THE EXECUTION OF THE DODO.
"Let us pretend," suggested the Palaeotherium, "that the Dodo is dead.
They will readily imagine that the shock has been too much for him, and,
of course, being dead, there will be no necessity to execute him."
"He--he--he! Very nice indeed. A capital arrangement!" giggled a voice
over the children's shoulder; and, turning round, they beheld the
Executioner, who had apparently overheard everything that had been said.
"Bother!" remarked the Palaeotherium; "now I shall have to invent some
other way."
"I can't think," said the Executioner, who had removed his mask, and who
the children discovered to be a very amiable-looking gentleman--"I can't
think why you are making all this fuss about the execution."
"Well, how would you like it yourself?" asked the Dodo, indignantly.
"I shouldn't mind in the least," remarked the Executioner, coolly.
"Not mind being killed!" shuddered the children.
[Illustration: "I never kill anybody when I chop their heads off."]
"Oh, _that's_ another question entirely," said the Executioner. "I never
kill anybody when I chop their heads off. It would be so cruel;
besides, that old-fashioned way is so ordinary. I am the Executioner
Extraordinary, you know."
"Well, how on earth do you execute people, then, if you don't kill
them?" demanded Dick.
"Oh, by a new method, which I have invented myself," declared the
Executioner. "I call it execution by proxy. I just make an effigy."
"What's that?" inquired Marjorie.
"Don't interrupt," said Dick. "Guy Fawkes is an effigy, you know--an old
stuffed thing, with a mask on. Go on, please."
"Well, then," continued the Executioner, "having made an effigy, as near
like my subject as possible, I just chop its head off, and there is an
end of the matter."
He looked around at the company, and smiled triumphantly.
Marjorie gave a sigh of relief. She didn't so much mind the execution
taking place if the poor Dodo was not to be killed. To her great
surprise, however, on looking at that interesting bird, she discovered
that he was weeping copiously, and wiping with an elaborate lace
handkerchief, which had evidently been concealed about his person, the
tears which trickled slowly down his great beak.
"What's the matter, poor goosey, goosey, gander?" said Fidge,
sympathetically.
"Don't!" snapped the Dodo, crossly. "I'm _not_ a goose."
"Well, what _is_ the matter, anyhow?" said Dick. "They are not going to
chop your head off it appears; so you ought to be glad, and not snivel
like that."
"I d--don't want to--to be--e m--made a guy of," sobbed the Dodo.
"What _do_ you mean?" asked the Executioner.
"Why, you said you would have to make an effigy of me; and he" (pointing
to Dick) "said it was a kind of Guy Fawkes, didn't you?" he added
appealing to Dick.
"Well, never mind," said the Archaeopteryx, sympathetically; "you have
the consolation that they couldn't make you a bigger guy than you are."
Strangely enough, the Dodo seemed to derive a considerable amount of
comfort from this idea, and, wiping away the few remaining tears, he
began to take an active interest in the manufacture of the effigy, which
the others set about constructing without further delay.
"Is it like me?" he asked, conceitedly, as they bound some cloths to a
piece of stick, in such a way that they bore some slight resemblance to
a bird.
"Dear me, what a pity! I'm not moulting, or you might have had one or
two of my feathers to stick on for a tail," he added.
"H'm! I shouldn't have thought you had any to spare for moulting
purposes," said the Archaeopteryx.
"Don't be unkind," retorted the Dodo; "_you_ haven't many to boast of."
"I've more than you have, anyhow," said the Archaeopteryx.
"Oh, for goodness' sake leave off quarreling. What on earth does it
matter how many feathers you have?" said Dick.
"Not to a _boy_, I suppose," remarked the Dodo, somewhat insolently;
"but no respectable bird would care to be seen about with less than
five; though, undoubtedly, too many are vulgar"--this with a scornful
glance at the Archaeopteryx's tail, which was decorated with quite a
number of curious flat feathers.
I don't know how much longer this wrangling would have gone on, had not
the Court Glover just then made his appearance.
"Time's up!" he announced, sternly. "Are you prepared for execution,
Dodo?"
"Not quite," answered the Executioner, who was putting the finishing
touches to the effigy; "his head keeps tumbling off."
"Never mind, it will save cutting it off," said the Court Glover, who
was evidently quite used to the Executioner's patent method of
performing his dreadful duty.
"Now then," he continued importantly. "Stand round in a ring while I
read the Warrant. 'Ahem! Nevertheless, likewise, notwithstanding,
heretofore, as is aforesaid. It having been proven that a certain bird
named the Dodo having maliciously and contemptibly worn the white kid
gloves of the Little Panjandrum, it is hereby enacted that the said
Dodo, or his heirs male, or assigns, be chopped at the neck till one or
all of their respective heads do fall off--and this to be done to their
entire satisfaction. LONG LIVE THE PANJANDRUM!'"
[Illustration: "'Alas! Alas!' murmured the Court Glover."]
"What a rigmarole!" whispered Dick, while the Executioner stretched out
the Dodo's effigy on the ground, and, resuming his hideous black mask,
made ready to strike.
"Alas! Alas!" murmured the Court Glover, covering his face with his
hands, and peeping through his fingers, while the Dodo held his sides
with suppressed laughter.
The children all looked on with interest as the Executioner performed
his terrible duty. Raising his curious scythe-like chopper, with one
mighty blow he severed the piece of wood which answered for the Dodo's
neck, and then stood gloomily aside.
"_Fiat Justitia_!" said the Court Glover, solemnly; and then, turning to
the Dodo, he inquired anxiously, "Well, how did you like it?"
"Oh! it was delightful!" replied the bird, enthusiastically. "I am sure
no one could wish to have a pleasanter or more delightful execution. I'm
much obliged to you for having it so nicely performed."
"Well, we always like to manage these little things as pleasantly as
possible, you know," said the Court Glover, deprecatingly.
"Oh! I quite enjoyed it!" said the Dodo. "That's a _very_ nice
Executioner you have."
"Yes; isn't he?" agreed the Court Glover. "Pity he laughs so much,
though, it spoils the effect. Well, having done my duty, I must be off.
Any message for the Little Panjandrum?"
"Oh! can't we go back with you in the balloon?" asked Marjorie, eagerly,
for it seemed to her a capital opportunity of getting away from this
strange place.
"H'm! I'm afraid not," said the Court Glover, reflectively. "You see, it
only holds two comfortably."
"Where do you want to go to?" asked the Archaeopteryx.
"England!" said the children, all together.
"Oh! _that's_ all right. I'll tell you the way to get _there_," said the
Palaeotherium.
And the Court Glover and the Executioner began to undo the cords which
held the balloon to the palm tree.
"You might leave me your card," said the Dodo to the Executioner,
pressing a small coin into his hand. "I shall probably go in for a
complete course of execution when I get back again; and, besides, the
address of a good, reliable Executioner is a handy thing to have in the
house."
The Executioner giggled, and handed the bird his card, and then both he
and the Court Glover got into the car, and the balloon was soon
vanishing in the distance.
After watching them nearly out of sight the Dodo capered wildly about
till the children began to fear that he had suddenly gone off his head.
"Whatever is the matter?" inquired Dick. "Why are you carrying on in
that absurd way?"
The Dodo fumbled beneath one wing, and drew forth a little paper
package.
"Ha! ha! ha! _They went away without the gloves after all_!" he
shrieked, and began to roll about on the ground in an uncontrollable fit
of laughter.