This eBook was produced by Marjorie Fulton.
THE DIARY AND LETTERS
OF
MADAME D'ARBLAY
(FRANCES BURNEY.)
WITH NOTES BY W. C. WARD,
AND PREFACED BY LORD MACAULAY'S ESSAY.
IN THREE VOLUMES.
VOL. 2.
(1787-1792.)
WITH AN ENGRAVING OF GEORGE III., QUEEN CHARLOTTE,
AND THEIR FAMILY.
LONDON: VIZETELLY & CO., 16, HENRIETTA STREET,
COVENT GARDEN.
1891.
PRINTED BY J. S. VIRTUE & COMPANY, LONDON,
CITY ROAD.
10. (1787) COURT DUTIES AT ST. JAMES'S AND WINDSOR --9-48
The Queen's Birthday Drawing Room--A Serious Dilemma--Counsels of
a Court Official--Mr. Turbulent's Anxiety to Introduce Mr.
Wellbred--Colonel Wellbred is received at Tea--Eccentric Mr.
Bryant--Mr. Turbulent in a New Character--Bantering a Princess-
-Mr. Turbulent meets with a Rebuff--A Surprise at the Play--The
King's Birthday--The Equerries: Colonel Manners--The Duchess de
Polignac at Windsor--Colonel Manners' Musical Accomplishments-
-Mrs. Schwellenberg's "Lump of Leather"--Mrs. Schwellenberg's
Frogs--Mr. Turbulent's Antics.
11 (1787-8) COURT DUTIES: SOME VARIATIONS IN THEIR ROUTINE--49-85
Meeting of the two Princes--Bunbury, the Caricaturist--Mrs.
Siddons proves disappointing on near acquaintance--Mr. Fairly's
Bereavement--Troublesome Mr. Turbulent--A Conceited Parson--Mr.
Turbulent becomes a Nuisance--Dr. Herschel and his Sister--Gay
and Entertaining Mr. Bunbury--The Prince of Wales at Windsor
again--False Rumours of Miss Burney's Resignation--Tyrannical
Mrs. Schwellenberg--Mrs. Schwellenberg's Capriciousness--New
Year's Day--Chatty Mr. Bryant again--Dr. Johnson's Letters to
Mrs. Thrale discussed--A Pair of Paragons--Mr. Turbulent's Self
Condemnation--Miss Burney among her Old Friends--Some Trivial
Court Incidents.
12 (1788) THE TRIAL OF WARREN HASTINGS--86-153
Westminster Hall at the opening of the Hastings Trial--Warren
Hastings appears at the Bar--The Lord Chancellor's Speech--The
Reading of the Charges commenced--An Old Acquaintance--William
Windham, Esq., M.P.--Windham inveighs against Warren Hastings-
-Miss Burney Battles for the Accused--A Wearied M.P.--Mr.
Crutchley reappears--Mr. Windham discusses the Impeachment-
-Windham affects to commiserate Hastings--Miss Burney is again
present at Hastings's Trial--Burke's Speech in support of the
Charges--Further Conversation with Mr. Windham--Miss Fuzilier
likely to become Mrs. Fairly--The Hastings Trial again: Mr. Fox
in a Rage--Mrs. Crewe, Mr. Burke and Mr. Windham--Miss Burney's
Unbiassed Sentiments--Burke and Sheridan meet with Cold
Receptions--At Windsor again--Death of Mrs. Delany--The
page vi
Hastings Trial and Mr. Windham again--"The Queen is so kind"--
Personal Resemblance between Windham and Hastings--Death of Young
Lady Mulgrave--Again at Windsor--Another Meeting with Mr.
Crutchley--Mr. Turbulent's troublesome Pleasantries--Colonel
Fairly and Second Attachments.
13. (1788) ROYAL VISIT TO CHELTENHAM--154--219
The Royal Party and their Suite--Loyalty not Damped by the Rain-
-Arrival at Fauconberg Hall--The Tea-Table Difficulty--A
t`ete-`a-t`ete wit" Colonel Fairly--The King's
Gentlemen and the Queen's Ladies--Royalty Crowded at Fauconberg
Hall--At the wells--Conversation and Flirtation with Colonel
Fairly--Miss Burney meets an old Friend--Colonel Fairly again--A
Visit to miss Palmer--"Original Love Letters"--The Founder of
Sunday Schools criticised--On the Walks--An Unexpected Visitor--
Courts and Court Life--The Vindictive Baretti--speculations upon
Colonel Fairly's Re-marrying--Colonel Fairly again presents
Himself--The Colonel and the "Original Love Letters"--The Gout
and the Love Letters again--A Dinner with Colonel Fairly and Miss
Planta--Royal Concern for the Colonel's Gout--young Republicans
Converted--The Princes' Animal Spirits--The Duke of York: Royal
Visit to the Theatre--An uncourtly visitor--Mr. Fairly reads
"Akenside" to Miss Burney--The Doctor's Embarrassment--From Grave
to Gay--A Visit to Worcester--The Queen and Mr. Fairly--Mr.
Fairly Moralizes--Major Price is tired of Retirement--The Return
to Windsor--At Windsor again: The Canon and Mrs. Schwellenberg--
Compliments from a famous Foreign Astronomer--The Prince eyes
miss Burney curiously--Colonel manners's Beating--mr. Fairly is
Discussed by his Brother Equerries--Baron Trenck: Mr. Turbulent's
Raillery--Amiable Mrs. Schwellenberg again--A Royal Joke--Colonel
Goldsworthy's Breach of Etiquette--Illness of Mrs. Schwellenberg-
-General Grenville's Regiment at Drill.
14. (1788-9) THE KING'S ILLNESS--220-299
Uncertain State of the King's Health--The King complains
of Want of Sleep--Distress of the Queen--First Outburst of the
King's Delirium--An Anxious Night--The King's Delirious
Condition-The King refuses to see Dr. Warren--The Queen's anxiety
to hear Dr. Warren's opinion--The Queen removes to more distant
Apartments--A Visit from Mr. Fairly--The King's Night Watchers--A
Change in Miss Burney's Duties--Mr. Fairly Succeeds in Soothing
the King--New Arrangements--The Princess Augusta's Birthday--
Strange Behaviour of the First Gentleman in Europe--Stringent New
Regulations--Mrs. Schwellenberg is back again--Public Prayers for
the King decided upon--Sir Lucas Pepys On the King's Condition-
Further Changes at the Lodge--Mr. Fairly and the Learned Ladies--
Reports on the King's Condition--Mr. Fairly thinks the King
Page vii
needs Stricter Management--Mr. Fairly wants a Change--Removal of
the King to Kew determined upon--A Privy Council held--The
Removal to Kew--A Mysterious Visitor--The King's Arrival--The
Arrangements at Kew Palace--A Regency hinted at--Mr. Fairly's
Kind Offices--Mrs. Schwellenberg's Parlour--A new Physician
Summoned--Mrs. Schwellenberg's Opinion of Mr. Fairly--The King's
varying Condition--Dr. Willis and his Son--Learning in Women--The
Queen and Mr. Fairly's Visits-A Melancholy Birthday--Mr. Fairly
on Fans--Mr. Fairly continues his Visits: the Queen again Remarks
upon them--The Search for Mr. Fairly--Miss Burney's Alarm on
being chased by the King--A Royal Salute and Royal Confidences--
Curiosity regarding Miss Burney's meeting with the King--The
Regency Bill--Infinitely Licentious!--Miss Burney is taxed with
Visiting Gentlemen--Improvement in the King's Health--Mr. Fairly
and Mr. Windham--The King continues to improve--The King's Health
is completely Restored.
15. (1789) THE KING'S RECOVERY: ROYAL VISIT TO WEYMOUTH--300-333
The King's Reappearance--An Airing and its Consequences--
Illuminations on the King's Recovery--Mr. Fairly on Miss Burney's
Duties--A Visit from Miss Fuzilier--A Command from Her Majesty-
-Colonel Manners mystifies Mrs. Schwellenberg--The Sailor
Prince--Loyal Reception of the King in the New Forest--The Royal
journey to Weymouth--Welcome to Weymouth--The Royal Plunge with
Musical honours--"You must Kneel, Sir!"--Royal doings in and
about Weymouth--A Patient Audience--A Fatiguing but Pleasant
Day--Lulworth Castle--The Royal Party at the Assembly Rooms--A
journey to Exeter and Saltram--May "One" come in?--An Excursion
to Plymouth Dockyard--A Visit to a Seventy-four--A Day at Mount
Edgecumbe--Mr. Fairly on a Court Life--A Brief Sojourn at
Longleat--Tottenham Court: Return to Windsor.
16. (1789-90) MR. FAIRLY'S MARRIAGE: THE HASTINGS TRIAL--334-365
Rumours of Mr. Fairly's impending Marriage--A Royal Visit to the
Theatre: jammed in the Crowd--In the Manager's Box--Mr. Fairly's
Marriage imminent--Court Duties discussed--Mr. Fairly's Strange
Wedding--Renewal of the Hastings Trial: A Political Impromptu--An
Illbred Earl of Chesterfield--Miss Burney in a New Capacity--The
long-forgotten Tragedy: Miss Burnei again as Reader--Colonel
Manners in his Senatorial Capacity--A Conversation with Mr.
Windham at the Hastings Trial--A Glimpse of Mrs. Piozzi--Captain
Burney wants a Ship to go to Court--Captain Burney and Mr.
Windham--Mr. Windham speaks on a Legal Point--An Emphatic
Peroration-An Aptitude for Logic and for Greek--More Talk with
Mr. Windham.
Page viii
17. (1790-1) MISS BURNEY RESIGNS HER PLACE AT COURT--366-409
A Melancholy Confession--Captain Burney's Laconic Letter and
Interview--Burke's Speech on the French Revolution--An Awkward
Meeting--A New Visit from Mrs. Fairly--One Tragedy Finished and
Another Commenced--Miss Burney's Resignation Memorial--Mr.
Windham Intervenes--An Amusing Interview with Mr. Boswell--Ill,
Unsettled, and Unhappy--A Medical Opinion on Miss Burney's
Condition--Miss Burney breaks the Matter to the Queen--The
Memorial and Explanatory Note--The Keeper of the Robes'
Consternation--Leave of Absence is Suggested--A Royal Gift to the
Master of the Horse--Conferences with the Queen--Miss Burney
determines on Seclusion--The Hastings Trial Resumed: The Accused
makes his Defence--Mr. Windham is Congratulated on his Silence--
Miss Burney makes her Report--Prince William insists on the
King's Health being Drunk--The Queen's Health--The Procession to
the Ball-room: Absence of the Princes--Boswell's Life of
johnson--The Close of Miss Burney's Court Duties--Miss Burney's
Successor: A Pension from the Queen--Leavetakings--Farewell to
Kew--The Final Parting.
18. (1791-2) REGAINED LIBERTY--410-468
Released from Duty--A Western journey: Farnham Castle--A Party of
French Fugitives--Winchester Cathedral--Stonehenge, Wilton, and
Milton Abbey--Lyme and Sidmouth--Sidmouth Loyalty--Powderham
Castle and Collumpton Church--Glastonbury Abbey--Wells
Cathedral--Bath Revisited--A Visit from Lady Spencer--Bath Sunday
Schools--Georgiana, Duchess of Devonshire--Bishop Percy--The
Duchess of Devonshire again--Dr. Burney's Conversation with Mr.
