Pepperpot--Doctor Jogtrot (_JOGTROT bows ceremoniously to JACK, who
gives him a familiar nod in return_).
JOGTROT. I merely precede my esteemed young friend Mr. Chirper by a
few minutes. Need I say I should not presume to present him as a
competitor for the hand of this charming young lady (_bowing to
JESSIE_), had I not discovered in his person qualities of the most
solid description.
JACK. Solid--eh? I see! inclined to be stout--eh?
JOGTROT (_after a stare at JACK, and turning to MRS. T. again_). In
fact, I am proud to say that Mr. Chirper is, in the strictest sense of
the word, a serious young man!
JACK (_aside_). Wheugh! I sha'n't be able to stand much more of
Jogtrot! I feel I sha'n't.
MRS. T. No doubt I shall grieve to part with Jessie; but as my nephew
has left the army, I shall not be entirely alone.
JOGTROT (_to JACK_). You are a military man, sir?
JACK (_who has been showing a gradual irritation_). I _was_--till I
left the army.
JOGTROT. Left the army? Allow me to congratulate you on your having
done so, sir!
JACK (_trying to keep cool_). May I ask _why?_
JOGTROT (_in a supercilious tone_). Because, between ourselves, sir, I
consider the military profession--
JACK (_bristling up_). Well, sir, what about the military profession?
Anything to say _against_ the military profession? (_advancing on
JOGTROT, who retreats_).
MRS. T. (_aside to JACK_). Don't be so pugnacious, Jack! Recollect,
you're not at the siege of Sebastopol now!
JOGTROT (_overhearing them, eagerly_). The siege of Sebastopol?
MRS. T. Yes, doctor, my nephew was there during the whole campaign!
JOGTROT (_to JACK_). Now, sir, it may be in your power to furnish me
with the most interesting statistical information. Can you form any
tolerable accurate estimate of the number of projectiles of various
kinds and dimensions discharged from the Russian batteries from the
beginning of the siege to the end?
JACK. Frankly, my dear sir, I'm ashamed to say I never thought of
counting them. (_Aside to MRS. TARLETAN._) I wish to speak with all
possible respect of this retired chemist and druggist of yours, but
he's simply an inflated idiot!
JOGTROT. But to return to Mr. Chirper.
JACK. Yes, give us a little more about Dicky!
JOGTROT (_astonished_). Dicky?
JACK. Yes, same thing! Chirpers are all Dickies--Dickies, Chirpers,
don't you see? Go on!
_MARTHA, entering at L._
MARTHA. A gentleman, ma'am, sent in his card (_giving card to MRS.
TARLETAN_).
MRS. T. (_reading_). "Mr. Christopher Chirper." Show the gentleman in.
(_MARTHA goes to C., shows in CHIRPER, and then exits._)
_Enter CHIRPER, in a similar costume to JOGTROT._
JOGTROT (_meeting CHIRPER, and handing him forward and presenting
him_). Allow me, Mrs. Tarletan--Mr. Christopher Chirper. Miss
Jessie--Mr. Christopher Chirper. (_To JACK._) Sir, Mr. Christopher
Chirper. (_CHIRPER bows very solemnly to each._)
JACK (_aside_). A cheerful-looking youth, very! one part waiter, three
parts undertaker!
MRS. T. (_to CHIRPER_). The flattering terms in which Dr. Jogtrot has
spoken of you more than suffice to insure you a hearty welcome!
CHIRP. (_bowing_). I trust, madam, I may merit the favorable opinion
of my distinguished friend! Permit me to say, I am not one of those
giddy, thoughtless butterflies who consume their mental and moral
faculties in mundane futilities.
JACK (_after a long stare at CHIRPER--then aside_). He's not a man,
he's a tract. (_Aside to JESSIE, as he goes towards table._) Lively
boy, isn't he, Jessie? (_Sits and turns over leaves of an album._)
CHIRP. My mode of life is simplicity itself. I rise at seven--
JACK. Oh, confound it!--hang it!--dash it! (_turning over leaves
rapidly_).
CHIRP. Breakfast at eight--a slice of bread, a cup of milk; that
constitutes my heartiest meal. I then walk for an hour in the square;
dine at six.
JACK (_who has come down again_). Another cup of milk? You ought to
keep a cow, Chirper, in the square.
CHIRP. I then plunge into my favorite studies, till I retire to my
pillow. Such is my life, madam.
