ægis, haven;
The only power which can cope
With the New Rad--that nerveless craven!
A Single Chamber means the sway
Of the majority--most shocking!--
With no devices of delay,
Progress impeding, freedom mocking--
Hold hard! I'm quoting--from myself!--
_Of Commoners_ a mere majority
Means rule of party, passion, pelf,
Which in the Peers have _no_ authority.
Non-representative, but nice,
The Peers are patriots, heroes, sages
Class-selfishness is not _their_ vice;
They haste not, don't get into rages.
To a majority of _them_
We safely may entrust our freedom.
But mere M.P.'s? With venal phlegm
They'd sell it--for the mess of Edom.
Mesopotamia--blessèd word!--
Than the word "Peer" is far less blessèd!
Mere Commoners are crass, absurd,
Foolish as Creon, false as Cressid.
To trust to an _elected_ mob
Our Glorious Empire, were sheer treason;
But dukes and earls may do the job,
For a Peer's robe _must_ cover reason.
Still an "elective element"
Perhaps might bring their "composition"
"In touch with popular sentiment,"
And hush the howlings of sedition.
To pick the best and brightest stars
From court and college, bench and platform,
Might still some poletariat jars.--
Hah! how should I appear in _that_ form?
Of course, a robe and coronet
Would never make _me_ turn a Tory,
Like--well, so many. Now I'll bet
King SOLOMON in all his glory
Was not arrayed--tut! tut!--no more
I'd like them to forget those lilies,
These quoted bits are such a bore,--
Unless they're that old "tonguester" WILLY'S!
_Experimentum in_--well, no!
The context is not very flattering,
(How seldom my quotations go!
There are some drawbacks in mere smattering.)
But if the "elective element"
Would Peers improve, as not a few think,
I might--some day--who knows?--consent
To show them how--well, what do _you_ think?
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