Burke: Remarks by Miss Burney--Literary Recreation--Sir Joshua
Reynoldsls Blindness--Among Old Friends--A Summons from the
Queen--Mr. Hastings's Defence--Diverse Views--Mr. Law's Speech
Discussed--Mr. Windham on the French National Assembly--"A
Barbarous Business!"--Death of Sir Joshua Reynolds--Mr. Windham
twitted on his Lack of Compassion--A Point of Ceremonial--Mrs.
Schwellenberg and Mlle. Jacobi--A Long Talk with the King and
Queen--Madame de Genlis: a Woeful Change--The Weeping Beauty
Again--Madame de la Fite and Mrs. Hastings--The Impetuous Orator-
-Mimicry of Dr. Johnson--The King's Birthday--Mr. Hastings's
Speech--A Well-preserved Beauty--The Burkes--Burke's
Conversational Powers--A Wild Irish Girl--Erskine's Egotism--
Caen-wood---An Adventure with Mrs. Crewe--An Invitation from
Arthur Young.
SECTION 10.
(1787)
COURT DUTIES AT ST. JAMES'S AND WINDSOR.
THE QUEEN'S BIRTHDAY DRAWING ROOM.
January. Go back to the 16th, when I went to town, accompanied
only by Mr. de Luc. I saw my dear father the next morning, who
gave me a poem on the queen's birthday, to present. It was very
pretty; but I felt very awkward in offering it to her, as it was
from so near a relation, and without any particular reason or
motive. Mr. Smelt came and stayed with me almost all the
morning, and soothed and solaced me by his charming converse.
The rest of the day was devoted to milliners, mantua-makers, and
such artificers, and you may easily conjecture how great must be
my fatigue. Nevertheless, when, in the midst of these wasteful
toils, the Princess Augusta entered my room, and asked me, from
the queen, if I should wish to see the ball the next day, I
preferred running the risk of that new fatigue, to declining an
honour so offered: especially as the Princess Augusta was herself
to open the ball.
A chance question this night from the queen, whom I now again
attended as usual, fortunately relieved me from my embarrassment
about the poem. She inquired of me if my father was still
writing? "A little," I answered, and the next morning, Thursday,
the 18th, when the birth-day was kept, I found her all sweetness
and serenity; mumbled out my own little compliment, which she
received as graciously as if she had understood and heard it; and
then,
Page 10
when she was dressed, I followed her through the great rooms, to
get rid of the wardrobe woman, and there taking the poem from my
pocket, I said "I told your majesty that my father had written a
little!--and here--the little is!"
She took it from me with a smile and a curtsey, and I ran off.
She never has named it since; but she has spoken of my father
with much sweetness and complacency. The modest dignity of the
queen, upon all subjects of panegyric, is truly royal and noble.
I had now, a second time, the ceremony of being entirely new
dressed. I then went to St. James's, where the queen gave a very
gracious approbation of my gewgaws, and called upon the king to
bestow the same; which his constant goodhumour makes a matter of
great ease to him.
The queen's dress, being for her own birthday, was extremely
simple, the style of dress considered. The king was quite
superb, and the Princesses Augusta and Elizabeth were ornamented
with much brilliancy.
Not only the princess royal was missed at this exhibition, but
also the Prince of Wales. He wrote, however, his congratulations
to the queen, though the coldness then subsisting between him and
his majesty occasioned his absence from Court. I fear it was
severely felt by his royal mother, though she appeared composed
and content.
The two princesses spoke very kind words, also, about my frippery
on this festival; and Princess Augusta laid her positive commands
upon me that I should change my gown before I went to the lord
chamberlain's box, where only my head could be seen. The counsel
proved as useful as the consideration was amiable.
When the queen was attired, the Duchess of Ancaster was admitted
to the dressing room, where she stayed, in conversation with
their majesties and the princesses, till it was time to summon
the bed-chamber women. During this, I had the office of holding
the queen's train. I knew, for me, it was a great honour, yet it
made me feel, once more, so like a mute upon the stage, that I
could scarce believe myself only performing my own real
character.
Mrs. Stainforth and I had some time to stand upon the stairs
before the opening of the doors. We joined Mrs. Fielding and her
daughters, and all entered together, but the crowd parted us -
they all ran on, and got in as they could, and I
Page 11
remained alone by the door. They soon found me out, and made
signs to me, which I saw not, and then they sent me messages that
they had kept room for me just by them. I had received orders
from the queen to go out at the end of the second country dance ;
I thought, therefore, that as I now was seated by the door, I had
better be content, and stay where I could make my exit in a
moment, and without trouble or disturbance. A queer-looking old
lady sat next me, and I spoke to her now and then, by way of
seeming to belong to somebody. She did not appear to know
whether it were advisable for her to answer me or not, seeing me
alone, and with high head ornaments; but as I had no plan but to
save appearances to the surrounders, I was perfectly satisfied
that my very concise propositions should meet with yet more
laconic replies.
Before we parted, however, finding me quiet and inoffensive, she
became voluntarily sociable, and I felt so much at home, by being
still in a part of the palace, that I needed nothing further than
just so much notice as not to seem an object to be avoided.
The sight which called me to that spot perfectly answered all my
expectations: the air, manner, and countenance of the queen, as
she goes round the circle, are truly graceful and engaging: I
thought I could understand, by the motion of her lips, and the
expression of her face, even at the height and distance of the
chamberlain's box, the gracious and pleasant speeches she made to
all whom she approached. With my glass, you know, I can see just
as other people see with the naked eye.
The princesses looked extremely lovely, and the whole Court was
in the utmost splendour.
A SERIOUS DILEMMA.
At the appointed moment I slipped through the door, leaving my
old lady utterly astonished at my sudden departure, and I passed,
alone and quietly, to Mr. Rhamus's apartment, which was
appropriated for the company to wait in. Here I desired a
servant I met with to call my man: he was not to be found. I
went down the stairs, and made them call him aloud, by my name;
all to no purpose. Then the chairmen were called, but called
also in vain!
What to do I knew not ; though I was still in a part of the
Page 12
palace, it was separated by many courts, avenues, passages, and
alleys, from the queen's or my own apartments- and though I had
so lately passed them, I could not remember the way, nor at that
late hour could I have walked, dressed as I then was, and the
ground wet with recent rain, even if I had had a servant: I had
therefore ordered the chair allotted me for these days; but chair
and chairmen and footmen were alike out of the way.
My fright lest the queen should wait for me was very serious. I
believe there are state apartments through which she passes, and
therefore I had no chance to know when she retired from the
ball-room. Yet could I not stir, and was forced to return to the
room whence I came, in order to wait for John, that I might be
out of the way of the cold winds which infested the hall.
I now found a young clergyman, standing by the fire. I suppose
my anxiety was visible, for he instantly inquired if he could
assist me. I declined his offer, but walked up and down, making
frequent questions about my chair and John.
He then very civilly said, "You seem distressed, ma'am; would you
permit me the honour to see for your chair, or, if it is not
come, as you seem hurried, would you trust me to see you home?"
I thanked him, but could not accept his services. He was sorry,
he said, that I refused him, but could not wonder, as he was a
stranger. I made some apologising answer, and remained in that
unpleasant situation till, at length, a hackneychair was procured
me. My new acquaintance would take no denial to handing me to
the chair. When I got in, I told the men to carry me to the
palace.
"We are there now!" cried they; "what part of the palace?"
I was now in a distress the most extraordinary : I really knew
not my own direction! I had always gone to my apartment in a
chair, and had been carried by chairmen officially appointed;
and, except that it was in St. James's palace, I knew nothing of
my own situation.
"Near the park," I told them, and saw my new esquire look utterly
amazed at me.
"Ma'am," said he, " half the palace is in the park."
"I don't know how to direct," cried I, in the greatest
embarrassment, "but it is somewhere between Pall Mall and the
park."
Page 13
"I know where the lady lives well enough," cried one of the
chairmen, "'tis in St. James's street."
"No, no," cried I, "'tis in St. James's palace."
"Up with the chair!" cried the other man, "I know best--'tis in
South Audley-street; I know the lady well enough."
Think what a situation at the moment! I found they had both been
drinking the queen's health till they knew not what they said and
could with difficulty stand. Yet they lifted me up, and though I
called in the most terrible fright to be let out, they carried me
down the steps.
I now actually screamed for help, believing they would carry me
off to South Audley-street; and now my good genius, who had
waited patiently in the crowd, forcibly stopped the chairmen, who
abused him violently, and opened the door himself, and I ran back
to the hall.
You may imagine how earnestly I returned my thanks for this most
seasonable assistance, without which I should almost have died
with terror, for where they might have taken or dropped me, or
how or where left me, who could say?
He begged me to go again upstairs, but my apprehension about the
queen prevented me. I knew she was to have nobody but me, and
that her jewels, though few, were to be intrusted back to the
queen's house to no other hands. I must, I said, go, be it in
what manner it might. All I could devise was to summon Mr.
Rhamus, the page. I had never seen him, but my attendance upon
the queen would be an apology for the application, and I
determined to put myself under his immediate protection.
Mr. Rhamus was nowhere to be found ; he was already supposed to
be gone to the queen's house, to wait the arrival of his majesty.
This news redoubled my fear; and now my new acquaintance desired
me to employ him in making inquiries for me as to the direction I
wanted.
It was almost ridiculous, in the midst of my distress, to be thus
at a loss for an address to myself! I felt averse to speaking my
name amongst so many listeners, and only told him he would much
oblige me by finding out a direction to Mrs. Haggerdorn's rooms.
He went upstairs ; and returning, said he could now direct the
chairmen, if I did not fear trusting them.
I did fear--I even shook with fear; yet my horror of
disappointing the queen upon such a night prevailed over all my
reluctance, and I ventured once more into the chair, thanking
this excellent Samaritan, and begging him to give the direction
very particularly.
Page 14
Imagine, however, my gratitude and my relief, when, instead of
hearing the direction, I heard only these words, " Follow me."
And then did this truly benevolent young man himself play the
footman, in walking by the side of the chair till we came to an
alley, when he bid them turn; but they answered him with an oath,
and ran on with me, till the poles ran against a wall, for they
had entered a passage in which there was no outlet! I would fain
have got out, but they would not hear me; they would only pull
the chair back, and go on another way. But my guardian angel
told them to follow him, or not, at their peril ; and then walked
before the chair.
We next came to a court where we were stopped by the sentinels.
They said they had orders not to admit any hackney chairs. The
chairmen vowed they would make way; I called out aloud to be set
down; the sentinels said they would run their bayonets through
the first man that attempted to dispute their orders. I then
screamed out again to be set down, and my new and good friend
peremptorily forced them to stop, and opening the door with
violence, offered me his arm, saying, "You had better trust
yourself with me, ma'am!"
Most thankfully I now accepted what so fruitlessly I had
declined, and I held by his arm, and we walked on together, but
neither of us knew whither, nor the right way from the wrong 1 It
was really a terrible situation.
The chairmen followed us, clamorous for money, and full of abuse.
They demanded half a crown - my companion refused to listen to
such an imposition : my shaking hand could find no purse, and I
begged him to pay them what they asked, that they might leave us.