JACK. And a very jolly one, too, I should say, Chirper.
CHIRP. Ladies, I must now request permission to retire. I am due at
the Philotechnic Institution.
MRS. T. (_to CHIRPER_). You'll return to luncheon, I hope?
JACK. Of course he will. (_To CHIRPER._) Of course you will
(_thrusting CHIRPER'S hat and umbrella into his hands_). I'll see
there's an extra ha'porth of milk taken in for you (_putting CHIRPER'S
hat on his head_).
[_CHIRPER and JOGTROT bow to JESSIE and exeunt at C., MRS.
TARLETAN going up stage with them._
MRS. T. (_coming down_). A very, very agreeable young man indeed.
JESSIE (_satirically_). Yes; so remarkably sprightly.
JACK. With about as much humor in him as a damp umbrella.
MRS. T. (_a little nettled_). I repeat, Mr. Chirper is a very
agreeable person. I would put it to anybody--to the very first comer.
JACK. Would you? That's a bargain (_seeing BLUNT, who appears at C._).
There's my man, Stephen Blunt--he'll do; you said the first comer.
Here, Blunt (_BLUNT advances_), tell me what's your opinion of the
gentleman who has just gone?
BLUNT (_aside to JACK, knowingly_). All right, captain, I haven't
forgot. (_Aloud._) Well, sir, I think he's charming, delightful,
first-chop.
JACK (_quickly_). No, no! I mean the other--the young one.
BLUNT. Well, sir, I think he's first-chop, too.
JACK. Ugh! triple dolt, brute, idiot. (_BLUNT about to speak._)
Silence! get out! Stop, come and dress me! Ugh! pudding-head (_shakes
his fist at BLUNT and hurries out L. H., followed by BLUNT_).
MRS. T. Why, what's the matter with the boy? such a temper all of a
sudden.
JESSIE (_pouting_). No wonder; he sees well enough that you're tired
of me--that you want to get rid of me--that you--oh! oh! oh!
[_Runs out crying at R._
MRS. T. (_astonished_). There's some mystery here I must clear up.
Jessie! Jessie!
[_Hastens out after JESSIE at R._
JACK (_without, at L. H., very loud and angrily_). Hold your tongue!
don't answer me! don't be insolent!--there, there! (_Enters hurriedly
from L. H._) Wheugh! I'm better now I've let off some of the steam!
ha, ha! Poor old Blunt (_stopping suddenly_). Stop, there's nothing to
laugh at. I know I was a little bit out of temper--whose fault but his
if I was?--with his infernal "first-chop;" but I'd no business to
strike the poor fellow, with my foot especially; I ought to be ashamed
of myself. _Ought_ to be? I _am!_ Here he comes (_seeing BLUNT, who
enters at L. H., looking pale and serious; after a little hesitation
JACK walks up to him_). Stephen Blunt, I ask your pardon; there,
that's settled; now shake hands (_holds out his hand; BLUNT looks
away_). I'm sorry, Blunt, _very_ sorry; would you like to kick _me?_
or shall I kick myself? I'll try if you like!
BLUNT. I'd rather you had blown my brains out, captain. If any other
man in the world had--had--you know what I mean--I'd have knocked him
down.
JACK (_quietly_). Then knock _me_ down!
BLUNT. As you are _now,_ sir? no! but in a fair stand-up fight I
would!--at least I'd try!
JACK (_with sudden excitement_). What's that? Stand-up fight? this
sort of thing? (_sparring and hitting out_).
BLUNT (_with a broad grin_). That's it, sir! If you'd only just let me
knock you about for a round or two, I should feel like a man again!
JACK (_aside_). I rather like this! I do, by Jove! There's some fun in
having one's head punched by one's servant! (_Aloud._) All right, old
boy! you shall have satisfaction after your own fashion! Look out for
some nice quiet spot, and in ten minutes' time we'll have it out; in
the mean time, mum, not a word.
[_BLUNT runs out at C., rubbing his hands in high glee._
JACK (_after a pause_). I'd better by half have stopped in China! I
can't stop _here!_ I can't look quietly on--probably with my eye
bunged up--and see the woman I love married to a Dicky! No, no; I'll
pack up at once!
(_MRS. TARLETAN and JESSIE have entered R. H. during the above._)
MRS. T. (_overhearing_). Pack up?
JACK. Yes, aunt. I'm off--good-by!
MRS. T. Off? Where--where?
JACK. I don't know; somewhere or other--if not there, somewhere else.
