TIME--_About 10_ P.M.
_Undershell_ (_to himself, as he follows_ ADAMS). Now is my time to
arrange about getting away from here. (_To_ ADAMS.) By the bye, I
suppose you can let me have a conveyance of some sort--after I've seen
the horse? I--I'm rather in a hurry.
_Adams._ You'd better speak to Mr. CHECKLEY about that, Sir; it ain't in
_my_ department, you see. I'll fetch him round, if you'll wait here a
minute; he'd like to hear what you think about the 'orse.
[_He goes off to the coachman's quarters._
_Und._ (_alone_). A very civil fellow this; he seems quite anxious to
show me this animal! There must be _something_ very remarkable about
it.
[ADAMS _returns with_ CHECKLEY.
_Adams._ Mr. CHECKLEY, our 'ed coachman, Mr. UNDERSHELL. He's coming in
along with us to 'ear what you say, if you've no objections.
_Und._ (_to himself_). I must make a friend of this coachman, or else
----(_Aloud._) I shall be charmed, Mr. CHECKLEY. I've only a very few
minutes to spare; but I'm most curious to see this horse of yours.
_Checkley._ He ain't one o' _my_ 'orses, Sir. If he _'ad_ been----But
there, I'd better say nothing about it.
_Adams_ (_as he leads the way into the stables, and turns up the gas_).
There, Sir, that's _Deerfoot_ over there in the loose box.
_Und._ (_to himself_). He seems to me much like any _other_ horse!
However, I can't be wrong in admiring. (_Aloud, as he inspects him
through the rails._) Ah, indeed? he _is_ worth seeing! A magnificent
creature!
_Adams_ (_stripping off_ Deerfoot's _clothing_). He's a good 'orse, Sir.
Her ladyship won't trust herself on no other animal, not since she 'ad
the influenzy so bad. She'd take on dreadful if I 'ad to tell her he
wouldn't be fit for no more work, she would!
_Und._ (_sympathetically_). I can quite imagine so. Not that he seems in
any danger of _that_!
_Check._ (_triumphantly_). There, you 'ear that, ADAMS? The minute he
set eyes on the 'orse!
_Adams._ Wait till Mr. UNDERSHELL has seen him move a bit, and see what
he says _then_.
_Check._ If it was what _you_ think, he'd never be standing like he is
now, depend upon it.
_Adams._ You _can't_ depend upon it. He 'eard us coming, and he's quite
artful enough to draw his foot back for fear o' getting a knock. (_To_
UNDERSHELL.) I've noticed him very fidgety-like on his forelegs this
last day or two.
_Und. Have_ you, though? (_To himself._) I hope he won't be fidgety
with his _hind_-legs. I shall stay outside.
_Adams._ I cooled him down with a rubub and aloes ball, and kep 'im on
low diet; but he don't seem no better.
_Und._ (_to himself_). I didn't gather the horse was unwell. (_Aloud._)
Dear me! no better? You don't say so!
_Check._ If you'd rubbed a little embrocation into the shoulder, you'd
ha' done more good, in _my_ opinion, and it's my belief as Mr.
UNDERSHELL here will tell you I'm right.
_Und._ (_to himself_). Can't afford to offend the coachman! (_Aloud._)
Well, I daresay--er--embrocation _would_ have been better.
_Adams._ Ah, that's where me and Mr. CHECKLEY differ. According to me,
it ain't to do with the shoulder at all--it's a deal lower down.... I'll
'ave him out of the box and you'll soon see what I mean.
_Und._ (_hastily_). Pray don't trouble on my account. I--I can see him
capitally from where I am, thanks.
_Adams._ You know best, Sir. Only I thought you'd be better able to form
a judgment after you'd seen the way he stepped across. But if you was to
come in and examine the frog?----I don't like the look of it myself.
_Und._ (_to himself_). I'm sure _I_ don't. I've a horror of reptiles.
(_Aloud._) You're very good. I--I think I won't come in. The place must
be rather _damp_, mustn't it--for that?
_Adams._ It's dry enough in 'ere, Sir, as you may see; nor yet he ain't
been standing about in no wet. Still, there it _is_, you see!
_Und._ (_to himself_). What a fool he must be not to drive it out! Of
course it must annoy the horse. (_Aloud._) I don't see it; but I'm quite
willing to take your word for it.
_Adams._ I don't know how you can _expect_ to see it, Sir, without you
look inside of the 'oof for it.
_Und._ (_to himself_). It's not alive--it's something _inside_ the hoof.
I suppose I ought to have known that. (_Aloud._) Just so; but I see no
necessity for looking inside the hoof.
_Check._ In course he don't, or he'd ha' looked the very fust thing,
with all his experience. I 'ope you're satisfied _now_, ADAMS?
_Adams._ I can't say as I am. I say as no man can examine a 'orse
thoroughly at that distance, be he who he may. And whether I'm right or
wrong, it 'ud be more of a satisfaction to me if Mr. UNDERSHELL was to
step in and see the 'oof for himself.
_Check._ Well, there's sense in that, and I dessay Mr. UNDERSHELL won't
object to obliging you that far.
_Und._ (_with reluctance_). Oh, with pleasure, if you make a point of
it.
[_He enters the loose box delicately._
_Adams_ (_picking up one of the horse's feet_). Now, tell me how this
'ere 'oof strikes you.
_Und._ (_to himself_). That hoof can't; but I'm not so sure about the
others. (_Aloud, as he inspects it._) Well--er--it seems to me a very
_nice_ hoof.
_Adams_ (_grimly_). I was not arsking your opinion of it as a work of
_Art_, Sir. Do you see any narrering coming on, or do you not? That's
what I should like to get out of _you_!