He did ; and when they were gone, I shook less, and was able to
pay that one part of the debt I was now contracting.
We wandered about, heaven knows where, in a way the most alarming
and horrible to myself imaginable: for I never knew where I
was.--It was midnight. I concluded the queen waiting for me.--It
was wet. My head was full dressed. I was under the care of a
total stranger; and I knew not which side to take, wherever we
came. Inquiries were vain. The sentinels alone were in sight,
and they are so continually changed that they knew no more of
Mrs. Haggerdorn than if she had never resided here.
At length I spied a door open, and I begged to enter it at a
venture, for information. Fortunately a person stood in the
passage who instantly spoke to me by my name; I never
Page 15
heard that sound with more glee: to me he was a stranger, but I
suppose he had seen me in some of the apartments. I begged him
to direct me straight to the queen's rooms: he did ; and I then
took leave of my most humane new friend, with a thousand
acknowledgments for his benevolence and services.
Was it not a strange business ? I can never say what an agony Of
fright it cost me at the time, nor ever be sufficiently grateful
for the kind assistance, so providentially afforded me.'
COUNSELS OF A COURT OFFICIAL.
The general directions and counsel of Mr. Smelt, which I have
scrupulously observed ever since, were, in abridgment, these:-
That I should see nobody at all but by appointment. This, as he
well said, would obviate, not only numerous personal
inconveniences to myself, but prevent alike surprises from those
I had no leave to admit, and repetitions of visits from others
who might inadvertently come too often. He advised me to tell
this to my father, and beg it might be spread, as a settled part
of my situation, among all who inquired for me.
That I should see no fresh person whatsoever without an immediate
permission from the queen, nor any party, even amongst those
already authorised, without apprising her of such a plan.
That I should never go out without an immediate application to
her, so that no possible inquiry for me might occasion surprise
or disappointment.
These, and other similar ties, perhaps, had my spirits been
better, I might less readily have acceded to : as it was, I would
have bound myself to as many more.
At length, however, even then, I was startled when Mr. Smelt,
with some earnestness, said, "And, with respect to your parties,
such as you may occasionally have here, you have but one rule for
keeping all things smooth, and all partisans unoffended, at a
distance--which is, to have no men--none!
I stared a little, and made no answer.
"Yes," cried he, "Mr. Locke may be admitted; but him only. Your
father, you know, is of course."
Still I was silent: after a pause of some length, he plumply Yet
with an evidently affected unmeaningness, said, "Mr. Cambridge--
as to Mr. Cambridge--"
I stopped him short at once; I dared not trust to what
Page 16
might follow, and eagerly called Out, "Mr. Cambridge, Sir, I
cannot exclude! So much friendship and kindness I owe, and have
long owed him, that he would go about howling at my ingratitude,
could I seem so suddenly to forget it!"
My impetuosity in uttering this surprised, but silenced him; he
said not a word more, nor did I.
MR. TURBULENT's ANXIETY TO INTRODUCE MR. WELLBRED.
Windsor, Sunday, Jan. 28.-I was too ill to go to church. I was
now, indeed, rarely well enough for anything but absolute and
unavoidable duties ; and those were still painfully and forcibly
performed.
I had only Miss Planta for my guest, and when she went to the
princesses I retired for a quiet and solitary evening to my own
room. But here, while reading, I was interrupted by a tat-tat at
my door. I opened it and saw Mr. Turbulent. . . . He came
forward, and began a gay and animated conversation, with a flow
of spirits and good humour which I had never observed in him
before.
His darling colonel(230) was the subject that he still harped
upon; but it was only with a civil and amusing raillery, not, as
before, with an overpowering vehemence to conquer. Probably,
however, the change in myself might be as observable as in him,--
since I now ceased to look upon him with that distance and
coldness which hitherto he had uniformly found in me.
I must give you a little specimen of him in this new dress.
After some general talk,
"When, ma'am," he said, "am I to have the honour of introducing
Colonel Wellbred to you?"
"Indeed, I have not settled that entirely!"
"Reflect a little, then, ma'am, and tell me. I only wish to know
when."
"Indeed to tell you that is somewhat more than I am able to do; I
must find it out myself, first."
" Well, ma'am, make the inquiry as speedily as possible, I beg.
What say you to now? shall I call him up?
"No, no,--pray let him alone."
"But will you not, at least, tell me your reasons for this
conduct?"
Page 17
"Why, frankly, then, if you will hear them and be quiet, I will
confess them."
I then told him, that I had so little time to myself, that to
gain even a single evening was to gain a treasure; and that I had
no chance but this. "Not," said I, "that I wish to avoid him,
but to break the custom of constantly meeting with the
equerries."
"But it is impossible to break the custom, ma'am; it has been so
always: the tea-table has been the time of uniting the company,
ever since the king came to Windsor."
" Well, but everything now is upon a new construction. I am not
positively bound to do everything Mrs. Haggerdorn did, and his
having drank tea with her will not make him conclude he must also
drink tea with me."
No, no, that is true, I allow. Nothing that belonged to her can
bring conclusions round to you. But still, why begin with
Colonel Wellbred? You did not treat Colonel Goldsworthy so?"
"I had not the power of beginning with him. I did what I could,
I assure you."
"Major Price, ma'am?--I never heard you avoided him."
"No; but I knew him before I came, and he knew much of my family,
and indeed I am truly sorry that I shall now see no more of him.
But Colonel Wellbred and I are mutually strangers."
"All people are so at first, every acquaintance must have a
beginning."
"But this, if you are quiet, we are most willing should have
none."
"Not he, ma'am--he is not so willing; he wishes to come. He
asked me, to-day, if I had spoke about it."
I disclaimed believing this; but he persisted in asserting it,
adding "For he said if I had spoke he would come."
"He is very condescending," cried I, "but I am satisfied he would
not think of it at all, if you did not put it in his head."
"Upon my honour, You are mistaken; we talk just as much of it
down there as up here."
"you would much oblige me if you would not talk of it,- neither
there nor here."
"Let me end it, then, by bringing him at once!"
"No, no, leave us both alone: he has his resources and his
engagements as much as I have; we both are best as we now are."
Page 18
"But what can he say, ma'am? Consider his confusion and disgrace!
It is well known, in the world, the private life that the royal
family live at Windsor, and who are the attendants that belong to
them; and when Colonel Wellbred quits his waiting--three months'
waiting and is asked how he likes Miss Burney, he must answer he
has never seen her! And what, ma'am, has Colonel Wellbred done to
merit such a mortification?"
It was impossible not to laugh at such a statement of the case;
and again he requested to bring him directly. "One quarter of an
hour will content me ; I only wish to introduce him--for the sake
of his credit in the world; and when once you have met, you need
meet no more; no consequences whatever need be drawn to the
detriment of your solitude."
I begged him to desist, and let us both rest.
"But have you, yourself, ma'am, no curiosity--no desire to see
Colonel Wellbred?"
"None in the world."
"If, then, hereafter you admit any other equerry--"
"No, no, I intend to carry the new construction throughout."
"Or if you suffer anyone else to bring you Colonel Wellbred."
"Depend upon it I have no such intention."
"But if any other more eloquent man prevails--"
" Be assured there is no danger."
"Will you, at least, promise I shall be present at the meet--?"
" There will be no meeting."
"You are certainly, then, afraid of him?"
I denied this, and, hearing the king's supper called, he took his
leave ; though not before I very seriously told him that, however
amusing all this might be as pure badinage, I Should
be very earnestly vexed if he took any steps in the matter
without my consent.
COLONEL WELLBRED IS RECEIVED AT TEA.
Feb. 2.-MISS Planta came to tea, and we went together to the
eating-parlour, which we found quite empty. Mr. Turbulent's
studious table was all deserted, and his books laid waste; but in
a very few minutes he entered again, with his arms spread wide,
his face all glee, and his voice all triumph, calling out,
Page 19
"Mr. Smelt and Colonel Wellbred desire leave to wait upon miss
Burney to tea!"
A little provoked at this determined victory over my will and my
wish, I remained silent,- but Miss Planta broke forth into open
upbraidings:
"Upon my word, Mr. Turbulent, this is really abominable it is all
your own doing--and if I was Miss Burney I would not bear it!"
and much more, till he fairly gave her to understand she had
nothing to do with the matter.
Then, turning to me, "What am I to say, ma'am? am I to tell
Colonel Wellbred you hesitate?" He protested he came upon the
embassy fairly employed.
"Not fairly, I am sure, Mr. Turbulent The whole is a device and
contrivance of your own! Colonel Wellbred would have been as
quiet as myself, had you left him alone."
"Don't throw it all upon me, ma'am; 'tis Mr. Smelt. But what are
they to think of this delay? are they to suppose it requires
deliberation whether or not you can admit a gentleman to your
tea-table?"
I begged him to tell me, at least, how it had passed, and in what
manner he had brought his scheme about. But he would give me no
satisfaction; he only said "You refuse to receive him, ma'am?--
shall I go and tell him you refuse to receive him?"
"O No,
This was enough -. he waited no fuller consent, but ran off.
Miss Planta began a good-natured repining for me. I determined
to fetch some work before they arrived; and in coming for it to
my own room, I saw Mr. Turbulent, not yet gone downstairs. I
really believe, by the strong marks of laughter on his
countenance, that he had stopped to compose himself before he
could venture to appear in the equerryroom!
I looked at him reproachfully, and passed on; he shook his head
at me in return, and hied downstairs. I had but just time to
rejoin Miss Planta when he led the way to the two Other
gentlemen: entering first, with the most earnest curiosity, to
watch the scene. Mr. Smelt followed, introducing the colonel.
I could almost have laughed, so ridiculous had the behaviour of
Mr. Turbulent, joined to his presence and watchfulness, rendered
this meeting; and I saw in Colonel Wellbred the most evident
marks of similar sensations: for he coloured
Page 20
violently on his entrance, and seemed in an embarrassment that,
to any one who knew not the previous tricks of Mr. Turbulent,
must have appeared really distressing. And, in truth, Mr. Smelt
himself, little imagining what had preceded the interview, was so
much struck with his manner and looks, that he conceived him to
be afraid of poor little me, and observed, afterwards, with what
"blushing diffidence" he had begun the acquaintance!
I, who saw the true cause through the effect, felt more provoked
than ever with Mr. Turbulent, since I was now quite satisfied he
had been as busy with the colonel about me, as with me about the
colonel.
He is tall, his figure is very elegant, and his face very
handsome: he is sensible, well-bred, modest, and intelligent. I
had always been told he was very amiable and accomplished, and
the whole of his appearance confirmed the report.
The discourse was almost all Mr. Smelt's, the colonel was silent
and reserved, and Mr. Turbulent had resolved to be a mere
watchman. The king entered early and stayed late, and took away
with him, on retiring, all the gentlemen.
Feb. 3.-As the tea hour approached, to-day, Mr. Turbulent grew
very restless. I saw what was passing in his mind, and therefore
forbore ordering tea; but presently, and suddenly, as if from
some instant impulse, he gravely came up to me, and said
"Shall I go and call the colonel, ma'am?"
"No, sir!" was my johnsonian reply.
"What, ma'am!--won't you give him a little tea?"
"No, no, no!--I beg you will be at rest!"
He shrugged his shoulders, and walked away; and Mr. Smelt,
smiling, said, "Will you give us any?"
"O yes, surely cried I, and was going away to ring for the man.
I believe I have already mentioned that I had no bell at all,
except in my bedroom, and that only for my maid, whom I was
obliged to summon first, like Smart's monkey--
"Here, Betty!--Nan!--
Go, call the maid, to call the man!"
For Mrs. Haggerdorn had done without, twenty-six years, by always
keeping her servant in waiting at the door. I could never endure
inflicting such a hardship, and therefore had always to run to my
bedroom, and wait the progress of the maid's arrival, and then of
her search of the man, ere ever
Page 21
I could give him an order. A mighty tiresome and inconvenient
ceremony. Mr Turbulent insisted upon saving me this trouble, and
went 'out himself to speak to John. But you will believe me a
little amazed, when, in a very few minutes, he returned again,
accompanied by his colonel! My surprise brought the colour both
into my own cheeks and those of my guests. Mr. Smelt looked
pleased; and Mr. Turbulent, though I saw he was half afraid of
what he was doing, could by no means restrain a most exulting
smile, which was constantly in play during the whole evening.
Mr. Smelt instantly opened a conversation, with an ease and good
breeding which drew every one into sharing it. The colonel was
far less reserved and silent, and I found him very pleasing, very
unassuming, extremely attentive, and sensible and obliging. The
moment, however, that we mutually joined in the discourse, Mr.
Turbulent came to my side, and seating himself there, whispered
that he begged my pardon for the step he had taken. I made him
no answer, but talked on with the colonel and Mr. Smelt. He.
then whispered me again, "I am now certain of your forgiveness,
since I see your approbation!" And when still
I said nothing, he interrupted every speech to the colonel with
another little whisper, saying that his end was obtained, and he
was now quite happy, since he saw he had obliged me!
At length he proceeded so far, with so positive a determination
to be answered, that he absolutely compelled me to say I forgave
him, lest he should go on till the colonel heard him.
ECCENTRIC MR. BRYANT.
Feb. 9-This morning, soon after my breakfast, the princess royal
came to fetch me to the queen. She talked of Mrs. Delany all the
way, and in terms of affection that can never fail to raise her
in the minds of all who hear her. The queen was alone; and told
me she had been so much struck with the Duke of Suffolk's letter
to his son, in the Paston collection,(231)
Page 22
that she wished to hear my opinion of it. She then condescended
to read it to me. It is indeed both instructive and interesting.
She was so gracious, when she dismissed me, as to lend me the
book, desiring me to have it sent back to her apartment when I
went to dinner.
I had invited Mr. Bryant to dinner. He came an hour before, and
I could not read "Paston," but rejoiced the more in his living
intelligence. We talked upon the "Jew's Letters,"
which he had lent me. Have I mentioned them? They are a
mighty well written defence of the Mosaic law and mission,
and as orthodox for Christians as for Jews, with regard to their
main tenor, which is to refute the infidel doctrine of Voltaire
up to the time of our Saviour.
Before our dinner we were joined by 'Mr. Smelt ; and the
conversation was then very good. The same subject was continued,
except where it was interrupted by Mr. Bryant's speaking of his
own works, which was very frequently, and with a droll sort of
simplicity that had a mixture of nature and of humour extremely
amusing. He told us, very frankly his manner of writing; he
confessed that what he first committed to paper seldom
could be printed without variation or correction, even to a
single line: he copied everything over, he said, himself, and
three transcribings were the fewest he could ever make do; but,
generally, nothing went from him to the press under seven.
Mr. Turbulent and Miss Planta came to dinner, and it was very
cheerful. Ere it was over John told me somebody wanted me. I
desired they might be shewn to my room till the things were
removed; but, as these were some time taking away, I called John
to let me know who it was. "The princess royal, ma'am," was his
answer, with perfect ease.
Up I started, ashamed and eager, and flew to her royal highness
instantly : and I found her calmly and quietly waiting, shut up
in my room, without any candles, and almost wholly in the dark,
except from the light of the fire! I made all
possible apologies, and doubled and trebled them upon her
Smilingly saying "I would not let them tell you who it was, nor
hurry you, for I know 'tis so disagreeable to be called
Page 23
away in the middle of dinner." And then, to reconcile me to the
little accident, she took hold of both my hands.
She came to me from the queen, about the "Paston Letters," which
John had not carried to the right page.
Very soon after came the king, who entered into a gay
disquisition with Mr. Bryant upon his school achievements to
which he answered with a readiness and simplicity highly
entertaining.
"You are an Etonian, Mr. Bryant," said the king, "but pray, for
what were you most famous at school?"
We all expected, from the celebrity of his scholarship, to hear
him answer his Latin Exercises but no such thing.
"Cudgelling, Sir. I was most famous for that."
While a general laugh followed this speech, he very gravely
proceeded to particularize his feats though unless you could see
the diminutive figure, the weak, thin, feeble, little frame,
whence issued the proclamation of his prowess, you can but very
Inadequately judge the comic effect of his big talk.
"Your majesty, sir, knows General Conway? I broke his head for
him, sir."
The shout which ensued did not at all interfere with the
steadiness of his further detail.
"And there's another man, Sir, a great stout fellow, Sir, as ever
you saw--Dr. Gibbon, of the Temple: I broke his head too, sir.--I
don't know if he remembers it."
The king, afterwards, inquired after his present family, meaning
his dogs, which he is famed for breeding and preserving.
"Why, sir," he answered, "I have now only twelve. Once, I
recollect, when your majesty was so gracious as to ask me about
them, I happened to have twenty-two; and so I told you, sir.
Upon my word, Sir, it made me very uneasy afterwards when I came
to reflect upon it: I was afraid your majesty might think I
presumed to joke!"
The king then asked him for some account of the Marlborough
family, with which he is very particularly connected and desired
to know which among the young Lady Spencers was his favourite.
"Upon my word, sir, I like them all! Lady Elizabeth is a charming
young lady--I believe, Sir, I am most in her favour; I don't know
why, Sir. But I happened to write a letter to the duke, sir,
that she took a fancy to; I don't know the reason, sir, but she
begged it. I don't know what was in the letter,
Page 24
sir-I could never find out; but she took a prodigious fancy to
it, sir."
The king laughed heartily, and supposed there might be some
compliments to herself in it.
"Upon my word' sir," cried he, "I am afraid your majesty will
think I was in love with her! but indeed, sir, I don't know what
was in the letter."
The converse went on in the same style, and the king was so much
entertained by Mr. Bryant, that he stayed almost the whole
evening,
MR TURBULENT IN A NEW CHARACTER.
Friday, Feb. 16.-The instant I was left alone with Mr. Turbulent
he demanded to know my "project for his happiness;" and he made
his claim in a tone so determined, that I saw it would be
fruitless to attempt evasion or delay.
"Your captivity, then, sir," cried I-"for such I must call your
regarding your attendance to be indispensable is at an end: the
equerry-coach is now wholly in your power. I have spoken myself
upon the subject to the queen, as you bid--at least, braved me to
do; and I have now her consent to discharging you from all
necessity of travelling in our coach."(232)
He looked extremely provoked, and asked if I really meant to
inform him I did not choose his company? I laughed the question
off, and used a world of civil argument to persuade him I had
only done him a good office: but I was fain to make the whole
debate as sportive as possible, as I saw him disposed to be
seriously affronted.
A long debate ensued. I had been, he protested, excessively
ill-natured to him. "What an impression," cried he, "must this
make upon the queen! After travelling, with apparent content, six
years With that oyster Mrs. Haggerdorn--now--now that travelling
is become really agreeable--in that coach --I am to be turned out
of it! How must it disgrace me in her opinion!"
She was too partial, I said, to "that oyster," to look upon the
matter in such a degrading light nor would she think of it
Page 25
at all, but as an accidental matter. I then added, that the
reason that he had hitherto been destined to the female coach
was, that Mrs. Schwellenberg and Mrs. Haggerdorn were always
afraid of travelling by themselves; but that as I had more
courage, there was no need of such slavery.
"Slavery!"--repeated he, with an emphasis that almost startled
me,--"Slavery is pleasure--is happiness--when directed by our
wishes!"
And then, with a sudden motion that made me quite jump, he cast
himself at my feet, on both his knees--
"Your slave," he cried, "I am content to be! your slave I am
ready to live and die!"
I begged him to rise, and be a little less rhapsodic. "I have
emancipated you," I cried; "do not, therefore, throw away the
freedom you have been six years sighing to obtain. You are now
your own agent--a volunteer--"
"If I am," cried he, impetuously, "I dedicate myself to you!--A
volunteer, ma'am, remember that! I dedicate myself to you,
therefore, of my own accord, for every journey! You shall not
get rid of me these twenty years."
I tried to get myself away-but he would not let me move and he
began, with still increasing violence of manner, a most fervent
protestation that he would not be set aside, and that he devoted
himself to me entirely. And, to say the simple truth, ridiculous
as all this was, I really began to grow a little frightened by
his vehemence and his posture - till, at last, in the midst of an
almost furious vow, in which he dedicated himself to me for ever,
he relieved me, by suddenly calling upon Jupiter, Juno, Mars, and
Hercules, and every god, and every goddess, to witness his oath.
And then, content with his sublimity, he arose.
Was it not a curious scene? and have I not a curious fellow
traveller for my little journeys?
Monday, Feb. 19.-This morning I Proposed to my fellow travellers
that we should begin our journey on foot. The wonderment with
which they heard a proposal so new was diverting : but they all
agreed to it; and though they declared that my predecessor, Mrs.
Haggerdorn, would have thought the person fit for Bedlam who
should have suggested such plan, no one could find any real
objection, and off we set, ordering the coach to proceed slowly
after us.
The weather was delightful, and the enterprise served to shorten
and enliven the expedition, and pleased them all,
Page 26
Mr. Turbulent began, almost immediately, an attack about his
colonel : upon quite a new ground, yet as restless and earnest as
upon the old one. He now reproached my attention to him,
protesting I talked to him continually, and spun out into an
hour's discourse what might have been said in three minutes.
"And was it my spinning?" I could not forbear saying.
"Yes, ma'am: for you might have dropped it."
"How?--by not answering when spoken to?"
"by not talking to him, ma'am, more than to any one else."
"And pray, Mr. Turbulent, solve me, then, this difficulty; what
choice has a poor female with whom she may converse? Must she
not, in company as in dancing, take up with those Who choose to
take up with her?"
He was staggered by this question, and while he wavered how to
answer it, I pursued my little advantage--
"No man, Mr. Turbulent, has any cause to be flattered that a
woman talks with him, while it is only in reply; for though he
may come, go, address or neglect, and do as he will,-- she, let
her think and wish what she may, must only follow as he leads."
He protested, with great warmth, he never heard any thing so
proudly said in Ins life. But I would not retract.
"And now, ma'am," he continued, "how wondrous intimate you are
grown! After such averseness to a meeting--such struggles to
avoid him; what am I to think of the sincerity of that pretended
reluctance?"
"You must think the truth," said I, "that it was not the colonel,
but the equerry, I wished to avoid; that it was not the
individual, but the official necessity of receiving company, that
I wished to escape."
BANTERING A PRINCESS.
