"And now I set thee down to try
How thou canst walk alone."
_Lyra Innocentium_.
Scarcely eight months had passed since the last recorded conversation,
when Marian, in a dress of deep mourning, was slowly pacing the garden
paths, her eyes fixed on the ground, and an expression of thoughtful
sadness on her face. Heavy indeed had been the strokes that had fallen
upon her. Before the last summer had closed, the long sufferings of her
father had been terminated by one of the violent attacks, which had
often been expected to be fatal. Nor was this all that she had to mourn.
With winter had come severe colds and coughs; Lady Arundel was seized
with an inflammation of the chest, her constitution had been much
enfeebled by watching, anxiety, and grief, and in a very few days her
children were orphans.
It was the day following the funeral. Mrs. Wortley was staying in the
house, as were also the two guardians of the young Sir Gerald Arundel
and his sister. These were Mr. Lyddell, a relation of Lady Arundel; and
our former acquaintance, Edmund Arundel, in whom, young as he was, his
uncle had placed full confidence. He had in fact been entirely brought
up by Sir Edmund, and knew no other home than Fern Torr, having been
sent thither an orphan in earliest childhood. His uncle and aunt had
supplied the place of parents, and had been well rewarded for all they
had done for him, by his consistent well doing and completely filial
affection for them.
Marian was startled from her musings by his voice close at hand, saying,
"All alone, Marian?"
"Gerald is with Jemmy Wortley, somewhere," she replied, "and I begged
Mrs. Wortley and Agnes to go down the village and leave me alone. I have
been very busy all the morning, and my head feels quite confused with
thoughts!"
"I am glad to have found you," said Edmund. "I have seen so little of
you since I have been here."
"Yes, you have been always with Mr. Lyddell. When does he go?"
"To-morrow morning."
"And you stay longer, I hope?"
"Only till Monday; I wish it was possible to stay longer, but it is
something to have a Sunday to spend here."
"And then I am afraid it will be a long time before we see you again."
"I hope not; if you are in London, it will be always easier to meet."
"In London! Ah! that reminds me I wanted to ask you what I am to say to
Selina Marchmont. I have a very kind letter from her, asking us to come
to stay with her directly, and hoping that it may be arranged for us to
live with them."
"Ah! I have a letter from her husband to the same effect," said Edmund.
"It really is very kind and friendly in them."
"Exceedingly," said Marian. "Will you read her letter, and tell me how I
am to answer her!"
"As to the visit, that depends upon what you like to do yourself. I
should think that you would prefer staying with the Wortleys, since they
are so kind as to receive you."
"You don't mean," exclaimed Marian, eagerly, "staying with them for
ever!"
Edmund shook his head. "No, Marian, I fear that cannot be."
"Then it is as I feared," sighed Marian. "I wonder how it is that I have
thought so much about myself; but it would come into my head, what was
to become of us, and I was very much afraid of living with the Lyddells;
but still there was a little glimmering of hope that you might be able
to manage to leave us with the Wortleys."
"I heartily wish I could," said Edmund, "but it is out of my power. My
uncle--"
"Surely papa did not wish us to live with the Lyddells?" cried Marian.
"I do not think he contemplated your living any where but at home."
"But the Vicarage is more like home than any other place could ever be,"
pleaded Marian, "and papa did not like the Lyddells nearly so well as
the Wortleys."
"We must abide by his arrangements, rather than our own notions of his
wishes," said Edmund. "Indeed, I know that he thought Mr. Lyddell a very
sensible man."
"Then poor Gerald is to grow up away from his own home, and never see
the dear old moors! But if we cannot stay here, I had rather be with
Selina. She is so fond of Gerald, and she knows what home was, and she
knew and loved--them. And we should not meet so many strangers. Only
think what numbers of Lyddells there are! Boys to make Gerald rude, and
girls, and a governess--all strangers. And they go to London!" concluded
poor Marian, reaching the climax of her terrors. "O Edmund, can you do
nothing for us?"
"You certainly do not embellish matters in anticipation. You will find
them very different from what you expect--even London itself, which, by
the by, you would have to endure even if you were with Selina, whom I
suspect to be rather too fine and fashionable a lady for such a homely
little Devonshire girl."
"That Mrs. Lyddell will be. She is a very gay person, and they have
quantities of company. O Edmund!"
"The quantities of company," replied her cousin, "will interfere with
you far less in your schoolroom with the Miss Lyddells, than alone with
my Lady Marchmont, where, at your unrecognized age, you would be in
rather an awkward situation."
"Or I could go to Torquay, to old Aunt Jessie?"
"Aunt Jessie would not be much obliged for the proposal of giving her
such a charge."
"But I should take care of her, and make her life less dismal and
lonely."
"That may be very well some years hence, when you are your own mistress:
but at present I believe the trouble and change of habits which having
you with her would occasion, would not be compensated by all your
attention and kindness. Have you written to her yet?"
"No, I do not know how, and I hoped it was one of the letters that you
undertook for me."
"I think I ought not to relieve you of that. Aunt Jessie is your nearest
relation; I am sure this has been a great blow to her, and that it has
cost her much effort to write to you herself. You must not turn her
letter over to me, like a mere complimentary condolence."
"Very well," said Marian, with a sigh, "though I cannot guess what I
shall say. And about Selina?"
"You had better write and tell her how you are situated, and I will do
the same to Lord Marchmont."
"And when must we go to the Lyddells? I thought he meant more than mere
civility, when he spoke of Oakworthy this morning, at breakfast."
"He spoke of taking you back to London immediately, but I persuaded him
to wait till they go into Wiltshire, so you need not be rooted up from
Fern Torr just yet."
"Thank you, that is a great reprieve."
"And do not make up your mind beforehand to be unhappy at Oakworthy.
Very likely you will take root there, and wonder you ever shrank from
being transplanted to your new home."
"Never! never! it is cruel to say that any place but this can be like
home! And you, Edmund, what shall you do, where shall you go, when you
have leave of absence?"
"I shall never ask for it," said he with an effort, while his eye fell
on the window of the room which had been his own for so many years, and
the thought crossed him, "Mine no more." It had been his home, as fully
as that of his two cousins, but now it was nothing to him; and while
they had each other to cling to, he stood in the world a lonely man.
Marian perceived his emotion, but rather than seem to notice it, she
assumed a sort of gaiety. "I'll tell you, Edmund. You shall marry a very
nice wife, and take some delightful little house somewhere hereabouts,
and we will come and stay with you till Gerald is of age."
"Which he will be long before I have either house or wife," said Edmund,
in the same tone, "but mind, Marian, it is a bargain, unless you grow so
fond of the Lyddells as to retract."
"Impossible."
"Well, I will not strengthen your prejudices by contending with them."
"Prejudice! to say that I can never be as happy anywhere as at my own
dear home! To say that I cannot bear strangers!"
"If they were to remain strangers for all the years that you are likely
to spend with them, there might be something in that. But I see you
cannot bear to be told that you can ever be happy again, so I will not
say so any more, especially as I must finish my letters."
"And I will try to write mine," said Marian with a sigh, as she reached
the door, and went up to take off her bonnet.
Edmund lingered for a moment in the hall, and there was met by Mrs.
Wortley, who said she was glad to see that he had been out, for he was
looking pale and harassed. "I did not go out for any pleasant purpose,"
said he. "I had to pronounce sentence on poor Marian."
"Is it finally settled?" said Mrs. Wortley. "We still had hopes of
keeping her."
"Sir Gerald and Miss Arundel are of too much distinction in Mr.
Lyddell's eyes to be left to their best friends," said Edmund. "It was
hard to persuade him not to take possession directly, on the plea of
change being good for their spirits."
"It is very kind of you to put off the evil day," said Mrs. Wortley; "it
will be a grievous parting for poor Agnes."
"A grievous business for every one," said Edmund.
"How? Do not you think well of Mr. and Mrs. Lyddell?"
"I know my uncle never thought of these poor children's living with
them. He thought Mr. Lyddell a good man of business, but neither he nor
my aunt ever dreamed of such a home for them."
"Would they have preferred Lady Marchmont's? Marian is very fond of
her, and was much gratified by a very nice affectionate letter that she
received this morning."
"Yes, but I am glad she is out of the question. It is offering a great
deal both on her part and her husband's to take charge of these two, but
it would never do. She is almost a child herself,--a bride and beauty
under twenty,--excessively admired, very likely to have her head turned.
No, it would be too absurd. All her kindness, amiability, desire to make
Marian her friend and companion, would only serve to do harm."
"Yes, you are right; yet I cannot help half wishing it could be, if it
was only to save poor Marian her terrors of going among strangers."
"I know exactly how it will be," said Edmund. "She will shut herself
up in a double proof case of shyness and reserve. They will never
understand her, nor she them."
"But that cannot go on for ever."
"No; and perhaps it might be better if it could."
"Well, but do you really know anything against them? He seems inclined
to be very kind and considerate."