_Und._ (_to himself_). Does this man suppose I _collect_ hoofs! However,
I'm not going to commit myself. (_Aloud._) H'm--well, I--I rather agree
with Mr. CHECKLEY.
_Check._ I knew he would! Now you've _got_ it, ADAMS! _I_ can see Mr.
UNDERSHELL knows what he's about.
_Adams_ (_persistently_). But look at this 'ere pastern. You can't deny
there's puffiness there. How do you get over _that_?
_Und._ If the horse is puffy, it's _his_ business to get over it--not
mine.
_Adams_ (_aggrieved_). You may think proper to treat it light, Sir; but
if you put your 'and down 'ere, above the coronet, you'll feel a
throbbing as plain as----
_Und._ Very likely. But I don't know, really, that it would afford me
any particular gratification if I _did_!
_Adams._ Well, if you don't take _my_ view, I should ha' thought as
you'd want to feel the 'orse's pulse.
_Und._ You are quite mistaken. I don't. (_To himself._) Particularly as
I shouldn't know where to find it. What a bore this fellow is with his
horse!
_Check._ In course, Sir, _you_ see what's running in Mr. ADAMS' 'ed all
this time, what he's a-driving at, eh?
_Und._ (_to himself_). I only wish I did! This will require tact.
(_Aloud._) I--I could hardly avoid seeing _that_--could I?
_Check._ I should think not. And it stands to reason as a vet like
yourself'd spot a thing like navickler fust go off.
_Und._ (_to himself_). A vet! They've been taking me for a vet all this
time! I can't have been so ignorant as I thought. I really don't like to
undeceive them--they might feel annoyed. (_Aloud, knowingly._) To be
sure, I--I spotted it at once.
_Adams._ He _does_ make it out navicular after all! What did I tell you,
CHECKLEY? Now p'r'aps you'll believe _me_!
_Check._ I'll be shot if that 'orse has navickler, whoever says
so--there!
_Adams_ (_gloomily_). It's the 'orse'll 'ave to be shot; worse
luck! I'd ha' give something if Mr. UNDERSHELL could ha' shown I was
wrong; but there was very little doubt in _my_ mind what it was all
along.
_Und._ (_to himself, horrified_). I've been pronouncing this unhappy
animal's doom without knowing it! I must tone it down. (_Aloud._)
No--no, I never said he must be shot. There's no reason to despair.
It--it's quite a mild form of er--clavicular--not at all infectious at
present. And the horse has a splendid constitution. I--I really think
he'll soon be himself again, if we only--er--leave Nature to do her
work, you know.
_Adams_ (_after a prolonged whistle_). Well, if Nature ain't better up
in her work than you seem to be, it's 'igh time she chucked it, and took
to something else. You've a lot to learn about navicular, _you_ 'ave, if
you can talk such rot as that!
_Check._ Ah, I've 'ad to do with a vet or two in my time, but I'm blest
if I ever come across the likes o' _you_ afore!
_Und._ (_to himself_). I _knew_ they'd find me out! I must pacify them.
(_Aloud._) But, look here, I'm _not_ a vet. I never said I _was_. It was
your mistake entirely. The fact is, my--my good men, I came down here
because--well, it's unnecessary to explain now _why_ I came. But I'm
most anxious to get away, and if you, my dear Mr. CHECKLEY, could let me
have a trap to take me to Shuntingbridge to-night, I should feel
extremely obliged.
[CHECKLEY _stares, deprived of speech._
_Adams_ (_with a private wink to_ CHECKLEY). Certainly he will, Sir. I'm
sure CHECKLEY'll feel proud to turn out, late as it is, to oblige a
gentleman with your remarkable knowledge of 'orse-flesh. Drive you over
hisself in the broom and pair, _I_ shouldn't wonder!
_Und. One_ horse will be quite sufficient. Very well, then. I'll just
run up and get my portmanteau, and--and one or two things of mine, and
if you will be round at the back entrance--don't trouble to drive up to
the _front_ door--as soon as possible, I won't keep you waiting longer
than I can help. Good evening, Mr. ADAMS, and many thanks. (_To himself,
as he hurries back to the house._) I've got out of that rather well.
Now, I've only to find my way to the Verney Chamber, see this fellow
SPURRELL, and get my clothes back, and then I can retreat with comfort,
and even dignity! These CULVERINS shall learn that there is at least
_one_ poet who will not put up with their insolent patronage!
_Check._ (_to_ ADAMS). He _has_ got a cool cheek, and no mistake! But if
he waits to be druv over to Shuntingbridge till _I_ come round for him,
he'll 'ave to set on that portmanteau of his a goodish time!
_Adams._ He did you pretty brown, I must say. To 'ear you crowing over
me when he was on your side. I could 'ardly keep from larfing!
_Check._ I see he warn't no vet long afore you, but I let it go on for
the joke of it. It was rich to see you a wanting him to feel the 'oof,
and give it out navickler. Well, you got his opinion for what it was
wuth, so _you_'re all right!
_Adams._ You think nobody knows anything about 'orses but yourself, you
do; but if you're meanin' to make a story out o' this against me, why, I
shall tell it _my_ way, that's all!
_Check._ It was you he made a fool of, not me--and I can prove
it--there!
[_They dispute the point, with rising warmth, for some time._
_Adams_ (_calming down_). Well, see 'ere, CHECKLEY, I dunno, come to
think of it, as either on us'll show up partickler smart over this 'ere
job; and it strikes me we'd better both agree to keep quiet about it,
eh? (CHECKLEY _acquiesces, not unwillingly_.) And I think I'll take a
look in at the 'Ousekeeper's Room presently, and try if I can't drop a
hint to old TREDWELL about that smooth-tongued chap, for it's my belief
he ain't down 'ere for no good!
[Illustration "You've a lot to learn about navicular, _you_ 'ave, if
you can talk such rot as that!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration]