Rob him! fleece him! gag him! seize him!
Drive him from his country place.
Of his right of tenure ease him;
Call him "Brigand" to his face!
OWNER OF THE PROPERTY (_recitative_).
Oh, outrage horrible
And entirely unsatisfactory,
Thus to fasten with salutations
Eminently unpalatable
On the defenceless monied one of the County!
Know ye not that my venerated sire,
A Soap-boiler successful in his line of business
Beyond his wildest visions,
Purchased for eighty thousand pounds sterling,
These acres, as an investment
Speculative and commercial.
Say, then, is it reasonable that I,
His hopeful heir and offspring,
Should be defrauded of what,
At present prices agricultural,
Is but a return dim and disappointing
On his original outlay.
Why call me "Brigand"? Tell me why?
MR. JOSEPH ARCH (_con fuoco_).
Your father had no right to buy,
And, as the land to HODGE is due,
We take it thus by force from you!
_A Crowd of Radical Land Reformers rush in, and seizing on the property,
hew down the timber, cut away the brushwood, and parcel it out into
small allotments._
OWNER OF THE PROPERTY (_con animo_).
And is there for no compensation room?
Mr. JOSEPH ARCH.
No! none! And now, behold the Brigand's doom!
[_Points triumphantly to the work at the back, while he waves the
draft of a new Act of Parliament over the prostrate form of the_
Owner of the Property, _as the Curtain slowly descends_.
* * * * *
[Illustration: "MUFTI."
_Materfamilias (flurried)._ "OH, PLEASE, WILL MR. CHARKLE COME TO OUR
HOUSE DIRECTLY--THE SOOT IS FALLING INTO THE NURSERY, AND----"
_Mrs. Charkle._ "CERTAINLY, M'UM. LEASTWAYS MY 'USBAND _AIN'T IN BLACK_
HISSELF TO-DAY, M'UM, BUT I'LL SEND SOMEBODY AT ONCE, M'UM!"]
* * * * *