Dere Julie,
At last I have smelt the smoke of battel, and fer the third time since
I joined the colors you don't know how near you've been to cashing
that 10 thou. insurance policy. You would have cashed it fer sure this
time, if it hadn't been fer a despised cooty; never again will yours
truly be hard on 'em.
I have one that I'm gonna retire on a penshun. It wuz like this.
Our regiment wuz called upon to go into the front line trenches and
while I was peepin over the top, one of them pesky "seam squirrels"
commenced bitin the back of my neck. I bent my head for'd to reach
over on the back of my neck to pick him off, at one and the same time
a sniper cut loose at me from a big tree just outside the line of
Fritzies trenches; had my head been where it was before I started to
get the cooty, it would have been fare-thee-well Barney, so I just
put Mr. Lifesaver back, and, as before stated, I'm gonna put him on a
penshun.
Believe you me derie, the way our boys made that sniper climb down out
of that tree would make Tarzan of the apes have a hemorage, and turn
green with envy; he shinned down that landscape decorashun like as if
it was greased.
Well derie, when we first swore our way into the army, I thought
Skinny was a coward; I figgered if he ever got in a regular scrap
with Bill the Twicers hired patriots his knees would knock together
like a pair of castnets played by a Spanish bull fiter; but I take it
all back, Skinny in battel is a whole team and a cross dog under the
waggin. It came about like this. We was bein bumbarded by the Fritzies
in the most approved style and believe you me derie, the shells and
shrapnels was flyin round and over our heads thicker than hungry bums
around a free lunch counter; all to once Skinny commenced to get a bad
case of the hecups. I didn't say anything to him as I was busy with a
little party of my own when all to once he yells to me, "Say Barney,
fer Heavens sake do somethin to scare me so I can get rid of these
d---- hecups." So you see Julie dere, you never can tell by the looks
of a frog how fer it can jump.
This lil' old scrap has brung out a lot of cases like Skinny's;
fellers in civil life that you think wouldn't have the sand to get
manicured, or ther hair cut without takin cloroform, are puttin
themselves on the map faster than towns on newly opened Government
land. Even the married men in our regiment are gettin so "Spiffy" that
I believe they'll have sand enough to talk back to friend wif when
they get back home.
Yours until they make bottles without false bottoms.