March 1.- With all the various humours in which I had already
seen Mr. Turbulent, he gave me this evening a surprise, by his
behaviour to one of the princesses, nearly the same that I had
experienced from him myself. The Princess Augusta came, during
coffee, for a knotting shuttle of the queen's. While she was
speaking to me, he stood behind and exclaimed, `a demi voix, as
if to himself, "Comme elle est jolie ce soir, son Altesse
Royale!" And then, seeing her blush extremely, he clasped his
hands, in high pretended confusion,
Page 27
and hiding his head, called Out, "Que ferai-je? The princess has
heard me!"
"Pray, Mr. Turbulent," cried she, hastily, "what play are you to
read to-night?"
"You shall choose, ma'am; either 'La Coquette corrigée,' or--"
[he named another I have forgotten.]
"O no!" cried she, "that last is shocking! don't let me hear
that!"
"I understand you, ma'am. You fix, then, upon 'La Coquette?'
'La Coquette' is your royal highness's taste?"
"No, indeed, I am sure I did not say that."
"Yes, ma'am, by implication. And certainly, therefore, I will
read it, to please your royal highness!"
"No, pray don't; for I like none of them."
"None of them, ma'am?"
"No, none;--no French plays at all!" And away she was running,
with a droll air, that acknowledged she had said something to
provoke him.
"This is a declaration, ma'am, I must beg you to explain!" cried
he, gliding adroitly between the princess and the door, and
shutting it With his back.
"No, no, I can't explain it;--so pray, Mr. Turbulent, do open the
door."
"Not for the world, ma'am, with such a stain uncleared upon your
royal highness's taste and feeling!"
She told him she positively could not stay, and begged him to let
her pass instantly. But he would hear her no more than he has
heard me, protesting he was too much shocked for her, to suffer
her to depart without clearing her own credit!
He conquered at last, and thus forced to speak, she turned round
to us and said, "Well--if I must, then--I will appeal to these
ladies, who understand such things far better than I do, and ask
them if it is not true about these French plays, that they are
all so like to one another, that to hear them in this manner
every night is enough to tire one?"
"Pray, then, madam," cried he, "if French plays have the
misfortune to displease you, what national plays have the honour
Of your preference?"
I saw he meant something that she understood better than me, for
she blushed again, and called out "Pray open the door at once! I
can stay no longer; do let me go, Mr. Turbulent!"
Page 28
"Not till you have answered that question, ma'am' what country
has plays to your royal highness's taste?"
"Miss Burney," cried she impatiently, yet laughing, "pray do you
take him away!--Pull him!"
He bowed to me very invitingly for the office but I frankly
answered her, "Indeed, ma'am, I dare not undertake him! I cannot
manage him at all."
"The country! the country! Princess Augusta! name the happy
country!" was all she could gain.
"Order him away, Miss Burney," cried she. "It is your room:
order him away from the door."
"Name it, ma'am, name it!" exclaimed he; "name but the chosen
nation!"
And then, fixing her with the most provoking eyes, "Est-ce la
Danemarc?" he cried.
She coloured violently, and quite angry with him, called out,
"Mr. Turbulent, how can you be such a fool!" And now I found . .
. the prince royal of Denmark was in his meaning, and in her
understanding!
He bowed to the ground, in gratitude for the term "fool," but
added with pretended Submission to her will, "Very well, ma'am,
s'il ne faut lire que les comédies Danoises."
" Do let me go!" cried she, seriously; and then he made way, with
a profound bow as she passed, saying, "Very well, ma'am, 'La
Coquette,' then? your royal highness chooses 'La Coquette
corrigée?'"
"Corrigée? That never was done!" cried she, with all her sweet
good-humour, the moment she got out - and off she ran, like
lightning, to the queen's apartments.
What say you to Mr. Turbulent now?
For my part, I was greatly surprised. I had not imagined any
man, but the king or Prince of Wales, had ever ventured at a
badinage of this sort with any of the princesses; nor do I
suppose any other man ever did. Mr. Turbulent is so great a
favourite with all the royal family that he safely ventures upon
whatever he pleases, and doubtless they find, in his courage and
his rhodomontading, a novelty extremely amusing to them.
MR. TURBULENT MEETS WITH A REBUFF.
March--I must now, rather reluctantly I own, come to recite a
quarrel, a very serious quarrel, in which I have been involved
with my most extraordinary fellow-traveller. One evening at
Windsor Miss Planta left the room, while I was
Page 29
winding some silk. I was content to stay and finish the skein,
though my remaining companion was in a humour too flighty to
induce me to continue with him a moment longer. Indeed I had
avoided pretty successfully all tête-à-têetes with him since the
time when his eccentric genius led to such eccentric conduct in
our long conference in the last month.
This time, however, when I had done my work, he protested I
should stay and chat with him. I pleaded business--letters--
hurry--all in vain: he would listen to nothing, and when I tried
to move was so tumultuous in his opposition, that I was obliged
to re-seat myself to appease him.
A flow of compliments followed, every one of which I liked less
and less; but his spirits seemed uncontrollable, and, I suppose,
ran away with all that ought to check them. I laughed and
rallied as long as I possibly could, and tried to keep him in
order, by not seeming to suppose he wanted aid for that purpose:
yet still, every time I tried to rise, he stopped me, and uttered
at last Such expressions of homage--so like what Shakspeare says
of the school-boy, who makes "a sonnet on his mistress' eyebrow,"
which is always his favourite theme--that I told him his real
compliment was all to my temper, in imagining it could brook such
mockery.
This brought him once more on his knees, with such a volley of
asseverations of his sincerity, uttered with such fervour and
eloquence, that I really felt uneasy, and used every possible
means to get away from him, rallying him however all the time,
and disguising the consciousness I felt of my inability to quit
him. More and more vehement, however, he grew, till I could be
no longer passive, but forcibly rising, protested I would not
stay another minute. But you may easily imagine my astonishment
and provocation, when, hastily rising himself, he violently
seized hold of me, and compelled me to return to my chair, with a
force and a freedom that gave me as much surprise as offence.
All now became serious. Raillery, good-humour, and even
pretended ease and unconcern, were at an end. The positive
displeasure I felt I made positively known; and the voice
manner, and looks with which I insisted upon an immediate'
release were so changed from what he had ever heard or observed
in me before, that I saw him quite thunderstruck with the
alteration; and all his own violence subsiding, he begged my
pardon with the mildest humility.
He had made me too angry to grant it, and I only desired
Page 30
him to let me instantly go to my room. He ceased all personal
opposition, but going to the door, planted himself before it, and
said, "Not in wrath! I cannot let you go away in wrath!"
"You must, sir," cried I, "for I am in wrath!"
He began a thousand apologies, and as many promises of the most
submissive behaviour in future; but I stopped them all, with a
peremptory declaration that every minute he detained me made me
but the more seriously angry. His vehemence now was all changed
into strong alarm, and he opened the door, profoundly bowing, but
not speaking, as I passed him.
I am sure I need not dwell upon the uncomfortable sensations I
felt, in a check so rude and violent to the gaiety and
entertainment of an acquaintance which had promised me my best
amusement during our winter campaigns. I was now to begin upon
quite a new system, and instead of encouraging, as hitherto I had
done, everything that could lead to vivacity and spirit, I was
fain to determine upon the most distant and even forbidding
demeanour with the only life of our parties, that he might not
again forget himself.
This disagreeable conduct I put into immediate practice. I
stayed in my own room till I heard every one assembled in the
next : I was then obliged to prepare for joining them, but before
I opened the door a gentle rap at it made me call out "Who's
there?" and Mr. Turbulent looked in.
I hastily said I was coming instantly, but he advanced softly
into the room, entreating forgiveness at every step. I made no
other answer than desiring he would go, and saying I should
follow. He went back to the door, and, dropping on one knee,
said, "Miss Burney! surely you cannot be seriously angry?-'tis so
impossible you should think I meant to offend you!"
I said nothing, and did not look near him, but opened the door,
from which he retreated to make way for me, rising a little
mortified, and exclaiming, "Can you then have such real
ill-nature? How little I suspected it in you!"
"'Tis you," cried I, as I passed on, "that are ill-natured!"
I meant for forcing me into anger; but I left him to make the
meaning out, and walked into the next room. He did not
immediately follow, and he then appeared so much disconcerted
that I saw Miss Planta incessantly eyeing him, to find out what
was the matter. I assumed an unconcern I did not
Page 31
feel for I was really both provoked and sorry, foreseeing what a
breach this folly must make in the comfort of my Windsor
expeditions,
He sat down a little aloof, and entered into no
conversation all the evening;
but just as tea was over, the hunt of the next being mentioned
he suddenly, asked Miss Planta to request leave for him of the
queen to ride out with the party.
"I shall not see the queen," cried she; "you had much better ask
Miss Burney."
This was very awkward. I was in no humour to act for him at this
time, nor could he muster courage to desire it; but upon Miss
Planta's looking at each of us with some surprise, and repeating
her amendment to his proposal, he faintly said, "Would Miss
Burney be so good as to take that trouble?"
An opportunity offering favourably, I spoke at night to the
queen, and she gave leave for his attending the chase. I
intended to send this permission to Miss Planta, but I had scarce
returned to my own room from her majesty, before a rap at my door
was followed by his appearance. He stood quite aloof,
looking grave and contrite. I Immediately called out "I have
spoken, sir, to the queen, and you have her leave to go."
He bowed very profoundly, and thanked me, and was retreating, but
came back again, and advancing, assumed an air of less humility,
and exclaimed, "Allons donc, Mademoiselle, j'espère que vous
n'êtes plus si méchante qu'hier au soir!"
I said nothing; he came nearer, and, bowing upon his own hand,
held it out for mine, with a look of most respectful
Supplication. I had no intention of cutting the matter so short,
yet from shame to sustain resentment, I was compelled to hold out
a finger: he took it with a look of great gratitude, and very
reverently touching the tip of my glove with his lip, instantly
let it go, and very solemnly said, "Soyez sûr que je n'ai
jamais eu la moindre idée de vous offenser." and then he thanked
me again for his licence, and went his way.
A SURPRISE AT THE PLAY.
I had the pleasure of two or three visits from Mr. Bryant, whose
loyal regard for the king and queen makes him eagerly accept
every invitation, from the hope of seeing them in my room; and
one of the days they both came in to speak to him, and were
accompanied by the two eldest princesses, who stood
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chatting with me by the door the whole time, and saying comical
things upon royal personages in tragedies, particularly Princess
Augusta, who has a great deal of sport in her disposition. She
very gravely asserted she thought some of those princes on the
stage looked really quite as well as some she knew off it.
Once about this time I went to a play myself, which surely I may
live long enough and never forget. It was "Seduction," a very
clever piece, but containing a dreadful picture of vice and
dissipation in high life, written by Mr. Miles Andrews, with an
epilogue--O, such an epilogue! I was listening to it with
uncommon attention, from a compliment paid in it to Mrs. Montagu,
among other female writers; but imagine what became of my
attention when I suddenly was struck with these lines, or
something like them:--
Let sweet Cecilia gain your just applause, Whose every passion
yields to Reason's laws."
To hear, wholly unprepared and unsuspicious, such lines in a
theatre--seated in a royal box--and with the whole royal family
and their suite immediately opposite me--was it not a singular
circumstance? To describe my embarrassment would be impossible.