Good-by!
MRS. T. John Pepperpot, you are deceiving me! I want the truth! you
hear, sir, the _truth!_
JACK. Do you? then you shall have it! I love Jessie--there! now you've
got it!
JESSIE (_joyously_). You hear, aunty? He loves me; _me_ whom you are
about to sacrifice--to immolate! (_in a tragic tone_).
JACK. On the altar of a Chirper! (_in a similar tone_).
JESSIE. It's cruel!
JACK. Barbarous!
JESSIE. Inhuman!
JACK. Savage!
MRS. T. (_who has been trying to speak_). Will you let me speak? (_To
JACK._) You say you love Jessie?
JACK. Awfully!
MRS. T. Well--unless, indeed, Jessie objects--
JESSIE (_very quietly_). But I don't!
MRS. T. In that case, the sooner you get married the better!
JESSIE. Oh, you kindest, best of aunties! (_kissing her_).
MRS. T. Well, Jack, have _you_ nothing to say to me?
JACK. Only this: that you can't form the faintest idea what a trump
you are!
MRS. T. (_suddenly_). But what about poor Mr. Chirper? He'll be here
presently.
JACK. Of course, the sooner we put Dicky's pipe out the better.
MRS. T. I will speak to Dr. Jogtrot myself, and beg him to break the
intelligence to his young friend.
JACK. Very well (_seeing BLUNT, who crosses at back_). Blunt, by Jove!
(_Exchanges a sign with BLUNT, who disappears._) Excuse me for a few
minutes--I'll be back directly (_hurries up towards C., running
against JOGTROT, who enters_). Beg pardon. (_Aside to him._) My aunt's
got a little bit of news for you that'll rather astonish your upper
works.
[_Runs out at C._
MRS. T. You had better retire, Jessie. (_Aside to her._) Leave
everything to me!
[_JESSIE exits at R. H._
JOGTROT. It seems, my dear lady, you have a communication to make to
me?
MRS. T. I have; a very important one! I have just made a discovery
which I confess has given me the greatest possible pleasure. In a
word, my nephew loves Jessie, and Jessie loves my nephew!
JOGTROT (_very quietly_). In other words, Mr. Chirper is expected to
resign his pretensions in your nephew's favor?
MRS. T. Exactly!
JOGTROT. My answer, madam, will be brief! I presented Mr. Chirper as a
candidate for the hand of your niece, and, _my_ word, you received him
graciously. I cannot, therefore, become an accomplice in your
inconsistency, not to say _caprice!_
MRS. T. (_impatiently_). But don't I tell you the young people _love_
each other?
JOGTROT (_very quietly_). What of that?
MRS. T. (_indignantly_). What of that?
JOGTROT. I myself have loved, madam!
MRS. T. But perhaps the lady did not love you in return?
JOGTROT. She did, madam, intensely! and married her dancing-master!
MRS. T. (_in a compassionate tone_). Dear, dear! Of course you were
inconsolable!
JOGTROT. No, madam, I went in for trigonometry, and that cured me! Why
should your nephew not do the same?
MRS. T. Jack go in for trigonometry? ha! ha! Come, my dear doctor,
you'll explain the state of affairs to Mr. Chirper, won't you?
(_coaxingly_).
JOGTROT (_very stiffly_). Certainly not, madam!
MRS. T. (_angrily_). Then _I_ will--and in the mean time I beg to
assure you that I consider you a very uncivil, unamiable, and
intensely disagreeable person!
[_Exit at L. H._
JOGTROT. Umph! a decided check for Chirper--who, if he loses the young
lady, will also lose the thousand pounds I owe him. But it isn't
necessarily check_mate._ No, no! as the young lady's legal guardian I
shall have something to say yet!
_Enter JACK hastily at C., putting on his coat._
JACK (_laughing as he enters_). Ha! ha! poor old Blunt! he soon had
enough of it! (_Seeing DOCTOR._) Well, you've seen my aunt--eh? She
rather astonished you, didn't she? But really, now (_taking JOGTROT'S
arm familiarly_), you never thought your man had the ghost of a
chance, did you?
JOGTROT. My man?
JACK. Yes, Dicky! here he is! (_going up to meet CHIRPER, who enters
at C._). (_Aside to him._) Our intellectual friend has something to
tell you! Be a man, Dicky (_slapping him on the back_). It's no use
crying over spilt milk, my Trojan!
