THE DUFF AND DEM EXECUTIONER.
"Can you see who's in it?" asked the Dodo, anxiously, when the balloon
had drawn a little nearer.
"Two gentlemen," declared Marjorie, whose eyesight was very keen. "And
one is carrying such a funny stick, with a big hand at the top of it."
"And the other one has just put on a hideous black mask, and has a
curious kind of pole with a sort of scythe at the end," chimed in Dick.
"What!" screamed the Dodo, "a black mask! Then it's the Lord High
Executioner, and the other is the Court Glover. Oh dear! oh dear! what
will become of me? I wish I'd never seen the wretched old gloves."
The balloon by this time was almost directly overhead and was descending
rapidly. Presently two ropes were thrown out, and a muffled voice cried,
"Catch hold of these, please."
Dick politely ran forward and hung on to one rope, while Marjorie and
Fidge took the other.
[Illustration: "The Court Glover arrives."]
The occupants of the balloon then lowered some wooden steps, and gravely
descended, the Lord High Executioner leading the way.
The balloon, lightened of its occupants, bounded upwards again, and the
children (who had the greatest difficulty in hanging on to the ropes)
called to the Archaeopteryx and the others to come to their aid. To their
great surprise, however, they discovered that these creatures, taking
the Dodo with them, quietly slipped away.
The Court Glover and the Executioner helped the children to fasten the
balloon to one of the large palm trees, and then the Court Glover,
folding his arms, turned to them abruptly and inquired, "Where is he?"
"Who do you mean, Sir?" asked Dick.
"The Dodo," was the response.
"Oh! the Dodo! Why, he was here just now. I expect he has gone off with
the Archaeopteryx and the others," said Dick.
"The what!" exclaimed the Court Glover.
"The er--Archaeopteryx," said Dick, hesitatingly, fearing that he might
have mispronounced the name.
"H'm! You see," said the Court Glover, addressing the Executioner, "to
what depths this misguided bird has fallen, to actually associate with
an animal bearing a name of _that_ description. I suppose it _is_ an
animal, by-the-bye," he added, turning to the children.
"Well," laughed Marjorie, "we are not quite sure. The Dodo says it's a
kind of lizard-like bird, or bird-like lizard."
"It's got feathers," chimed in Fidge.
"Ough! The miserable creature doesn't even know what it is _itself_, I
expect," said the Court Glover, in tones of disgust.
"The others," said Dick reflectively, "are evidently animals--the
Palaeotherium and the Eteraedarium, you know."
"Look here," interrupted the Court Glover, severely, "you really must
_not_ use such disgraceful language. I am not accustomed to it."
"Why, they are only names," explained Dick, smilingly.
"Very well, then. Call the creatures _thingummybobs_; I shall know what
you mean--only don't use those other awful words again, they're
outrageous. Now then, to come to the point--where is that Dodo?"
"I'll try and find him," said Dick, obligingly, running off in the
direction of some bushes, behind which he imagined that he might
possibly find the runaways.
"Is your--er--chopper ready?" said the Court Glover, turning to the
executioner.
"He--he--he--ye--es!" giggled that worthy.
"Oh! If you please," pleaded Marjorie, "I do hope you are not going to
execute the poor Dodo. I'm sure he's _very_ sorry that he took the
Little Panjandrum's gloves, and he will give them back, I know. Please,
_please_, forgive him."
"He--he--he!" giggled the Executioner again.
"Do be quiet," shouted the Court Glover.
"Yes, I don't see anything to laugh at," said Marjorie indignantly.
"Oh, he's _always_ laughing," declared the Court Glover; "that's why he
has to wear a mask--so that people shan't see him laughing while he is
chopping off their heads. It's so rude, you know, to giggle at a time
like that, isn't it?"
"I should think so, indeed," cried Marjorie, in a horrified voice;
"perfectly disgraceful, I call it."