My whole head was leaning forward, with my opera glass in my
hand, examining Miss Farren, who spoke the epilogue. Instantly I
shrank back, so astonished and so ashamed of my public situation,
that I was almost ready to take to my heels and run, for it
seemed as if I were there purposely in that conspicuous place--
"To list attentive to my own applause."
The king immediately raised his opera-glass to look at me,
laughing heartily--the queen's presently took the same
direction--all the princesses looked up, and all the attendants,
and all the maids of honour!
I protest I was never more at a loss what to do with myself:
nobody was in the front row with me but Miss Goldsworthy, who
instantly seeing how I was disconcerted, prudently and
good-naturedly forbore taking any notice of me. I sat as far
back as I could, and kept my fan against the exposed profile for
the rest of the night, never once leaning forward, nor using my
glass.
None of the royal family spoke to me on this matter till a few
days after; but I heard from Mrs. Delany they had all declared
Page 33
themselves sorry for the confusion it had caused me. And some
time after the queen could not forbear saying, "I hope, Miss
Burney, YOU minded the epilogue the other night?"
And the king, very comically, said, "I took a peep at you!--I
could not help that. I wanted to see how you looked when your
father first discovered your writing--and now I think I know!"
THE KING's BIRTHDAY.
St. James's Palace, June 4-Take a little of the humours of this
day, with respect to myself, as they have arisen. I quitted my
downy pillow at half-past six o'clock, for bad habits in sickness
have lost me half an hour of every morning; and then, according
to an etiquette I discovered but on Friday night, I was quite new
dressed: for I find that, on the king's birthday, and on the
queen's, both real and nominal, two new attires, one half, the
other full dressed, are expected from all attendants that come
into the royal presence.
This first labour was happily achieved in such good time, that I
was just seated to my breakfast--a delicate bit of roll
half-eaten, and a promising dish of tea well stirred--when I
received my summons to attend the queen.
She was only with her wardrobe-woman, and accepted most
graciously a little murmuring congratulation upon the- day, which
I ventured to whisper while she looked another way. Fortunately
for me, she is always quick in conceiving what is meant, and
never wastes time in demanding what is said. She told me she had
bespoke Miss Planta to attend at the grand toilette at St.
James's, as she saw my strength still diminished by my late
illness. Indeed it still is, though in all other respects I am
perfectly well.
The queen wore a very beautiful dress, of a new manufacture, of
worked muslin, thin, fine, and clear, as the chambery gauze. I
attended her from the blue closet, in which she dresses, through
the rooms that lead to the breakfast apartment. In One of these
while she stopped for her hair-dresser to finish her head-dress,
the king joined her. She spoke to him in German, and he kissed
her hand.
The three elder princesses came in soon after: they all went up,
with congratulatory smiles and curtsies, to their royal father,
who kissed them very affectionately; they then, as usual every
Morning, kissed the queen's hand. The door was thrown open
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to the breakfast-room, which is a noble apartment, fitted up with
some of Vandyke's best works; and the instant the king, who led
the way, entered, I was surprised by a sudden sound of music, and
found that a band of musicians were stationed there to welcome
him. The princesses followed, but Princess Elizabeth turned
round to me to say she could hardly bear the sound: it was the
first morning of her coming down to breakfast for many months, as
she had had that repast in her own room ever since her dangerous
illness. It overcame her, she said, more than the dressing, more
than the early rising, more than the whole of the hurry and
fatigue of all the rest of a public birthday. She loves the king
most tenderly; and there is a something in receiving any person
who is loved, by sudden music, that I can easily conceive to be
very trying to the nerves.
Princess Augusta came back to cheer and counsel her; she begged
her to look out at the window, to divert her thoughts, and said
she would place her where the sound might be less affecting to
her.
A lively "How d'ye do, Miss Burney? I hope you are quite well
now?" from the sweet Princess Mary, who was entering the
ante-room, made me turn from her two charming sisters; she passed
on to the breakfast, soon followed by Princess Sophia, and then a
train of their governesses, Miss Goldsworthy, Mademoiselle
Montmoulin, and Miss Gomme, all in full dress, with fans. We
reciprocated little civilities, and I had then the pleasure to
see little Princess Amelia, with Mrs. Cheveley, who brought up
the rear. Never, in tale or fable, were there six sister
princesses more lovely.
As I had been extremely distressed upon the queen's birthday, in
January, where to go or how to act, and could obtain no
information from my coadjutrix, I now resolved to ask for
directions from the queen herself; and she readily gave them, in
a manner to make this day far more comfortable to me than the
last. She bade me dress as fast as I could, and go to St.
James', by eleven o'clock; but first come into the room to her.
Then followed my grand toilette. The hair-dresser was waiting
for me, and he went to work first, and I second, with all our
might and main. When my adorning tasks were accomplished, I went
to the blue closet. No one was there, I then hesitated whether
to go back or seek the queen. I have a dislike insuperable to
entering a royal presence, except by an
Page 35
immediate Summons: however, the directions I had had prevailed,
and I- went into the adjoining apartment. There stood Madame de
la Fite! she was talking in a low voice with M. de Luc. They
told me the queen was in the next room, and on I went.
She was seated at a glass, and the hair-dresser was putting on
her jewels, while a clergyman in his canonicals was standing
near and talking to her. I imagined him some bishop unknown to
me, and stopped; the queen looked round, and called out "it's
Miss Burney!--come in, Miss Burney." in I came, curtseying
respectfully to a bow from the canonicals, but I found not out
till he answered something said by the queen, that it was no
other than Mr. Turbulent.
Madame de la Fite then presented herself at the door (which was
open for air) of the ante-room. The queen bowed to her, and said
she would see her presently: she retired, and her majesty, in a
significant low voice, said to me, "Do go to her, and keep her
there a little!" I obeyed, and being now in no fright nor hurry,
entered into conversation with her sociably and comfortably.
I then went to St. James's. The queen was most brilliant in
attire; and when she was arrayed, Mr. West(233) was allowed to
enter the dressing-room, in order to give his opinion of the
disposition -of her jewels, which indeed were arranged with great
taste and effect.
The three princesses, Princess Royal, Augusta, and Elizabeth,
were all very splendidly decorated, and looked beautiful. They
are indeed uncommonly handsome, each in their different Way-the
princess royal for figure, the Princess Augusta for countenance,
and the Princess Elizabeth for face.
THE EQUERRIES: COLONEL MANNERS.
Friday, June 8-This day we came to Windsor for the Summer, during
which we only go to town for a Drawing-room once a fortnight, and
to Kew in the way. Mrs. Schwellenberg remained in town, not well
enough to move.
The house now was quite full, the king having ordered a party to
it for the Whitsun holidays. This party was Colonel
page 36
Manners, the equerry in waiting; Colonel Ramsden, a good-humoured
and well-bred old officer of the king's household; Colonels
Wellbred and Goldsworthy, and General Budé.
Colonel Ramsden is gentle and pleasing, but very silent; General
Budé is always cheerful, but rises not above a second; Colonel
Hotham has a shyness that looks haughty, and therefore distances;
Colonel Goldsworthy reserves his sport and humour for particular
days and particular favourites; and Colonel Wellbred draws back
into himself unless the conversation promises either instruction
or quiet pleasure; nor would any one of these, during the whole
time, speak at all, but to a next neighbour, nor even then,
except when that neighbour suited his fancy.
You must not, however, imagine we had no public speakers; M. del
Campo harangued aloud to whoever was willing to listen, and
Colonel Manners did the same, without even waiting for that
proviso. Colonel Manners, however, I must introduce to you by a
few specimens: he is so often, in common with all the equerries,
to appear on the scene, that I wish you to make a particular
acquaintance with him.
One evening, when we were all, as usual, assembled, he began a
discourse upon the conclusion of his waiting, which finishes with
the end of June:--"Now I don't think," cried he, "that it's well
managed: here we're all in waiting for three months at a time,
and then for nine months there's nothing!"
"Cry your mercy!" cried Colonel Goldsworthy, "if three months-
-three whole months--are not enough for you, pray take a few more
from mine to make up your market!"
"No, no, I don't mean that;--but why can't we have our waitings
month by month?--would not that be better?"
"I think not!--we should then have no time unbroken."
"Well, but would not that be better than what it is now? Why,
we're here so long, that when one goes away nobody knows one!--
one has quite to make a new acquaintance! Why, when I first come
out of waiting, I never know where to find anybody!"
The Ascot races were held at this time; the royal family were to
be at them one or two of the days. Colonel Manners earnestly
pressed Miss Port to be there. Colonel Goldsworthy said it was
quite immaterial to him who was there, for when he was attending
royalty he never presumed to think of any private comfort.
"Well, I don't see that!" cried Colonel Manners,--"for if
Page 37
I was you, and not in my turn for waiting, I should go about just
as I liked;--but now, as for me, as it happens to be my own turn,
Why I think it right to be civil to the king."
We all looked round;--but Colonel Goldsworthy broke forth aloud--
"Civil, quotha?" cried he; "Ha! ha! civil, forsooth!--You're
mighty condescending!--the first equerry I ever heard talk of his
civility to the king!--'Duty,' and 'respect,' and 'humble
reverence,'--those are words we are used to,--but here come you
with Your civility!----Commend me to such affability!"
you see he is not spared; but Colonel Goldsworthy is the wag
professed of their community, and privileged to say what he
pleases. The other, with the most perfect good-humour, accepted
the joke, without dreaming of taking offence at the sarcasm.
Another evening the king sent for Colonel Ramsden to play at
backgammon.
"Happy, happy man!" exclaimed Colonel Goldsworthy, exultingly;
but scarce had he uttered the words ere he was summoned to follow
himself. "What! already!" cried he,--"without even my tea! Why
this is worse and worse!--no peace in Israel!--only one half hour
allowed for comfort, and now that's swallowed! Well, I must
go;--make my complaints aside, and my bows and smiles in full
face!"
Off he went, but presently, in a great rage, came back, and,
while he drank a hot dish of tea which I instantly presented him,
kept railing at his stars for ever bringing him under a royal
roof. "If it had not been for a puppy," cried he, "I had never
got off even to scald my throat in this manner But they've just
got a dear little new ugly dog: so one puppy gave Way to t'other,
and I just left them to kiss and hug it, while I stole off to
drink this tea! But this is too much!---no peace for a moment!--
no peace in Israel!"
When this was passed, Colonel Wellbred renewed some of the
conversation of the preceding day with me; and, just as he named
Dr. Herschel Colonel Manners broke forth with his dissenting
opinions. "I don't give up to Dr. Herschel at all," cried he;
"he is all system; and so they are all: and if they can but make
out their systems, they don't care a pin for anything else. As
to Herschel, I liked him well enough till he came to his
volcanoes in the moon, and then I gave him up, I saw he was just
like the rest. How should he know anything Of the matter?
There's no such thing as pretending to measure, at such a
distance as that?"
Page 38
Colonel Wellbred, to whom I looked for an answer, instead of
making any, waited in quiet silence till he had exhausted all he
had to say upon the subject, and then, turning to me, made some
inquiry about the Terrace, and went on to other general matters.
But, some time after, when all were engaged, and this topic
seemed quite passed, he calmly began, in general terms, to lament
that the wisest and best of people were always so little honoured
or understood in their own time, and added that he had no doubt
but Sir Isaac Newton had been as much scoffed and laughed at
formerly as Herschel was now; but concluded, in return,
Herschel, hereafter, would be as highly reverenced as Sir Isaac
was at present. . . .