[_Exit at C., CHIRPER staring after him in astonishment._
JOGTROT (_aside_). There are circumstances under which a fib becomes a
duty. (_Aloud, and grasping CHIRPER'S hand._) I congratulate you,
she's yours! At least she will be!
CHIRPER (_very quietly_). Oh, joyful tidings.
JOGTROT. But it is possible you may have a rival.
CHIRPER (_very quietly again_). Oh, maddening thought!
JOGTROT. But follow my advice and you shall win her yet. Never leave
her side! say all sorts of tender things to her. By-the-bye, have you
brought her a bouquet? No! Then go and get one--the bigger the better.
Go at once--recollect, the bigger the better (_hurrying CHIRPER up
stage, who goes out at C., shouting after him_)--the bigger the
better!
JOGTROT (_coming down--then suddenly_). By no means a bad idea of
mine; at any rate, it's well worth the trial! Surely this fire-eating
captain must have _some_ blemish--_some_ small vice or other, I don't
care _how_ small. I'll undertake to stretch it as far as it will go!
Here comes his servant; I may be able to squeeze something out of
_him._
_Enter BLUNT at C., one of his cheeks very swollen._
JOGTROT (_beckoning BLUNT_). Here, my worthy creature! I wish to speak
to you. (_BLUNT touches his cap and advances._) A swollen face, I see!
Toothache?
BLUNT. No, sir. I'll tell you how it was. _I_ makes a feint with my
left (_hitting out, JOGTROT skips back_), when slap comes a
right-hander straight from the elbow (_hitting out again, JOGTROT
skips back again_), and catches me bang on the--
JOGTROT. Yes; yes! exactly; but tell me, have you been long with your
gallant master?
BLUNT. Better than ten years, sir!
JOGTROT. The more to your credit, my fine fellow! here's a sovereign
(_gives money_).
BLUNT. Thankee, sir! (_Aside._) What's his little game, I wonder?
JOGTROT. I like the captain! I like him much! Rather a lively temper,
perhaps; a little bit quarrelsome--eh? slightly pugnacious--umph!--and
a sad fellow among the women, I'm afraid! Ha! ha! ha! (_poking BLUNT
in the side_).
BLUNT. Who? Master? Not he! Only bring him face to face with a pretty
wench, and see if he don't stand there a-stammering and blushing like
any big lubberly school-boy.
JOGTROT (_aside_). The scoundrel _won't_ speak! (_Aloud._) I gave you
a sovereign just now; oblige me by getting it changed for me.
BLUNT (_aside_). So, so. Wanted to pump me, did he? I'll bring him a
pound's worth of coppers!
[_Goes up, meets JACK, who enters at C., stops and whispers JACK,
pointing to JOGTROT, then exit at C._
JACK. So, so! my serious friend, you not only, as my aunt tells me,
refuse to withdraw your man, but you've been pumping Blunt about me,
have you? (_touching JOGTROT on the shoulder_). You can spare me time
for half a dozen words? Thank you (_very quietly_). It seems you are
not over and above anxious that I should marry my cousin? (_very
quietly_).
JOGTROT. Frankly, I am _not!_
JACK (_still very quietly_). May I ask _why?_
JOGTROT (_aside_). He doesn't seem very explosive. I'll go it a bit!
(_Aloud._) In the first place, from my limited acquaintance with
military men, I confess--I--(_shrugging his shoulders_).
JACK (_still very quietly_). Well, sir?
JOGTROT (_aside_). He doesn't seem _at all_ explosive! I'll go it
another _bit._ (_Aloud._) And although you have left the army, you can
scarcely have failed to contract certain habits and pursuits, which,
in my opinion, are more or less antagonistic to happiness in the
married state!
JACK (_aside_). I'm getting the fidgets in my right leg! (_Aloud._) In
short, you look upon me as a decidedly disreputable person? (_with
difficulty restraining his passion_).
JOGTROT (_alarmed and very quickly_). I didn't say so! (_Aside._) I
sha'n't go it any more bits. (_Aloud._) But _seriously!_ you don't,
you _can't_ really believe you love your cousin? You've only just
returned from China.
JACK. What of that, as long as I didn't leave my heart behind me?
JOGTROT. Still, this sudden, _very_ sudden, _remarkably_ sudden
attachment, some people might be ill-natured enough to--to--to--
JACK (_with increasing impatience_). When you've quite done
"to--to--toing," perhaps you'll get on.