"That's what the last man who was executed said," declared the Court
Glover. After it was all over he said, "Well, I was never so
disgracefully executed before in all my life; and I hope the next time
you chop off my head, you'll get some one else to do it.'"
"I don't understand," said Marjorie, who was dreadfully puzzled. "How
_could_ he say all that after he was executed?"
"Why not?" asked the Court Glover, composedly.
"Why, people can't talk when they are killed, you know," said Marjorie.
"He--he--he!" sniggered the Executioner, putting his hand up to his
mouth under his mask.
The Court Glover frowned at him. "Bless you, they aren't _killed_!" he
said.
"Not killed, when they are executed!" cried Marjorie.
The Executioner giggled louder than ever, and shook his head.
"What do you mean?" asked Marjorie.
"Don't ask me, I'm duff and dem," said the Executioner.
"He means dem and duff," explained the Court Glover, considerately.
Marjorie laughed, and so did Fidge. "You are both wrong," she said. "You
mean deaf and dumb, I suppose. But I don't think that _can_ be the case,
for he must have heard me, because he answered my question, you know."
"I didn't say anything about being deaf or dumb, either. I simply said I
was duff and dem, and I defy you to prove to the contrary," said the
Executioner, stubbornly.
Marjorie was quite bewildered; but there was no time for further
argument, for, just then, Dick and the Archaeopteryx returned, supporting
the Dodo (who appeared half dead with fright), and followed by the
Palaeotherium and the Eteraedarium, walking arm in arm.
"Ah! now we will settle this little matter," said the Court Glover,
placing himself in an imposing attitude, and motioning the Executioner
to stand a little way behind him.
The Dodo prostrated himself before them, the tears streaming from his
eyes, and the offending gloves thrown on the ground in front of him.
"Miserable fowl!" began the Court Glover.
The Dodo winced.
"To what degraded depths have you sunken! I find you here hob-a-nobbing
with _thingummybobs_ and _what's-his-names_."
"Here, I say, hold on!" interrupted the Archaeopteryx. "If you mean us,
you know, we are----"
"_Thingummybobs_ and _what's-his-names_," repeated the Court Glover,
waving his hand contemptuously. "Was it to create an impression amongst
such creatures as _these_ that you ran off with the very best pair of
white kid gloves in the whole collection belonging to His Importance the
Little Panjandrum? Oh, Dodo! Dodo! Dodo! it is _too_ much!"
"How much too much?" inquired the Palaeotherium, kindly taking out his
purse.
The Court Glover waved him aside with an impatient scowl.
"The vanity of the bird!" he went on--"white kid, above all others!
Why, you might have taken a dozen pairs of colored cotton gloves, and no
one would have minded in the least; but best white kid--oh! shocking!
shocking! And look at the state you've made them in! But there--what can
be expected of a creature that goes wandering about the world visiting
what-you-may-call-ems."
[Illustration: "'Bear up, old man,' said the Archaeopteryx."]
"Of course, there's nothing to be done," continued the Court Glover,
after an impressive pause, "but to execute you."
The Dodo sobbed; and Marjorie, who was greatly concerned, began: "Oh,
please----"
But the Court Glover was inexorable, and murmured solemnly, "In one
hour's time--here," he walked off towards the balloon, followed by the
Executioner, who was giggling idiotically, and had to stuff a
handkerchief into his mouth to prevent himself from laughing outright.
"Inhuman wretch--there!" said Marjorie, bursting into tears, while the
Dodo's friends assisted him up from the ground, where he was lying in a
half-fainting condition.
"Bear up, old man," said the Archaeopteryx, sympathetically, fanning him
with his tail.
"When did he say?" inquired the Dodo, faintly.
"In an hour's time," said Dick, sadly.
The Dodo shuddered.
"Stop!" said the Eteraedarium, suddenly. "I think I have found a way out
of the difficulty."
"Oh! what is it? What is it?" cried the Dodo, eagerly; while the others
all crowded round to hear what the Eteraedarium had to say.