We had then some discourse upon dress and fashions. Virtuosos
being next named, Colonel Manners inveighed against them quite
violently, protesting they all wanted common honour and honesty;
and to complete the happy subject, he instanced, in particular,
Sir William Hamilton, who, he declared, had absolutely robbed
both the king and state of Naples!
After this, somebody related that, upon the heat in the air being
mentioned to Dr. Heberden, he had answered that he supposed it
proceeded from the last eruption in the volcano in the moon:
"Ay," cried Colonel Manners, "I suppose he knows as much of the
matter as the rest of them: if you put a candle at the end of a
telescope, and let him look at it, he'll say, what an eruption
there is in the moon! I mean if Dr, Herschel would do it to him;
I don't say he would think so from such a person as me."
"But Mr. Bryant himself has seen this volcano from the
telescope."
"Why, I don't mind Mr. Bryant any more than Dr. Heberden: he's
just as credulous as t'other."
I wanted to ask by what criterion he settled these points in so
superior a manner:--but I thought it best to imitate the silence
of Colonel Wellbred, who constantly called a new subject, upon
every pause, to avoid all argument and discussion while the
good-humoured Colonel Manners was just as ready to start forward
in the new subject, as he had been in that which had been set
aside.
One other evening I invited Madame de la Fite: but it did not
prove the same thing; they have all a really most undue dislike
of her, and shirk her conversation and fly to one another, to
discourse on hunting and horses.
Page 39
THE DUCHESS DE POLIGNAC AT WINDSOR.
The following Sunday, June 17, I was tempted to go on the
Terrace, in order to se the celebrated Madame de Polignac,(234)
and her daughter, Madame de Guiche. They were to be presented,
with the Duke de Polignac, to their majesties, upon the Terrace.
Their rank entitled them to this distinction; and the Duchess of
Ancaster, to whom they had been extremely courteous abroad, came
to Windsor to introduce them. They were accompanied to the
Terrace by Mrs. Harcourt and the general 'with whom they were
also well acquainted.
They went to the place of rendezvous at six o'clock; the royal
party followed about seven, and was very brilliant upon the
occasion. The king and queen led the way, and the Prince of
Wales, who came purposely to honour the interview, appeared at it
also, in the king's Windsor uniform. Lady Weymouth was in
waiting upon the queen. The Duchess of Ancaster, Lady Charlotte
Bertie, and Lady Elizabeth Waldegrave, with some other ladies, I
think, attended: but the two eldest princesses, to the very great
detriment of the scenery, were ill, and remained at home.
Princess Elizabeth and Mary were alone in the queen's suite.
I went with Miss Port and Mrs. and Miss Heberden. The crowd was
so great, it was difficult to move. Their majesties and their
train occupied a large space, and their attendants
Page 40
had no easy task in keeping them from being incommoded by the
pressing of the people. They stopped to converse with these
noble travellers for more than an hour. Madame la Duchesse de
Polignac is a very well-looking woman, and Madame de Guiche is
very pretty. There were other ladies and gentlemen in their
party. But I was much amused by their dress, which they meant
should be entirely `a l'Angloise--for which purpose they had put
on plain undress gowns, with close ordinary black silk bonnets! I
am sure they must have been quite confused when they saw the
queen and princesses, with their ladies, who were all dressed
with uncommon care, and very splendidly.
But I was glad, at least, they should all witness, and report,
the reconciliation of the king and the Prince of Wales, who
frequently spoke together, and were both in good spirits.
COLONEL MANNERS' MUSICAL ACCOMPLISHMENTS.
Miss Port and myself had, afterwards, an extremely risible
evening with Colonels Goldsworthy, Wellbred, and Manners the rest
were summoned away to the king, or retired to their own
apartments. Colonel Wellbred began the sport, undesignedly, by
telling me something new relative to Dr. Herschel's volcanoes.
This was enough for Colonel Manners, who declared aloud his utter
contempt for such pretended discoveries. He was deaf to all that
could be said in answer, and protested he wondered how any man of
common sense could ever listen to such a pack of stuff.
Mr. de Luc's opinion upon the subject being then mentioned--he
exclaimed, very disdainfully, "O, as to Mr. de Luc, he's another
man for a system himself, and I'd no more trust him than anybody:
if you was only to make a little bonfire, and put it upon a hill
a little way off, you might make him take it for a volcano
directly!--And Herschel's not a bit better. Those sort of
philosophers are the easiest taken in in the world."
Our next topic was still more ludicrous. Colonel Manners asked
me if I had not heard something, very harmonious at church in the
morning? I answered I was too far off, if he meant from himself.
"Yes," said he; "I was singing with Colonel Wellbred; and he said
he was my second.--How did I do that song?"
"Song?--Mercy!" exclaimed Colonel Goldsworthy, "a song at
church!--why it was the 104th Psalm!"
Page 41
"But how did I do it, Wellbred; for I never tried at it before?"
"why--pretty well," answered Colonel Wellbred, very composedly;
"Only now and then you run me a little into 'God save the king.'"
This dryness discomposed every muscle but of Colonel Manners, who
replied, with great simplicity, "Why, that's because that's the
tune I know best!"
"At least," cried I, "'twas a happy mistake to make so near their
majesties."
"But: pray, now, Colonel Wellbred, tell me sincerely)--could you
really make out what I was singing?"
"O yes," answered Colonel Wellbred; "with the words."
"Well, but pray, now, what do you call my voice?"
"Why--a--a--a counter-tenor."
"Well, and is that a good voice?"
There was no resisting,-even the quiet Colonel Wellbred could not
resist laughing out here. But Colonel Manners, quite at his
ease, continued his self-discussion.
"I do think, now, if I was to have a person to play over a thing
to me again and again, and then let me sing it, and stop me every
time I was wrong, I do think I should be able to sing 'God save
the king' as well as some ladies do, that have always people to
show them."
"You have a good chance then here," cried I, "of singing some
pieces of Handel, for I am sure you hear them again and again!"
"Yes, but that is not the thing for though I hear them do it' so
often over, they don't stop for me to sing it after them, and
then to set me right. Now I'll try if you'll know what this is."
He then began humming aloud, "My soul praise," etc., so very
horribly, that I really found all decorum at an end, and laughed,
with Miss Port, `a qui mieux mieux. Too much engaged to mind
this, he very innocently, when he had done, applied to us all
round for our opinions.
Miss Port begged him to sing another, and asked for that he had
spouted the other day, "Care, thou bane of love and joy."
He instantly complied; and went on, in such shocking, discordant
and unmeaning sounds, that nothing in a farce could be more
risible: in defiance however of all interruptions, he Continued
till he had finished one stanza; when Colonel Goldsworthy loudly
called out,--"There,--there's enough!--have mercy!"
Page 42
"Well, then, now I'll try something else."
"O, no!" cried Colonel Goldsworthy, hastily, "thank you, thank
you for this,-but I won't trouble you for more--I'll not bear
another word."
Colonel Wellbred then, with an affected seriousness, begged to
know, since he took to singing, what he should do for a shake,
which was absolutely indispensable.
"A shake?" he repeated, "what do you mean?"
"Why--a shake with the voice, such as singers make."
"Why, how must I do it?"
"O, really, I cannot tell you."
"Why, then, I'll try myself--is it so?"
And he began such a harsh hoarse noise, that Colonel Goldsworthy
exclaimed, between every other sound,--"No, no,--no more!" While
Colonel Wellbred professed teaching him, and gave such ridiculous
lessons and directions,-now to stop short, now to swell,-now to
sink the voice, etc., etc., that, between the master and the
scholar, we were almost demolished.
MRS. SCHWELLENBERG'S "LUMP OF LEATHER."
Tuesday, June 19.-We were scarcely all arranged at tea when
Colonel Manners eagerly said, "Pray, Mrs. Schwellenberg, have you
lost anything?"
"Me?--no, not I
"No?--what, nothing?"
"Not I!"
"Well, then, that's very odd! for I found something that had your
name writ upon it."
"My name? and where did you find that?"
"Why--it was something I found in my bed."
"In your bed?--O, very well! that is reelly comeecal?"
"And pray what was it?" cried Miss Port.
"Why--a great large, clumsy lump of leather."
"Of leadder, sir?--of leadder? What was that for me?"
"Why, ma'am, it was so big and so heavy, it was as much as I
could do to lift it!"
"Well, that was nothing from me! when it was so heavy, you might
let it alone!"
"But, ma'am, Colonel Wellbred said it was somewhat of yours."
Page 43
"Of mine?--O, ver well! Colonel Wellbred might not say such
thing! I know nothing, Sir, from your leadder, nor from your
bed, sir,--not I!"
"Well, ma'am, then your maid does. Colonel Wellbred says he
supposes it was she."
"Upon my vord! Colonel Wellbred might not say such things from my
maid! I won't not have it so!"
"O yes, ma'am; Colonel Wellbred says she often does SO. He says
she's a very gay lady."
She was quite too much amazed to speak: one of her maids, Mrs.
Arline, is a poor humble thing, that would not venture to jest, I
believe, with the kitchen maid, and the other has never before
been at Windsor.
"But what was it?" cried Miss Port.
"Why, I tell you--a great, large lump of leather, with 'Madame
Schwellenberg' wrote upon it. However, I've ordered it to be
sold."
"To be sold? How will you have it sold, Sir? You might tell me
that, when you please."
"Why, by auction, ma'am."
"By auction, Sir? What, when it had my name upon it? Upon my
vord!--how come you to do dat, sir? Will you tell me, once?"
"Why, I did it for the benefit of my man, ma'am, that he might
have the money."
"But for what is your man to have it, when it is mine?"
"Because, ma'am, it frightened him so."
"O, ver well! Do you rob, sir? Do you take what is not your own,
but others', sir, because your man is frightened?"
"O yes, ma'am! We military men take all we can get!"
"What! in the king's house, Sir!"
"Why then, ma'am, what business had it in my bed? My room's my
castle: nobody has a right there. My bed must be my treasury;
and here they put me a thing into it big enough to be a bed
itself."----
"O! vell! (much alarmed) it might be my bed-case, then!"
(Whenever Mrs. Schwellenberg travels, she carries her bed in a
large black leather case, behind her servants' carriage.)
" Very likely, ma'am."
"Then, sir," very angrily, "how Come you by it?"
"Why, I'll tell you, ma'am. I was just going to bed; so MY
servant took one candle, and I had the other. I had just had my
hair done, and my curls were just rolled up, and he
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was going away; but I turned about, by accident, and I saw a
great lump in my bed; so I thought it was my clothes.
'What do you put them there for?' says I. 'Sir,' says he, 'it
looks as if there was a drunken man in the bed.' 'A drunken
man?' says I; 'Take the poker, then, and knock him on the head!'"
"Knock him on the head?" interrupted Mrs. Schwellenberg, "What!
when it might be some innocent person? Fie! Colonel Manners. I
thought you had been too good-natured for such thing--to poker
the people in the king's house!"