JOGTROT. I repeat, some people might attribute to the lady's
_fortune,_ rather than to the lady herself (_with intention_).
JACK. Fortune? What, Jessie? (_After a short pause._) Well, so much
the better! Not that I was aware of it.
JOGTROT (_smiling significantly_). Oh, you were _not aware_ of it, eh?
JACK (_checking his anger_). I have said so once, sir!
JOGTROT (_smiling satirically_). Yes, you _said_ so, certainly!
JACK (_gulping down his anger, and very quietly_). Have you quite
done? Then suppose we change the conversation! Now, if the thing were
properly put to you, which do you think you would prefer?--having your
nose pulled (_JOGTROT retreats_), a sound horse-whipping (_JOGTROT
takes another jump backward_), or a good kicking (_swinging his right
leg about; JOGTROT rushes out at C._).
JACK. Ha! ha! ha! (_Suddenly stopping._) Zounds! these infernal little
pets of mine will be the ruin of me! Of course he'll tell aunt--she'll
scold--Jessie'll blubber--so shall I--at least I'll try. Our marriage
will be-- But he can't have left the house yet! I'll run after him!
Memorandum for the future--when you feel a sudden impulse to strangle
a man, _do_ it.
[_Runs out at C. after JOGTROT._
_Enter MRS. TARLETAN and JESSIE, followed by JOGTROT._
MRS. T. Surely, doctor, you must be mistaken? the thing is impossible!
JOGTROT. I grieve to say I have it from the best authority! an
eye-witness. Half an hour ago, almost under this very roof, your
nephew was engaged in a low, vulgar, disreputable, pugilistic
encounter with his own servant!
MRS. T. A pugilistic encounter? But the reason?--the motive?
JOGTROT (_with malicious intention_). Is perhaps not very difficult to
guess! Your waiting-woman, my informant, is a very comely young
person; both master and man _may_ have noticed it too--young men
_will_ be young men--a little _jealousy_ perhaps? (_MRS. TARLETAN
hastily rings small bell which is on the table._)
_Enter MARTHA at R. H._
MRS. T. Come here, Martha! You have informed Doctor Jogtrot that you
witnessed a scene recently, which I need not describe, between Captain
Pepperpot and his servant. Is this true?
MARTHA. Yes, ma'am; they were hard at it, ma'am, behind the
summer-house, ma'am, a fisticuffing one another (_imitating
absurdly_).
MRS. T. Tell me, has this man--Blunt, I think, is his name--ever given
you reason to think he--admires you?
MARTHA. Only so far as saying I was a niceish sort of girl! But lots
have told me _that!_
JESSIE (_very eagerly_). And--his _master_--perhaps _he_ may have--
MARTHA. Well, miss, the captain has certainly chucked me under the
chin once or twice, but lots have done _that!_
MRS. T. You can go, Martha!
[_Exit MARTHA at R. H._
JESSIE. Oh, auntie, this is dreadful! I never could have believed it
of Jack! never! (_stops on a sign from MRS. TARLETAN, who sees JACK
enter at L. H._).
JACK (_as he enters hurriedly_). Can't find him anywhere. (_Seeing
JOGTROT._) So, so! he's stolen a march on me. (_Aside to MRS.
TARLETAN._) Aunty, I suspect our serious friend here has been giving
you _his_ version of a certain little trumpery affair that--that--
MRS. T. (_coldly_). He _has!_
JACK. Well, I confess I _was_ just a trifle hasty! One of my little
pets, you know; but if you only knew the provocation--
MRS. T. (_satirically_). We _do_ know the provocation!
JESSIE (_imitating MRS. TARLETAN'S tone_). Yes, we _do_ know the
provocation!
MRS. T. Come with me, doctor! We must have a little
conversation--_serious_ conversation!
JOGTROT. At your service, my dear madam. (_Aside._) I wonder how our
gallant friend feels _now!_
[_Exit at C. with MRS. TARLETAN, JACK staring after them
bewildered._
JACK. Jessie!
JESSIE (_very dignified_). Sir!
JACK (_astonished_). "Sir!" What's the matter? You seem
annoyed--vexed.
JESSIE. I am!
JACK. Will you tell me why?
JESSIE (_with comic severity_). Ask your conscience, young man!
_Enter MARTHA at C., carrying an enormous bouquet._
MARTHA. This beautiful nosegay, miss--just come--with Mr. Chirper's
compliments.