"Electioneering courtesy," said Edmund. "But now you begin to question
me, I cannot say that my--my mistrust shall I call it--or aversion? is
much better founded than the prejudices I have been scolding poor Marian
for. Perhaps it is only that I am jealous of them, and cannot think any
one out of Fern Torr worthy to bring up my uncle's children. All I know
of them is, that Mrs. Lyddell was heiress to a rich banker, she goes out
a good deal in London, and the only time that I met her I thought her
clever and agreeable. In their own county I believe she is just what a
popular member's wife should be--I don't mean popular in the sense of
radical. I think I have heard too something about the eldest son not
turning out well; but altogether, you see, I have not grounds enough to
justify any opposition to their desire of having the children."
"How are they as to Church principles?"
"That I really cannot tell. I should think they troubled themselves very
little about the matter, and would only dislike any thing strong either
way. If my aunt had but been able to make some arrangement! No doubt it
was upon her mind when she asked so often for me!"
"Yes, but there is this comfort," said Mrs. Wortley, seeing him much
troubled, "that she did not seem to make herself anxious and restless on
their account. She trusted them, and so may we."
"Yes, that is all that one can come to," said Edmund, sighing deeply.
"But Gerald! One pities Marian the most now, but it is a more serious
matter for him."
"Gerald will be more in your power than his sister," said Mrs. Wortley.
"As if that was much comfort," said Edmund, half smiling, then again
sighing, "when even for my own concerns I miss my uncle's advice at
every turn. And probably I may have to go on foreign service next year."
"Then he will be at school."
"Yes. He was not to have gone till he was ten years old, but I shall try
to hasten it now. He must go with his sister to Oakworthy though, for to
begin without him there would be complete desolation in her eyes."
Here the conversation was concluded by Marian's coming down to write her
painfully composed letters. That to her cousin, Lady Marchmont, who,
as Selina Grenville, had been a frequent and favourite visitor at the
manor, ran glibly enough off the pen, and the two or three quiet tears
that blotted the paper, fell from a feeling of affection rather than of
regret; but the letter to old Mrs. Jessie Arundel, her great aunt, and
one or two others which Edmund had desired her to write, were works of
time. Marian's feelings were seldom freely expressed even to those whom
she loved best, and to write down expressions of grief, affection, or
gratitude, as a matter of course, was positively repugnant to her.
The great work was not finished till late, and then came in Gerald and
Agnes, and the tea drinking among themselves was rendered cheerful by
Agnes' anticipations of pleasure in their going the next day to the
parsonage for a long visit. Gerald began to play with her, and soon got
into quite high spirits, and Marian herself had smiled, nay, almost
laughed, before the gentlemen came in from the dining room, when the
presence of Mr. Lyddell cast over her a cloud of dull dread and silence,
so that she did not through the rest of the evening raise her head three
inches from her book.
Yet as Mrs. Wortley had said, Mr. Lyddell was evidently inclined to be
kind to her and her brother. He patted Gerald on the head as he wished
him good night, and said good-naturedly to Marian that she must be great
friends with his girls, Caroline and Clara.
Marian tried to look civil, but could not find an answer both sincere
and polite, and Mrs. Wortley, speaking for her, asked if they were
nearly of the same age as she was.
"Well, I can't exactly tell," said Mr. Lyddell. "I should think she was
between them. You are thirteen, aren't you, Marian? Well, Caroline may
be a couple of years older, and Clara--I know her birthday was the other
day, for I had to make her a present,--but how old she was I can't
exactly recollect, whether it was twelve or thirteen. So you see you
will not want for companions at Oakworthy, and you will be as happy
there as your poor mamma used to be in the old house. Many was the laugh
she has had there with my poor sister, and now they are both gone--well,
there, I did not mean to overset you,--but--"
Marian could not bear it. She could talk of her mother to Mrs. Wortley,
Agnes, or Edmund, with complete composure, but she could not bear Mr.
Lyddell's hearty voice trying, as she thought, at sentiment, and forcing
the subject upon her, and without a word or a look she hurried out of
the room, and did not come back all the evening. Agnes followed her,
and pitied her, and thought Mr. Lyddell should have said nothing of the
kind, and sat down over the fire with her in her own room to read hymns.
The next day Mr. Lyddell left Fern Torr, and Marian was so glad to
gee him depart as to be able to endure much better his invitations to
Oakworthy. That same day Marian and Gerald went to the parsonage, and
Edmund, after spending a quiet Sunday at Fern Torr, bade them farewell
on the Monday morning.