"Then what business have they to get into my bed, ma'am? So then
my man looked nearer, and he said, 'Sir, why, here's your
night-cap and here's the pillow!--and here's a great, large lump
of leather!' 'Shovel it all out!' says I. 'Sir,' says he, 'It's
Madame Schwellenberg's! here's her name on it.' 'Well, then,'
says I, 'sell it, to-morrow, to the saddler.'"
"What! when you knew it was mine, sir? Upon my vord, you been ver
good!" (bowing very low).
"Well, ma'am, it's all Colonel Wellbred, I dare say; so, suppose
you and I were to take the law of him?"
"Not I, sir!" (Scornfully).
"Well, but let's write him a letter, then, and frighten him:
let's tell him it's sold, and he must make it good. You and I'll
do it together."
"No, sir; you might do it yourself. I am not so familiar to
write to gentlemens."
"Why then, you shall only sign it, and I'll frank it."
Here the entrance of some new person stopped the discussion.
Happy in his success, he began, the next day, a new device: he
made an attack in politics, and said, he did not doubt but Mr.
Hastings would come to be hanged; though, he assured us,
afterwards, he was firmly his friend, and believed no such
thing.(236)
Even with this not satisfied, he next told her that he had just
heard Mr. Burke was in Windsor. Mr. Burke is the name
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in the world most obnoxious, both for his Reform bill,(237) which
deeply affected all the household, and for his prosecution of Mr.
Hastings; she therefore declaimed against him very warmly.
"Should you like to know him, ma'am?" cried he.
"Me?--No; not I."
"Because, I dare say, ma'am, I have interest enough with him to
procure you his acquaintance. Shall I bring him to the Lodge to
see you?"
"When you please, sir, you might keep him to yourself!"
Well, then, he shall come and dine with me,'and after it drink
tea with you."
"No, no, not I! You might have him all to yourself."
"but if he comes, you must make his tea."
"There is no such 'must,' sir! I do it for my pleasure--only
when I please, sir!"
At night, when we were separating, he whispered Miss Port that he
had something else in store for the next meeting, when he
intended to introduce magnetising.
MRS. SCHWELLENBERG's FROGS.
July 2.-What a stare was drawn from our new equerry(238) by Major
Price's gravely asking Mrs. Schwellenberg, after the health of
her frogs? She answered they were very well, and the major said,
" You must know, Colonel Gwynn, Mrs. Schwellenberg keeps a pair
of frogs,"
"Of frogs?--pray what do they feed upon?"
"Flies, sir," she answered.
"And pray, ma'am, what food have they in winter?"
"Nothing other."
The stare was now still wider.
"But I can make them croak when I will," she added, "when I only
go so to my snuff-box, knock, knock, knock, they croak all what I
please."
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"Very pretty, indeed!" exclaimed Colonel Goldsworthy.
"I thought to have some spawn," she continued; "but then Maria
Carlton, what you call Lady Doncaster, came and frightened them;
I was never so angry!"
"I am sorry for that," cried the major, very seriously, "for else
I should have begged a pair."
"So you meant, ma'am, to have had a breed of them," cried Colonel
Goldsworthy; "a breed of young frogs? Vastly clever, indeed!;
Then followed a formal enumeration of their virtues and endearing
little qualities, which made all laugh except the new equerry,
who sat in perfect amaze.
Then, suddenly, she stopped short, and called out, "There! now I
have told you all this, you might tell something to me. I have
talked enoff; now you might amuse me."
July 19.-In the afternoon, while I was working in Mrs.
Schwellenberg's room, Mr. Turbulent entered, to summon Miss
Planta to the princesses; and, in the little while of executing
that simple commission, he made such use of his very ungovernable
and extraordinary eyes, that the moment he was gone, Mrs.
Schwellenberg demanded "for what he looked so at me?"
I desired to know what she meant.
"Why, like when he was so cordial with you? Been you acquainted?"
"O, yes!" cried I, "I spent three hours twice a-week upon the
road with him and Miss Planta, all the winter; and three or four
dinners and afternoons besides."
"O that's nothing! that's no acquaintance at all. I have had
people to me, to travel and to dine, fourteen and fifteen years,
and yet they been never so cordial!"
This was too unanswerable for reply; but it determined me to try
at some decided measure for restraining or changing looks and
behaviour that excited such comments. And I thought my safest
way would be fairly and frankly to tell him this very inquiry.
It might put him upon his guard from such foolishness, without
any more serious effort.
July 20.-This evening Mrs. Schwellenberg was not well, and sent
to desire I would receive the gentlemen to tea, and make her
apologies. I immediately summoned my lively, and lovely young
companion, Miss Port, who hastens at every call with
good-humoured delight.
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We had really a pleasant evening, though simply from the absence
of spleen and jealousy, which seemed to renew and invigorate the
spirits of all present: namely, General Budé, Signor del Campo,
and Colonel Gwynn. They all stayed very late but when they made
their exit, I dismissed my gay assistant and thought it incumbent
on me to show myself upstairs; a reception was awaiting me!--so
grim! But, what O heaven! how depressing, how cruel, to be
fastened thus on an associate so exigeante, so tyrannical, and so
ill-disposed!
I feared to blame the equerries for having detained me, as they
were already so much out of favour. I only, therefore, mentioned
M. del Campo, who, as a foreign minister, might be allowed so
much civility as not to be left to himself: for I was openly
reproached- that I had not quitted them to hasten to her!
Nothing, however, availed; and after vainly trying to appease
her, I was obliged to go to my own room, to be in attendance for
my royal summons.
July 21.-I resolved to be very meek and patient, as I do, now and
then, when I am good, and to bear this hard trial of causeless
offence without resentment; and, therefore, I went this afternoon
as soon as I had dined, and sat and worked, and forced
conversation, and did my best, but with very indifferent success;
when, most perversely, who should be again announced -but Mr.
Turbulent. As I believe the visit was not, just after those
"cordial" looks, supposed to be solely for the lady of the
apartment, his reception was no better than mine had been the
preceding days! He did not, however, regard it, but began a
talk, in which he made it his business to involve me, by
perpetual reference to my opinion. This did not much conciliate
matters; and his rebuffs, from time to time, were so little
ceremonious, that nothing but the most confirmed contempt could
have kept off an angry resentment. I could sometimes scarcely
help laughing at his utterly careless returns to an imperious
haughtiness, vainly meant to abash and distance him. I took the
earliest moment in my power to quit the room and the reproach
with which he looked at my exit, for leaving him to such a
tête-à-tête, was quite risible. He knew he could not, in
decency, run away immediately, to and he seemed ready to commit
some desperate act for having drawn himself into such a
difficulty. I am always rejoiced when his flights and follies
bring their own punishment.
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MR. TURBULENT'S ANTICS.
July 25-Mr. Turbulent amused himself this morning with giving me
yet another panic. He was ordered to attend the queen during her
hair-dressing, as was Mr. de Luc. I remained in the room the
queen conversed with us all three, as occasions arose, with the
utmost complacency; but this person, instead of fixing there his
sole attention, contrived, by standing behind her chair, and
facing me, to address a language of signs to me the whole time,
casting up his eyes, clasping ],is hands, and placing himself in
various fine attitudes, and all with a humour so burlesque, that
it was impossible to take it either ill or seriously. Indeed,
when I am on the very point of the most alarmed displeasure with
him, he always falls upon some such ridiculous devices of
affected homage, that I grow ashamed of my anger, and hurry it
over, lest he should perceive it, and attribute it to a
misunderstanding he might think ridiculous in his turn.
How much should I have been discountenanced had her majesty
turned about and perceived him!
(230) Colonel Greville, called in the "Diary" "Colonel Wellbred,"
one of the king's equerries, whom M. de Guiffardiere ("Mr.
Turbulent") was particularly anxious to introduce to Miss
Burney.-ED.
(231) I "The Paston Letters" were first published, from the
original manuscripts, in 1787. They were chiefly written by or
to members of the Paston family in Norfolk during the reigns of
Henry VI., Edward IV., Richard III., and Henry VII. The letter
above alluded to is No. 91 in the collection. It is a letter of
good Counsel to his young son, written in a very tender and
religious strain, by the Duke of Suffolk, on the 30th of April,
1450, the day on which he quitted England to undergo his five
years' banishment. The duke had been impeached of high treason,
and condemned to this term of banishment, through the king's
interposition, to save him from a worse fate. But his fate was
not to be eluded. He set sail on the 30th of April, was taken on
the sea by his enemies, and beheaded on the 2nd of May
following.-ED.
(232) Miss Burney had obtained the tacit consent of the queen
that M. de Guiffardiere should travel occasionally with the
equerries, instead of taking his usual place in the coach
assigned to the keepers of the robes. Her real motive in making
the application had been a desire to see less of this boisterous
gentleman, but she had put it upon his attachment to Colonel
Greville-ED.
(233) Benjamin -west, R.A., who succeeded Reynolds as President
of the Royal Academy, on the death of the latter in 1792. This
mediocre painter was a prodigious favourite with George III., for
whom many of his works were executed.-ED.
(234) The Duchess Jules de Polignac, the celebrated favourite of
Marie Antoinette. She and her husband, who had been raised by
the queen from a condition of positive poverty, were hated in
France, both as Court favourites, and on account of the wealth
which, it was believed, they had taken advantage of their
position to amass. "Mille 6cus," cried Mirabeau, "A la famille
d'Assas pour avoir sauv6 l'etat; un million a la famille Polignac
pour l'avoir perdu!"
The ostensible object of the duches,'s visit to England was to
drink the Bath Waters, but there are good grounds for believing
that her real purpose was to make an arrangement with M. de la
Motte for the suppression of some scurrilous Memoirs which it was
rumoured his wife had written, and in which, among other things,
Marie Antoinette was accused of being the principal culprit in
the notorious Diamond Necldace fraud. M. de la Motte states in
his autobiography that he met the Duchess Jules and her
Sister-in-law, the Countess Diane, at the Duchess of Devonshire's
(the beautiful Georgiana), at the request of the latter, when
certain overtures were made to him, and trustworthy authorities
assert that a large sum of money was afterwards paid to the De la
Mottes, to suppress the Memoirs which were however eventually
published. When the French Revolution broke out the Polignacs
were among the first to emigrate. The duchess died at Vienna in
December, 1793, a few months after Marie Antoinette had perished
on the scaffold.-ED.
(235) Mrs. Schwellenberg had returned to Windsor the day
before.-ED.
(236) The storm had been gathering round Hastings ever since his
return to England in June, 1785, within a week of which Burke had
given notice in the House of Commons of a motion affecting the
conduct of the late Governor-General in India. His impeachment
was voted in May, 1787, and preparations for his trial were now
going actively forward. We shall find hereafter, in the Diary,
some sketches, from Fanny's point of view, of scenes in this
famous trial, which commenced in February, 1788.-ED.
(237) This was an old grievance. In 1780 Burke had introduced a
hill "for the better regulation of his majesty's civil
establishments, and of certain public offices; for the limitation
of pensions, and the suppression of sundry useless, expensive and
inconvenient places; and for applying the monies saved thereby to
the public service." The bill was defeated at the time, but was
re-introduced with certain alterations, and finally passed both
houses by a large majority in 1782.-ED.
(238) Colonel Gwynn who had just arrived at Windsor to succeed
Colonel Manners in the office of equerry in waiting to the King.
Colonel Gwynn was the husband of Mary Horneck, Goldsmith's
"Jessamy Bride."-ED.
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