[_Gives nosegay, and exit R. H._
JESSIE. What a lovely bouquet! How very polite of Mr. Chirper!
JACK (_sulkily_). There's plenty of it; looks more like a bunch of
greens! Of course, Jessie, you won't accept it?
JESSIE (_coldly_). Why not? I'm fond of flowers!
JACK. Yes, but you're not fond of Dicky! Come, Jessie, you'll return
that bunch of greens--I mean that nosegay--to Mr. Chirper, won't you?
JESSIE (_pretending to admire the flowers_). Certainly not!
JACK (_checking his rising anger_). Take care, Jessie! I ask you once
again!
JESSIE. I shall keep it!
JACK (_tenderly_). Jessie!--cousin!
JESSIE. I repeat, I shall keep it!
JACK (_furious_). You shall _not!_ (_snatching bouquet from JESSIE and
tearing it to pieces_). There, there, there! (_JESSIE screams_).
_Enter MRS. TARLETAN at C., followed by DOCTOR JOGTROT._
JESSIE. Oh, aunty (_running to her_), and you, sir (_to JOGTROT_),
protect me from the violence of my cousin! Because Mr. Chirper sent me
a nosegay, he has snatched it from me and torn it to pieces!
JOGTROT (_advancing to JACK_). Young man, I am amazed--
JACK. Go to the devil! (_furiously; JOGTROT beats a retreat_).
MRS. T. (_sorrowfully_). Oh, Jack, Jack!
JACK. Harkee, aunt, it strikes me I've been made to play rather a
ridiculous part here. First, it's all Dicky, then it's all _me!_ Now,
it's all Dicky again! One would almost think I had been used merely as
a bait to catch a bigger fish!
MRS. T. (_reproachfully_). Oh, nephew, nephew!
JOGTROT (_advancing_). If you allude to Mr. Chirper, sir--
JACK. Damn Mr. Chirper!
[_Hurries up, giving nosegay a violent kick, and exit L. H.,
slamming door violently after him._
MRS. T. What a dreadful scene.
JESSIE (_half crying_). I'll never marry him!--never! never! never!
(_picking up the flowers_).
MRS. T. Reflect, Jessie, reflect!
JESSIE. I _have_ reflected (_trying to restrain her tears_). Mr.
Chirper may be a trifle _slow_--and too fond of milk--but he wouldn't
be always chucking young women under the chin--and
fisti--fisti--cutting--I mean _cuffing!_
JOGTROT. Then I may at once convey the joyful tidings to the
thrice-happy Chirper.
JESSIE. (_harshly_). Yes! yes! the sooner the better.
[_JOGTROT hurries out at C._
MRS. T. Oh, my darling! I fear you have been too rash--too impetuous.
JESSIE. No! I--I--(_suddenly throwing herself sobbing violently into
MRS. TARLETAN'S arms_).
BLUNT (_heard without_). All right, captain!
_Enter BLUNT at L. H., carrying a portmanteau._
MRS. T. (_to BLUNT_). Where are you taking that luggage?
BLUNT. To the nearest hotel hereabouts, ma'am. Master's off directly,
and I'm going with him!
MRS. T. Oh, then you bear him no malice?
BLUNT. Malice--me! What for, ma'am?
MRS. T. Pshaw!--in a word, I know what has lately taken place between
you.
JESSIE. Yes! the fisti--fisti--you know (_with a lame imitation of
sparring_).
MRS. T. (_with intention_). And we also know the _cause!_
BLUNT. Do you? and do you think I'd leave the captain just because of
a little--little bit of a--kicking?
MRS. T. What? Then it wasn't about--her?
BLUNT (_surprised_). Her?
JESSIE. Yes. M--Martha!
BLUNT. What! me and master fall out about a petticoat? Ha! ha! Not we!
I suppose I had offended him somehow or other, and he got into one of
his "little pets," and--struck me--_not_ with his hand, ma'am. It
nearly broke my heart. He saw it, and, like a true gentleman as he is,
he asks me, with almost tears in his eyes, to give him a good hiding,
and we sets at it at once then and there; and that's all about it,
ma'am.
MRS. T. (_suddenly_). Take that luggage away. Not a word. Remember, I
am commanding officer here! (_BLUNT makes a salute_). In the mean time
I'll see your master.
JESSIE. Yes, we'll see your master.
BLUNT. Do please, ladies; and if you'd only try just to cheer him up a
bit.
JESSIE (_eagerly_). Is he unhappy, then?